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My Best Friend Slept with my Boyfriend

Girl, Let Me Tell You
The spotlight shines on the complexities of friendships as the girls delve into the intricacies of their relationships and explore friendship dynamics, red flags, and setting boundaries.
Show transcript
00:00
So when you leave a hangout at the old, now, when you leave a
00:06
hangout, you either could feel depleted or you feel like,
00:09
damn.
00:09
That was so funny.
00:10
I can't wait to come back.
00:11
You guys, you know, when you text your friends after like,
00:13
I love you guys so much.
00:14
Thank you for having me over.
00:16
That's when you know that you're with the right people.
00:23
What's up?
00:24
What's up?
00:24
What's up?
00:24
Welcome to another episode of Girl.
00:26
Let me tell you, I'm Yvonne Rojas, I'm Jessica Flores and I'm
00:31
Loreli.
00:32
So, what's up guys?
00:33
What's going down?
00:34
Wait really quick.
00:35
How are you guys liking doing this podcast so far?
00:37
I'm learning a lot about myself and about you ladies and about
00:41
our friendship.
00:41
We're developing our friendship, which is what I think we're
00:43
talking about today, right?
00:45
How do you know you found the one as a friend?
00:48
To be honest when it comes to even, especially when you're
00:50
an adult.
00:51
When it comes to actually making friends, it is an investment
00:54
It is like you are dating that person and then they start seeing
00:57
red flags in those friends sometimes.
00:59
And you're like, I don't really like that or I don't really
01:01
like how you're drunk or?
01:02
I don't really, like, I don't know the advice you give me things
01:04
like that.
01:04
What's a red flag?
01:06
What's a non on Jessica's List for friendships?
01:09
Like, if there's a girl and this actually happened to me recently
01:12
that she's just sitting there talking, like, really poorly
01:16
about other people when they're in the room.
01:17
But then when you see them around them, they're just like,
01:20
they seem so happy.
01:21
They seem so like into them, like they're their friends, but
01:23
they're actually, like, conniving behind their back.
01:25
Honestly, the way people talk about other people when they're
01:27
not in the room, that's the way they talk about.
01:30
I always say whoever gossips to you gossips about you.
01:33
Yeah, 100% go real minimum.
01:35
It's weird too as you get old, like, when you're younger you
01:37
kind of get you, you, you make friends through school sports
01:40
and then you get older, you kinda get to, like, choose who you
01:43
can be homies with.
01:44
And actually recently I, um, made friends kind of on Instagram
01:49
with somebody, like a few years back, a girl.
01:51
And we were, she's slitting her DM in my DS.
01:55
We were getting to know each other because of her nationality
01:57
was cool.
01:58
And we became friends quickly.
02:00
She invited me to some games and I was like, oh, she's cool.
02:03
But I've never had a random girl.
02:05
I don't like, I don't like that at all.
02:08
No, I'm sorry, finish your story.
02:11
So she was going through a breakup and I had just gone through
02:13
and so I was kind of like helping her friend to friend, woman
02:15
to woman.
02:16
And she was like, you know, like how I am because I went to an
02:18
all girls school.
02:19
I only have sisters, like, I'm a friend and I'm a girls, girls
02:23
friend.
02:23
Like I don't talk behind girls like I don't do that stuff.
02:26
Like I keep it real 100%.
02:27
That's just how I was raised.
02:28
You know what I mean?
02:29
So with this girl, I was like, ok, well, I don't know where she
02:31
came from but I'm gonna help as much as I can.
02:33
And then it developed into something like she took me, she
02:36
bought me a flight to uh an island.
02:38
She bought, she bought your flight for her birthday.
02:40
I actually paid for, this is your girl, my friend for their
02:43
birth.
02:44
I know, I know I always have to purchase my own.
02:47
This is, that was like the first red flag.
02:49
I was like, whoa, you got me a ticket?
02:50
She went, yeah, she like you can pay me that.
02:54
It was like she gets for my birthday.
02:55
Um All my friends are coming and I was like army.
02:57
I was like, fine, let's go.
02:59
I'm down and then I get there and like I realize that every friend
03:03
is like from a different place, like no one knows each other
03:06
So we're all like, it's kind of like white Lotus.
03:08
We're given real Housewives.
03:09
Like, like how do you know her?
03:12
And little by little?
03:12
Like, I, I, you know, it's different when you start living
03:14
with somebody for a week.
03:15
Like things go down.
03:16
I remember like, I, I was like, I wanna go to Jacuzzi and she
03:19
it was like, no, you can't.
03:20
It's my birthday.
03:21
We're doing what we're on.
03:21
And I was like, wait, am I like in fifth grade?
03:24
But I started seeing that every other girl was following every
03:28
step of the way she was saying, I think you joined the cult,
03:33
unknowingly joined her call.
03:35
I was like, hold up, hold up guys.
03:36
Like I'm not gonna do this.
03:37
I'm not, I'm not gonna do that just because it's your birthday
03:39
doesn't mean that we have to follow the master leader.
03:42
And I realized like everyone was quiet.
03:44
And so I was like, wow, I'm not in a, in like a right vibe, right
03:49
Friend's location.
03:49
So I kind of stood my ground, kept quiet on the flight back.
03:54
I was like, this is not my friend.
03:55
She is like it was came home unfollowed.
03:59
Never talked again, never talked again to this woman after
04:02
I spent a whole year helping all this stuff.
04:04
There's so much to unpack here.
04:07
There's just one I, I feel like Instagram friendships.
04:11
I don't do that.
04:12
If I didn't know you in real life.
04:14
I'm not going to just, and I think now the friendship is changing
04:17
now where people, if they're a fan of yours, I want to be your
04:20
friend.
04:20
I'm going to hit you up and I'm going to actually be your friend
04:22
versus before it was like you met people in real life.
04:25
I had someone, you know, I do stand up so I had some stand up is
04:28
weird where everyone's kind of like your friend a little bit
04:30
So she slid into my D MS and I started noticing that she would
04:33
watch everything I do and hit me up whenever I had an announcement
04:36
Does that make sense?
04:37
It's like, oh, I'm shooting a podcast.
04:39
Hey, girl, what are you doing today?
04:41
I just posted five minutes ago.
04:43
You get what I'm saying?
04:44
It's ok.
04:45
I know exactly what you mean.
04:47
I know.
04:47
You know what I'm doing today.
04:49
You just saw, I posted this with friends at our age.
04:52
You meet somebody and the energy is like, you either know what's
04:55
up or you don't like my mom is, my mom doesn't trust like my mom
05:00
doesn't, my best friend's moms.
05:01
Like, she's not your friend.
05:02
I'm like, what do you mean?
05:05
She just, she just, if somebody does something me wrong.
05:08
Even if we're like 1617, she's like, that's not your friend
05:11
You would never do that.
05:12
I'm like, iii, I know mom but you forgive and you grow up and
05:16
she's like, no, no, no.
05:17
I mean, no, I'm like mom maybe because she has her own issues
05:20
to go on.
05:20
But she's really, like, intuitive about people that know
05:24
What's yours?
05:24
What's your mom's sign?
05:25
She's Sagittarius.
05:27
But what I realized is that no one's going to be the friend that
05:30
you are to them.
05:32
Like, like I was expecting I would ride or die for my friends
05:34
They hit me up at four in the morning.
05:36
I need your help.
05:37
I will be there.
05:38
They know they can call me.
05:39
I don't know if I could if I want to see a lot of people.
05:42
I know there's a few of course, but like who can you hit up at
05:45
like three or four in the morning and be like, can you please
05:47
pick me on my tire slash?
05:48
What would you like?
05:49
I feel like when you're younger you go through a phase where
05:51
you feel like the more friends you have, the happier you're
05:54
going to be the older you get.
05:55
You realize it is just extra work, it's just extra baggage
05:59
you're dealing with so many different personalities.
06:00
We don't have the time we have kids, we have billions.
06:03
We have a, we have so much money.
06:06
Do I have?
06:07
Well, I don't have a kid but you know what I mean?
06:09
She, she want, she wants kids everybody when a kid.
06:18
But in, you know, adults have kids, you know, for the other
06:22
women, other women and men, I, you're saying?
06:25
But it's tough.
06:26
So, you know, you start to go from this mentality of, oh, I just
06:28
want, like a sea of friends too.
06:30
I want a solid group of people that I can come to for anything
06:34
and that's it.
06:34
And that's peaceful.
06:35
I have a lot of acquaintances.
06:36
I have a lot of people that if you need a favor, you know, I got
06:39
you.
06:39
It's very peaceful and very nice.
06:41
But I don't let a lot of people in, in because I've been hurt
06:44
before, like, so hard.
06:46
I remember the first time a girl broke my heart was, it was my
06:49
first boyfriend, like real boyfriend.
