00:00
Speaking of all this love,
00:03
it's got me thinking sister,
00:04
I mean, I know the baby's not even here yet but
00:06
like, when I have the,
00:07
it's time I have to talk with her.
00:10
That's gonna be rough.
00:13
my parents kinda, we kinda had it,
00:16
it was kind of like,
00:21
it's always the cuate part and that's it.
00:23
Like, what do you mean elate?
00:25
Like home? Like water?
00:31
What does that mean?
00:32
My, my parents didn't really?
00:34
Yeah, I never got the talk.
00:35
I kind of just one day we in school they just kinda
00:38
like poop. This is what happens and,
00:42
and then weirdly started getting these weird feelings where I was going
00:47
through changes and then,
00:48
yeah, but I think to help break this down and talk
00:53
to a professional about these feelings,
00:55
right? We've been on Carla Montalvan,
00:57
a certified sex coach and the host of the Trace Cama Podcast
01:08
I'm doing great. First off.
01:10
Like, what does the sex coach do?
01:13
Yeah. Ok. So a sex coach?
01:15
In comparison to like a sexologist,
01:19
They, they have more of this like physical component to
01:22
sex, right? They could tell you more about like the
01:25
anatomy that goes behind it,
01:26
the hormones, everything like that.
01:28
A sex coach works from the coaching perspective.
01:31
So what I do is I work through all of these mental
01:33
blockages, limiting beliefs,
01:36
all of those things that are kind of here that don't let
01:40
us work here. So I help people work through that.
01:44
So we work through a lot of limiting beliefs.
01:46
We talk through taboos,
01:49
we talk through what's going on in your relationship.
01:51
Body images. And yeah,
01:54
I also experienced that when I was growing up,
01:56
like my talk was always either don't get pregnant.
02:00
don't get pregnant. No how disease.
02:05
Yeah, like I remember folding clothes when I was first
02:09
trying to have sex and folding clothes and my mom was like
02:12
in the kitchen and I'm like,
02:14
hey mommy, you know,
02:15
when you were like a teen having to have sex,
02:19
did you have to like start and stop a,
02:21
a bunch of times and she just froze conversation ended,
02:26
didn't say anything. She just freaked out.
02:30
And these topics are super important.
02:32
Like what you were saying,
02:34
and speaking of like taboos,
02:37
So many of us were taught to have shame around sex
02:41
like myself. Is that normal and like,
02:44
how can we move past it and,
02:46
and to even, you know,
02:48
be like you move past it enough to become a sex coach
02:51
yourself. Well, I think it's part of the reason why
02:55
I eventually became a sex coach because I experienced a lot of
02:59
this shame myself. And I had a ton of questions growing
03:02
up and was always met with,
03:05
oh my God, Quebe Guza,
03:06
how are you asking these questions?
03:09
This child is like we girl,
03:12
she's like, you know,
03:13
she wants to know about sex because for sure she wants to
03:15
have sex and it was like,
03:16
no, I just wanna know what is happening.
03:19
You know, everyone around me is doing it.
03:21
Porn industry is huge.
03:23
So there is no teenager in the world that doesn't come across
03:26
something pornographic once or twice.
03:28
It's not normal. It's sort of normalize that we've been taught
03:33
this like shame sort of culture in the Latino community,
03:38
but it's not normal.
03:39
It shouldn't be normal.
03:40
And thankfully with newer generations,
03:41
this is diminishing a lot probably because we've gone through that.
03:45
And so we don't want our,
03:46
our kids to experience that we want them to have pleasurable experiences
03:50
and to know that sex is supposed to be pleasurable.
03:53
Like I remember one time like overhearing my grandma talk and
03:58
she was like, everybody's talking about oral sex.
04:00
I don't even know what that is.
04:01
Like. Do you call your,
04:02
your lover? And you're like just telling them.
04:06
And you know, I feel like now I have these conversations
04:10
with her and I'm like,
04:10
wow, imagine the amount of ingrained shame that at a grandmother
04:16
level, like a have to have.
04:17
That is the biggest,
04:19
probably the biggest issue that I see when somebody comes to me
04:23
for sex coaching, they're ashamed.
