SeriesLIVE

You’re Not Going to Find Friends Staying Home with Sasha Merci

Girl, Let Me Tell You
Glory's bestie Sasha Merci drops by to talk about what it means to be a real friend. Plus homies who hopped out of the friendzone, admitting when we're being toxic and how Latinas are trained to be the family help.
Show transcript
00:00
There was one time I was dating someone and I was like, hey,
00:02
I want, would you want to be with me?
00:04
Do you want to get married?
00:05
Do you want to have kids?
00:06
And they were like, they were unsure and kind of like on the
00:09
side of like, I don't know, we'll see where it goes.
00:11
And I said, let's enjoy the time we have left.
00:13
One thing about Sasha.
00:15
I said, let's enjoy the time we have then because you not, you
00:18
confused you this that I'm not confused.
00:21
I know what I want.
00:22
You don't know.
00:23
Let's enjoy the time we have left.
00:26
When I said like recently, I'm really excited about today's
00:34
episode because I get to bring one of my favorite people in
00:38
the whole world onto this couch, Sasha Mercy.
00:42
We have heard your name so many times.
00:45
I talked about so much like 20 times a day.
00:48
She's like I do, I do.
00:50
I know that's sweet in a really positive way.
00:54
How long have you guys been friends for four years?
00:57
Which is crazy.
00:59
It is like that.
01:00
So it feel longer than that because when I first met her, I just
01:04
knew I was going to vibe with her and she was like, oh, I don't
01:07
I don't want, I want new friends.
01:08
I don't want any friends, so I wasn't paying attention to it
01:10
I was like, ok, anyway, I'm coming over tomorrow in New York
01:17
I'm like, what?
01:18
I don't want to be fair.
01:22
I was in a really vulnerable situation.
01:23
Like I didn't have any furniture I didn't want, you know, like
01:25
when you're in a transition, you don't want nobody in your
01:27
house.
01:28
And I'm like, I just, at that point, I had broken up with two
01:31
long time friends.
01:32
I was just heartbroken by friendship and she just kept showing
01:35
up.
01:35
I'm like, I just want you to know, I don't just throw around
01:37
the word loosely and she's like, ok, four years, I just kept
01:41
talking to her and she's telling me all her boundaries and
01:44
she got boundaries anyway.
01:46
So yesterday I was like, did this and did that and I just kept
01:49
talking to her and then she told me about her friendships and
01:52
I'm like, I don't know how that, like, I guess I learned how
01:55
to be a friend because of my friends.
01:58
And like, they taught me how to be friends.
02:01
Like my friend, Tanisha, my friend Arlene, like, um they taught
02:05
me how to, how to be friends.
02:07
And when they taught me that I was like, oh, that's how you are
02:09
a friend.
02:10
So that's how I just kind of like, done that.
02:13
And then my friend Taisha, just a lot of women just teaching
02:17
me how to be friends.
02:18
Because I grew up with six brothers.
02:20
She was a, well, that's the part I, I do have three sisters but
02:27
the thing about my sisters is that, um, they were older.
02:32
So, ok.
02:33
So I have a very complicated lifestyle, like a family tree
02:38
I am an affair child.
02:40
Ok.
02:40
So both of my parents.
02:41
Exactly.
02:42
Look at them.
02:44
So they come from two parent homes, two parent homes.
02:47
So I came from, yeah.
02:54
So, anyway, I came from a two family home and my dad had two daughters
03:00
two stepdaughters and they were older.
03:03
Right.
03:03
So then I'll spend more time with my half brothers, which is
03:06
they're more my age and then my older brothers from my mom's
03:10
side, they, they were like 1312 years older.
03:14
So they always felt like they were my dad.
03:16
So they always came to check up on me and all that stuff.
03:19
So then my sister, she went away to college and stuff like that
03:22
So she was more like a role model kind of thing.
03:25
And I'll have more of an experience with my brothers.
03:27
So they were always, like, very, very, very involved.
03:31
But, yes, yes, I do have three sisters and, you know, they dope
03:35
as shit too, you know.
03:36
So, did you have other friends who was your first friend?
03:40
Who was your friend who was your first friend in elementary
03:44
school?
03:45
It's ok.
03:46
We're allowed to have other friends.
03:47
So OK, I learned a very valuable lesson.
03:51
No, I did because when I lived with my dad and I went to school
03:56
I just came from Dominican Republic.
03:58
So I didn't know English like that.
04:01
Right.
04:01
So I remember making one friend and like, trying to like, have
04:07
her not have any friends at one point.
04:10
And I was just like trying to hold on to her like you can't be
04:13
friends with nobody.
04:14
You could only be friends with me because nobody got along
04:16
with me because who's this little girl that doesn't speak
04:18
the English?
04:19
You know, and then I learned a valuable lesson about that.
04:23
Like I'm like, you, you can't just hold on to people like that
04:25
You like that movie too because as these girls now I was really
04:32
really bullied in elementary school.
04:33
She was super, super bad and there was one girl in particular
04:37
that she got there in the second grade that I was like, ok, this
04:40
is my chance.
04:41
I'm going to make her my friend.
04:42
And so I was very protective over her and I was very like, no
04:46
you're like my one girlfriend that I actually have like in
04:49
this class.
04:49
So that's where I like, yeah, obviously like you grow up and
04:52
you realize, ok, you can't do that to people.
04:54
But when you're in the second grade and you feel like that's
04:56
your only lifeline.
04:57
You cling on to that for me.
04:59
And that was around the same, that was around the same time
05:01
like second grade, second grade.
05:10
No, but like in get out of your B is out.
05:19
All right.
05:20
No.
05:20
What I'm saying?
05:21
It was like going back to your point.
05:23
A second grade is when I learned that.
05:24
And then after that, it was just more like, yo you, you just
05:27
got to be open, you just got to be open.
05:29
People breathe, let people breathe.
05:30
And then once I did that, I had a whole bunch of friends and I
05:33
was like clinging on to one friend.
05:35
Got plenty.