06:52
I mean, like I lost my virginity to this person.
06:54
Like, yeah, this was actually like borderline, sophomore
06:57
year in college and I remember it was my best friend of 15 years
07:03
Ok, 15 years.
07:04
This was my ride or die.
07:06
And it's crazy to me because even thinking about it now, I still
07:09
feel some type of way about it because she had a full blown affair
07:12
with him for a month and a half.
07:14
No, no, no, no, no, we need to unpack while you were dating him
07:19
Like a, like a full on.
07:20
I mean, cheating with in his phone.
07:23
I remember seeing like text messages of her um saying, hey
07:27
I know you're with Jess right now, but just so, you know, my
07:29
parents aren't here right now you can come over after she was
07:31
like, you didn't know it was.
07:33
No, I knew it was her because every time we'd hang out they would
07:36
she would pop up on his phone and I'm like, why I was going to
07:39
say her name?
07:40
Ok.
07:41
Well, just say her name.
07:42
And where, where did you guys become friends?
07:45
We met when we were 10 on a soccer team.
07:48
We played soccer growing up.
07:50
I mean, that's not Ivana's mom.
07:51
That's not, that's not your friends like that who needs enemies
07:55
but you just never think they'll do that to you.
07:59
And that's the first time I feel like I was like, OK, did you
08:02
follow girls?
08:02
No, I didnt see anything.
08:05
She didn't even apologize.
08:06
I remember when I reached out to her because I was like, God
08:08
what do I do?
08:08
I'm carrying so much anger her and then something was just
08:12
like, just tell her you forgive her even though she hasn't
08:13
really fully apologized.
08:14
So I'm like, honestly, she's like your man.
08:17
I know multiple times.
08:19
I know she owes you an apology.
08:21
I mean, right now so long ago she did apologize like years later
08:25
I believe or something.
08:26
But I've obviously, oh wait, wait, what was his nationality
08:30
He was like Mexican but not, he's like 3rd, 4th generation
08:35
It was Latino man who cheated on you with your friend.
08:38
That's what they say.
08:39
Don't date Latino men.
08:40
But that was my first awakening, you don't date Latino men
08:46
Honestly, it's a rude awakening.
08:48
No, no, no.
08:50
So you never spoke to this girl after she slept with your man
08:53
I think we spoke once or twice since then.
08:55
It's been years though.
08:56
It's been OK.
08:57
So how do you feel about how do you feel about your friends staying
09:00
friends with your ex after they meet your boyfriend through
09:05
you and you break up?
09:06
Then they still hang out.
09:08
Kick it, follow each other.
09:09
Do you feel that?
09:09
That's cool.
09:10
Ok.
09:10
Kick it.
09:11
No, if they follow each other it doesn't hurt me as much.
09:15
I saw some of my friends that follow my ex.
09:16
I'm like, it is what it is.
09:18
But kick it, let me ask a question.
09:21
Never, never, never.
09:23
I would never kick it with one of my friends.
09:25
I want to ask a question because I'm still getting to know everybody
09:28
I get a new boyfriend, y'all following him or y'all not following
09:31
Absolutely not.
09:32
I don't do that.
09:33
I'm very like when it comes to my friends and boyfriends, anything
09:36
like that, I don't mess.
09:37
It's none of my business.
09:39
That's my friend.
09:40
I'm friends with you.
09:41
I'm not friends with him, my friend.
09:42
And if he wants to be my friend, I actually think it's weird
09:44
when my friend's boyfriends follow me.
09:47
I'm like, for what?
09:48
Like, because I've been posting my bikini picture.
09:50
It made me really uncomfortable.
09:51
Well, I haven't posted a bikini picture in a long time.
09:53
But this summer I will wait.
09:55
Ok.
09:55
So would you, would you get, for instance, if you got a new guy
09:58
and we followed him because we all hang out all the time and
10:01
obviously we're always around you.
10:03
Would it hurt you?
10:04
It, it's weird.
10:04
I was my best friend.
10:06
She was with her man for a few years.
10:07
I never followed him.
10:08
I never followed him online.
10:09
We never followed each other.
10:10
I'm like, there's no reason for us to have each other's information
10:13
unless you're planning a surprise party for me.
10:16
Are you to have your boyfriend go with you guys with all your
10:20
French stuff though?
10:22
Did you invite your boyfriend your significant other to all
10:25
the stuff with your friends?
10:26
We do.
10:27
I don't, but I'm very like, I'm not going to lie when I do have
10:31
because I do have that insecurity from my I would be in for.
10:36
So you like you have another eye on your friends and you have
10:39
an eye on him and I know my friends would never do that.
10:42
But I said that about that other girl too.
10:44
But this time I'm like, I know my friends wouldn't do that to
10:47
me.
10:48
Its given we need to, we need to get that you don't want to go
10:52
to because if you don't fix that, you're going to be feeling
10:55
that way.
10:56
Imagine if he meets Gloria, he's being hooked.
11:00
Why you dragged me one joke and it's a rat.
11:08
We're not going to have any podcast.
11:10
We got to hear your man meets me.
11:11
He's going to leave you.
11:13
We're not building Ivana, we're not building.
11:16
I'm like what?
11:16
She just gave us her vulnerable moments like, yeah, she's
11:19
got to take your man.
11:20
Either of us are going to take your man.
11:21
No, we need clarification because I am going deaf.
11:24
I'm about to be 47 years.
11:26
So you hang out with your man and your friends all the time.
11:30
Yeah, I'll have them around because I want to like integrating
11:34
my partner into my life to be.
11:37
Can I say something?
11:38
I have to say, I hate when my friends bring their men into me
11:43
leave him.
11:48
There's a time and place for a boy to be with the people.
11:50
If it's all girls, let us be OK.
11:52
Well, yeah, if it's like an all girls trip, ok, if it's an all
11:57
girls thing, obviously, but if it's like, ok, we're all going
11:59
to go on a I don't know, like to dinner to lunch, we're going
12:02
to dinner and your man's there.
12:04
He don't need to be there.
12:04
He does not.
12:06
I realize I always proud of my friends, my girlfriends, my
12:10
man, maybe because I haven't fallen in love like that yet.
12:13
But any time my friend, I'm like, no, I got to go out with my friends
12:15
I'm starting to learn.
12:16
Is that the fun is really with the girls.
12:18
The man is there for accessories and to pay the bills.
12:22
Really, I'm just saying that I don't want to get dragged, but
12:24
it really is the moments that I have the most fun in my life is
12:27
with my girl.
12:28
Your soul, men are always, it's going to disappoint you.
12:31
No, that's not true.
12:32
Not all they are.
12:33
Put that on the T shirt.
12:34
We kind of broke up over the weird vibes in Vegas.
12:37
They got a little bit more complicated because then it says
12:39
how she's viewing you.
12:41
I'm like, bitch, I've been your friend forever.
12:43
You think I'm going to take $200 from you.
12:45
Roll back the tape.
12:47
I don't want to bring it back to men.
12:48
But have you never not been disappointed by a man?
12:50
Think about your worst disappoint ever.
12:52
It's always been a man.
12:53
Always matter why your friends are so important.
12:56
I've been disappointed by men, but I've also been so disappointed
12:59
by women.
13:02
Talk to me about that.
13:05
You strike one.
13:06
Your friend slept with your man.
13:07
What was the other one getting disappointed by your girls
13:11
or just?
13:12
OK.
13:12
So what hurts more?
13:13
The hardest breakup I ever went with was that one?
13:16
Not so much because of him.
13:18
It was because I was breaking up with my friend of 15 years since
13:23
I was little.
13:23
We went through the trenches together, you know, the middle
13:26
school, the high school era, everything we had each other's
13:29
back or is it a rap?
13:33
No, no, no.
13:34
It's a rap.
13:34
Like, it's been a rap since then.
13:36
I unfollowed her and all, and all this stuff like a, a while
13:40
after she, like, really apologized and she was like, you know
13:42
when I was younger, like, that was so messed up and I was like
13:45
it's cool.
13:45
Like I had already, you have to let it go in order to heal and
13:48
move on.
13:49
I can't hold on to it.
13:50
But it's still like, I still think about it and I'm like, dang
13:52
that really hurt.
13:53
That was because of her.
13:55
I also think that she isn't a best friend if that's the case
13:58
Like I've had a best and I've been best friends since I was five
14:01
years old.
14:02
In kindergarten.
14:02
We met and we in our thirties.
14:05
Yeah.
14:05
And we're still best friends but we've had major falling outs
14:08
like heartbreak letters written to each other, you know,
14:12
like not talking for months, like generation but we grew together
14:17
So it was like moments when you learn.
14:19
Do you feel obligated to stay with her friends?
14:21
No, no, no, no.
14:23
She's like my sister.
