00:00
So when you leave a hangout at the old, now, when you leave a
00:06
hangout, you either could feel depleted or you feel like,
00:10
I can't wait to come back.
00:11
You guys, you know, when you text your friends after like,
00:13
I love you guys so much.
00:14
Thank you for having me over.
00:16
That's when you know that you're with the right people.
00:24
Welcome to another episode of Girl.
00:26
Let me tell you, I'm Yvonne Rojas, I'm Jessica Flores and I'm
00:35
How are you guys liking doing this podcast so far?
00:37
I'm learning a lot about myself and about you ladies and about
00:41
We're developing our friendship, which is what I think we're
00:43
talking about today, right?
00:45
How do you know you found the one as a friend?
00:48
To be honest when it comes to even, especially when you're
00:51
When it comes to actually making friends, it is an investment
00:54
It is like you are dating that person and then they start seeing
00:57
red flags in those friends sometimes.
00:59
And you're like, I don't really like that or I don't really
01:01
like how you're drunk or?
01:02
I don't really, like, I don't know the advice you give me things
01:06
What's a non on Jessica's List for friendships?
01:09
Like, if there's a girl and this actually happened to me recently
01:12
that she's just sitting there talking, like, really poorly
01:16
about other people when they're in the room.
01:17
But then when you see them around them, they're just like,
01:21
They seem so like into them, like they're their friends, but
01:23
they're actually, like, conniving behind their back.
01:25
Honestly, the way people talk about other people when they're
01:27
not in the room, that's the way they talk about.
01:30
I always say whoever gossips to you gossips about you.
01:33
Yeah, 100% go real minimum.
01:35
It's weird too as you get old, like, when you're younger you
01:37
kind of get you, you, you make friends through school sports
01:40
and then you get older, you kinda get to, like, choose who you
01:44
And actually recently I, um, made friends kind of on Instagram
01:49
with somebody, like a few years back, a girl.
01:51
And we were, she's slitting her DM in my DS.
01:55
We were getting to know each other because of her nationality
01:58
And we became friends quickly.
02:00
She invited me to some games and I was like, oh, she's cool.
02:03
But I've never had a random girl.
02:05
I don't like, I don't like that at all.
02:08
No, I'm sorry, finish your story.
02:11
So she was going through a breakup and I had just gone through
02:13
and so I was kind of like helping her friend to friend, woman
02:16
And she was like, you know, like how I am because I went to an
02:19
I only have sisters, like, I'm a friend and I'm a girls, girls
02:23
Like I don't talk behind girls like I don't do that stuff.
02:26
Like I keep it real 100%.
02:27
That's just how I was raised.
02:28
You know what I mean?
02:29
So with this girl, I was like, ok, well, I don't know where she
02:31
came from but I'm gonna help as much as I can.
02:33
And then it developed into something like she took me, she
02:36
bought me a flight to uh an island.
02:38
She bought, she bought your flight for her birthday.
02:40
I actually paid for, this is your girl, my friend for their
02:44
I know, I know I always have to purchase my own.
02:47
This is, that was like the first red flag.
02:49
I was like, whoa, you got me a ticket?
02:50
She went, yeah, she like you can pay me that.
02:54
It was like she gets for my birthday.
02:55
Um All my friends are coming and I was like army.
02:57
I was like, fine, let's go.
02:59
I'm down and then I get there and like I realize that every friend
03:03
is like from a different place, like no one knows each other
03:06
So we're all like, it's kind of like white Lotus.
03:08
We're given real Housewives.
03:09
Like, like how do you know her?
03:12
And little by little?
03:12
Like, I, I, you know, it's different when you start living
03:14
with somebody for a week.
03:15
Like things go down.
03:16
I remember like, I, I was like, I wanna go to Jacuzzi and she
03:19
it was like, no, you can't.
03:21
We're doing what we're on.
03:21
And I was like, wait, am I like in fifth grade?
03:24
But I started seeing that every other girl was following every
03:28
step of the way she was saying, I think you joined the cult,
03:33
unknowingly joined her call.
03:35
I was like, hold up, hold up guys.
03:36
Like I'm not gonna do this.
03:37
I'm not, I'm not gonna do that just because it's your birthday
03:39
doesn't mean that we have to follow the master leader.
03:42
And I realized like everyone was quiet.
03:44
And so I was like, wow, I'm not in a, in like a right vibe, right
03:49
So I kind of stood my ground, kept quiet on the flight back.
03:54
I was like, this is not my friend.
03:55
She is like it was came home unfollowed.
03:59
Never talked again, never talked again to this woman after
04:02
I spent a whole year helping all this stuff.
04:04
There's so much to unpack here.
04:07
There's just one I, I feel like Instagram friendships.
04:12
If I didn't know you in real life.
04:14
I'm not going to just, and I think now the friendship is changing
04:17
now where people, if they're a fan of yours, I want to be your
04:20
I'm going to hit you up and I'm going to actually be your friend
04:22
versus before it was like you met people in real life.
04:25
I had someone, you know, I do stand up so I had some stand up is
04:28
weird where everyone's kind of like your friend a little bit
04:30
So she slid into my D MS and I started noticing that she would
04:33
watch everything I do and hit me up whenever I had an announcement
04:36
Does that make sense?
04:37
It's like, oh, I'm shooting a podcast.
04:39
Hey, girl, what are you doing today?
04:41
I just posted five minutes ago.
04:43
You get what I'm saying?
04:45
I know exactly what you mean.
04:47
You know what I'm doing today.
04:49
You just saw, I posted this with friends at our age.
04:52
You meet somebody and the energy is like, you either know what's
04:55
up or you don't like my mom is, my mom doesn't trust like my mom
05:00
doesn't, my best friend's moms.
05:01
Like, she's not your friend.
05:02
I'm like, what do you mean?
05:05
She just, she just, if somebody does something me wrong.
05:08
Even if we're like 1617, she's like, that's not your friend
05:11
You would never do that.
05:12
I'm like, iii, I know mom but you forgive and you grow up and
05:16
she's like, no, no, no.
05:17
I mean, no, I'm like mom maybe because she has her own issues
05:20
But she's really, like, intuitive about people that know
05:24
What's your mom's sign?
05:27
But what I realized is that no one's going to be the friend that
05:32
Like, like I was expecting I would ride or die for my friends
05:34
They hit me up at four in the morning.
05:38
They know they can call me.
05:39
I don't know if I could if I want to see a lot of people.
05:42
I know there's a few of course, but like who can you hit up at
05:45
like three or four in the morning and be like, can you please
05:47
pick me on my tire slash?
05:48
What would you like?
05:49
I feel like when you're younger you go through a phase where
05:51
you feel like the more friends you have, the happier you're
05:54
going to be the older you get.
05:55
You realize it is just extra work, it's just extra baggage
05:59
you're dealing with so many different personalities.
06:00
We don't have the time we have kids, we have billions.
06:03
We have a, we have so much money.
06:07
Well, I don't have a kid but you know what I mean?
06:09
She, she want, she wants kids everybody when a kid.
06:18
But in, you know, adults have kids, you know, for the other
06:22
women, other women and men, I, you're saying?
06:26
So, you know, you start to go from this mentality of, oh, I just
06:28
want, like a sea of friends too.
06:30
I want a solid group of people that I can come to for anything
06:34
And that's peaceful.
06:35
I have a lot of acquaintances.
06:36
I have a lot of people that if you need a favor, you know, I got
06:39
It's very peaceful and very nice.
06:41
But I don't let a lot of people in, in because I've been hurt
06:44
before, like, so hard.
06:46
I remember the first time a girl broke my heart was, it was my
06:49
first boyfriend, like real boyfriend.
06:52
I mean, like I lost my virginity to this person.
06:54
Like, yeah, this was actually like borderline, sophomore
06:57
year in college and I remember it was my best friend of 15 years
07:04
This was my ride or die.