05:36
You know what I was going to say before you interrupted me a
05:40
few times was that I always only have one friend at a time.
05:44
So I hold on to those bitches for one friend at a time.
05:47
I'm just not good in certain group big circles.
05:49
I hate circle friendships.
05:51
I just feel like it doesn't matter what dynamic you do.
05:55
There's always a weird power dynamic that happens in a maybe
06:00
people in a group chat.
06:02
It's always a group that has a side group.
06:06
I don't like that.
06:06
It starts with a chat and then their most active, their own
06:12
All of your girlfriends now are the girls that you consider
06:15
like, oh, that's a really good friend.
06:18
Like I have a friend that I just made like a few years ago out
06:21
of all my, a lot of friends and I'm like, she's a really good
06:24
friend, even though I met her, like, four years ago, just like
06:26
so loyal.
06:26
Like, always there watering our relationship.
06:28
Like, just things that I usually don't do either with my friends
06:31
Just like, kind of like a girlfriend, like a real girlfriend
06:35
Like, what are some things that you think make a really good
06:38
friend to?
06:39
You just showing up?
06:41
You know what I'm saying?
06:42
Like, just showing up from my first best, like that girl that
06:48
I had a friendship when I was in second grade.
06:51
Like I wasn't being a fair friend.
06:55
I don't even know.
06:56
That's why I traumatized.
06:57
I traumatize this girl.
06:58
It was like, girl, I'm not the same no more.
07:01
If you still won't be friends, hit me up.
07:05
No.
07:06
So after that, then I had my real real first best friend.
07:10
Her name is Joanne and she became, don't be mad.
07:14
You don't be mad.
07:15
I do.
07:15
I know about a picture of her, Joan.
07:20
I, so, so Joanne, what she would do, um I didn't really have
07:26
like an allowance but she did.
07:27
So every time we would hang out, she would always buy me a sandwich
07:30
and it wasn't like, it was just, it was just nice.
07:33
And so I learned that from her just be like, yo, if you have it
07:36
and I'm here and you're like, we'll just like show up for one
07:40
another.
07:40
Then I have like, my fam, she's like a family friend, but we
07:44
kind of became very close, Darlene.
07:47
She was always, like, she was always there.
07:49
Like, when I needed her, my friend Tanisha, like my friend
07:53
Taisha.
07:54
So, because you're talking, so that's how I was able to be a
08:01
good friend to her in a way because they all showed me how to
08:05
like.
08:08
Yeah.
08:08
So I'm very intentional about the friendships that I really
08:12
consider like friends.
08:13
You know, I feel like for me I'm able to be a good friend because
08:16
I was a bad, I'm not even trying to be funny.
08:21
No, I just feel like I was a really toxic friend in my twenties
08:25
In what way?
08:26
In a way of a little bit too.
08:28
We needed to do everything together or jealous if she went
08:31
away, not jealous.
08:32
But it's just like I just be caring too much about people and
08:34
I want the best for them and I don't have a bad habit of letting
08:37
them kind of arrive to places instead of, I don't know, I was
08:42
just toxic and it sounds a little bit mean too.
08:44
Like the way that I talk sometimes, you know, I'd be mad loud
08:47
and a little bit aggressive.
08:48
I think when you get close to somebody for so many years when
08:51
they do go off, I get a boyfriend.
08:53
I remember my best.
08:53
I had a boyfriend and I was mad.
08:57
I got heartbroken, really heartbroken.
08:59
Like jealous, heartbroken.
09:00
You're like, I'm your girl.
09:01
I'm the first one.
09:02
I have a question for the fucking yell at me and my heart like
09:05
you're just going to drop me after you get people.
09:06
You hear people say that but you hear like girls in at, are you
09:09
going to just drop all your friends?
09:10
How do you feel about when your friend, girls that they forget
09:15
about their friends when they get into relationships?
09:17
I'm not like that.
09:19
I have always tried to take time to harbor my friendships.
09:23
Even when I have a boyfriend, I like him to come in the mix and
09:25
I put you in the honeymoon.
09:29
If you win your 24 nobody exists.
09:32
How do you balance that life?
09:35
That's true.
09:35
But I think like you actually take that moment because you're
09:38
not going to have a honeymoon stage with.
09:41
No, you're in your love bubble but hit me up when you're out
09:45
They say that they just remind you that they're there.
09:50
You can say this is an open room.
09:53
I don't know.
09:54
No, I think that I think also that's very important to not completely
09:58
lose yourself in the relationships but like, you know, sometimes
10:03
you do need kind of like a space, especially if you're like
10:06
trying to grow with someone.
10:08
And then like, it's like I said, like you said, the honeymoon
10:11
stage is not forever.
10:12
Like, let's just do it now because we're about to argue next
10:15
week.
10:18
You're about to see the real man.
10:19
Well, you've been together for four years but you knew him
10:21
known him for seven years.
10:23
Like, are you what I feel from you?
10:24
Like every time we talk about him, I see like little hearts
10:27
in your eyes.
10:28
So that's the thing.
10:32
It's like, you know, when I first met him, I was a fan of him.
10:36
So it was like long story short, it was through the dim he slid
10:41
and hes sitting ad m right?
10:43
But it was just during a time where I was like, really growing
10:46
on social media and I was, I decided to answer everyone and
10:49
he like, showed me I was going through like this little, like
10:53
tough moment in my life, like through like transitioning
10:56
friendships and like break up and um I listened to his EP and
11:03
I was like, damn, this guy's really talented.
11:05
And so yeah, he, he makes music.
11:09
And then when I met him in New York City, at first, I was just
11:14
kinda like, oh he's cool.
11:15
But in honestly, like, I wasn't thinking like, I wasn't thinking
11:19
like, oh this huge romantic like, boom, like after you met
11:22
him on a date, like it wa I don't even know if it was a date.
11:25
He was just kind of like, oh are you hungry?
11:27
And I was like, well, I'm at work.
11:28
He's like, when's your lunch break?
11:30
And I was like, oh, is this boom, boom time?
