00:00
Well, it's because I had nothing to lose, right?
00:01
So she, she was never going to speak to me again.
00:03
So I was like, why am I gonna put on the front?
00:05
Why am I gonna hide?
00:05
Why she, the first question she asked me, she was like, why
00:16
Yeah, we're back on another episode of girl.
00:18
Let me tell you, I'm Ivanna Rojas.
00:20
I'm your legendary comedian Glore Mora and girl, let me tell
00:25
So our third cohost couldn't be here today because she's dealing
00:28
with a family matter.
00:29
They want to send all of our love and compassion to Jessica
00:33
We love you, we love you, Jessica.
00:35
I sent, I sent her a virtual hug on text message I message.
00:38
So I'm hugging her and I want to know Ivanna, how do you deal
00:42
with grief in your life?
00:43
It could be, it could be like passing someone passed away or
00:46
maybe an opportunity that you didn't get or maybe a friendship
00:50
I think that a lot of it like II I have my own time and I cry by myself
00:55
and just like, feel the pain of missing somebody I don't really
00:59
like go and they distract myself.
01:01
I try to release all the sadness.
01:05
You know what I mean?
01:06
I feel like for me it comes in like random waves.
01:09
I like experience it.
01:10
I'll process it later.
01:12
So like my grandfather passed away maybe like two years ago
01:15
and I got to see him before he passed away.
01:17
My only regret is that I don't really have any good pictures
01:19
with him because it was when like Snapchat was around.
01:21
So I have pictures with him in the dog filter.
01:23
Like those are my memories of my grandfather.
01:25
Um But sometimes, you know, like Apple, they'll make these
01:29
folders and remind you of something like randomly.
01:32
You'll be having a good day in the your grandfather.
01:34
I'm like Apple relax, but I'm still, I'm still processing
01:38
and I'm just hoping that he's in a good place.
01:40
And when I go back to dr we have his rocking chair like it's still
01:44
So it's nice and just changing the topic.
01:46
You know, I'm a Gemini all over the place.
01:48
We were talking a little bit before we started recording about
01:54
I asked her what her first impression of me was.
01:56
And I feel like when I first met Ivan, I guess I was, you know
01:59
like when you see like a really beautiful woman, I like, oh
02:02
my God, she's not gonna like me.
02:03
She's probably like so into herself.
02:06
Damn, you said you were going to wait for the cameras.
02:11
What did you think about me?
02:12
Um But you're not into yourself.
02:15
I thought about you.
02:16
I thought you were really funny and like a strong Dominican
02:19
woman and I was, I was intimidated.
02:21
I mean, not like that much, but I was, I was feeling like, oh
02:24
damn, this is like a strong, beautiful Dominican woman who's
02:27
gonna tell me what is up.
02:29
Oh I mean, I know everybody what's up all the time.
02:32
But you said I was doing better.
02:33
I'm assimilating to the, what I have noticed is that like you've
02:36
really surrendered to this new environment being in L A.
02:39
You know, you have like New York light at the beginning and
02:41
now you're kind of like going with the flow.
02:43
Not a little bit by judging, not like I was never judging up
02:46
but never judging or anything.
02:48
I just feel like we're getting to know each other on a, on a,
02:51
It takes sometimes a few like it takes time to open up.
02:54
We were talking about the last episode, you know, we didn't
02:57
You know, it was cute.
02:58
So what would you be doing if you weren't in entertainment
03:03
I would probably be, is volunteering in places around the
03:07
world with kids in philanthropy work.
03:13
I don't know what I would be doing.
03:15
Maybe like an archaeologist.
03:17
What kind of fossils are you looking for?
03:19
No, not an archaeologist.
03:24
I, one time, one time I went to Brazil and my professor was an
03:28
anthropologist and I thought it was really cool to study the
03:31
way other people live.
03:32
I'm not going to do that.
03:33
Um, but if I had another option I would do, went to Brazil.
03:37
I think I talked about it.
03:38
We learned about like other religions, all that stuff.
03:41
Speaking about how other people live, we have a beautiful
03:45
couple joining us who are well known influencers and they
03:50
are gonna tell us about their journey of creating supportive
03:53
relationships and we're back.
04:17
Welcome back to the everybody.
04:20
We have our guest, Eden and Jay.
04:22
You guys have been clapping up, clap it up.
04:25
What I love about you ladies is that you really focus on healthy
04:29
I know we're in the green room talking about, I felt it.
04:31
I already feel like healed.
04:33
I feel I was this morning and I'm healing in real time in this
04:39
You're giving fun, you're giving sex, you're giving individuality
04:42
but still love a lot of love.