07:06
And it's crazy to me because even thinking about it now, I still
07:09
feel some type of way about it because she had a full blown affair
07:12
with him for a month and a half.
07:14
No, no, no, no, no, we need to unpack while you were dating him
07:19
Like a, like a full on.
07:20
I mean, cheating with in his phone.
07:23
I remember seeing like text messages of her um saying, hey
07:27
I know you're with Jess right now, but just so, you know, my
07:29
parents aren't here right now you can come over after she was
07:31
like, you didn't know it was.
07:33
No, I knew it was her because every time we'd hang out they would
07:36
she would pop up on his phone and I'm like, why I was going to
07:41
Well, just say her name.
07:42
And where, where did you guys become friends?
07:45
We met when we were 10 on a soccer team.
07:48
We played soccer growing up.
07:50
I mean, that's not Ivana's mom.
07:51
That's not, that's not your friends like that who needs enemies
07:55
but you just never think they'll do that to you.
07:59
And that's the first time I feel like I was like, OK, did you
08:02
No, I didnt see anything.
08:05
She didn't even apologize.
08:06
I remember when I reached out to her because I was like, God
08:08
I'm carrying so much anger her and then something was just
08:12
like, just tell her you forgive her even though she hasn't
08:13
really fully apologized.
08:14
So I'm like, honestly, she's like your man.
08:17
I know multiple times.
08:19
I know she owes you an apology.
08:21
I mean, right now so long ago she did apologize like years later
08:25
I believe or something.
08:26
But I've obviously, oh wait, wait, what was his nationality
08:30
He was like Mexican but not, he's like 3rd, 4th generation
08:35
It was Latino man who cheated on you with your friend.
08:38
That's what they say.
08:39
Don't date Latino men.
08:40
But that was my first awakening, you don't date Latino men
08:46
Honestly, it's a rude awakening.
08:50
So you never spoke to this girl after she slept with your man
08:53
I think we spoke once or twice since then.
08:55
It's been years though.
08:57
So how do you feel about how do you feel about your friends staying
09:00
friends with your ex after they meet your boyfriend through
09:05
you and you break up?
09:06
Then they still hang out.
09:08
Kick it, follow each other.
09:11
No, if they follow each other it doesn't hurt me as much.
09:15
I saw some of my friends that follow my ex.
09:16
I'm like, it is what it is.
09:18
But kick it, let me ask a question.
09:21
Never, never, never.
09:23
I would never kick it with one of my friends.
09:25
I want to ask a question because I'm still getting to know everybody
09:28
I get a new boyfriend, y'all following him or y'all not following
09:33
I'm very like when it comes to my friends and boyfriends, anything
09:36
like that, I don't mess.
09:37
It's none of my business.
09:40
I'm friends with you.
09:41
I'm not friends with him, my friend.
09:42
And if he wants to be my friend, I actually think it's weird
09:44
when my friend's boyfriends follow me.
09:48
Like, because I've been posting my bikini picture.
09:50
It made me really uncomfortable.
09:51
Well, I haven't posted a bikini picture in a long time.
09:53
But this summer I will wait.
09:55
So would you, would you get, for instance, if you got a new guy
09:58
and we followed him because we all hang out all the time and
10:01
obviously we're always around you.
10:04
I was my best friend.
10:06
She was with her man for a few years.
10:07
I never followed him.
10:08
I never followed him online.
10:09
We never followed each other.
10:10
I'm like, there's no reason for us to have each other's information
10:13
unless you're planning a surprise party for me.
10:16
Are you to have your boyfriend go with you guys with all your
10:20
French stuff though?
10:22
Did you invite your boyfriend your significant other to all
10:25
the stuff with your friends?
10:27
I don't, but I'm very like, I'm not going to lie when I do have
10:31
because I do have that insecurity from my I would be in for.
10:36
So you like you have another eye on your friends and you have
10:39
an eye on him and I know my friends would never do that.
10:42
But I said that about that other girl too.
10:44
But this time I'm like, I know my friends wouldn't do that to
10:48
Its given we need to, we need to get that you don't want to go
10:52
to because if you don't fix that, you're going to be feeling
10:56
Imagine if he meets Gloria, he's being hooked.
11:00
Why you dragged me one joke and it's a rat.
11:08
We're not going to have any podcast.
11:10
We got to hear your man meets me.
11:11
He's going to leave you.
11:13
We're not building Ivana, we're not building.
11:16
She just gave us her vulnerable moments like, yeah, she's
11:19
got to take your man.
11:20
Either of us are going to take your man.
11:21
No, we need clarification because I am going deaf.
11:24
I'm about to be 47 years.
11:26
So you hang out with your man and your friends all the time.
11:30
Yeah, I'll have them around because I want to like integrating
11:34
my partner into my life to be.
11:37
Can I say something?
11:38
I have to say, I hate when my friends bring their men into me
11:48
There's a time and place for a boy to be with the people.
11:50
If it's all girls, let us be OK.
11:52
Well, yeah, if it's like an all girls trip, ok, if it's an all
11:57
girls thing, obviously, but if it's like, ok, we're all going
11:59
to go on a I don't know, like to dinner to lunch, we're going
12:02
to dinner and your man's there.
12:04
He don't need to be there.
12:06
I realize I always proud of my friends, my girlfriends, my
12:10
man, maybe because I haven't fallen in love like that yet.
12:13
But any time my friend, I'm like, no, I got to go out with my friends
12:15
I'm starting to learn.
12:16
Is that the fun is really with the girls.
12:18
The man is there for accessories and to pay the bills.
12:22
Really, I'm just saying that I don't want to get dragged, but
12:24
it really is the moments that I have the most fun in my life is
12:28
Your soul, men are always, it's going to disappoint you.
12:31
No, that's not true.
12:33
Put that on the T shirt.
12:34
We kind of broke up over the weird vibes in Vegas.
12:37
They got a little bit more complicated because then it says
12:39
how she's viewing you.
12:41
I'm like, bitch, I've been your friend forever.
12:43
You think I'm going to take $200 from you.
12:47
I don't want to bring it back to men.
12:48
But have you never not been disappointed by a man?
12:50
Think about your worst disappoint ever.
12:52
It's always been a man.
12:53
Always matter why your friends are so important.
12:56
I've been disappointed by men, but I've also been so disappointed
13:02
Talk to me about that.
13:06
Your friend slept with your man.
13:07
What was the other one getting disappointed by your girls
13:13
The hardest breakup I ever went with was that one?
13:16
Not so much because of him.
13:18
It was because I was breaking up with my friend of 15 years since
13:23
We went through the trenches together, you know, the middle
13:26
school, the high school era, everything we had each other's
13:29
back or is it a rap?
13:34
Like, it's been a rap since then.
13:36
I unfollowed her and all, and all this stuff like a, a while
13:40
after she, like, really apologized and she was like, you know
13:42
when I was younger, like, that was so messed up and I was like
13:45
Like I had already, you have to let it go in order to heal and
13:49
I can't hold on to it.
13:50
But it's still like, I still think about it and I'm like, dang
13:53
That was because of her.
13:55
I also think that she isn't a best friend if that's the case
13:58
Like I've had a best and I've been best friends since I was five
14:02
We met and we in our thirties.
14:05
And we're still best friends but we've had major falling outs
14:08
like heartbreak letters written to each other, you know,
14:12
like not talking for months, like generation but we grew together
14:17
So it was like moments when you learn.
14:19
Do you feel obligated to stay with her friends?
14:23
She's like my sister.
14:24
You know what I mean?
14:25
But that's why, you know, because there's so much history
14:28
your friends as well for a long time.
14:30
You feel when you love somebody and you're friends with somebody
14:33
you have to work for it, you have to work for it, you know.
14:36
And I think as an adult also because now sometimes you're like
14:40
ok, I'm going to give it a go with this girl and I'm going to
14:42
I did that last year with this girl, that sweetest, cutest
14:45
funniest person ever.