11:32
He showed up, he ordered me some food and he ordered me a mac
11:37
and cheese like a, like a mac and cheese cheeseburger.
11:40
There was this place in New York called Mac Bar, right?
11:44
And it was during December, it was like 2016 and it just finished
11:50
raining, like finished raining and it wasn't that cold and
11:54
we're trying to figure out a place to sit and eat and he takes
11:57
off his jacket and he puts it on the bench and he was like, have
12:01
a seat and I was just like done.
12:03
So it's just the little things that guys can do that.
12:09
The sweetest, most thoughtful thing I literally was like
12:14
I can, I was never used to that type of chivalry.
12:17
You brother.
12:21
That's a joke, right?
12:22
Like, no.
12:22
So I remember like he was like, and I was like, no, no, no, it's
12:26
OK.
12:26
He was like, have a seat, my jacket is already wet.
12:29
Like you might as well sit down.
12:30
So then like that was like my first introduction to him and
12:35
I, and it was still kind of like whatever.
12:36
But then it wasn't until we really spoke about like our upbringing
12:39
and how I grew up with so many brothers and he grew up with so
12:42
many sisters and I'm like, yo, that's when we really bonded
12:46
because you know that energy and he knows that energy too.
12:48
Yeah.
12:48
Yeah.
12:48
Yeah.
12:49
Yeah.
12:49
Yeah.
12:49
The matriarch of the family is not just going to let anybody
12:52
make a dish.
12:53
You have to prove yourself if you're going to make the p or if
12:56
you're going to make something, don't just be coming over
12:57
here with your dish.
12:59
OK, guys.
12:59
Well, we are going to just quickly jump to this because it's
13:02
always amazing to basically shout out like a he a of the week
13:05
somebody that's doing something amazing for the community
13:07
So the women, Las Patrona, they've been doing this for 28 years
13:11
right?
13:11
So they've been helping Central American migrants.
13:14
Their name comes from their town.
13:16
But for the migrants, they're basically, they're grabbing
13:19
potentially life saving food and water from these women who
13:22
will most likely never see them again.
13:24
So it's kind of one of those they're helping them out in that
13:26
moment.
13:26
But in that moment, it could sometimes even be, I'm sure a life
13:30
or death situation or they're just extremely hungry.
13:32
And I'm sure when you're going through those journeys, I can't
13:35
imagine the pain, the confusion, right?
13:38
Everything is just so up in the air.
13:40
So these women are doing incredible, incredible work like
13:43
I said, for 28 years.
13:46
So patron saint, could it be more of a perfect name?
13:49
You can follow them on their journey at La patrona.wordpress.com
13:53
or their Instagram, which is Las Patron underscore D DH H man
13:59
So shout out to Las, that's very empowering you know as well
14:04
We're heroes.
14:05
You know, we always honestly, like, even in a household, like
14:09
women are the leaders of the family.
14:12
Like, you know what I'm saying?
14:13
I was really thinking that last night, like my mom, I came to
14:15
my parents' house, my mom's cooking a full on meal for each
14:17
This is like day after day at Monday, Tuesday, we Thursday
14:19
and then cleaning up after us washing everything and then
14:22
like going up to it and helping my sister's baby.
14:24
And like, I'm just like, and she's, she's like the forgotten
14:26
hero.
14:27
It just, it's just as if like, what we all expected.
14:29
Like I remember last night I was like, damn, should I go help
14:31
do you?
14:35
No, it's true.
14:36
My mom did that this morning.
14:37
I'm like, mom, let me wash my own dishes.
14:39
You know, you have to go to work, you're late.
14:41
And I'm like, my aunt came and I was moving a few things around
14:47
She's like, can I wash the dishes?
14:48
I like the no.
14:49
And she wouldn't stop.
14:50
I was like, you know what, I'm not going to stop you.
14:52
I need the help.
14:53
Sometimes you just need the help too.
14:55
But you see all that stuff is really instilled in us without
14:58
us even knowing, you know, even when it's the holiday, like
15:02
the matriarch of the family is not just going to let anybody
15:05
make a dish.
15:06
You have to prove yourself if you're going to make the Perin
15:08
or if you're going to make something, don't just be coming
15:10
over here with your dish.
15:12
You got to prove to me that you know how to cook.
15:14
And I think I also noticed it when my friends are sick.
15:16
My girlfriend's like, I'm a doctor.
15:19
I'm like, let me help you with this because my friends are really
15:21
American.
15:22
There's not a Latina there, like the tr you need some tea, you
15:26
need Panella, all the b and they're like, oh my God, Yvonne
15:29
And I'm like, this is just a not sick.
15:33
You know, I didn't do anything special.
15:35
I think it's gonna be a lot like our moms when we grow up 100%
15:39
grow up.
15:39
Yeah, I think women are just honestly, we're so we can be so
15:42
passionate about things.
15:43
That's why like when it comes to friendship, it can be so hurtful
15:46
Like when you have like a falling out with someone because
15:48
we care so deeply, whether we show it like glory who you know
15:52
you get a little bit, you get protective or whatever or you
15:55
who, you know what you were saying?
15:56
Like I think you were saying before we even got on Mike, you
16:00
were saying like with your friendships, you're just, you
16:01
give an ear, you give an ear and that can sometimes be like really
16:05
self sacrificing because sometimes even emotionally dumping
16:08
on someone which maybe sometimes your friends do to you or
16:11
to somebody else who they feel like they could talk to.
16:12
That's a lot because you're taking on their emotions too.
16:15
Like, you're taking on all their trauma as well.
16:17
On top of what you're probably already feeling inside it's
16:19
very self sacrificing, you know.
16:21
No, I love to be a safe, safe space for people and I guess that
16:25
it comes from my own traumas in life and knowing, like, oh,
16:29
I never really felt like I had a safe space and knowing how important
16:33
that is, but sometimes people don't appreciate that.
16:36
They'll just kind of be like, oh, you know, my brother, I'm
16:39
like, bitch, I just heard you four or five hours talking about
16:43
you know what I'm saying?