04:45
Um And I also did bother them and asking their signs, Gemini
04:48
and Pisces so that everybody knows and we have real questions
04:53
When I saw like healthy relationship advocate.
04:56
It was like as if God answered my prayer so I could learn about
05:01
But first, and foremost, I would like to learn your story like
05:03
how you guys met your your me cute story and what you were looking
05:07
for at the time somebody told us that in the agreement, one
05:10
One is the wrong story.
05:11
I wanna, I wanna guess, well, obviously mine is the right story
05:16
No, that's incorrect.
05:18
The Pisces is correct.
05:19
But let us, I want to know how you ladies are.
05:21
I think just even like before we met, neither of us were looking
05:27
You just got a brand new car that you were ready to have your
05:31
I I wanted to live my best single life.
05:33
So I went out right after my break up and bought like a fancy
05:37
Schmancy convertible car for me and my dog because I wanted
05:40
to stunt and you bring the hot girl summer and then I met her
05:45
and I was like, yeah, that and I had, I just got in the keys to
05:48
my, my two story condo and it was gonna be my bachelorette pad
05:52
I was like single, ready to kind of just like have a good time
05:57
No, no roommates, nothing, just me myself and I and whoever
06:00
else she drove by a con and you got together.
06:06
I wish it was like that.
06:07
No, we were both on a dating app.
06:09
So like true Millennial love story.
06:11
We were both swiping and the app suggested us to each other
06:18
Hinge Hinge has suggestions.
06:23
So kind of like on Instagram they take suggestions, could
06:26
be friends, they, they study who you've been going on dates
06:30
with and who you've had bad dates with and good dates with.
06:33
And then they suggest people to you based off of who you've
06:36
I want to know what the Hinge profile look like.
06:38
What do you have on your hinge profile?
06:40
Like I know what made you be curious about her?
06:46
You thought it was a cat?
06:47
Yeah, because her profile was all Thirst Traps.
06:49
I mean, obviously, but I want to know some of the questions
06:58
I think some of them are like best, best places you travel to
07:01
or like what did you have on your I very much remember I had a
07:05
very skimpy bikini pick from Miami.
07:08
That was like, oh, that's important but not even face or brain
07:13
But that says a lot about you that you call that says a lot about
07:18
You were, you were both sending each other the same like I'm
07:24
So it was like either way like you were, you were on the same
07:26
frequency or energy.
07:28
So then was your intention to just hook up?
07:31
Yes, that was in and then what happened?
07:33
What happened the rest of the story?
07:36
So what had happened was I had just gotten the keys to my new
07:38
apartment, I had a rabbit at the time and my apartment wasn't
07:44
So I have a go to best friend who was my rabbit sitter who was
07:48
supposed to come pick up the rabbit so I can get my apartment
07:50
inspected and move out.
07:52
That happened that day of our first date and Jay decided to
07:57
pick the west side and neither of us live on the west side.
08:00
I live in Korea Town and for the first day and I live in North
08:05
So by default, you are an hour plus away from the West Side.
08:09
L A dating is commitment to leave your house.
08:12
But you, you, I had a second date lined up right after, after
08:20
I tried, I tried two days.
08:24
I'm like efficiency.
08:29
Don't waste the outfit.
08:30
So where was, where was it?
08:32
So it was at an Italian restaurant in, on Venice Beach.
08:36
So right on the water, the water.
08:40
And so what was your first impression when you saw each other
08:43
I didn't have one because she was 45 minutes.
08:45
So, I mean to be fair to be fair, I'm still new to L A.
08:52
There's a lot of traffic, a lot of, a lot of people going to the
08:56
other side, to the other side, I'm on your side.
09:01
So this is where it gets a little murky who you ask.
09:03
But I was late because my rabbit sitter was running late.
09:07
Therefore, I was running late and then I finally, well, I picked
09:10
the restaurant, she picked the area, the restaurant that
09:13
she chose is one of those restaurants that doesn't allow you
09:15
to sit unless you have your whole party there.
09:17
And there was no bar.
09:20
But I was like, why would you?
09:22
Why did you wait 45 minutes?
09:24
And you thought I was a cafe?
09:25
I really wanted to like, text each other.
09:29
Like, I'm on my way.
09:31
I thought she was lying though because she's like my bunny
09:33
sister is running late if we think about it.
09:37
Do you think o that you had that second date lined up?
09:39
Because you had time anyways.
09:40
You're like, that's so God bless that other chick, right?
09:44
Because I would never be waiting for nobody.
09:48
You're 15 minutes late.
09:49
This is not going anywhere.
09:50
I honestly, this is so bad to admit out loud, but I've actually
09:54
been more late to date.