14:24
You know what I mean?
14:25
But that's why, you know, because there's so much history
14:28
your friends as well for a long time.
14:30
You feel when you love somebody and you're friends with somebody
14:33
you have to work for it, you have to work for it, you know.
14:35
What I mean?
14:36
And I think as an adult also because now sometimes you're like
14:40
ok, I'm going to give it a go with this girl and I'm going to
14:41
try it out.
14:42
I did that last year with this girl, that sweetest, cutest
14:45
funniest person ever.
14:46
But then every time we would talk on the phone, she would just
14:49
be sitting there bad mouth everybody in her circle, but a bad
14:53
character.
14:54
Yeah.
14:54
So then I would be like, ok, I don't think she's doing it to me
14:57
But anyway, she come to find she was and she, after I found that
15:00
out, I block deleted back in the day.
15:02
It was harder for me to delete people out of my life.
15:04
I had a weird like, you know what, maybe they're going to change
15:08
type of thing.
15:08
Now it's like everybody on girls trips.
15:14
How do you feel about girls trips?
15:16
I have to be your best friend to go on a girls trip with you because
15:21
yes, because I hate that you get to know people when you're
15:24
traveling.
15:24
I don't want to be like, don't wake me up in the morning.
15:27
We all have our own little travel rules and if they don't align
15:30
we're going to fight and I'm not a burdensome person but people
15:34
like to do like that girl.
15:35
She wanted to have a birthday dinner and everyone has to be
15:37
and you wanted to go to a jacuzzi.
15:38
I'm an adult and I'm going to do whatever I want.
15:41
Please go do whatever you want and we can regroup at the end
15:44
for lunch or dinner.
15:46
Just a nice little regroup.
15:48
I can, I get really hesitant to go right now as a comic, I do have
15:52
to travel sometimes with people and even that I'm very selective
15:55
about who I do partnerships with because I don't want to end
15:57
up with someone that gets on my nerves.
15:59
We will not be friends.
16:00
We will not be like, I just can't, I just can't.
16:03
Is it me?
16:04
Am I not in New York?
16:05
No.
16:05
And I think that also comes with maturity, you're just like
16:08
OK, I'm not going to, it's because our energy now is so valuable
16:11
I'm sure anybody in this room can relate.
16:13
It's like I'm not putting myself in a situation where I feel
16:17
drained of my, I feel uncomfortable, especially a trip, you
16:20
know, yourself.
16:21
Like I'm very moody.
16:22
I'm like, I don't want to also burden some.
16:24
I'm going to be a Debbie.
16:26
I'm so different.
16:27
Like I go with the flow on girls trips.
16:28
I'm like, I was like, OK, I'm going to go with the flow.
16:31
I'm going to be because it's like we all have to go with the flow
16:34
to make it the best.
16:35
You know what I mean?
16:36
Raise me.
16:36
Well, if it's someone's birthday and it's like a we sure whatever
16:41
they be going on weddings and have all these activities.
16:43
Like there was like a workout activity.
16:45
Like I get it.
16:46
If you like yoga when everybody's over, don't invite me to
16:52
work out on a trip.
16:53
I'm not going to work out on a trip.
16:55
I'm just, y'all be working out.
16:57
See, that's the, but I'm not going to force it on you.
17:03
I'm going to be like, do you want to go on a run?
17:04
And if you decline, I'm not going to force you to work on and
17:07
they judge you the whole time like this bitch don't even work
17:09
out and you're like, you're still in bed and shit like that
17:14
will piss me off.
17:15
I'm on vacation now.
17:16
But do you guys have like that friend who like I have the friend
17:19
who plans everything.
17:20
We're 80, we're doing this 10, we're doing, I'm a project manager
17:24
I'm a project manager.
17:25
I love the project manager.
17:26
Shout out o in my friend group.
17:28
She has an Excel sheet of expenses.
17:31
Everybody needs a cent because people be trying to play you
17:34
on trips like, oh I have you.
17:36
No bitch that on me right now.
17:38
But I, I got to think about it.
17:41
I've also been traumatized so that I'm not just being a, I'm
17:44
I've just been traumatized so many times.
17:47
Like I've just been traumatized in what sense we friends with
17:50
girls, my best friend from high school, we broke up in Las Vegas
17:55
We tell us about that.
17:57
I mean, it's kind of messy, long story short.
18:02
Cliff.
18:02
Ok.
18:02
I'll give you the cliff nose.
18:04
I don't know.
18:04
I'm going to tell the story really well.
18:05
But, you know, when you're in Vegas, people are gambling and
18:07
that's the other thing, everyone reacts to things very differently
18:10
So I know that when I gamble I'm going to probably lose money
18:13
She had lost $200 in the room and she didn't know who took it
18:17
So it was me and her and, and then $200 went missing and she accused
18:22
me of taking her money.
18:23
I'm like, yo, I've been your friend.
18:24
You think I would sit here and take $200.
18:26
I'm like, I can give you $200 now.
18:28
So we kind of broke up over the weird vibes in Vegas.
18:32
They got a little bit more complicated because then it says
18:34
how she's viewing you.
18:35
It's like, I'm like, bitch, I've been your friend forever
18:37
Like you think I'm going to take $200 from you.
18:40
Roll back the tape, you know, roll back the tape tape.
18:44
So I, I ended up breaking up with her.
18:46
We had also been roommates.
18:48
I think it was such a long time.
18:49
It was early in my twenties.
18:50
We had been roommates, I think after that trip and it was just
18:53
like we just, we just didn't work out as friends.
18:55
Did you unfollow her and everything?
18:57
It's around?
18:58
Yeah, I follow her now.
19:00
Is there some people that you just follow for engagement so
19:02
you can get likes on your thing like you so you like no, we wait
19:07
Did you have to fly back with her?
19:09
Yeah, I can, you know what?
19:10
I don't remember all the details of the trip but I just know
19:12
that she, she was just really annoying and anal and that was
19:15
really annoying to me and it's like she always felt like she
19:17
was better than everybody.
19:19
I'm like, bitch, I'm your best friend.
19:20
Don't be, try to play with me.
19:20
But she was one of those friends that I had from high school
19:22
that you have a dynamic where they're kind of like the leader
19:26
and I'm just like, so I was like, we just had to break up eventually
19:29
Yeah.
19:29
Is that hard to break out?
19:30
I know in high school everybody has kind of the rule, right
19:33
One's a leader.
19:34
One's the jokester.
19:36
One's the one that's inner feelings.
19:39
What were you guys?
19:40
Oh my God.
19:42
I was like right now or in high school in high school then it
19:44
does it continue now.
19:46
I was a class clown but I was like an A P bio class clown.
19:49
So the bitch.
19:50
So you were really like, I was a everybody else, everybody
19:53
was smart but I was like, what is an organism?
19:56
Is it an orgasm kind of?
19:59
But it's a PB I, I've always been like a clown, you know, even
20:03
though.
20:03
I know that people think I look bitchy, you do give a little
20:07
rest but you're not, I'm very like, I'll adapt to whatever
20:11
you guys want to do.
20:12
I'll just adapt to that energy.
20:13
Right?
20:14
But I've always been that friend, but sometimes people take
20:16
advantage of that energy and they start trying to tell you
20:19
what to do.
20:19
And I was like, are you like the kind of girl that stands up for
20:21
your friends in a fight or one thing about me?
20:24
You're not going to talk about it about my friends one time
20:26
I had some guy DM me and say something crazy about one of my comedy
20:29
friends.
20:29
I'm like, don't talk about it.
20:30
I will fight you.
20:32
You didn't feel comfortable saying something about my friends
20:34
in front of me.
20:35
No, that's not good.
20:37
Somebody talks about if somebody is sitting here talking
20:39
about my friend to me, it's like, why do you even feel comfortable
20:41
telling me?
20:42
I will fight?
20:42
You don't talk about my friends.
20:44
But do you guys ever vent with your girlfriends about another
20:47
girl in the girlfriend group though?
20:49
I've done it.
20:51
I probably done with that.
20:53
Now.
20:54
That's the problem with group chats.
20:56
It's, that's why I don't do group chats anymore because I always
20:59
feel like people are ganging up on me.
21:00
But you know what's about group chats that doesn't respond
21:04
to group chats.
21:04
I'm not going to lie.
21:05
I'm like, recently that girls have group chats and then they
21:08
have their separate group chats within the group chat.
21:11
That's what I'm saying.
21:13
That's like a true society.
21:14
I don't care but you care.
21:18
It's giving, let's talk about that.
21:19
Let's talk about that.
21:20
I said, why wouldn't you want my input in this separate?
21:23
And that's what I'm saying.
21:24
People just naturally gravitate to certain people.
21:27
Right.