16:45
It's like, it's like those are the friendships that you feel
16:48
like are more of like leeches and stuff of an even balance.
16:51
And at the end of the day, I don't even think a relationship
16:53
is ever truly gonna be 5050.
16:55
There's some days where he or she is at a 70 you're at a 30 you
16:59
need to pull them up.
16:59
But it can't always be one way or the other.
17:01
Like sometimes you gotta show up stronger for your friend
17:04
or your partner.
17:04
You know, one thing that I learned is that that not all your
17:07
friends are going to show up the same that you gotta pick.
17:10
Your audience has a strength.
17:12
You know, everybody has a strength that they're good at.
17:14
And I'm like, you also have to also learn um how to be self soothing
17:18
That's something I'm learning.
17:21
Sometimes you just don't need to be telling your friends dumping
17:24
everything on them for the 10th time.
17:27
But I have to say, well, we ask our fierce audience for anonymous
17:31
spill the tea moments and a question.
17:33
So here's this one this week.
17:34
Any advice on how to enjoy your summer when you got limited
17:37
time and no friends.
17:39
Siempre is fut my summers but I always end up working long hours
17:42
and I got my boyfriend.
17:43
But like I said, time is limited.
17:45
I don't know, man.
17:46
I'm just freaking sad and I never get to do the things I want
17:49
to do.
17:49
I feel like time just passes me by and I don't have any fun.
17:51
I feel like my goal is to simply swim so much this summer, but
17:55
I'm alone and I don't want to go alone.
17:57
So I totally get that.
17:59
What's the advice?
18:00
Personally?
18:01
I love doing things alone and I, I like eating alone.
18:06
Have you guys ever gone to eat alone at a restaurant?
18:08
It might be like my favorite thing.
18:10
You're just there, put some headphones and it's scary first
18:13
and you think you look crazy and you think like everybody's
18:15
staring at you or people think that, you know, you're some
18:17
weirdo, but people really aren't paying that close attention
18:20
but she doesn't want to be alone if you want to, it's hard to
18:23
get yourself out.
18:24
But if you want to make friends, you got to put yourself out
18:26
Do you think?
18:30
How do you make new friends?
18:31
Because I'm trying to make some?
18:32
Not because I'm trying to get rid of you.
18:34
I also try to make some new friends that you want to make new
18:37
friends to make friends.
18:42
As a 30 year old.
18:43
I don't know how to make new friends.
18:44
And sometimes taking acting classes, you can make a lot of
18:47
good friends, new friends that really you could trust because
18:50
you get so deep, so fast because when I was in New York, I was
18:53
so lonely.
18:54
So I was like, I kind of felt like I wanted to.
18:56
That's why I really like L A because everybody's here.
18:59
This is really much it right here.
19:02
So I would say take a class or something you love doing because
19:07
then you're going to find people that love community.
19:09
There's a lot of friends there.
19:10
I was in the social community before I've been throwing these
19:14
parties.
19:14
They call it whatever you Yeah.
19:18
Oh my God.
19:19
I love that party.
19:26
So, yeah.
19:27
So basically the way that it was born is because I'm from New
19:31
York and I'm so used to community and I'm so used to like walking
19:34
across the street and having some sort of access to people
19:37
And like, even though it's like one like interaction, like
19:41
a very short one.
19:42
It's still like a fulfilling one because the next day you're
19:44
like, oh my God, I had an amazing time.
19:46
So, you know, I was here and I was just like, no, I have to bring
19:50
my com you know, community together.
19:52
And I remember this guy who's a DJ, his name was like Erie Hall
19:55
He told me he was like L A with the wrong people is hell, L A with
20:01
the right people is heaven.
20:03
And so when he said that I was like, oh, I have to do something
20:05
to bring my community out.
20:07
So I understand this person like being busy and stuff like
20:10
that.
20:11
But I promise you if it wasn't for these parties, I probably
20:15
would go back home because everybody that I meet or I see or
20:19
my friends come out.
20:20
It just, I'm having a great time even though I should like my
20:24
one event can meet people.
20:26
So maybe she's a swimmer, the girls, a party, maybe there's
20:31
other people looking for that community and she can be the
20:34
spearheaded the, she can spearhead the swim team.
20:38
I want to learn how to swim.
20:39
I might go to those parties too.
20:40
Yeah, you got some food, I'll be in there.
20:43
But I would say you're not going to find friends sitting at
20:45
home.
20:45
So just step out there, even if you go to have lunch in a popping
20:48
place, you can have lunch with them.
20:49
People approach you, you people like, you have to just make
20:51
it a, it, you reach for cook at the same time.
20:54
Oh, yeah.
20:55
And it's also nice.
20:57
It's not part of the question.
20:58
But I used to get very involved in my relationships and you
21:02
need balance.
21:02
You need to have a social life.
21:04
So I think I would just throw one of the things that really helped
21:07
me is I remember I was obsessed over somebody when I was younger
21:12
like a teenager and I was just kind of like, oh all this love
21:15
that I could give this person.
21:17
They're not letting me give them all this love.
21:19
And I was like, whoa, why don't I take all that love and give
21:22
it to myself?
21:24
And that love is as simple as that love is as simple as doing
21:27
your bed in the morning.
21:28
That love is as simple as going to get your nails done or doing
21:32
something or writing.
21:33
And next thing you know, you forget about you, forget, you
21:37
totally forget about the person.
21:38
You thought you were obsessed with all the energy you're putting
21:40
on them and then you look, you look like 20 times better.
21:44
Oh My top of that people go, damn.
21:46
This person loves themselves is looking for you because they
21:50
can.
21:50
But they're blocked on whatsapp.
21:53
No.
21:53
But it's like, it's like once you get your, get your shit together
21:57
that's when a dude looks at you and goes, yo, I'm ready to destroy
22:00
that.
22:01
I'm ready to destroy happiness.
22:02
But, yeah.
22:05
So, ok, wait, ok.
22:06
I wanted to bring up a topic just because we were talking a little
22:08
bit about how, when you get in a relationship you sometimes
22:12
can, some people will just kind of ditch their friends.