14:46
But then every time we would talk on the phone, she would just
14:49
be sitting there bad mouth everybody in her circle, but a bad
14:54
So then I would be like, ok, I don't think she's doing it to me
14:57
But anyway, she come to find she was and she, after I found that
15:00
out, I block deleted back in the day.
15:02
It was harder for me to delete people out of my life.
15:04
I had a weird like, you know what, maybe they're going to change
15:08
Now it's like everybody on girls trips.
15:14
How do you feel about girls trips?
15:16
I have to be your best friend to go on a girls trip with you because
15:21
yes, because I hate that you get to know people when you're
15:24
I don't want to be like, don't wake me up in the morning.
15:27
We all have our own little travel rules and if they don't align
15:30
we're going to fight and I'm not a burdensome person but people
15:34
like to do like that girl.
15:35
She wanted to have a birthday dinner and everyone has to be
15:37
and you wanted to go to a jacuzzi.
15:38
I'm an adult and I'm going to do whatever I want.
15:41
Please go do whatever you want and we can regroup at the end
15:44
for lunch or dinner.
15:46
Just a nice little regroup.
15:48
I can, I get really hesitant to go right now as a comic, I do have
15:52
to travel sometimes with people and even that I'm very selective
15:55
about who I do partnerships with because I don't want to end
15:57
up with someone that gets on my nerves.
15:59
We will not be friends.
16:00
We will not be like, I just can't, I just can't.
16:04
Am I not in New York?
16:05
And I think that also comes with maturity, you're just like
16:08
OK, I'm not going to, it's because our energy now is so valuable
16:11
I'm sure anybody in this room can relate.
16:13
It's like I'm not putting myself in a situation where I feel
16:17
drained of my, I feel uncomfortable, especially a trip, you
16:21
Like I'm very moody.
16:22
I'm like, I don't want to also burden some.
16:24
I'm going to be a Debbie.
16:27
Like I go with the flow on girls trips.
16:28
I'm like, I was like, OK, I'm going to go with the flow.
16:31
I'm going to be because it's like we all have to go with the flow
16:34
to make it the best.
16:35
You know what I mean?
16:36
Well, if it's someone's birthday and it's like a we sure whatever
16:41
they be going on weddings and have all these activities.
16:43
Like there was like a workout activity.
16:46
If you like yoga when everybody's over, don't invite me to
16:53
I'm not going to work out on a trip.
16:55
I'm just, y'all be working out.
16:57
See, that's the, but I'm not going to force it on you.
17:03
I'm going to be like, do you want to go on a run?
17:04
And if you decline, I'm not going to force you to work on and
17:07
they judge you the whole time like this bitch don't even work
17:09
out and you're like, you're still in bed and shit like that
17:15
I'm on vacation now.
17:16
But do you guys have like that friend who like I have the friend
17:19
who plans everything.
17:20
We're 80, we're doing this 10, we're doing, I'm a project manager
17:24
I'm a project manager.
17:25
I love the project manager.
17:26
Shout out o in my friend group.
17:28
She has an Excel sheet of expenses.
17:31
Everybody needs a cent because people be trying to play you
17:34
on trips like, oh I have you.
17:36
No bitch that on me right now.
17:38
But I, I got to think about it.
17:41
I've also been traumatized so that I'm not just being a, I'm
17:44
I've just been traumatized so many times.
17:47
Like I've just been traumatized in what sense we friends with
17:50
girls, my best friend from high school, we broke up in Las Vegas
17:55
We tell us about that.
17:57
I mean, it's kind of messy, long story short.
18:02
I'll give you the cliff nose.
18:04
I'm going to tell the story really well.
18:05
But, you know, when you're in Vegas, people are gambling and
18:07
that's the other thing, everyone reacts to things very differently
18:10
So I know that when I gamble I'm going to probably lose money
18:13
She had lost $200 in the room and she didn't know who took it
18:17
So it was me and her and, and then $200 went missing and she accused
18:22
me of taking her money.
18:23
I'm like, yo, I've been your friend.
18:24
You think I would sit here and take $200.
18:26
I'm like, I can give you $200 now.
18:28
So we kind of broke up over the weird vibes in Vegas.
18:32
They got a little bit more complicated because then it says
18:34
how she's viewing you.
18:35
It's like, I'm like, bitch, I've been your friend forever
18:37
Like you think I'm going to take $200 from you.
18:40
Roll back the tape, you know, roll back the tape tape.
18:44
So I, I ended up breaking up with her.
18:46
We had also been roommates.
18:48
I think it was such a long time.
18:49
It was early in my twenties.
18:50
We had been roommates, I think after that trip and it was just
18:53
like we just, we just didn't work out as friends.
18:55
Did you unfollow her and everything?
18:58
Yeah, I follow her now.
19:00
Is there some people that you just follow for engagement so
19:02
you can get likes on your thing like you so you like no, we wait
19:07
Did you have to fly back with her?
19:09
Yeah, I can, you know what?
19:10
I don't remember all the details of the trip but I just know
19:12
that she, she was just really annoying and anal and that was
19:15
really annoying to me and it's like she always felt like she
19:17
was better than everybody.
19:19
I'm like, bitch, I'm your best friend.
19:20
Don't be, try to play with me.
19:20
But she was one of those friends that I had from high school
19:22
that you have a dynamic where they're kind of like the leader
19:26
and I'm just like, so I was like, we just had to break up eventually
19:29
Is that hard to break out?
19:30
I know in high school everybody has kind of the rule, right
19:36
One's the one that's inner feelings.
19:42
I was like right now or in high school in high school then it
19:44
does it continue now.
19:46
I was a class clown but I was like an A P bio class clown.
19:50
So you were really like, I was a everybody else, everybody
19:53
was smart but I was like, what is an organism?
19:56
Is it an orgasm kind of?
19:59
But it's a PB I, I've always been like a clown, you know, even
20:03
I know that people think I look bitchy, you do give a little
20:07
rest but you're not, I'm very like, I'll adapt to whatever
20:11
you guys want to do.
20:12
I'll just adapt to that energy.
20:14
But I've always been that friend, but sometimes people take
20:16
advantage of that energy and they start trying to tell you
20:19
And I was like, are you like the kind of girl that stands up for
20:21
your friends in a fight or one thing about me?
20:24
You're not going to talk about it about my friends one time
20:26
I had some guy DM me and say something crazy about one of my comedy
20:29
I'm like, don't talk about it.
20:32
You didn't feel comfortable saying something about my friends
20:35
No, that's not good.
20:37
Somebody talks about if somebody is sitting here talking
20:39
about my friend to me, it's like, why do you even feel comfortable
20:42
You don't talk about my friends.
20:44
But do you guys ever vent with your girlfriends about another
20:47
girl in the girlfriend group though?
20:51
I probably done with that.
20:54
That's the problem with group chats.
20:56
It's, that's why I don't do group chats anymore because I always
20:59
feel like people are ganging up on me.
21:00
But you know what's about group chats that doesn't respond
21:04
I'm not going to lie.
21:05
I'm like, recently that girls have group chats and then they
21:08
have their separate group chats within the group chat.
21:11
That's what I'm saying.
21:13
That's like a true society.
21:14
I don't care but you care.
21:18
It's giving, let's talk about that.
21:19
Let's talk about that.
21:20
I said, why wouldn't you want my input in this separate?
21:23
And that's what I'm saying.
21:24
People just naturally gravitate to certain people.
21:27
So, for me, I don't do groups like I always do in high school
21:30
I always had one best friend at a time.
21:32
And I started noticing in comedy.
21:34
If I just need to have one person at a time, I can hang around
21:38
But I don't want to be in a girl group.
21:40
I don't think I would do.
21:41
Are you still friends with your friends from high school?
21:44
Your best friends from high school?
21:45
No, that's the girl I remember.