04:25
They can't even say the word vulva or penis or I don't
04:28
know if you could say that life.
04:33
I wanted to ask because you mentioned that this generation is
04:36
more progressive and I mean,
04:39
I talk about it openly with my friends too,
04:41
like, again jokingly and even serious like,
04:43
hey, like, you know,
04:44
like it's been a minute here like,
04:45
hey, like and shit like that.
04:46
And so I was curious,
04:47
like, how do you think we can talk to our parents
04:50
Like to be more open minded and but you know,
04:53
not like, force it on them but hey,
04:55
like we're both adults now.
04:56
We can be have this conversation.
04:59
I think, I think our parents,
05:01
I mean, I talk about it openly with my grandma who
05:03
is one of my best friends and I think it's like,
05:07
really opened it up for her to talk about issues that probably
05:09
no one ever cared to ask her about.
05:12
So opening that up is important,
05:14
like talking about it with our moms,
05:17
even talking about it with them can give you a different
05:20
perspective of their lives of how they've been feeling.
05:24
can make them feel more beautiful.
05:26
like the generation of our mothers still kind of hold up their
05:31
worthiness to their body image.
05:36
Am I have wrinkles and they don't feel sexy?
05:39
So that kind of stuff helps them to realize that sex is
05:42
natural. Sex is normal.
05:44
They could still be having sex up until they die probably,
05:48
you know, there's so many tools,
05:52
I talked to my mom about it and I like,
05:54
it's so funny because before she was not like open at all
05:59
when I was younger and now she a little too open but
06:01
not too open. But like she was like,
06:03
like she'll be telling us something like mom,
06:06
but then I'm open with her so she feels like she could
06:10
she can, like I told her maybe TM I,
06:13
but since we're on the topic,
06:17
she was Mija, what do you want for your birthday?
06:19
I'm single now so that since this is what this whole entire
06:22
episode is about. So,
06:26
I mean, I'm like mom,
06:27
I want a vibrator and she's like,
06:29
what? Ok. And I'm like,
06:31
you know, a vibrator and I'm like,
06:32
she's like, oh well,
06:35
I, I don't know where to get one but I'll give
06:37
you money and I'm just like,
06:40
and I'm not exactly.
06:42
And I'm like, you know what?
06:45
you could get one too and she's like,
06:48
girl, I don't need one.
06:51
daddy. What is your line?
06:55
Yeah. My biggest advice is always to first open yourself up
07:03
you know, like go and sleep with everyone,
07:05
but just open yourself up to having these conversations,
07:07
especially in relationships if I'm in a long term relationship and I'm
07:11
only having sex once a month or I want to try something
07:14
new and my partner is not open to it.
07:17
So having these conversations is super important and important,
07:20
creating nuisance, you know,
07:21
something new, whether it's a toy or a massage or going
07:26
somewhere else, getting away from your kids,
07:29
anything that is already very routine,
07:32
like having sex at a different spot in the house.
07:34
Like, maybe you've never tried the sturdiness of your kitchen table
07:37
and this is a good time to do it.
07:39
Don't do that. That's how the baby is coming.
07:46
I mean, do whatever you want but like,
07:48
maybe it's a great conceiving method.
07:51
There you go. You're trying to get,
07:53
go to the kitchen table and also not making the orgasm,
08:01
of everything. Yeah.
08:02
The main goal. Like I always say,
08:05
first of all that women are ovens,
08:07
not microwaves. So take your time.
08:10
Like if you were thinking about it as like we're making a
08:13
pizza. If you stick a pizza in a microwave,
08:16
it's gonna be disgusting.
08:18
But if you, if you stick it in the oven,
08:20
it's gonna be like crispy and perfect control the temperature and it'll
08:24
take a little longer,
08:26
but it'll keep going for longer.
08:28
Girl, I need your information for sure.
08:31
I'll, we'll, I'll be hitting you up.
08:33
Where can we find you that way?
08:35
You know, people can,
08:36
you can find me on the Trama on Instagram,
08:39
youtube and on every streaming platform for podcast.
08:43
Thank you. Thank you guys.
Series