22:14
What about, like your guy friends?
22:16
Like, if you guys have any close, like you, I mean, you're,
22:19
you're the one in the relationship, right?
22:21
Are you able to, does he, is he OK with you being around men?
22:25
What's his vibe with that?
22:26
I mean, I have guy friends and then I introduce my guy friends
22:28
to him.
22:29
You know what I mean?
22:29
My goal is for them to be friends like straight up and literally
22:34
I've always had the superpower to the guys who were ever interested
22:39
in me.
22:39
I'll be like, I'm better off as your friend.
22:42
And next thing I, no, I'm just like their wing woman.
22:44
I've never hooked up with any of my guy friends at all.
22:48
OK.
22:48
So you didn't have to go through the whole phase of like, OK
22:50
I have to stop talking to you or cut you out or block you kind
22:53
of like a cleansing.
22:55
If I cut somebody off, it's because I really believe that they're
22:58
toxic and they're not leaving me alone.
23:03
That's when I cut somebody off.
23:04
That's very rational.
23:06
Yeah.
23:06
If you're not leaving me alone and you're being a stalker in
23:10
a sense, I got to block you.
23:11
And man, there was one person I thought I blocked from everything
23:15
and then they found me on whatsapp.
23:18
I have a good day.
23:21
I've had mail sent to my mail.
23:24
Oh, wow.
23:28
That's a guy called my house since the landline times every
23:36
day.
23:36
Hello?
23:37
Is Ivanna there?
23:38
That's what he would say.
23:39
Emma, like, for like, 1015 years, 15 years, 10 years straight
23:45
No shit.
23:52
I'm out.
23:54
What if you're close with a guy friend?
23:56
But he cuts you off because he's in a relationship which I respect
23:59
it.
23:59
I respect that.
24:01
I respect that.
24:01
And this is the thing about it.
24:03
Maybe it's because of my upbringing, I always learn to enjoy
24:07
the moment for what it is.
24:09
Like, everything is bound to change, change is inevitable
24:14
Like I can be so in love with you today.
24:17
But I also like embracing the moment and understanding that
24:20
things might change, you know.
24:22
You know, and that's just, it's just who it is.
24:24
So I try to really live in the moment and like, just trying to
24:28
embrace it because everything I try to really respect women
24:33
too, like in their like situation because I was raised with
24:36
my two sisters and even in the household, my mom would be like
24:38
don't walk around this or whatever it is little things and
24:42
I would becoming aware of how other women could feel just maybe
24:45
uncomfortable or insecure, even if you're not, I'd rather
24:51
just go the other way than even think about that.
24:53
Especially if it's like a deep friendship.
24:55
You don't wanna, you respect.
24:57
I have a very close guy friend but he's deep in his relationship
25:00
Like, I go months without talking to him, but I don't take it
25:02
personally.
25:02
I'm like, oh, ok.
25:03
We'll talk later with my guy friends.
25:06
I am the most logical.
25:07
I wish I could be like that in a relationship.
25:09
I'm like, ok, I don't care.
25:10
I talk to you.
25:11
I don't care.
25:12
Isn't that weird that when you're with a guy friend, you're
25:14
totally yourself.
25:14
I wish you could be like this with somebody that I like.
25:17
I like, I don't, I haven't spoken to him in a week but I'm not
25:22
freaking out.
25:23
But this other guy, it's been a few hours and I don't like that
25:29
So, yeah, but I do think that I feel like I hate when I come across
25:33
conversations where they say men and women can't be friends
25:36
I don't really feel like that's true.
25:37
I feel like we're all human beings and we're allowed to have
25:39
friends.
25:40
I think it's toxic to think that other humans can have just
25:43
platonic experiences.
25:44
Yeah.
25:44
And sometimes your platonic experiences are literally asking
25:47
you about things that they don't understand from a woman.
25:51
Like they probably never had sisters.
25:53
So it's like I'm going to ask you who is my friend about?
25:57
How do I approach girls?
25:58
And then it's just like you know, same with my guy friends.
26:01
Like, how do I talk to this girl?
26:02
Ok.
26:02
You're dating someone and he has a lot of platonic female friends
26:06
That's a little different.
26:09
And it was a little tough.
26:10
I'm not going to see were the girls reacting?
26:13
Like, hey, no, they were protective over him.
26:16
So it was as if we're his friend but why?
26:20
But we're his friend.
26:21
So it never felt like it almost felt like I was stepping on everybody's
26:24
toes instead of it being like a interesting some in which you
26:29
ask your partner to cut them out, even though they've been
26:32
friends forever.
26:32
I wouldn't do that, do that.
26:34
But depends on the history.
26:35
What if they're hooked up a lot, then you feel uncomfortable
26:38
then you attract right now.
26:42
I feel like I'm exploring just a basic friendship with the
26:45
guy I used to date, but I don't want to be with him.
26:47
Do you think that that is stupid?
26:49
He probably still likes you.
26:51
He's probably still waiting in the sidelines.
26:54
I think the smartest thing to do now is really sad.
26:56
Boundaries.
26:56
Like I don't wanna be with him.
26:57
I don't want to hook up.
26:58
I'm going to kick it.
26:59
I'm gonna chill and if they're down to that and they respect
27:01
it then cool.
27:02
But if they step up over the boundaries, that means you can't
27:04
guys are simple, right?
27:05
Like, and I think sometimes we think like, oh, if I give them
27:08
a sign.
27:08
It's like, no, I think if you're straight up and give and I was
27:11
really bad at that because I felt like I was hurting them more
27:13
by just setting that boundary.
27:15
So I'm, I was one of those, like, silently, I'm just gonna exit
27:18
out his life, you know, slowly.
27:20
But now I'm very, you know what, I'll sit them down and I've
27:23
done this multiple times recently and I'm like, you know,
27:26
I don't see anything going.
27:27
I adore you.
27:28
I still want to be your friend.
27:29
But in that way, nothing's going to happen.
27:31
And I was like, I was too scared to have this conversation.
27:33
I was like, I hurt them.
