00:00
Bullying has been getting out of hand for some time now and
00:03
is evolving and getting worse for kids who are being harassed online
00:06
Joining us is therapist Helene Soto who will share insights on
00:09
the impact of bullying,
00:10
how to recognize it and she's going to assist Blanca,
00:13
a local mom dealing with her child being bullied.
00:15
Blanca Elene. Thank you so much for joining us today.
00:18
Thank you for having me.
00:19
Blanca, do you mind sharing what you and your daughter
00:22
have been going through?
00:23
My daughter began getting bullied now in fifth grade.
00:26
So initially when she started off the fifth grade,
00:28
school year, she was really confident.
00:31
She's very successful academically.
00:33
So no concerns there.
00:34
But slowly over the school year as it's progressed,
00:37
the bullying has gotten more and more intense.
00:40
So I've seen her go from being confident and you know,
00:43
very proud of herself,
00:44
of loving herself to a shell of who she was.
00:48
Now she's to the point where she's scratching herself until she
00:54
she's hiding herself,
00:56
she's embarrassed of many different things about her body and her face
01:00
This peer is kind of telling all the other peers don't
01:04
you know, calling her bad words.
01:07
And another peer actually physically grabbed her by the head,
01:10
pushed her by the forehead and said you have a big forehead
01:14
things like that where it's like it's escalated and it even includes
01:17
like video games like where they'll use that to like target
01:21
her and kind of put,
01:23
oh don't play with this person.
01:24
This person is a pick me,
01:26
you know, and using all the other bad words that they're
01:28
calling her. We just had an adoption ceremony for her recently
01:32
and her class participated they joined in via Zoom.
01:37
The judge even was really impressed with that,
01:40
but one of her bigger bullies is in the classroom,
01:43
one of the people that's like kind of getting everyone else involved
01:46
and they made it a point to not congratulate her,
01:50
not sign her congratulation paper from the teacher.
01:53
These are the kind of things that stay with kids and it's
01:55
really sad. I wish parents would maybe speak,
01:59
speak up a bit more.
02:00
So I've just seen her completely deteriorate in every way.
02:05
I don't see the same child that I used to have.
02:08
Thank you for opening up with us about that.
02:10
E do you have any advice for Blanca and her daughter?
02:15
first of all Blanca I appreciate you for sharing your vulnerability.
02:18
And sometimes as parents,
02:19
we feel very hopeless,
02:21
but I will say like there is a seat of hope still
02:24
especially when it comes to like the root of her empowerment
02:28
which is you and a root of building her self-confidence.
02:32
Reframing a lot of these narratives that she's been told through her
02:38
bullies at school. and how we even reframe some of
02:42
those narratives is like,
02:43
you know, you are enough,
02:44
like the bullying doesn't define you,
02:47
but also reframing what help looks like.
02:50
So sometimes in order for parents to be able to assist with
02:53
that is like sometimes checking their own experiences with their parents,
02:57
like what your experiences were with your parents.
03:00
What did you need growing up to hear a little bit more
03:03
of to build some of those internal resources or strength that you
03:07
could use to bring to a different environment where you may feel
03:11
helpless growing up. What did you need?
03:13
Maybe a little bit more of from your parents to maybe
03:18
not feel so judge or criticize or like not feeling like you're
03:22
enough. I think personally,
03:24
if I would have gone to therapy when I was at a
03:26
younger age that would have helped a lot.
03:29
I have her in therapy so that's helped.
03:33
Although it still feels like at school,
03:37
they're kind of undoing the progress she's making like in the therapeutic
03:41
setting because you know,
03:41
it's like a bunch of kiddos against her.
03:44
But it definitely helps and I think that is something I
03:47
would have really benefited from.
03:49
Another question I have is how can parents effectively communicate with their
03:51
kids about bowling? Like Blanca?
03:53
Has your daughter been approaching you about these things or have you
03:55
just been noticing or like,
03:57
how can we have that conversation?
03:59
Yeah. So with my daughter,
04:01
she was more hesitant because she's very sensitive to the needs of
04:05
others. She's very empathic.
04:07
So I didn't know about most of the stuff that was
04:10
happening until I slowly started seeing her starting to deteriorate.
04:14
So she started having eating issues,
04:16
sleeping issues, scratching herself.
04:19
She has two sides on her neck where she scratched herself raw
04:22
from the anxiety. So I started seeing more,
04:26
more of these really disturbing behaviors.
04:28
And I finally was like,
04:29
you know, something's going on,
04:30
you need to tell me and she's like,
04:32
well, I don't want to get anyone in trouble and then
04:34
they're going to say I'm a tattle tale and you know,
04:37
this is embarrassing. So I really had to pull it out
04:40
of her. The more she kept it secret,
04:42
the more she just kind of kept hiding and getting worse and
04:47
these are all red flags.
04:48
The last thing I was for her to end up like the
04:50
other really sadly young Children who do kill themselves when it comes
04:54
to communication of what it looks like to seek out help.
04:59
Communication is important. Yes.
05:00
But I think also mimicking or modeling that for her like it's
05:06
Help doesn't equate weakness.
05:08
You know, telling her she's not crazy for feeling the way
05:10
she is, even though these other colleagues or peers may make
05:16
That is not the case.
05:18
And on top of is encouraging her about her personality,
05:22
her characteristics and in the stage that she's in it is
05:26
industry versus inferiority, meaning this is when she builds up self-confidence
05:32
over her abilities. So when she's at home,
05:35
reassuring her of her abilities and empowering that ensuring her resilience and
05:40
strength. So she can now bring those abilities when you're not
05:43
present or those skills or her voice and empowering that to school
05:48
So that conversation is creating that trusting and safe space with
05:52
her first, validating those feelings and reassuring her.
05:55
I love that. And thank you so much.
05:57
That makes a lot of sense because I know for her it
05:59
was like she was so used to kind of in her mind
06:02
putting everyone else's feelings first and not wanting to hurt other people
06:07
just by speaking on her,
06:09
on her needs, like kind of like what you said about
06:11
her feelings and and herself pain.
06:14
What can parents do?
06:15
They suspect their kid is being subject to bullying?
06:17
Can they go to the school or as a parent,
06:21
what would be the first step,
06:22
a very tricky situation because sometimes they're not ready to,
06:29
they're not there yet.
06:30
And there is valid fear around that.
06:34
being able to build that trust with them that everything's going to
06:37
be ok. This is to help you and this is to
06:40
also teach a lesson to bullies and,
06:43
and be able to have even a sit down conversation with counselors
06:49
or parents on what's happening.
06:51
And even getting a therapist for the bully,
06:54
you know, if you need be your resources because these are
06:56
projections of one's personal experiences most of the time.
07:00
Thank you again, Blanca for your time and for your vulnerability
07:03
and just sharing your own experience and for you at link for
07:06
joining us and sharing your,
07:08
you know, your insights with Blanca and where can people find
07:11
resources and your social and stuff like that to be in touch
07:14
with you? Of course.
07:15
Well, I work at Abundance Therapy Center.
07:17
We have phenomenal therapists there,
07:19
email me there with my,
07:21
my name, full name at Abundant Therapy center.com and I can
07:24
provide resources like referrals elsewhere,
07:27
other, other therapy platforms like alma are really good octave.
07:31
I believe it's called Those are phenomenal As far as
07:35
finding a therapist that's suited for your needs.
07:38
thank you Blanca and thank you Elena again.
07:42
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Series