21:27
So, for me, I don't do groups like I always do in high school
21:30
I always had one best friend at a time.
21:32
And I started noticing in comedy.
21:34
If I just need to have one person at a time, I can hang around
21:38
a group.
21:38
But I don't want to be in a girl group.
21:40
I don't think I would do.
21:41
Well.
21:41
Are you still friends with your friends from high school?
21:44
Your best friends from high school?
21:45
No, that's the girl I remember.
21:46
I dumped her one friend in high school.
21:48
I had people in high school.
21:49
I mean, time passes and your life changes and you go on different
21:53
chapters.
21:54
I feel like for a season, best friends with all my high school
21:57
girls.
21:57
I actually also only went to an all girls school.
21:59
So we only had each other like we know each other.
22:02
Like we had no boys to distract us.
22:03
We had no one to look cool for like real.
22:08
Without the boy in my class, it's a rap.
22:11
I wouldn't have studied, I wouldn't have stood up and said
22:14
a speech, I wouldn't have done anything, said a speech that
22:16
was deep.
22:16
But, you know, like, if somebody is, like, ok, I don't have
22:18
the answer.
22:19
I was like, yeah, I got the answer.
22:20
I wouldn't care to be wrong in high school.
22:23
So my girl and that we have so much confidence.
22:27
Not because, like, we're confident, we're cool because we're
22:29
confident because we never had anyone to, like, make us, like
22:32
be embarrassed about it.
22:33
Put down at all true selves all through high school.
22:36
Yeah.
22:36
I definitely got very put down in high school and that would
22:39
have changed me.
22:42
It was horrible.
22:43
But that's what I, all my girlfriends in high school, we just
22:45
had a trip to Joshua last week.
22:47
That's different.
22:47
I feel like those are your sisters.
22:49
That's why I love the bitches from high school.
22:52
They, girls like my dick.
22:53
I'm in a group chat with my high school friends.
22:55
But it's mostly guys.
22:56
It's guys and girls.
22:58
What about middle school?
23:00
Um, I was bullied in middle school.
23:04
I was, so I went to Catholic middle school and it was like this
23:07
I was bullied.
23:09
Yeah, I was bullied.
23:10
I don't know because I was such a tomboy and ok, so basically
23:15
I was, I went to school with the same 28 people, kindergarten
23:17
through eighth grade.
23:22
So the girls in my school, it was like five of them and they were
23:26
like, really girly girls and I was like, you know, I just want
23:28
to play soccer and run and, like, I was raised by my dad who was
23:30
really tough.
23:31
So I didn't really relate to them also.
23:32
They'd make fun of me because my mom had an accent because my
23:35
mom was like, were they white?
23:37
They were, yeah, they were white.
23:39
Um, I like that.
23:41
That was just my experience.
23:42
It was a mostly, like, um, caucasian area.
23:44
So I did grow up feeling different and feeling like really
23:48
put down and yeah, they would say some pretty horrible things
23:51
I remember and when you're younger it hits you harder.
23:53
But I remember like a girl coming up to me and saying I was holding
23:55
some lost and found sweaters that I would go collect at recess
23:58
I don't know to help out school and then a girl came up to me.
24:01
She's like Jessica, you look like my maid at home.
24:04
No, that's not bullying.
24:05
That's racism.
24:08
You.
24:09
I had a horrible time in middle school that I went to school
24:12
with.
24:13
I was the only Latina in my school too.
24:15
But I never thought that that was a thing.
24:16
I was like my mom and dad raised me so proud to be Colombian.
24:20
So I was like, I'm Colombian.
24:21
I was like, I was like, here's some arepas they were like what
24:23
this crazy lady do.
24:25
But as I got older, yeah, there was moments that I didn't realize
24:28
when I was younger like they'd be like, go back to the south
24:31
of the border.
24:31
And I was like, what?
24:33
I'm not even Mexican.
24:34
So I was confused.
24:35
I remember one time I got no, I know.
24:38
But I was like, I thought that they were just stupid.
24:41
I was like, you guys are stupid.
24:42
That's a really good person.
24:43
Somebody called me a *** and I swear on my life I went home and
24:46
I was like, dad, what's a web back?
24:48
Because I literally had no idea.
24:50
And he was like, oh, it's like, and he said what he had to say
24:52
and I was like, what?
24:54
So what did you do after you found out, did you go address them
24:57
No, I just like, I used to think that they're fools.
24:59
I'm so proud of being Latina.
25:00
So I had no, I was like, whatever, you don't know the good life
25:04
you know, whatever else you want, but you don't know the good
25:08
life.
25:09
You know what I mean?
25:10
That is what I want to defend myself.
25:11
That's really cool that you had that mentality when I was younger
25:13
and there was nobody else.
25:14
We didn't have social media.
25:15
So I didn't turn on the TV and see people.
25:17
I think Selena.
25:18
That's why I was so obsessed with the Selena movie because
25:19
I was like, oh my God, she is literally me.
25:22
That's where that rep presentation matters and stuff.
25:25
But yeah, so the only friend I still have for middle school
25:27
is the only friend I really had.
25:28
Angelina.
25:29
Shout out to Angelina.
25:30
She was definitely there for me.
25:34
I'm not friends with anyone from middle school, high school
25:37
or college, only my best friend from college, Liz.
25:39
Do you feel like you have?
25:41
It's hard for you to stay friends with people.
25:43
It's not that I will cut you off.
25:44
I just feel like, but you have to understand these are all like
25:47
no shade.
25:47
A lot of people are just doing status quo stuff.
25:50
I'm a comedian.
25:52
So people don't understand what is it going to take for someone
25:55
to be real homegirls with you?
25:56
Well, I have a best friend now and I think we bond over comedy
26:01
So we've been friends for four years straight.
26:03
No issues.
26:04
But I'm like, I always tell her, I wish you were the friend I
26:06
had in high school.
26:07
So, is it, is it because you're able to tell jokes to her and
26:10
they don't get offended?
26:12
I've never said anything offensive to anybody do the jokes
26:15
like what I'm saying because you're a comedian and like I
26:20
say jokes all the time, like sometimes I'm sure you say things
26:22
that offend people and they can't handle the heat.
26:25
I mean, I don't even know how to say this without sounding crazy
26:28
I've always been like a shiner and people don't like no, I know
26:30
I don't want to dim your leg.
26:32
I just a sh so people don't like that sometimes and they want
26:36
to bring your.
26:37
So I've always like, for example, I have, she's a, she was very
26:40
close friends in college and I'm like, yo, I'm working on this
26:43
I'm in this magazine, I'm going to bring you with me and she
26:45
would always be really upset about me making progress.
26:49
So I had to start carving parts of myself down so that she could
26:52
feel comfortable.
26:53
So I've always been around people that just weren't comfortable
26:56
with me getting a lot of attention.
26:58
So now the friends that I have, they all give me, none of us are
27:02
in competition with it.
27:03
I was never in competition with anybody but I'm like, she really
27:06
nourishes my soul.
27:08
It's like we are good friends to each other.
27:10
But I'm listening to your stories.
27:11
It sounds like you guys came from two parent households, went
27:14
to a private school.
27:15
I went to New York Department of Education.
27:17
It is crazy out there.
27:19
It's really saved your own, everybody from themselves.
27:22
And so I just didn't have good friends growing up.
27:26
And have you ever been cut off by a friend?
27:28
I like that.
27:29
You still want to be to them.
27:30
They were like, no, I don't think I've been cut off.
27:32
I've been cut off by a friend, but it's because I was friends
27:35
with someone she didn't like.
27:36
And it had nothing to do with me, which also happens a lot of
27:40
times in female friendships.
27:41
It's like if you're friends with someone that I don't get along
27:43
with, therefore you and me are no longer cool.
27:45
And it's happened to me mostly in the industry.
27:47
To be honest.
27:48
It's, it's not with so much my high school or just like my everyday
27:52
friends.
27:52
It's like more so my friendships in the industry.
27:53
It's like, oh, you, you're friends with this person?
27:55
I no longer like you or will engage with you anymore.
27:58
And it's like, well, that had nothing to do with this, this
28:01
person has been nothing but I think it's different when you
28:03
have a person that's friends with everybody.
28:06
I have rules again.
28:07
I'm a very, like, I feel like I'm very guarded and very New York
28:11
I'm like, if you are, everybody is your friend type of person
28:13
I'll be cool with you.
28:14
But you can't be my best friend because you're just going to
28:17
be friends.
28:17
I don't feel like that's a loyalty thing.
28:19
But I'm trying to think if I've been cut off.
28:21
I haven't been, have you ever been in the wrong with the home
28:23
girl?
28:24
And I have, I've definitely been, you are the reason why she's
28:27
the opposite of what other other girls are doing.
28:29
I think for me, I'm very much like when somebody tells me they
28:32
want to get a goal done, I will push you to get that done.