27:34
You know, I say it, I say it and maybe I say it in a joking way or
27:40
I don't really say it in an aggressive way.
27:43
Like there was one time I was dating someone and I was like,
27:45
hey, I want, would you want to be with me?
27:47
Do you want to get married?
27:48
Do you want to have kids?
27:49
And they were like, they were unsure and kind of like on the
27:52
side of like, I don't know, we'll see where it goes.
27:54
And I said, let's enjoy the time we have left.
27:57
One thing about I said, let's enjoy the time we have then because
28:01
you not, you confused you this, that I'm not confused.
28:05
I know what I want.
28:06
You don't know.
28:07
Let's enjoy the time we have what I said, like recently to the
28:12
guy that I'm dating because off that he said he didn't want
28:14
to have any more kids to get married.
28:16
And so we were at a party recently and I was like, well, let's
28:19
enjoy le let's have fun while we, while it lasts.
28:22
Like, do you mean?
28:23
And I was like, well, what do you mean?
28:24
You don't wanna, ultimately?
28:27
I do too, but I want the option.
28:29
There's a point like there's no growing together.
28:31
I mean, I'm not saying like, I need to have kids.
28:32
I wanna game but like, what, what do I do one day?
28:35
Which is a big chance, you know, and then he like kind of was
28:39
like, what?
28:39
Like what?
28:39
And then the next day he was like, well, who says that if you
28:42
don't fall madly in love, that's not an option.
28:44
I was like, oh, so now it's like it could be an option.
28:47
Not that I'm, I'm going to marry a guy or whatever, but you have
28:51
to set your boundaries and also you're wasting 10 years.
28:54
But think about it.
28:55
Imagine you got really upset at that.
28:56
Like, what do you mean?
28:57
You don't want to have kids?
28:58
What do you mean?
29:00
And then it goes back to the stereotype of like, oh look, women
29:02
are crazy and it's just like, you know what, let's enjoy the
29:05
time we have cheers to that on the other side, baby or if you're
29:11
even on that, like, where I am, I'm a little bit different from
29:15
Ivana right now in the sense that right now she's like, super
29:17
not in a place where she's like, you know what?
29:19
Right now we'll see, like, I'm testing the waters on what I
29:21
want down the line.
29:22
I'm like, I know what I want.
29:23
So I think it's about how you also say it because I'm not saying
29:27
it like I need, it's like it's more like, ok, this is what I want
29:30
Are you headed down that direction or are you?
29:31
Ok?
29:32
No, you don't see yourself doing that then?
29:33
Cool.
29:34
Nice to meet you.
29:35
I'm, I'm moving on first day.
29:36
You're saying like, well, I want to get married and have kids
29:39
Do you?
29:39
No.
29:39
No, like maybe like first date but very early on because I'm
29:43
not going to sit there and entertain something for month and
29:45
then him be like, I never want to get married and I never want
29:47
to have kids because that's what I genuinely want.
29:49
One day.
29:50
I let them know.
29:50
I'm not in a rush.
29:51
I don't need it today tomorrow a year from now, but that's my
29:54
plan.
29:55
And I'd like to get to know someone and grow in that direction
29:57
You know.
29:58
It's not, I don't know, it's just not about being straight
30:01
up if you fall in love with them and then you guys both decide
30:03
you know, we don't have to get married.
30:04
No, that's not an option with you.
30:06
Not me, every girl is different.
30:07
Some girls can go and not do it.
30:09
But, but everybody knows their own heart here on this couch
30:12
everybody knows what they see in their future.
30:14
Some girls are a little bit like I don't care.
30:15
And other girls are like, this is what I care a lot and I'm not
30:18
going to lie to myself and not lying to you.
30:23
People on the spectrum of like we need to be married and it's
30:26
like whatever happens.
30:30
Yeah, I like that.
30:31
I want to be married and it's just one knowing your boundaries
30:35
knowing what it is that you want.
30:37
And, you know, I have a lot of girlfriends and I grew up with
30:40
a whole bunch of brothers and I've seen, you know, people get
30:42
hurt in both sides and I, and sometimes, you know, growing
30:45
up, I would have to be like giving my girlfriend's advice because
30:49
they didn't have any guy friends that they grew up with or brothers
30:51
And I'll just be like, listen, if he's not showing up, if he's
30:54
not doing this and he's saying these words but not doing these
30:57
things and say me then girl, you gotta like really check yourself
31:01
and I just feel like life is so unpredictable.
31:03
It's like you can't plan everything so you might as well go
31:06
with the flow.
31:07
You can't plan.
31:09
I wanna make sure I should we on the same floor, like the same
31:11
river, like the same.
31:17
But I'm on this river, the Niagara Falls.
31:20
I want something deep.
31:23
I'm a true believer that for you.
31:25
Girl, I'm a true believer.
31:30
I like genuinely a true believer that if it's meant to be like
31:35
it can't, you can't break it and you can't fix it like you.
31:38
If it's meant to be, then it's like you could fix it.
31:43
Both my sisters are engaged and married and they were, since
31:47
the minute they saw their boyfriend, I'm not kidding.
31:49
Since the minute her boyfriend walked in, she texted me like
31:52
I spent the love of my life and I was like, what?
31:54
At a club?
31:55
And Andrea other one obsessed, but they both broke up with
31:58
them for two years and now they're married and engaged because
32:01
if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
32:03
You want to work on it?
32:04
Yes.
32:05
Have you guys ever, like, fell in love with, have you guys ever
32:09
fallen in love with a friend or like, had, like, basically
32:11
dated or saw somebody as a friend zone person and then they
32:15
actually got out of the friend zone with you guys.
32:17
I did.
32:18
But then remember he was a friend when I be in it, I'll be in it
32:26
But then once I've never spoken about him ever again, ever
32:28
again, I don't even know his name.
32:29
I forgot his name too.
32:30
I had a friend and then one night we like, he liked me, but I never
32:35
like we were best friends.
32:37
And then one night we ended up having a little kiss and it just
32:44
a little, a little tiny kiss.