21:46
I dumped her one friend in high school.
21:48
I had people in high school.
21:49
I mean, time passes and your life changes and you go on different
21:54
I feel like for a season, best friends with all my high school
21:57
I actually also only went to an all girls school.
21:59
So we only had each other like we know each other.
22:02
Like we had no boys to distract us.
22:03
We had no one to look cool for like real.
22:08
Without the boy in my class, it's a rap.
22:11
I wouldn't have studied, I wouldn't have stood up and said
22:14
a speech, I wouldn't have done anything, said a speech that
22:16
But, you know, like, if somebody is, like, ok, I don't have
22:19
I was like, yeah, I got the answer.
22:20
I wouldn't care to be wrong in high school.
22:23
So my girl and that we have so much confidence.
22:27
Not because, like, we're confident, we're cool because we're
22:29
confident because we never had anyone to, like, make us, like
22:32
be embarrassed about it.
22:33
Put down at all true selves all through high school.
22:36
I definitely got very put down in high school and that would
22:43
But that's what I, all my girlfriends in high school, we just
22:45
had a trip to Joshua last week.
22:47
I feel like those are your sisters.
22:49
That's why I love the bitches from high school.
22:52
They, girls like my dick.
22:53
I'm in a group chat with my high school friends.
22:55
But it's mostly guys.
22:56
It's guys and girls.
22:58
What about middle school?
23:00
Um, I was bullied in middle school.
23:04
I was, so I went to Catholic middle school and it was like this
23:09
Yeah, I was bullied.
23:10
I don't know because I was such a tomboy and ok, so basically
23:15
I was, I went to school with the same 28 people, kindergarten
23:17
through eighth grade.
23:22
So the girls in my school, it was like five of them and they were
23:26
like, really girly girls and I was like, you know, I just want
23:28
to play soccer and run and, like, I was raised by my dad who was
23:31
So I didn't really relate to them also.
23:32
They'd make fun of me because my mom had an accent because my
23:35
mom was like, were they white?
23:37
They were, yeah, they were white.
23:41
That was just my experience.
23:42
It was a mostly, like, um, caucasian area.
23:44
So I did grow up feeling different and feeling like really
23:48
put down and yeah, they would say some pretty horrible things
23:51
I remember and when you're younger it hits you harder.
23:53
But I remember like a girl coming up to me and saying I was holding
23:55
some lost and found sweaters that I would go collect at recess
23:58
I don't know to help out school and then a girl came up to me.
24:01
She's like Jessica, you look like my maid at home.
24:04
No, that's not bullying.
24:09
I had a horrible time in middle school that I went to school
24:13
I was the only Latina in my school too.
24:15
But I never thought that that was a thing.
24:16
I was like my mom and dad raised me so proud to be Colombian.
24:20
So I was like, I'm Colombian.
24:21
I was like, I was like, here's some arepas they were like what
24:25
But as I got older, yeah, there was moments that I didn't realize
24:28
when I was younger like they'd be like, go back to the south
24:31
And I was like, what?
24:33
I'm not even Mexican.
24:35
I remember one time I got no, I know.
24:38
But I was like, I thought that they were just stupid.
24:41
I was like, you guys are stupid.
24:42
That's a really good person.
24:43
Somebody called me a *** and I swear on my life I went home and
24:46
I was like, dad, what's a web back?
24:48
Because I literally had no idea.
24:50
And he was like, oh, it's like, and he said what he had to say
24:52
and I was like, what?
24:54
So what did you do after you found out, did you go address them
24:57
No, I just like, I used to think that they're fools.
24:59
I'm so proud of being Latina.
25:00
So I had no, I was like, whatever, you don't know the good life
25:04
you know, whatever else you want, but you don't know the good
25:09
You know what I mean?
25:10
That is what I want to defend myself.
25:11
That's really cool that you had that mentality when I was younger
25:13
and there was nobody else.
25:14
We didn't have social media.
25:15
So I didn't turn on the TV and see people.
25:18
That's why I was so obsessed with the Selena movie because
25:19
I was like, oh my God, she is literally me.
25:22
That's where that rep presentation matters and stuff.
25:25
But yeah, so the only friend I still have for middle school
25:27
is the only friend I really had.
25:29
Shout out to Angelina.
25:30
She was definitely there for me.
25:34
I'm not friends with anyone from middle school, high school
25:37
or college, only my best friend from college, Liz.
25:39
Do you feel like you have?
25:41
It's hard for you to stay friends with people.
25:43
It's not that I will cut you off.
25:44
I just feel like, but you have to understand these are all like
25:47
A lot of people are just doing status quo stuff.
25:52
So people don't understand what is it going to take for someone
25:55
to be real homegirls with you?
25:56
Well, I have a best friend now and I think we bond over comedy
26:01
So we've been friends for four years straight.
26:04
But I'm like, I always tell her, I wish you were the friend I
26:07
So, is it, is it because you're able to tell jokes to her and
26:10
they don't get offended?
26:12
I've never said anything offensive to anybody do the jokes
26:15
like what I'm saying because you're a comedian and like I
26:20
say jokes all the time, like sometimes I'm sure you say things
26:22
that offend people and they can't handle the heat.
26:25
I mean, I don't even know how to say this without sounding crazy
26:28
I've always been like a shiner and people don't like no, I know
26:30
I don't want to dim your leg.
26:32
I just a sh so people don't like that sometimes and they want
26:37
So I've always like, for example, I have, she's a, she was very
26:40
close friends in college and I'm like, yo, I'm working on this
26:43
I'm in this magazine, I'm going to bring you with me and she
26:45
would always be really upset about me making progress.
26:49
So I had to start carving parts of myself down so that she could
26:53
So I've always been around people that just weren't comfortable
26:56
with me getting a lot of attention.
26:58
So now the friends that I have, they all give me, none of us are
27:02
in competition with it.
27:03
I was never in competition with anybody but I'm like, she really
27:08
It's like we are good friends to each other.
27:10
But I'm listening to your stories.
27:11
It sounds like you guys came from two parent households, went
27:14
to a private school.
27:15
I went to New York Department of Education.
27:17
It is crazy out there.
27:19
It's really saved your own, everybody from themselves.
27:22
And so I just didn't have good friends growing up.
27:26
And have you ever been cut off by a friend?
27:29
You still want to be to them.
27:30
They were like, no, I don't think I've been cut off.
27:32
I've been cut off by a friend, but it's because I was friends
27:35
with someone she didn't like.
27:36
And it had nothing to do with me, which also happens a lot of
27:40
times in female friendships.
27:41
It's like if you're friends with someone that I don't get along
27:43
with, therefore you and me are no longer cool.
27:45
And it's happened to me mostly in the industry.
27:48
It's, it's not with so much my high school or just like my everyday
27:52
It's like more so my friendships in the industry.
27:53
It's like, oh, you, you're friends with this person?
27:55
I no longer like you or will engage with you anymore.
27:58
And it's like, well, that had nothing to do with this, this
28:01
person has been nothing but I think it's different when you
28:03
have a person that's friends with everybody.
28:07
I'm a very, like, I feel like I'm very guarded and very New York
28:11
I'm like, if you are, everybody is your friend type of person
28:13
I'll be cool with you.
28:14
But you can't be my best friend because you're just going to
28:17
I don't feel like that's a loyalty thing.
28:19
But I'm trying to think if I've been cut off.
28:21
I haven't been, have you ever been in the wrong with the home
28:24
And I have, I've definitely been, you are the reason why she's
28:27
the opposite of what other other girls are doing.
28:29
I think for me, I'm very much like when somebody tells me they
28:32
want to get a goal done, I will push you to get that done.
28:34
And people don't like to be held accountable so I could be a
28:37
little bit push over or whatever.
28:38
So I stopped giving out advice.
28:40
I was very unsolicited advice type of person.