28:34
And people don't like to be held accountable so I could be a
28:37
little bit push over or whatever.
28:38
So I stopped giving out advice.
28:40
I was very unsolicited advice type of person.
28:42
I'm like, I'll tell you if you, I would just be giving out advice
28:45
and people don't like that.
28:46
So I did get kicked out of a group chat in 2018.
28:52
But I just felt, I just felt like they weren't supporting me
28:55
I felt like it was a group of three of us and they will always
28:58
hang out and they would just leave me out of shit because I was
29:00
doing comedy and I didn't like that.
29:02
So I was like, we just grew apart but, but we we've done since
29:06
we're connected.
29:07
Like I reconnected one of the girls, I'm like, oh, have you
29:09
ever been in the wrong?
29:10
Have I, I'm sure.
29:12
Yeah, I'm sure everybody has like I haven't been the perfect
29:14
friend.
29:14
Like I think everybody you live and you learn and you make mistakes
29:17
like I'm sure I've made mistakes with some of my friends.
29:19
But the thing is with my friends, they tell me when I'm, when
29:22
I'm messing up or like they tell me when I'm being, you know
29:24
not what they need in their life in that moment.
29:26
And then it's just a quick fix.
29:27
You don't get offended by it.
29:28
You're just like, OK, all right.
29:29
This is where I need to elevate.
29:30
This is where I need to improve.
29:31
And I think that some people get offended when you're like
29:33
yo you hurt my feelings and it's really annoying when someone
29:36
tries to invalidate.
29:37
Oh, you're just being, no, I'm telling you, you hurt my feelings
29:41
Let's work through it.
29:43
And if people keep invalidating you, then we're not a good
29:45
fit.
29:45
One of my best friends did that to me not too long ago, maybe
29:48
a month.
29:48
She's like, ok, so we had gone out and something had happened
29:51
and she's like, ok, so this maybe I didn't really like it, it
29:54
had to do with somebody else.
29:55
Right?
29:56
And I was like, you know what you are so right.
29:58
I thought I was doing the right thing in that moment.
30:00
But now that I'm hearing your perspective and she was so thankful
30:03
that I took her feelings into consideration and I didn't just
30:06
get defensive.
30:07
Yeah, I actually, I welcome when a friend is like, this is what
30:11
you did and they do it in a way that's not attacking.
30:14
It's like, you know what I mean?
30:15
And so instead of me being defensive about it, I'm like, you're
30:18
right, I'm sorry for doing that.
30:19
And I welcome it because we all need to evolve.
30:21
We all need to get better.
30:22
And if you drink and you got all your friends, things happen
30:24
you don't mean it and people take it the wrong way.
30:26
Like there's just so many ways that you can become a better
30:28
friend if you listen, but you kind of like, it's hard to evolve
30:32
with somebody.
30:32
You've known your whole life.
30:33
That's what I mean.
30:34
So I just feel like in my twenties, I didn't have the tools to
30:37
communicate effectively.
30:38
Like I would just be like, I'm a ghost.
30:39
You, I'm gonna just shut down.
30:40
I'm gonna leave the group chat.
30:42
I'm not talking to you for two weeks.
30:43
But now it's just like, yo, I'm telling you two times.
30:46
If you don't, if we don't get along, then we don't get.
30:48
And sometimes you can, can still be friends with people.
30:50
They don't have to be that close to you people, you know who
30:54
to give you energy so that I can pick and choose who I want to
30:57
know.
30:57
Every friend is going to be a good friend for every part of your
31:00
life.
31:01
If you said that you don't have that many friends, girlfriends
31:04
who's going to be at your bridal shower.
31:06
First of all, first of all, I volunteer, let me just clarify
31:12
I do have a lot of friends.
31:13
I don't have a lot of very close friends.
31:17
Where are you going to choose to be your maid of honor?
31:19
Bridal shower?
31:20
I've been thinking about that a lot.
31:21
No one's asked me to get married, but I have been thinking about
31:24
that and I think I'm going to do the Garbo Union type of thing
31:26
where it's just me and my man and you guys just, everyone's
31:29
invited I party because it just becomes, I hate being in weird
31:33
dynamics when it's like, oh you forgot to invite somebody
31:36
to, let's say I put everyone in my bridal shower and I leave
31:38
someone out.
31:39
Now, they're going to have a fucking problem.
31:41
But I am, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have a bachelorette party.
31:44
I think that if we didn't have this podcast, we probably wouldn't
31:47
kick it just because we, we don't know that Ivana, we don't
31:49
know that I love these women.
31:57
Our circles are all so different.
31:58
I love you guys.
32:00
Have you, like, always dreamt of your wedding?
32:02
Like for me, honestly, I'm gonna be honest.
32:03
I have never once been like, I'm gonna wear this dress and I
32:07
want their flowers and I have never, I have a whole Pinterest
32:09
board.
32:10
I know what I want.
32:13
I know the vibes.
32:14
I know everything.
32:16
I want a farmhouse style wedding.
32:19
This girl on her farms.
32:21
Oh my God.
32:22
We need a farmer to come right now in nature and it just be like
32:26
what's your home decor style?
32:28
Is it farm rustic?
32:29
I like modern farmhouse.
32:31
I feel like that's so homey.
32:33
What about your dress?
32:35
I stay following all the wedding page dresses.
32:37
So, what would you imagine yourself wearing?
32:40
I don't know.
32:40
There's so many different looks.
32:42
I probably would do cowboy boots.
32:45
That's cute.
32:46
That's cute.
32:49
Photo shoot.
32:49
Your cowboy boots.
32:50
Oh, yeah.
32:50
The photo shoot, maybe you got to the cowboy boots are essential
32:53
to your brand.
32:54
Now I'm going to do a courthouse wedding.
32:57
Courthouse wedding.
32:57
Yeah, I'm going to do a very private wedding because I just
32:59
have so many friends and people that are going to come to this
33:01
party and I don't want to pay for everybody's plate.
33:03
It doesn't matter how, which I am.
33:04
I'm going to do a very intimate courthouse and then a celebration
33:07
of love where everybody can be.
33:09
Just turn about it.
33:10
Yeah.
33:10
Y'all making me feel like I'm a bad friend.
33:12
Why?
33:13
Because I don't have a group of girlfriends.
33:15
I just don't like, I just feel like I'm trying to say this in
33:18
the most PC way.
33:20
Sometimes there can be certain dynamics that I like to avoid
33:22
in a bit.
33:23
It doesn't have to just be women in a group of friendship.
33:26
Like there's just always a dynamic.
33:27
I don't like dealing with power struggles, any of that stuff
33:30
Like how do you feel about like friends that you introduce
33:33
like friends that become friends because of you?
33:36
You know what's annoying to me when they start doing shit without
33:39
me.
33:40
Don't fucking let me that.
33:42
It's annoying me taking that personally.
33:43
I'm like, I don't take it.
33:45
I just feel like people sometimes bond better what they do
33:48
and I'm like, I'm not going to be mad at you but it's like damn
33:50
bitch, you know what's annoying when you make friends with
33:53
someone and then they give you a life update.
33:55
Let's say we're in a group chat together.
33:56
We made friends and then you give me an update like, oh, Jessica
33:59
just broke up on her man and I'm like, damn, I have to find out
34:02
through you.
34:02
Not like I thought it was all friends.
34:04
Like, sit like that gets on my nerves a little bit.
34:06
Yeah.
34:06
I remember making friends with this girl that I would introduce
34:09
her to someone and then the next week she'd hit them up to go
34:12
get lunch, just them too.
34:13
But it happened with my friend.
34:19
She had a birthday party and then invited the majority of them
34:24
being mostly my friends.
34:25
And I was like, OK, that's a little.
34:27
Some people want your life.
34:29
Can I ask a clarifying question?
34:31
Because I think what's happening here is that, are we talking
34:33
about regular friends or industry friends?
34:36
Shoes?
34:37
I think sometimes it could be different when it's like, oh
34:39
we were just regular friends, go hang out.
34:41
You guys are bonding but industry friends, some people start
34:44
to use that friendship shit to clout chase or they just want
34:49
to be my friend, comedians you vibe with a comedian and you're
34:52
like, I wanna be your home girl because she's dope and I feel
34:55
her energy and we could click.
34:57
So like maybe God and the universe brought that friend so you
34:59
can meet your real homegirl.
35:01
Actually, I'm really like, like us three.
35:04
I think that if we didn't have this podcast.
35:06
We probably wouldn't kick it just because we are.
35:08
We don't know that Ivana, we don't know that.
35:10
What do you mean?
35:12
I kick it with women.
35:17
Our circles are all so different.
35:18
I love you guys.
35:21
But sometimes you need to have the opportunity to meet somebody
35:24
with a non-biased slate.