32:46
And then, and now we're not like we kept going with it for a little
32:50
bit and now we're not friends anymore.
32:52
I feel like my friends.
32:55
So it's like that, that also bothers me when a guy is your friend
32:58
and then you're like, nah, and then it's like they're not,
32:59
they disappear.
33:00
So then we were not friends to begin with.
33:03
You don't value our friendship more than you value our relationship
33:06
and that hurts, you know, to be fair with this guy.
33:08
I think I didn't show up for him the way when his grandma passed
33:11
I guess I wasn't like a good friend.
33:13
So we just kind of stopped talking.
33:15
But it was weird after we left the friend zone, we were both
33:18
kind of like this should have never happened.
33:20
I don't like you like that.
33:21
And then we, we never talked about it ever again.
33:24
It was just kind of like some guys should just be my best friend
33:29
all throughout high school.
33:30
Everybody swore we were going to end up together.
33:32
I was repulsed by the idea.
33:35
And then I want to say eight years later, we hung out and we had
33:39
like we kissed bitches is kissing.
33:42
No, it was, it was actually genuinely just a kiss and we were
33:44
really weird.
33:45
We had been drinking a little bit high school though.
33:48
But this is like, ok.
33:49
No, no, that's like a brother.
33:51
Ok.
33:51
After it happened, I was literally like, I cannot believe
33:55
that I'm embarrassed and I have, like, it just hasn't been
33:58
the same since I, it's just weird.
34:01
I honor my guy friend as that, you know what I'm saying?
34:05
And I'm very, very lucky to have the guy friends that I do have
34:09
that are literally just my friends and they always check up
34:12
on me and they never disappear or anything because they'll
34:16
be like, I remember one of my friends, he was telling the story
34:18
He was like, yo, there's this girl, she's into me and I see her
34:22
like you, I like, you're like my sister.
34:27
He's like, you're like my sister and I'm like, bro, I feel the
34:30
same.
34:31
Exactly.
34:31
Like you're disgusting.
34:32
Like a lot of guys know how important it is to have like a guy
34:38
friend for a girl.
34:39
Like how much it makes a difference.
34:40
It changed my entire life to really respect those boundaries
34:43
Like I wanna shout it out right now to the roofs.
34:45
Like please be friends with more girls and really like eat
34:48
like real about it.
34:49
Not just be like, oh, I like her and I'm doing this for this reason
34:52
because a lot, we all need a guy friend, male energy.
34:55
Sometimes we have all the girlfriends in the world but I didn't
34:57
grow up with brothers.
34:58
But having guy friends has changed my dating life because
35:01
I'm able to be like, oh, ok.
35:03
I can go to my friend and be like, yo, he did this.
35:05
He's like, yeah, he does not like you.
35:07
And I learned that off that with my brothers.
35:09
That was like, I've seen how they treated the girls that they
35:11
liked.
35:12
I see how they treated the girls they didn't like and they were
35:14
never disrespectful about it.
35:16
It was in a way where it was very respectful, but they were so
35:20
in love with them.
35:21
Like, oh my God.
35:23
Now you're making fun because there was one, there was one
35:26
time, me and my brother, we were, we were out and some girl calls
35:30
him and she's like, where are you?
35:34
And he's like, I'm home.
35:35
She's like, no, you're not.
35:36
He was like, yes I am.
35:38
She's like you lying.
35:38
She hangs up the phone.
35:41
Then we get a call from a neighbor like, yo, your front door
35:43
was on fire.
35:44
No, the girl, she put like a bag of like, I don't know, but she
35:51
lit the front door on fire.
35:53
Ok.
35:53
So you've learned the hard way and it was just like I already
35:58
knew how he felt.
35:59
You know I'm saying it was just kind of like he didn't even love
36:03
her.
36:03
He did at one point.
36:04
But I just remember that time kind of being like a moment.
36:07
He's like, I gotta get out of this, you know, but you be nice
36:10
about it.
36:10
And so like, I've seen when a guy is really into a girl and I've
36:13
seen when a guy is not really into a girl and like, you know,
36:16
my guy, best friends, I respect their boundaries.
36:18
Like I have a guy friend, his name is Jo.
36:20
He's in like, in a relationship I hear from that dude maybe
36:23
once a month, maybe once every two months.
36:26
And I just love seeing him and his girlfriend, him posting
36:29
her and like that's where he needs to be.
36:31
You know what I'm saying?
36:32
And like my boyfriend is literally my best friend because
36:35
for so many years, we had no other option but to connect in that
36:38
you know, in an emotional sense.
36:40
So a human when it's born, the first thing that it does is ask
36:44
for help and that we don't do that enough.
36:48
We don't ask for help enough and self isolation is not good
36:51
That's why friendships are so important is we are supposed
36:54
to be in places like this girl.
36:56
Thanks for coming on.
36:57
I love hearing your person to my job.
37:00
I never know where the camera is.
37:03
I'll just be looking all over the place.
37:05
What is everybody's takeaway first?
37:08
We want to also give a shout out to everyone watching us on the
37:10
live stream.
37:11
Thanks for watching it on the live stream guys.
37:13
I think it's the first time we go live.
37:14
Second time, second time.
37:16
So what is the takeaway you got from hanging out on the couch
37:20
I mean, friendship, friendship is very important and it doesn't
37:23
matter, doesn't matter what gender, human, whatever friendships
37:28
is so important and it can be complicated and if it gets complicated
37:32
in your life, don't get down on yourself.
37:33
Because even right now I'm kind of going through like a complicated
37:36
situation with some friends.
37:37
I've been very like distant.
37:38
I've been kind of to myself a little bit as I'm trying to figure
37:41
my own self out and it can be really hard and isolating sometimes
37:45
But like you guys are saying, like your true friends are going
37:47
to love you through all the different versions of you that
37:50
you're going to evolve.
37:51
I'm not the same person.
37:51
I was in high school.
37:52
I was not even the same person I was like six months ago, but
37:55
your friends are going to love and support you and hopefully
37:57
try to make you grow in a right and healthy way.
