Series

“You Want Things in Bulk, Baby?”

Link in Bio with Jenny and Alejandro
Comedian Martin Rizo joins us to discuss his Costco’s rizz with his panty-dropper membership cards, the magic of buying in bulk, and useful shopping hacks.
Show transcript
00:00
All right guys, as you guys know,
00:01
adulting is tough and to help us handle these trying times.
00:05
We brought comedian Martin Liso.
00:09
Hey guys, look inflation,
00:12
you know, politics,
00:14
technology is messing up the world,
00:17
right? It's complicated out there for an adult.
00:20
But there's one place that's still pure out there.
00:22
That one place is Costco Facts.
00:25
It's, it's, it's like Wakanda,
00:26
it's, it's, it's untouched.
00:28
Look at that so many memories there,
00:30
man growing up and now too,
00:31
bro. Fucking wh as an adult as an adult.
00:35
Oh Look at this right here.
00:37
Let me see this like II I,
00:39
I'm dating. You ever,
00:41
you ever dropped it on a chick?
00:42
Like oh my bad.
00:43
I don't like on my,
00:44
on my dating website.
00:44
It's like Tinder. I'm like,
00:46
hey, I might be 55.
00:47
But guess what? I have a Costco membership,
00:49
right? Baby. Look at this.
00:51
You wanna go places.
00:53
You want things in bulk,
00:54
babe. I got you.
00:56
That's the only thing that sucks about.
00:57
You want that 68 toilet paper roll pack.
01:00
I got you mommy.
01:02
So you already know there's like always one registered 1000 customers.
01:06
This is why we have siblings.
01:08
You got siblings? No,
01:09
I'm a Yeah my mom so you can't even do this one
01:13
Do you know how there's only one register and like 1000
01:16
customers. I used to get in.
01:18
Yeah, exactly. We used to walk in.
01:20
Me and my little brother,
01:21
my mom get your ass on the line.
01:24
Tell my little brother get on it.
01:25
Me and my mom go shopping around.
01:27
Boom. He's at the register.
01:29
We're done. We pull up with three carts.
01:31
Everybody's looking at us crazy.
01:34
But it don't matter because he's been there.
01:36
Yeah, that's how you do that,
01:38
bro. I was,
01:39
I was at one the other day and they had just
01:42
implemented the self check out.
01:44
Wow. So I'm there.
01:45
You're, you know,
01:46
poop, poop. You already know how to let one slide
01:50
Yo, that shit fucking called what is it a
01:54
a security protection.
01:55
What is it? What are they called?
01:57
The, the border agencies?
01:58
Na lost prevention. Pulled up on,
02:02
yo, lost prevention with the little,
02:04
with the little red vest.
02:05
I was like, oh my God.
02:06
Boom. She, she pressed something on it.
02:09
Yo, they got me in HD fucking going like that with
02:11
the bananas. Four Kak.
02:14
Like sir, you didn't scan that.
02:16
I'm like, I know I didn't,
02:17
I didn't know this shit was recording and it hit him with
02:21
a playback like she was like,
02:22
well, you know,
02:23
over here in this,
02:24
yo, she ran it back on me.
02:25
I was like, I'm so sorry I was,
02:27
I can't do that again.
02:28
Craziest job there is like that person with the highlighter at the
02:32
end. Like I know you're not counting all this shit.
02:34
I just hit something on purpose to see if you counting.
02:37
I know who's not.
02:38
I, I know who's counting.
02:39
The ones are not getting dick.
02:42
No. Oh th those are the different tiers right there
02:47
I got the,
02:47
I got the middle one which is not $60 a damn,
02:50
bro. You got the basic pack.
02:54
Hey, but bro,
02:55
in Tijuana, that's like that's like the top tier,
02:58
bro. You like a big ball.
02:59
So and sh yeah,
03:01
they score you from the border to the Costco there,
03:03
dude. You get your private,
03:05
you got the, you got the one car without the fucked
03:07
up wheel. You be like,
03:10
oh right here, sir.
03:10
True story. I went to Tijuana.
03:13
So my friend he goes there once a month to take
03:15
care of a foot.
03:15
Fungus. He does,
03:18
he does, he gets his toes zapped.
03:19
So I went there one time and I,
03:21
I forgot my ID,
03:23
I forgot my, my passport card and do I because you
03:27
know they don't check you when you go in Tijuana,
03:29
they don't care. I gotta do this.
03:31
They don't care. They just let anybody in,
03:33
bro. You just go to Tijuana but on the way out
03:35
So like I went with this and that's the whole adventure
03:38
right there. So I had me going there and they let
03:40
me in because it's actually now in the,
03:43
the little border thing,
03:44
it's all face,
03:45
facial recognition recognition. I'm gonna get deported recognition.
03:49
That's what I'm saying.
03:50
Like I should be able to use this shit at the DMV
03:52
Honestly. Right.
03:54
The thing about Costco,
03:55
I like how you can buy coffins in there too.
03:56
No way. Where,
03:58
where is this at?
03:59
There's no coffins inside Costco.
04:01
Oh fuck, bro.
04:01
Just throw me in an air fryer.
04:04
Yo, you, you get me a Costco casket,
04:07
bro. Just fucking coffin,
04:09
whatever it's called like just air fry me,
04:11
please. You fry with a cost.
04:13
I'll get an air fryer from Costco though,
04:15
bro. You feel me nice industrial one.
04:18
So that about wraps it up,
04:20
Martin. Thank you for the Costco hacks,
04:22
bro. You put me on,
04:23
bro. Like who let us know what your Costco hats are
04:26
in the comments and put us on please below trying to,
04:30
trying to, you know,
04:32
trying to finesse this,
04:33
trying to finesse this shit out here,
04:34
man. It's been a while.
04:35
I know you young cats got new fucking tricks.