28:42
I'm like, I'll tell you if you, I would just be giving out advice
28:45
and people don't like that.
28:46
So I did get kicked out of a group chat in 2018.
28:52
But I just felt, I just felt like they weren't supporting me
28:55
I felt like it was a group of three of us and they will always
28:58
hang out and they would just leave me out of shit because I was
29:00
doing comedy and I didn't like that.
29:02
So I was like, we just grew apart but, but we we've done since
29:07
Like I reconnected one of the girls, I'm like, oh, have you
29:09
ever been in the wrong?
29:12
Yeah, I'm sure everybody has like I haven't been the perfect
29:14
Like I think everybody you live and you learn and you make mistakes
29:17
like I'm sure I've made mistakes with some of my friends.
29:19
But the thing is with my friends, they tell me when I'm, when
29:22
I'm messing up or like they tell me when I'm being, you know
29:24
not what they need in their life in that moment.
29:26
And then it's just a quick fix.
29:27
You don't get offended by it.
29:28
You're just like, OK, all right.
29:29
This is where I need to elevate.
29:30
This is where I need to improve.
29:31
And I think that some people get offended when you're like
29:33
yo you hurt my feelings and it's really annoying when someone
29:36
tries to invalidate.
29:37
Oh, you're just being, no, I'm telling you, you hurt my feelings
29:41
Let's work through it.
29:43
And if people keep invalidating you, then we're not a good
29:45
One of my best friends did that to me not too long ago, maybe
29:48
She's like, ok, so we had gone out and something had happened
29:51
and she's like, ok, so this maybe I didn't really like it, it
29:54
had to do with somebody else.
29:56
And I was like, you know what you are so right.
29:58
I thought I was doing the right thing in that moment.
30:00
But now that I'm hearing your perspective and she was so thankful
30:03
that I took her feelings into consideration and I didn't just
30:07
Yeah, I actually, I welcome when a friend is like, this is what
30:11
you did and they do it in a way that's not attacking.
30:14
It's like, you know what I mean?
30:15
And so instead of me being defensive about it, I'm like, you're
30:18
right, I'm sorry for doing that.
30:19
And I welcome it because we all need to evolve.
30:21
We all need to get better.
30:22
And if you drink and you got all your friends, things happen
30:24
you don't mean it and people take it the wrong way.
30:26
Like there's just so many ways that you can become a better
30:28
friend if you listen, but you kind of like, it's hard to evolve
30:32
You've known your whole life.
30:34
So I just feel like in my twenties, I didn't have the tools to
30:37
communicate effectively.
30:38
Like I would just be like, I'm a ghost.
30:39
You, I'm gonna just shut down.
30:40
I'm gonna leave the group chat.
30:42
I'm not talking to you for two weeks.
30:43
But now it's just like, yo, I'm telling you two times.
30:46
If you don't, if we don't get along, then we don't get.
30:48
And sometimes you can, can still be friends with people.
30:50
They don't have to be that close to you people, you know who
30:54
to give you energy so that I can pick and choose who I want to
30:57
Every friend is going to be a good friend for every part of your
31:01
If you said that you don't have that many friends, girlfriends
31:04
who's going to be at your bridal shower.
31:06
First of all, first of all, I volunteer, let me just clarify
31:12
I do have a lot of friends.
31:13
I don't have a lot of very close friends.
31:17
Where are you going to choose to be your maid of honor?
31:20
I've been thinking about that a lot.
31:21
No one's asked me to get married, but I have been thinking about
31:24
that and I think I'm going to do the Garbo Union type of thing
31:26
where it's just me and my man and you guys just, everyone's
31:29
invited I party because it just becomes, I hate being in weird
31:33
dynamics when it's like, oh you forgot to invite somebody
31:36
to, let's say I put everyone in my bridal shower and I leave
31:39
Now, they're going to have a fucking problem.
31:41
But I am, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have a bachelorette party.
31:44
I think that if we didn't have this podcast, we probably wouldn't
31:47
kick it just because we, we don't know that Ivana, we don't
31:49
know that I love these women.
31:57
Our circles are all so different.
32:00
Have you, like, always dreamt of your wedding?
32:02
Like for me, honestly, I'm gonna be honest.
32:03
I have never once been like, I'm gonna wear this dress and I
32:07
want their flowers and I have never, I have a whole Pinterest
32:16
I want a farmhouse style wedding.
32:19
This girl on her farms.
32:22
We need a farmer to come right now in nature and it just be like
32:26
what's your home decor style?
32:29
I like modern farmhouse.
32:31
I feel like that's so homey.
32:33
What about your dress?
32:35
I stay following all the wedding page dresses.
32:37
So, what would you imagine yourself wearing?
32:40
There's so many different looks.
32:42
I probably would do cowboy boots.
32:50
The photo shoot, maybe you got to the cowboy boots are essential
32:54
Now I'm going to do a courthouse wedding.
32:57
Yeah, I'm going to do a very private wedding because I just
32:59
have so many friends and people that are going to come to this
33:01
party and I don't want to pay for everybody's plate.
33:03
It doesn't matter how, which I am.
33:04
I'm going to do a very intimate courthouse and then a celebration
33:07
of love where everybody can be.
33:10
Y'all making me feel like I'm a bad friend.
33:13
Because I don't have a group of girlfriends.
33:15
I just don't like, I just feel like I'm trying to say this in
33:20
Sometimes there can be certain dynamics that I like to avoid
33:23
It doesn't have to just be women in a group of friendship.
33:26
Like there's just always a dynamic.
33:27
I don't like dealing with power struggles, any of that stuff
33:30
Like how do you feel about like friends that you introduce
33:33
like friends that become friends because of you?
33:36
You know what's annoying to me when they start doing shit without
33:40
Don't fucking let me that.
33:42
It's annoying me taking that personally.
33:43
I'm like, I don't take it.
33:45
I just feel like people sometimes bond better what they do
33:48
and I'm like, I'm not going to be mad at you but it's like damn
33:50
bitch, you know what's annoying when you make friends with
33:53
someone and then they give you a life update.
33:55
Let's say we're in a group chat together.
33:56
We made friends and then you give me an update like, oh, Jessica
33:59
just broke up on her man and I'm like, damn, I have to find out
34:02
Not like I thought it was all friends.
34:04
Like, sit like that gets on my nerves a little bit.
34:06
I remember making friends with this girl that I would introduce
34:09
her to someone and then the next week she'd hit them up to go
34:12
get lunch, just them too.
34:13
But it happened with my friend.
34:19
She had a birthday party and then invited the majority of them
34:24
being mostly my friends.
34:25
And I was like, OK, that's a little.
34:27
Some people want your life.
34:29
Can I ask a clarifying question?
34:31
Because I think what's happening here is that, are we talking
34:33
about regular friends or industry friends?
34:37
I think sometimes it could be different when it's like, oh
34:39
we were just regular friends, go hang out.
34:41
You guys are bonding but industry friends, some people start
34:44
to use that friendship shit to clout chase or they just want
34:49
to be my friend, comedians you vibe with a comedian and you're
34:52
like, I wanna be your home girl because she's dope and I feel
34:55
her energy and we could click.
34:57
So like maybe God and the universe brought that friend so you
34:59
can meet your real homegirl.
35:01
Actually, I'm really like, like us three.
35:04
I think that if we didn't have this podcast.
35:06
We probably wouldn't kick it just because we are.
35:08
We don't know that Ivana, we don't know that.
35:12
I kick it with women.
35:17
Our circles are all so different.
35:21
But sometimes you need to have the opportunity to meet somebody
35:24
with a non-biased slate.
35:26
You know what I mean?
35:27
Like this is what I do.
35:28
Sometimes my friend, she'll be around, I made friends with
35:31
someone and they asked me to be in a sketch.
35:33
I like, yo, this is your friend.
35:34
Are you comfortable?