37:59
They're not going to want to see you keep self sabotaging and
38:02
hold space for when she sabotage herself.
38:06
I'm like, don't be talking about my friend like that.
38:09
She do be stopping me from the self sabotage circus.
38:11
But also like, it's important to have space to talk about,
38:14
you know, whenever your friends get on your nerves, you should
38:16
be able to talk a balloon.
38:18
We have a term that we came up with that.
38:22
It was a metaphor like you, I love you so much that when you get
38:26
on my nerves, it's like a balloon that's about to pop.
38:29
And once it pops I move on it is like whatever you get on my nerves
38:34
I'd be like balloon and you be like balloon and that's our
38:36
thing.
38:37
Walk away.
38:38
But yeah, I love her unconditionally like it's unconditional
38:44
love being there for one another.
38:45
There's a thing that I saw on Instagram today that maybe might
38:49
be applicable for this.
38:51
And there was this guy talking about like when animals are
38:55
born, they already were born with the skills to survive, which
39:00
is, if it's a giraffe, if it's a giraffe, then it's already
39:04
born walking.
39:05
If it's a bird, you know what I'm saying?
39:07
And a human when it's born, the first thing that it does is ask
39:12
for help and that we don't do that enough.
39:15
We don't ask for help enough and self isolation is not good
39:18
That's why friendships are so important.
39:20
We are supposed to be in places like this.
39:24
We're supposed to be in community.
39:25
And I am also learning that myself and it is a journey.
39:28
It is a transition, but you can't feel like you're a burden
39:32
on other people because part of them being there for you is
39:35
part of them showing that they love you.
39:37
And so that's very important, you she's so sweet.
39:41
Oh, I love her.
39:42
I told you she's amazing.
39:44
You know, it's funny.
39:45
It's like I've seen a lot of your videos.
39:47
Obviously you're a comedian.
39:48
You're funny.
39:49
It's so cool seeing this side of you.
39:52
You're so pathetic.
39:52
And I know I know about the end of the episode, but Sasha is so
39:59
funny and sometimes we'll have conversations on facetime
40:02
I'm like, I wish the world knew how she is so caring and so just
40:09
be hugging you for no reason.
40:12
I mean, unless I feel like you decide how you show up on the internet
40:15
but people don't always get to know that about how sweet.
40:18
How do you feel about that?
40:20
Do you feel like you do wish the world kind of saw both sides
40:22
of you in time?
40:24
It would happen, I guess.
40:25
But I enjoy being on stage and just showing her like a rugged
40:28
version of myself because it's just like even funny to me to
40:32
perform that way.
40:33
But a little bit, it's protective too.
40:35
Not everybody gets to see that version of me.
40:38
Like you have to be like a very special individual to get to
40:40
see that version of me.
40:41
Like the Yeah, like my representative like a lot of the times
40:45
when I, you know, people met me, they were like, you were a bitch
40:49
is a bit 100% when they meet me.
40:51
They're like, yo, you're a softy and I'm like, I can be, I always
40:56
tell her, I wish that we were friends.
40:57
I wish I had her when I was younger.
40:59
I would be such a, I mean, I'm getting to be a better person,
41:02
but if we were friends at elementary school, I probably would
41:05
have been a lot better.
41:08
I'm, I'm Jessica.
41:11
We got a quick question.
41:14
Ok.
41:15
It's 11 pm at night.
41:16
You get a text from somebody hot and they say, what are you wearing
41:21
right now?
41:23
I'm going to be wearing sweats and my hair is not going to be
41:26
done.
41:26
But what am I wearing P PM?
41:29
Wear this?
41:30
Honestly, probably just like an old soccer shirt.
41:33
I used to train in.
41:35
I'm a clean line.
41:36
I'm wearing a jersey.
41:38
I'll show you what I'm, I'm wearing a T shirt from Target sweatpants
41:44
and I'm looking crazy.
41:45
This is what I honestly, this is what I'm wearing that for a
41:50
while.
41:51
I'm going to show you right now and it's really comfortable
41:53
My goodness, this is what I'm wearing Mickey Mouse.
41:57
I'm wearing a freaking snuggie and I probably stink.
42:01
You know, because I've been eating a whole bunch of chips and
42:04
like just I, you're recently in a newish thing.
42:09
What are you wearing a bed?
42:10
Are you wearing sweats?
42:12
It's fresh new.
42:13
No, no.
42:14
What are you wearing?
42:16
I sleep on myself.
42:17
Thank you very much.
42:19
But what, what, what are you wearing shorts, short, little
42:22
boxer shorts and like a little T shirt.
42:24
Ok.
42:26
I'm going to sleep looking like I was doing chores.
42:30
She's hot.
42:31
So I have to like, I can't wear sweats and a hoodie ever to bed
42:35
What were you gonna say this girl?
42:36
What?
42:39
It doesn't matter, it does matter because every time I facetime
42:42
her in the morning she still has lipstick from like talking
42:47
about it.
42:47
Freaking pisses me off.
42:49
I'm like you have great skin.
42:51
Why would you do this?
42:53
Why would you do this to your skin?
42:56
She'll be wearing her makeup at 11 p.m. 100% real quickly.
43:00
We just want to once more.
43:01
Shout out to all the people who joined our live M dot X ru said
43:04
to the girls clap girls speaking facts.
43:07
Ella O I want to be their friend and shout out to Eden and Ben
43:11
J who?
43:12
Eden and J these are my babies.
43:15
Well, thank you so much.
43:16
Thank you guys for tuning in.
43:18
Thank you again for being here, girl.
43:19
You're amazing.
43:20
You're funny.
43:20
Everybody should follow you on Instagram.
43:22
Tell everybody where they could follow you on Instagram.
43:23
You can follow me on Instagram or anywhere on social media
43:26
at Sasha Merci is so is Sas H am er ci I love that girl.
43:32
Thanks for coming on.
43:33
I'm Jessica Flores.
43:34
I'm lo, I'm Sa Merci, I'm Ivana and this is girl.