35:26
You know what I mean?
35:27
Like this is what I do.
35:28
Sometimes my friend, she'll be around, I made friends with
35:31
someone and they asked me to be in a sketch.
35:33
I like, yo, this is your friend.
35:34
Are you comfortable?
35:35
And I hang all as first I was asking for permission, but I'm
35:40
aware that this is your friends and you put me on to this opportunity
35:43
or network.
35:44
Like, are you cool with it?
35:46
I'm gonna do what I want towards the beginning and then once
35:49
you start establishing a friendship and you guys are genuinely
35:51
friends, it's like, I'm not going to tell you every single
35:53
time, but towards the beginning, it's like, hey, I reached
35:55
out to your friends.
35:56
I know I just feel like it's a respect thing.
35:58
I don't know.
35:59
I know this is weird.
36:00
But like, have you ever like not invited a friend because aesthetically
36:05
they're not part of the event.
36:07
Be honest, be honest.
36:10
Wait, what do you mean?
36:11
Have you like say you have a friend?
36:12
Maybe she has her own little aesthetic, her own vibe and you
36:15
love her one on one.
36:16
You guys kicking your best friends but like, you wouldn't
36:18
take her to a party or an event because you're scared she'll
36:20
like, act up or it just isn't the same vibe.
36:23
Like, like a rapper invites us out and it's your home girl that
36:29
doesn't dress whatever, it's different.
36:33
You come with us, do you?
36:36
That I feel like I'll know which one of my friends would vibe
36:39
with which type of event and would actually have fun and it
36:42
wouldn't be forced and they wouldn't feel out of place.
36:43
So I tried to do the math in my own head.
36:45
Like, ok, this girl would fit this better vibe and I think she'll
36:47
actually enjoy herself instead of her just being there like
36:49
uncomfortable and awkward.
36:51
And sometimes that's what my friends don't invite me.
36:53
I know you're about to do some really fancy event.
36:55
Don't bring me to that.
36:56
I don't want to have to pretend to be cool.
36:58
Leave me out in Hollywood.
36:59
Everybody is so cool.
37:00
Can't you just keep yourself with these?
37:03
No, no.
37:03
But sometimes I feel like this is what I'm learning.
37:05
I'm new to Hollywood.
37:06
Thank everybody that Hollywood is very network.
37:09
So if that network doesn't get along and you are outlier is
37:12
going to be kind of weird for you to be there.
37:14
Does that make sense?
37:15
Like if it's like a bunch of rappers and that's not really my
37:18
vibe, you're going to feel like you're babysitting at the
37:21
event and I don't want to be babysat.
37:23
I'm totally fine.
37:24
Please leave me out.
37:25
I don't want to have to pretend.
37:27
But that's me.
37:28
That's why I'm at.
37:29
Are they allowed to rock their own aesthetic at your wedding
37:31
though?
37:31
When it comes to your event at my wedding?
37:33
I have rules like no kids.
37:36
No, actually that's not a thing.
37:39
Wedding.
37:39
No, it's my wedding.
37:42
It's my money.
37:43
Well, my husband's money, my husband and his family and his
37:48
family and the hedge funds because I'm dreaming big and I don't
37:53
even know what a hedge fund is, but it's all of that.
38:00
I learn about trust funds.
38:01
People be hiding their money in trust funds, make sure you
38:03
know where the money is at an offshore account and what is short
38:08
and offshore accounts.
38:09
I'm learning.
38:10
Do you become friends with somebody that has things that you
38:14
could benefit off?
38:15
Like trust, this is what I say.
38:18
Does that appeal to you more to have a friend?
38:20
A girlfriend that's like has access to many things that has
38:24
a lot of money that's like?
38:25
Or do you not care about that?
38:26
For me?
38:27
I really believe you become the five people who hang around
38:30
the most.
38:30
So if I feel like I always feel like in my friendship, I'm like
38:33
what am I contributing to this friendship?
38:35
Like everybody?
38:36
Socrates or Aristotle, one of them, they actually have like
38:38
a thing.
38:39
This is a great time to pull it up.
38:40
They say that there's only three reasons why you'll be friends
38:43
with someone.
38:44
And I don't know the three reasons.
38:45
But I remember that I was reading, I studied this in college
38:50
I forgot it, don't edit that.
38:54
But there are three reasons why people are friends.
38:56
It's just like you really, really mutually care about this
38:58
person.
38:59
There's a networking benefit.
39:00
That's why I'm saying I compartmentalize my friends but I
39:03
change, yeah, I think this person is my friend because they
39:06
probably think I'll put them on a comedy show.
39:07
I already feel that when you make industry friends, you kind
39:10
of know why people maybe gravitate towards you, which is why
39:14
it kind of keeps you on edge sometimes.
39:15
That's why I have and especially when you meet them in the industry
39:18
It's like, OK, are you really my friend because I have had friends
39:22
that I know use me, I know use me to social climb.
39:26
I'll bring them to OK.
39:27
For instance, I'm really cool with the people at FC.
39:30
I'll bring them to that game and I'll be like, oh come meet like
39:31
the guy that does all the marketing cool.
39:33
And then next thing I know they're hitting him up the next week
39:36
asking them to go to lunch, only certain friends that I know
39:39
that they know they could benefit from.
39:41
That's what I mean.
39:41
That's why like my guard is up sometimes meeting people in
39:44
this space, right?
39:45
If I'm just meeting a random girl that doesn't know anything
39:47
about what I do.
39:48
I feel so much more relaxed.
39:50
Right.
39:50
That's why sometimes when people are like, oh, what's your
39:52
Instagram?
39:52
Let's follow each other sometimes.
39:53
I'm like, oh, do you think that people that are famous or that
39:58
you have a well known, they can't trust anybody that wants
40:03
to be 100% like boys that are famous.
40:06
Do they feel like all the girls that are trying to get with them
40:08
I think they know that, but they're ok with it.
40:10
If they're in that phase of where they're wanting to hook up
40:12
with girls, they're like, ok, well, I'm going to use this to
40:14
my benefit but I'm sure in the long run when they actually want
40:16
to find like a genuine partner that's like a ride or die girl
40:19
she's not there for the wrong reasons that has to be so hard
40:23
on anybody because this is a really good conversation.
40:27
But I want to say the three reasons why this is what Socrates
40:31
or I think it was Aristotle, it was one of them.
40:33
But this is what they said.
40:34
This is why people are friends.
40:35
It's either because of truth goodness or usefulness.
40:39
Some people are just your friend because you are useful to
40:40
them or this is literally like a whole thing.
40:45
We are friends because we're starting a podcast together
40:47
So thank you.
40:48
Want to see each other.
40:49
No truth.
40:50
No it's actually truth goodness.
40:55
And you BBB.
40:57
But I think we talked about it in the beginning when we started
41:00
this project where it's like we all kind of vetted each other
41:02
out.
41:02
Like, you know, what are you doing?
41:05
And I think I was, and I told my friend I went back, I'm like,
41:07
I'm happy I'm doing this with women that are evolved because
41:10
imagine you're doing this with, you know, there are women
41:12
or people, it's not just women that are just like they care
41:14
about different things.
41:15
I think that we all have very strong things we care about.
41:17
You're very family oriented, career focused comedy.
41:22
I'm just here, you know, so I'm like, it was like, no, I think
41:28
there's a lot more of glory, but we're trying to keep it cool
41:31
right now to break it open.
41:33
And so have you ever had to set boundaries with friends that
41:36
have kept it really real with you?
41:37
Because you're like, I can't, I don't want, I can't handle
41:39
that.
41:40
Not really.
41:40
I was like, I think if you're really good friends there, you
41:44
wouldn't feel weird setting a boundary.
41:46
I think if you're that close, I'd be like, yo, bitch, you got
41:47
my nerves today.
41:48
I think just to go back to the industry thing, it's really hard
41:51
to be in an industry and I always feel a little bit nervous like
41:55
this person.
41:55
I always say, what do they want from me?
41:57
Everybody wants something from you.
41:58
Some people generally want a true friendship.
42:00
I never feel it, but you have to think about it.
42:02
Ivana.
42:03
I'm in there every day in the street, in the, in the streets
42:08
in the, in the street.
42:13
I want to go to that street and every day comedy is very much
42:18
like opportunity oriented.
42:20
It's just like if your friend, if they like you, they put you
42:22
on a show and then you just kind of go from there to there.
42:25
So some people when they're like, oh, this girl produces a
42:27
show, I want to be around her because I want to get on a show.
42:30
You're so grown now, you know, you can, you know, but we got
42:33
to do an exploration episode.
42:35
Let's bring you into so you can see there's some weird shady
42:39
stuff going.