35:35
And I hang all as first I was asking for permission, but I'm
35:40
aware that this is your friends and you put me on to this opportunity
35:44
Like, are you cool with it?
35:46
I'm gonna do what I want towards the beginning and then once
35:49
you start establishing a friendship and you guys are genuinely
35:51
friends, it's like, I'm not going to tell you every single
35:53
time, but towards the beginning, it's like, hey, I reached
35:55
out to your friends.
35:56
I know I just feel like it's a respect thing.
35:59
I know this is weird.
36:00
But like, have you ever like not invited a friend because aesthetically
36:05
they're not part of the event.
36:07
Be honest, be honest.
36:10
Wait, what do you mean?
36:11
Have you like say you have a friend?
36:12
Maybe she has her own little aesthetic, her own vibe and you
36:15
love her one on one.
36:16
You guys kicking your best friends but like, you wouldn't
36:18
take her to a party or an event because you're scared she'll
36:20
like, act up or it just isn't the same vibe.
36:23
Like, like a rapper invites us out and it's your home girl that
36:29
doesn't dress whatever, it's different.
36:33
You come with us, do you?
36:36
That I feel like I'll know which one of my friends would vibe
36:39
with which type of event and would actually have fun and it
36:42
wouldn't be forced and they wouldn't feel out of place.
36:43
So I tried to do the math in my own head.
36:45
Like, ok, this girl would fit this better vibe and I think she'll
36:47
actually enjoy herself instead of her just being there like
36:49
uncomfortable and awkward.
36:51
And sometimes that's what my friends don't invite me.
36:53
I know you're about to do some really fancy event.
36:55
Don't bring me to that.
36:56
I don't want to have to pretend to be cool.
36:58
Leave me out in Hollywood.
36:59
Everybody is so cool.
37:00
Can't you just keep yourself with these?
37:03
But sometimes I feel like this is what I'm learning.
37:05
I'm new to Hollywood.
37:06
Thank everybody that Hollywood is very network.
37:09
So if that network doesn't get along and you are outlier is
37:12
going to be kind of weird for you to be there.
37:14
Does that make sense?
37:15
Like if it's like a bunch of rappers and that's not really my
37:18
vibe, you're going to feel like you're babysitting at the
37:21
event and I don't want to be babysat.
37:24
Please leave me out.
37:25
I don't want to have to pretend.
37:29
Are they allowed to rock their own aesthetic at your wedding
37:31
When it comes to your event at my wedding?
37:33
I have rules like no kids.
37:36
No, actually that's not a thing.
37:39
No, it's my wedding.
37:43
Well, my husband's money, my husband and his family and his
37:48
family and the hedge funds because I'm dreaming big and I don't
37:53
even know what a hedge fund is, but it's all of that.
38:00
I learn about trust funds.
38:01
People be hiding their money in trust funds, make sure you
38:03
know where the money is at an offshore account and what is short
38:08
and offshore accounts.
38:10
Do you become friends with somebody that has things that you
38:15
Like trust, this is what I say.
38:18
Does that appeal to you more to have a friend?
38:20
A girlfriend that's like has access to many things that has
38:24
a lot of money that's like?
38:25
Or do you not care about that?
38:27
I really believe you become the five people who hang around
38:30
So if I feel like I always feel like in my friendship, I'm like
38:33
what am I contributing to this friendship?
38:36
Socrates or Aristotle, one of them, they actually have like
38:39
This is a great time to pull it up.
38:40
They say that there's only three reasons why you'll be friends
38:44
And I don't know the three reasons.
38:45
But I remember that I was reading, I studied this in college
38:50
I forgot it, don't edit that.
38:54
But there are three reasons why people are friends.
38:56
It's just like you really, really mutually care about this
38:59
There's a networking benefit.
39:00
That's why I'm saying I compartmentalize my friends but I
39:03
change, yeah, I think this person is my friend because they
39:06
probably think I'll put them on a comedy show.
39:07
I already feel that when you make industry friends, you kind
39:10
of know why people maybe gravitate towards you, which is why
39:14
it kind of keeps you on edge sometimes.
39:15
That's why I have and especially when you meet them in the industry
39:18
It's like, OK, are you really my friend because I have had friends
39:22
that I know use me, I know use me to social climb.
39:26
I'll bring them to OK.
39:27
For instance, I'm really cool with the people at FC.
39:30
I'll bring them to that game and I'll be like, oh come meet like
39:31
the guy that does all the marketing cool.
39:33
And then next thing I know they're hitting him up the next week
39:36
asking them to go to lunch, only certain friends that I know
39:39
that they know they could benefit from.
39:41
That's why like my guard is up sometimes meeting people in
39:45
If I'm just meeting a random girl that doesn't know anything
39:48
I feel so much more relaxed.
39:50
That's why sometimes when people are like, oh, what's your
39:52
Let's follow each other sometimes.
39:53
I'm like, oh, do you think that people that are famous or that
39:58
you have a well known, they can't trust anybody that wants
40:03
to be 100% like boys that are famous.
40:06
Do they feel like all the girls that are trying to get with them
40:08
I think they know that, but they're ok with it.
40:10
If they're in that phase of where they're wanting to hook up
40:12
with girls, they're like, ok, well, I'm going to use this to
40:14
my benefit but I'm sure in the long run when they actually want
40:16
to find like a genuine partner that's like a ride or die girl
40:19
she's not there for the wrong reasons that has to be so hard
40:23
on anybody because this is a really good conversation.
40:27
But I want to say the three reasons why this is what Socrates
40:31
or I think it was Aristotle, it was one of them.
40:33
But this is what they said.
40:34
This is why people are friends.
40:35
It's either because of truth goodness or usefulness.
40:39
Some people are just your friend because you are useful to
40:40
them or this is literally like a whole thing.
40:45
We are friends because we're starting a podcast together
40:48
Want to see each other.
40:50
No it's actually truth goodness.
40:57
But I think we talked about it in the beginning when we started
41:00
this project where it's like we all kind of vetted each other
41:02
Like, you know, what are you doing?
41:05
And I think I was, and I told my friend I went back, I'm like,
41:07
I'm happy I'm doing this with women that are evolved because
41:10
imagine you're doing this with, you know, there are women
41:12
or people, it's not just women that are just like they care
41:14
about different things.
41:15
I think that we all have very strong things we care about.
41:17
You're very family oriented, career focused comedy.
41:22
I'm just here, you know, so I'm like, it was like, no, I think
41:28
there's a lot more of glory, but we're trying to keep it cool
41:31
right now to break it open.
41:33
And so have you ever had to set boundaries with friends that
41:36
have kept it really real with you?
41:37
Because you're like, I can't, I don't want, I can't handle
41:40
I was like, I think if you're really good friends there, you
41:44
wouldn't feel weird setting a boundary.
41:46
I think if you're that close, I'd be like, yo, bitch, you got
41:48
I think just to go back to the industry thing, it's really hard
41:51
to be in an industry and I always feel a little bit nervous like
41:55
I always say, what do they want from me?
41:57
Everybody wants something from you.
41:58
Some people generally want a true friendship.
42:00
I never feel it, but you have to think about it.
42:03
I'm in there every day in the street, in the, in the streets
42:08
in the, in the street.
42:13
I want to go to that street and every day comedy is very much
42:18
like opportunity oriented.
42:20
It's just like if your friend, if they like you, they put you
42:22
on a show and then you just kind of go from there to there.
42:25
So some people when they're like, oh, this girl produces a
42:27
show, I want to be around her because I want to get on a show.
42:30
You're so grown now, you know, you can, you know, but we got
42:33
to do an exploration episode.
42:35
Let's bring you into so you can see there's some weird shady
42:40
Let me give you a metaphor, you, you're on a TV show and you're
42:43
like, let's say you bring a friend like, yo, I want you to meet
42:45
the casting director and then they like, actually we kind
42:49
of let's put her in the show and they write you off the script
42:51
you're not going to be tight.