42:40
Let me give you a metaphor, you, you're on a TV show and you're
42:43
like, let's say you bring a friend like, yo, I want you to meet
42:45
the casting director and then they like, actually we kind
42:49
of let's put her in the show and they write you off the script
42:51
you're not going to be tight.
42:53
I mean, yeah, that's why for me when it comes to friendship
42:57
like what I base it off is integrity and morals and principles
43:02
If they have the same integrity and morp as me or someone that
43:06
I would look up to, I mess with you.
43:09
But how do you know that because some people are liars.
43:12
I know liars.
43:13
I've been that.
43:14
But you have one chance.
43:16
You lie to me once I'm done her best friend for 15 years was going
43:21
to turn her back.
43:22
Was that?
43:23
What's the name of the guy in the Bible that turned his back
43:25
on Jesus Judas?
43:28
She was?
43:29
So, what do you bring to a friend?
43:31
What do you bring to a friendship?
43:32
I bring thoughtfulness.
43:34
It might be like, for example, I better say something transparent
43:41
I used my friend face was, it was very expensive and I used all
43:46
of it.
43:48
And for me, I know that that was annoying.
43:51
So I'm going to replace it without you even having to ask.
43:53
That's the kind of friend that I am.
43:55
I will replace your luxury moisturizer for you.
44:02
That is normal.
44:04
You should feel that same way.
44:05
I hear you.
44:06
But there's people and I'm not gonna just replace it like everything
44:12
I'm always like, I'm just a giver.
44:14
Like I'm saying like a thief like this is just like, first of
44:20
all I asked him, I could use it.
44:21
I didn't know it was really expensive.
44:22
I was like, damn like I didn't know that shit was a 63 when I found
44:25
out I was like, you know what?
44:27
But I'm saying that there are a lot of people that will take
44:29
from you and they won't even replenish.
44:33
I feel like that's how you feel when you leave a hangout.
44:38
Now when you leave a hangout, you either feel depleted or you
44:43
feel like damn, that was so funny.
44:44
I can't wait to come back.
44:46
You guys, you know when you text your friends after like I love
44:48
you guys so much.
44:49
Thank you for having me over.
44:51
That's when you know that you're with the right people when
44:53
you leave and you're thinking like damn, that sucks that you
44:56
feel like you have to pretend to be somebody.
44:58
You're not a night.
44:59
I think there's a problem.
45:00
A lot of us in this chat today are very, we're grown.
45:04
We've gone through a lot of heartbreak, whatever.
45:06
So now we have discernment but there are a lot of people out
45:09
there that don't have that and they're stuck in friendships
45:12
that they have to pretend to keep up.
45:16
I know, but it's not our reality, but they're telling you you
45:19
have a chance to get out.
45:21
But for example, if you grew up in a very rich society, right
45:25
you feel like you have to follow these rules.
45:28
Every group has a social rule.
45:30
Like a weird thing is a theory thing.
45:32
I also studied that in college.
45:33
But it's true though because think about it, every single
45:38
operates on a different wavelength.
45:40
So if you and your friends don't align on the same thing, look
45:42
they're either gonna bring you down and you're gonna have
45:44
to go down to the little their level or you're gonna have to
45:46
elevate and I would prefer to be around people that are elevated
45:49
and are more like they're clear with their mental thought
45:52
They actually have emotional intelligence as opposed to
45:54
people that just because people can genuinely you down.
45:57
I don't think you analyze every single person that's in your
46:00
friend group and I get it.
46:02
There's friends that you've been friends with for forever
46:05
But if there are people that are weighing you down, sometimes
46:07
a little bit of space is not a bad thing, especially if you're
46:10
like, you know what, I'm tired of the same bullshit.
46:12
I don't want to get drunk every weekend or like, I don't want
46:13
to do this every weekend or I want to different things.
46:16
You have to find friends that also want, that it becomes black
46:18
and white when you see somebody who doesn't evolve with you
46:21
emotionally or spiritually, for me, the biggest thing is
46:23
spirituality.
46:24
If you don't have the evolution in spirituality, for me, it
46:27
could be whatever, it could be believing in God, it could be
46:29
nature resting, whatever, then for me, we cannot connect
46:33
because I'm vibing operating to, you know what my friend asked
46:37
me?
46:38
I had made a new friend and she's like, so my other friend is
46:41
very like, super smart.
46:42
She's like, what do you and this other person connect on?
46:44
And I've had to like that every time I go into a friendship,
46:46
like, what are we connecting on?
46:48
Are we on the parties?
46:50
Are we on?
46:51
We need to have a reason why we're connecting and like you were
46:54
saying, you have to evaluate what that is.
46:56
But for me, when I kick it with my cousins, like those are my
46:59
home, unconditioned are my best friends.
47:03
They're still your homies.
47:04
It's not like you, you're not talking about family stuff,
47:07
you're just kicking it with no rule.
47:09
I would say that's a real, those are my best friends.
47:12
Like my cousins.
47:13
I feel like I don't have a lot of, I do have girlfriends but when
47:16
I think about my closest friends is always my cousin, we'll
47:20
do a girls night, we'll talk shit.
47:21
We'll laugh.
47:22
That's my.
47:23
Why is that?
47:23
What do you think the biggest difference between you?
47:26
There's just no judgment.
47:27
I will take my cousins.
47:29
I take you unconditionally.
47:30
We've been through everything together.
47:32
Those are my bitches for life but other people like it's just
47:36
I don't know, people be annoying with the person that you
47:39
meet on the street or whatever.
47:40
How do you become uncomfort need to be friends with everybody
47:43
But the friends that you do have, I think it's showing up if
47:46
they show up for me and I show up for them and it's consistent
47:49
and it's like you, you have to build it.
47:51
It takes time, it takes effort.
47:53
You know, sometimes I feel myself meeting someone and being
47:56
so open to them.
47:57
Right?
47:57
Away and I let them in right away.
47:59
And I'm like, yes, this person has great intentions for me
48:02
come to find they don't.
48:03
So I am now.
48:05
Ok.
48:05
It takes time.
48:06
I want to say I'm close now.
48:08
I'm like, you know what, I'm not jumping into any friendship
48:10
and I'm not going to assume you're this great person just because
48:12
I've known you for a month and you've shown me that both of us
48:21
in my mind.
48:21
I'm thinking of one girl in particular who I had already mentioned
48:24
that.
48:24
I was like, whoa, I really genuinely was going to be a writer
48:27
Die for you.
48:28
I couldn't wait to keep making memories with this girl and
48:31
then she was just conniving behind shady.
48:35
I mean, my other friend was like, Jess, this girl is literally
48:37
doing character assassinating.
48:38
I don't know what this girl has come to find.
48:41
This girl had been wanting to meet me for the Yolanda, whatever
48:45
her name was.
48:46
What's her last name?
48:49
There are some Yolanda Saldivar out there.
48:52
They want your life.
48:53
I'm like, what did I do to you?
48:54
Why is your actual best friend?
48:56
Like why is she your best friend?
48:58
Why do you love her?
48:59
That's a good question.
49:00
Why do you choose her out of all the best friends that you've
49:02
had?
49:02
Oh my God.
49:03
I have like two of them for sure.
49:05
It's because they show up for me unconditionally.
49:07
They don't judge me.
49:08
They want to grow.
49:09
They want to build like they're super fun to go out with.
49:11
But also I could sit there on a couch and cry with them and be
49:13
like, dude, my life is falling apart or it feels like my life
49:16
is falling apart.
49:17
And I have one that's a little bit more like I understand where
49:20
you're coming from and she's definitely that like comfort
49:23
you know, blanket for me.
49:25
Now there's the other one that's a little bit more like, what
49:27
are you doing?
49:27
Jazz?
49:27
She wants to shake me and I love having both of them because
49:30
sometimes I just need you to just not judge me and then sometimes
49:33
I need you to judge me.
49:35
You know what it is when someone holds you, I need to be.
49:40
It's like this person is not a yes person, but it's like I accept
49:43
you and all the stupidity.
49:44
But this, I got to let you know I love you and I feel like you're
49:47
going the wrong right path.
49:49
It's someone that whenever you have something in your face
49:51
they just pull it off.
49:51
Like come over here.
49:53
Are you guys not friend?
49:54
Are you guys honest or are you a little bit more like I'm way
49:57
too honest.
49:59
I want you to be your best self and I will tell it how it is even
50:02
if it hurts because that's the only way to learn.
50:07
You think it depends when I say it depends like if I don't really
50:11
know you that well, I'm going to tell you got something in your
50:13
teeth, but I'm not going to be up in your face.
50:14
So I think it's a level of rapport of like I have to be really
50:18
close to you to tell you how I really not everyone is ready to
50:20
receive advice.
50:22
So that's true.
50:23
If you're just like, yo, I just met you and I'm going to tell
50:25
you the boyfriend you're dating is dumb.