42:53
I mean, yeah, that's why for me when it comes to friendship
42:57
like what I base it off is integrity and morals and principles
43:02
If they have the same integrity and morp as me or someone that
43:06
I would look up to, I mess with you.
43:09
But how do you know that because some people are liars.
43:14
But you have one chance.
43:16
You lie to me once I'm done her best friend for 15 years was going
43:23
What's the name of the guy in the Bible that turned his back
43:29
So, what do you bring to a friend?
43:31
What do you bring to a friendship?
43:32
I bring thoughtfulness.
43:34
It might be like, for example, I better say something transparent
43:41
I used my friend face was, it was very expensive and I used all
43:48
And for me, I know that that was annoying.
43:51
So I'm going to replace it without you even having to ask.
43:53
That's the kind of friend that I am.
43:55
I will replace your luxury moisturizer for you.
44:04
You should feel that same way.
44:06
But there's people and I'm not gonna just replace it like everything
44:12
I'm always like, I'm just a giver.
44:14
Like I'm saying like a thief like this is just like, first of
44:20
all I asked him, I could use it.
44:21
I didn't know it was really expensive.
44:22
I was like, damn like I didn't know that shit was a 63 when I found
44:25
out I was like, you know what?
44:27
But I'm saying that there are a lot of people that will take
44:29
from you and they won't even replenish.
44:33
I feel like that's how you feel when you leave a hangout.
44:38
Now when you leave a hangout, you either feel depleted or you
44:43
feel like damn, that was so funny.
44:44
I can't wait to come back.
44:46
You guys, you know when you text your friends after like I love
44:49
Thank you for having me over.
44:51
That's when you know that you're with the right people when
44:53
you leave and you're thinking like damn, that sucks that you
44:56
feel like you have to pretend to be somebody.
44:59
I think there's a problem.
45:00
A lot of us in this chat today are very, we're grown.
45:04
We've gone through a lot of heartbreak, whatever.
45:06
So now we have discernment but there are a lot of people out
45:09
there that don't have that and they're stuck in friendships
45:12
that they have to pretend to keep up.
45:16
I know, but it's not our reality, but they're telling you you
45:19
have a chance to get out.
45:21
But for example, if you grew up in a very rich society, right
45:25
you feel like you have to follow these rules.
45:28
Every group has a social rule.
45:30
Like a weird thing is a theory thing.
45:32
I also studied that in college.
45:33
But it's true though because think about it, every single
45:38
operates on a different wavelength.
45:40
So if you and your friends don't align on the same thing, look
45:42
they're either gonna bring you down and you're gonna have
45:44
to go down to the little their level or you're gonna have to
45:46
elevate and I would prefer to be around people that are elevated
45:49
and are more like they're clear with their mental thought
45:52
They actually have emotional intelligence as opposed to
45:54
people that just because people can genuinely you down.
45:57
I don't think you analyze every single person that's in your
46:00
friend group and I get it.
46:02
There's friends that you've been friends with for forever
46:05
But if there are people that are weighing you down, sometimes
46:07
a little bit of space is not a bad thing, especially if you're
46:10
like, you know what, I'm tired of the same bullshit.
46:12
I don't want to get drunk every weekend or like, I don't want
46:13
to do this every weekend or I want to different things.
46:16
You have to find friends that also want, that it becomes black
46:18
and white when you see somebody who doesn't evolve with you
46:21
emotionally or spiritually, for me, the biggest thing is
46:24
If you don't have the evolution in spirituality, for me, it
46:27
could be whatever, it could be believing in God, it could be
46:29
nature resting, whatever, then for me, we cannot connect
46:33
because I'm vibing operating to, you know what my friend asked
46:38
I had made a new friend and she's like, so my other friend is
46:41
very like, super smart.
46:42
She's like, what do you and this other person connect on?
46:44
And I've had to like that every time I go into a friendship,
46:46
like, what are we connecting on?
46:48
Are we on the parties?
46:51
We need to have a reason why we're connecting and like you were
46:54
saying, you have to evaluate what that is.
46:56
But for me, when I kick it with my cousins, like those are my
46:59
home, unconditioned are my best friends.
47:03
They're still your homies.
47:04
It's not like you, you're not talking about family stuff,
47:07
you're just kicking it with no rule.
47:09
I would say that's a real, those are my best friends.
47:13
I feel like I don't have a lot of, I do have girlfriends but when
47:16
I think about my closest friends is always my cousin, we'll
47:20
do a girls night, we'll talk shit.
47:23
What do you think the biggest difference between you?
47:26
There's just no judgment.
47:27
I will take my cousins.
47:29
I take you unconditionally.
47:30
We've been through everything together.
47:32
Those are my bitches for life but other people like it's just
47:36
I don't know, people be annoying with the person that you
47:39
meet on the street or whatever.
47:40
How do you become uncomfort need to be friends with everybody
47:43
But the friends that you do have, I think it's showing up if
47:46
they show up for me and I show up for them and it's consistent
47:49
and it's like you, you have to build it.
47:51
It takes time, it takes effort.
47:53
You know, sometimes I feel myself meeting someone and being
47:57
Away and I let them in right away.
47:59
And I'm like, yes, this person has great intentions for me
48:02
come to find they don't.
48:06
I want to say I'm close now.
48:08
I'm like, you know what, I'm not jumping into any friendship
48:10
and I'm not going to assume you're this great person just because
48:12
I've known you for a month and you've shown me that both of us
48:21
I'm thinking of one girl in particular who I had already mentioned
48:24
I was like, whoa, I really genuinely was going to be a writer
48:28
I couldn't wait to keep making memories with this girl and
48:31
then she was just conniving behind shady.
48:35
I mean, my other friend was like, Jess, this girl is literally
48:37
doing character assassinating.
48:38
I don't know what this girl has come to find.
48:41
This girl had been wanting to meet me for the Yolanda, whatever
48:46
What's her last name?
48:49
There are some Yolanda Saldivar out there.
48:52
They want your life.
48:53
I'm like, what did I do to you?
48:54
Why is your actual best friend?
48:56
Like why is she your best friend?
48:58
Why do you love her?
48:59
That's a good question.
49:00
Why do you choose her out of all the best friends that you've
49:03
I have like two of them for sure.
49:05
It's because they show up for me unconditionally.
49:07
They don't judge me.
49:09
They want to build like they're super fun to go out with.
49:11
But also I could sit there on a couch and cry with them and be
49:13
like, dude, my life is falling apart or it feels like my life
49:17
And I have one that's a little bit more like I understand where
49:20
you're coming from and she's definitely that like comfort
49:23
you know, blanket for me.
49:25
Now there's the other one that's a little bit more like, what
49:27
She wants to shake me and I love having both of them because
49:30
sometimes I just need you to just not judge me and then sometimes
49:33
I need you to judge me.
49:35
You know what it is when someone holds you, I need to be.
49:40
It's like this person is not a yes person, but it's like I accept
49:43
you and all the stupidity.
49:44
But this, I got to let you know I love you and I feel like you're
49:47
going the wrong right path.
49:49
It's someone that whenever you have something in your face
49:51
they just pull it off.
49:51
Like come over here.
49:53
Are you guys not friend?
49:54
Are you guys honest or are you a little bit more like I'm way
49:59
I want you to be your best self and I will tell it how it is even
50:02
if it hurts because that's the only way to learn.
50:07
You think it depends when I say it depends like if I don't really
50:11
know you that well, I'm going to tell you got something in your
50:13
teeth, but I'm not going to be up in your face.
50:14
So I think it's a level of rapport of like I have to be really
50:18
close to you to tell you how I really not everyone is ready to
50:23
If you're just like, yo, I just met you and I'm going to tell
50:25
you the boyfriend you're dating is dumb.
50:27
I don't even know you like that, right?