50:27
I don't even know you like that, right?
50:28
But it's like if we agree with that, if we have a relationship
50:31
I'm not going to tell you that you should not be friends with
50:33
this girl.
50:34
I'm like, I don't think she's your friend.
50:35
But if we're super close, I would tell you you to cut that bitch
50:37
off immediately is levels.
50:38
So I also think it comes down to delivery because some people
50:42
receive information brutal like to the point like what are
50:45
you doing?
50:46
Like B ABC and D and then other people need to be cuddled a little
50:49
bit.
50:49
And I do recognize that in my friends and some friends, I'm
50:52
a little bit more direct with because I know that's how they
50:54
receive information, other friends, I'm like, you know what
50:56
let me just kind of softly break it to you because you want
50:59
them to receive the information and be open to it.
51:01
Not everybody is going to take information the same way.
51:04
So, have you ever had to set boundaries with friends that have
51:06
kept it really real with you?
51:07
Because you're like, I can't, I don't, I can't handle that
51:10
Not really.
51:11
I was raised, I think if you're really good friends, you wouldn't
51:14
feel weird about setting a boundary.
51:16
I think if you're that close, I'd be like, yo, bitch, you got
51:18
my nerves today.
51:19
That's how I can't remember.
51:21
I'm from New York.
51:22
That's how we have today.
51:24
Boundary.
51:25
Actually the other day, um like I said, I've been best friends
51:28
with my friend for like we're about to go on five years and the
51:31
other day we were both drinking and I was like, we came up with
51:36
a term.
51:36
I'm like, I love you so much that you never get on my nerves.
51:38
You're like a balloon.
51:39
It gets big, but then it explodes.
51:42
I'll never be too angry at you.
51:43
We have a metaphor for, it's like you get on my nerves.
51:46
We say balloon around each other because sometimes your friends
51:49
are annoying like this is what life is.
51:52
Yeah, I'm like, yo, you bitch ballooned today.
51:56
But it's a metaphor for, I love you so much that you truly cannot
51:59
get on my nerves.
52:00
But right now in this moment, I'm a little irritated.
52:02
I really also think that I noticed this ra nationality makes
52:07
a difference for my Caucasian friends and my Latino friends
52:11
And like, I mean, it's night and day because with my Latino
52:14
friends, I, we already have an understanding of how kind of
52:17
like our lifestyle is.
52:18
Like, our parents would be like, it's just different.
52:20
It's almost like the barrier is completely gone and we could
52:23
be really real with each other, I think.
52:25
But because it's because I never had, I always have caucasian
52:27
friends and so we had to, we live in two different worlds.
52:30
Like my mom is very different than a lot of their mom.
52:32
You know what I mean?
52:32
So, I don't know, I have a friend that's caucasian and sometimes
52:35
she gets on my nerves and I wonder, is it because she's white
52:37
or it's because she's an Aries?
52:38
And I really think it's because she's an Aries because she's
52:41
very unorganized and I'm very structured and I had, I had to
52:44
learn, like, when I tell myself, like, if I want to keep someone
52:47
in my life, I have to accept them unconditionally.
52:49
So I'm like, I just accept everything.
52:51
And I also created a metaphor where I'm talking about Malone
52:53
too.
52:54
I'm being easily annoyed.
52:56
Sorry, I should tell that to give friendships when you really
52:59
love somebody like your best friend.
53:01
They could really, like the times I felt most bad about myself
53:05
is when I've hurt one of my girlfriends, you know, like, even
53:07
if it was like, I didn't mean to do it.
53:11
How did you do it?
53:12
Just, like, for example, recently, one of my friends, she
53:16
really likes this guy and I know in my heart he's not for her
53:19
and like, she wasn't ready to let him go or hear that.
53:23
But the way that I would approach it, I had a couple of drinks
53:25
and I was like, she was leaving our dinner to go see him again
53:28
and I was like, are you seriously going to see him again?
53:31
Like, stop, you got to let your friends.
53:32
No, I get it.
53:33
They're not talking anymore.
53:34
But what I'm saying is like, she hit me up later and was like
53:37
a whole paragraph being like, hey, I really didn't like the
53:40
way that you, that you approach that situation.
53:42
Like I understand that you think this but that's not, it's
53:44
not your business and this is my life and my evolution and all
53:46
this stuff and my ego was like, I love you and I know you and I
53:50
want to help you.
53:51
But then my maturity was like, you're right, I'm sorry for
53:55
being that way and I'm not gonna do that.
53:56
I'm not going to push my agenda on somebody else.
53:59
So a lot of my friendships I have helped me become a better person
54:02
in like the worst moments or like, you know, with little things
54:04
that happen, you again, it's like delivery and time when you
54:07
go home after these fights, you sit and you're like, you feel
54:09
bad, that's all of yourself.
54:11
You're like, why did I do that friend.
54:14
So that has helped me evolve a lot as a person and being able
54:18
to not take things personally or realize that just because
54:20
they're, your best friend doesn't mean that you have authority
54:22
over anything that you are.
54:23
You know what I mean?
54:24
I know we're about to wrap up.
54:25
But I actually went through the reason why I'm so sheltered
54:29
is because I went through a friendship breakup where my friend
54:31
was in a domestic violence situation.
54:33
But I was there for years and that the last time I was like, if
54:37
you go back to him, I'm really cutting you off and that's why
54:40
I fell out.
54:41
I'm not trying to say I'm a bad friend, but I, I just couldn't
54:44
be there anymore.
54:45
I'm like, am I going to keep enabling this?
54:46
And then something happened later and she apologized, but
54:49
sometimes you have to let your friends live there as much as
54:53
you want to be there for them.
54:55
They have to go through their own.
54:56
All you can do is just be there for them.
54:58
So that's the real reason why me and my friend broke up.
55:00
I didn't want to say that but I've been in relationships where
55:02
it was super toxic and my friends are like, again, like you're
55:07
again, again judging you and then you feel because me being
55:10
on that end of things, it would be to the point where I couldn't
55:12
even, I didn't even want to tell my friends because it was so
55:14
embarrass you.
55:15
Have you ever been through non relationship where you couldn't
55:18
even tell your friends you're back with them because you're
55:20
like, this is so embarrassing.
55:21
I tell people my parents anything negative about who I'm dating
55:25
I think they, they won't ever forget the bad things you say
55:30
I don't tell my mom of the bad stuff.
55:33
And if you want me, to be honest, I've recently, I haven't even
55:36
my closest friends.
55:37
If I start talking to a guy, I don't even say for the most part
55:40
I try to keep it as private as I can because this day and age
55:43
you know, you talk to someone and then it happens and then
55:45
it doesn't, and it's just like, unless it's real deal, then
55:48
I'll talk about it.
55:48
But also in relationships, I think it's so good to keep things
55:52
in that relationship because the only thing you tell your
55:55
friends for the most part is like, oh, he did this or he annoyed
55:58
me.
55:58
So then what it paints a really negative image of this guy and
56:02
your friends don't see all the beautiful, also, great things
56:04
that they do too.
56:05
So, I don't know, has keeping your relationship private,
56:08
served you in any way or served the relationship the better
56:13
the better.
56:14
Unless he's going crazy.
56:15
Yeah.
56:16
Unless it's like, ok, you're desperate need of like, you know
56:18
what?
56:18
I just need a second opinion or a third opinion, whatever controlling
56:21
you, then you got to speak up.
56:22
But the little nuances in your relationship, I think that
56:25
are sacred.
56:26
Keep private.
56:27
I have to boast or promote because it's like, you know, God
56:30
knows, they know and that's enough if you have to overextend
56:34
yourself and say things and brag and that means that it's not
56:37
enough that you have to have validation for other people to
56:40
hear that it's enough.
56:41
You know what I mean?
56:42
I have that.
56:44
I just feel like we need more than an hour because when we could
56:46
talk about friendships forever, we're going to have women
56:49
And I think at the end of the day, it's really important to have
56:53
friends.
56:53
Like it's really important.
56:54
That's how we evolve.
56:55
I think relationships is like what sharpened us and polishes
56:58
us in bad ways and good ways so we can talk about and if you like
57:02
to talk about it, please listen and like and subscribe to the
57:05
channel and give us a rating and drop a comment if you want here
57:08
Um I wanna know what they want to talk, drop all the comments
57:10
anything you want us to talk about.
57:12
Let's drop them in the comments.
57:13
We talk about anything.
57:14
We are your sisters, what you agree with, what you don't agree
57:17
with your crazy friends stories.
57:19
Maybe we can even read them next episode.
57:20
Let us know, let us know and then we'll see you on the next episode
57:24
of Girl.
57:24
Let me tell you.
57:27
Thank you.
57:29
Give me.