50:28
But it's like if we agree with that, if we have a relationship
50:31
I'm not going to tell you that you should not be friends with
50:34
I'm like, I don't think she's your friend.
50:35
But if we're super close, I would tell you you to cut that bitch
50:37
off immediately is levels.
50:38
So I also think it comes down to delivery because some people
50:42
receive information brutal like to the point like what are
50:46
Like B ABC and D and then other people need to be cuddled a little
50:49
And I do recognize that in my friends and some friends, I'm
50:52
a little bit more direct with because I know that's how they
50:54
receive information, other friends, I'm like, you know what
50:56
let me just kind of softly break it to you because you want
50:59
them to receive the information and be open to it.
51:01
Not everybody is going to take information the same way.
51:04
So, have you ever had to set boundaries with friends that have
51:06
kept it really real with you?
51:07
Because you're like, I can't, I don't, I can't handle that
51:11
I was raised, I think if you're really good friends, you wouldn't
51:14
feel weird about setting a boundary.
51:16
I think if you're that close, I'd be like, yo, bitch, you got
51:19
That's how I can't remember.
51:22
That's how we have today.
51:25
Actually the other day, um like I said, I've been best friends
51:28
with my friend for like we're about to go on five years and the
51:31
other day we were both drinking and I was like, we came up with
51:36
I'm like, I love you so much that you never get on my nerves.
51:38
You're like a balloon.
51:39
It gets big, but then it explodes.
51:42
I'll never be too angry at you.
51:43
We have a metaphor for, it's like you get on my nerves.
51:46
We say balloon around each other because sometimes your friends
51:49
are annoying like this is what life is.
51:52
Yeah, I'm like, yo, you bitch ballooned today.
51:56
But it's a metaphor for, I love you so much that you truly cannot
52:00
But right now in this moment, I'm a little irritated.
52:02
I really also think that I noticed this ra nationality makes
52:07
a difference for my Caucasian friends and my Latino friends
52:11
And like, I mean, it's night and day because with my Latino
52:14
friends, I, we already have an understanding of how kind of
52:17
like our lifestyle is.
52:18
Like, our parents would be like, it's just different.
52:20
It's almost like the barrier is completely gone and we could
52:23
be really real with each other, I think.
52:25
But because it's because I never had, I always have caucasian
52:27
friends and so we had to, we live in two different worlds.
52:30
Like my mom is very different than a lot of their mom.
52:32
You know what I mean?
52:32
So, I don't know, I have a friend that's caucasian and sometimes
52:35
she gets on my nerves and I wonder, is it because she's white
52:37
or it's because she's an Aries?
52:38
And I really think it's because she's an Aries because she's
52:41
very unorganized and I'm very structured and I had, I had to
52:44
learn, like, when I tell myself, like, if I want to keep someone
52:47
in my life, I have to accept them unconditionally.
52:49
So I'm like, I just accept everything.
52:51
And I also created a metaphor where I'm talking about Malone
52:54
I'm being easily annoyed.
52:56
Sorry, I should tell that to give friendships when you really
52:59
love somebody like your best friend.
53:01
They could really, like the times I felt most bad about myself
53:05
is when I've hurt one of my girlfriends, you know, like, even
53:07
if it was like, I didn't mean to do it.
53:12
Just, like, for example, recently, one of my friends, she
53:16
really likes this guy and I know in my heart he's not for her
53:19
and like, she wasn't ready to let him go or hear that.
53:23
But the way that I would approach it, I had a couple of drinks
53:25
and I was like, she was leaving our dinner to go see him again
53:28
and I was like, are you seriously going to see him again?
53:31
Like, stop, you got to let your friends.
53:33
They're not talking anymore.
53:34
But what I'm saying is like, she hit me up later and was like
53:37
a whole paragraph being like, hey, I really didn't like the
53:40
way that you, that you approach that situation.
53:42
Like I understand that you think this but that's not, it's
53:44
not your business and this is my life and my evolution and all
53:46
this stuff and my ego was like, I love you and I know you and I
53:51
But then my maturity was like, you're right, I'm sorry for
53:55
being that way and I'm not gonna do that.
53:56
I'm not going to push my agenda on somebody else.
53:59
So a lot of my friendships I have helped me become a better person
54:02
in like the worst moments or like, you know, with little things
54:04
that happen, you again, it's like delivery and time when you
54:07
go home after these fights, you sit and you're like, you feel
54:09
bad, that's all of yourself.
54:11
You're like, why did I do that friend.
54:14
So that has helped me evolve a lot as a person and being able
54:18
to not take things personally or realize that just because
54:20
they're, your best friend doesn't mean that you have authority
54:22
over anything that you are.
54:23
You know what I mean?
54:24
I know we're about to wrap up.
54:25
But I actually went through the reason why I'm so sheltered
54:29
is because I went through a friendship breakup where my friend
54:31
was in a domestic violence situation.
54:33
But I was there for years and that the last time I was like, if
54:37
you go back to him, I'm really cutting you off and that's why
54:41
I'm not trying to say I'm a bad friend, but I, I just couldn't
54:45
I'm like, am I going to keep enabling this?
54:46
And then something happened later and she apologized, but
54:49
sometimes you have to let your friends live there as much as
54:53
you want to be there for them.
54:55
They have to go through their own.
54:56
All you can do is just be there for them.
54:58
So that's the real reason why me and my friend broke up.
55:00
I didn't want to say that but I've been in relationships where
55:02
it was super toxic and my friends are like, again, like you're
55:07
again, again judging you and then you feel because me being
55:10
on that end of things, it would be to the point where I couldn't
55:12
even, I didn't even want to tell my friends because it was so
55:15
Have you ever been through non relationship where you couldn't
55:18
even tell your friends you're back with them because you're
55:20
like, this is so embarrassing.
55:21
I tell people my parents anything negative about who I'm dating
55:25
I think they, they won't ever forget the bad things you say
55:30
I don't tell my mom of the bad stuff.
55:33
And if you want me, to be honest, I've recently, I haven't even
55:37
If I start talking to a guy, I don't even say for the most part
55:40
I try to keep it as private as I can because this day and age
55:43
you know, you talk to someone and then it happens and then
55:45
it doesn't, and it's just like, unless it's real deal, then
55:48
But also in relationships, I think it's so good to keep things
55:52
in that relationship because the only thing you tell your
55:55
friends for the most part is like, oh, he did this or he annoyed
55:58
So then what it paints a really negative image of this guy and
56:02
your friends don't see all the beautiful, also, great things
56:05
So, I don't know, has keeping your relationship private,
56:08
served you in any way or served the relationship the better
56:14
Unless he's going crazy.
56:16
Unless it's like, ok, you're desperate need of like, you know
56:18
I just need a second opinion or a third opinion, whatever controlling
56:21
you, then you got to speak up.
56:22
But the little nuances in your relationship, I think that
56:27
I have to boast or promote because it's like, you know, God
56:30
knows, they know and that's enough if you have to overextend
56:34
yourself and say things and brag and that means that it's not
56:37
enough that you have to have validation for other people to
56:40
hear that it's enough.
56:41
You know what I mean?
56:44
I just feel like we need more than an hour because when we could
56:46
talk about friendships forever, we're going to have women
56:49
And I think at the end of the day, it's really important to have
56:53
Like it's really important.
56:54
That's how we evolve.
56:55
I think relationships is like what sharpened us and polishes
56:58
us in bad ways and good ways so we can talk about and if you like
57:02
to talk about it, please listen and like and subscribe to the
57:05
channel and give us a rating and drop a comment if you want here
57:08
Um I wanna know what they want to talk, drop all the comments
57:10
anything you want us to talk about.
57:12
Let's drop them in the comments.
57:13
We talk about anything.
57:14
We are your sisters, what you agree with, what you don't agree
57:17
with your crazy friends stories.
57:19
Maybe we can even read them next episode.
57:20
Let us know, let us know and then we'll see you on the next episode
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