09:56
I can't offend you anymore.
09:57
I know I've been over an hour late to a date before, but it was
10:01
like, I wasn't in the right head even be dating if I, if I was
10:06
So then what happened?
10:07
So what happened was so I, I'm 45 minutes late.
10:10
I don't even remember because parking obviously in Venice
10:13
Anyway, I found Vale for some random thing.
10:16
I just threw my keys on the car made eye contact with the valet
10:19
driver and just prayed my car was gonna be there when I got back
10:21
and then I booked it and I was starting to run and I remember
10:25
seeing I see her across the street running slow like bay watch
10:29
I'm like, oh, ok, this is worth the wait.
10:35
Those first straps are real.
10:37
So what ended up happening to date?
10:39
You just wait, wait, wait.
10:40
So what happened was I got to the date.
10:44
She saw I owned it rightfully.
10:49
Granted, if we were on our side of town, I would have been fine
10:52
nor here, nor there.
10:53
So she's and so normally when you go into a date, you put your
10:56
best foot forward no, no matter what.
10:58
And I felt like I had nothing to lose when I went on this date
11:02
with her because she was already mad.
11:03
This girl is never gonna talk to me again like she just looks
11:06
like I don't even want to be here right now.
11:08
But meanwhile, like it's that very cliche feeling and I, I
11:12
used to hear people say it all the time and I did never believe
11:15
But when you meet the person that's like getting hit by a truck
11:18
or like a train or something in, you just shifts like your whole
11:21
world like you just know, it'll never be the same ever again
11:26
And so my, my whole job because I literally got hit by a truck
11:31
you know, when, you know, you know, and I was like, I used to
11:36
think people were full of, you know, full of it and it's real
11:38
it's real because I went to that date and I was like my, my strategy
11:42
for this, I cannot let this first date end because the moment
11:45
I let her go, I'm never gonna see her again.
11:48
So I have to keep date one as long as possible and we're still
11:51
on it four years later.
11:54
I never let her go wait.
11:55
So was it after the date that you realized or the second that
11:59
This is like I knew, I knew in that in that moment I knew she was
12:02
the one and I couldn't let her go and, and I, I was just trying
12:06
everything to keep that first date going.
12:08
So after the dinner for me, it was our conversation.
12:12
It didn't, it was immediately but she was so open to just talk
12:16
about everything like triggers, traumas, backgrounds,
12:18
like what you're looking for and what you want in your emotion
12:24
So the first question she asked me, she was like, why are you
12:28
I was single because I, I bottled and I watched my mom die from
12:32
cancer and emotionally I felt like who would even love somebody
12:36
with half a heart because when she left, she took off of it with
12:39
And I'm sitting here like owning that and owning that space
12:42
And I, and as much as I would love to be open to love, like, I don't
12:47
And that's why I'm single because nobody can love someone
12:50
like me right now or I don't even know if I'm deserving of that
12:53
And, and did you share that?
12:55
Literally, this is our first day right now?
12:57
If that is the conversation and then that went into her mom
13:01
um losing her battle to cancer and just like her history of
13:05
of dates and what she's looking for.
13:07
And that was exactly what I was looking for, but I didn't think
13:09
I was gonna find it, which is why I was trying to live my house
13:15
to, to, to be completely real.
13:17
After my last break up before her, I wrote down a mantra for
13:20
myself and I would read it every day and I wrote all the things
13:23
that I wanted in my next partner.
13:24
And if they didn't have those things, I wasn't down.
13:26
It was like, I want someone that can communicate.
13:28
I want someone that can speak their truth.
13:31
I want someone that is confident with our love that I don't
13:33
have to doubt, you know, their love for me.
13:36
Like all these things, it was like an essay and I would read
13:38
it every morning to remind myself like, yo don't waste your
13:41
time on like bullshitting people that aren't worth it.
13:44
And then I met her and I was like, you check literally everything
13:48
How did you know that you were ready to open yourself to someone
13:52
have a relationship?
13:52
Oh I didn't know I was ready.
13:54
That was the problem.
13:55
Like I knew when I met her like this was real and I need to get
13:58
my shit together as a oh That's right.
14:01
So she never made it to that second date yet.
14:03
Any other day that you had a second date or something that came
14:11
So what did you, did?
14:12
You let me go to the bathroom, my credit card, I'm pick up the
14:18
tap but I got to go to the restroom and then I went to the restroom
14:20
and I text the girl and I was like, yo, I'm like gonna be probably
14:23
like 30 minutes late.
14:25
Um because the, the second date was right around the corner
14:28
from the restaurant.
14:29
So you can I ask you guys your, your coming out story if that's
14:42
Yeah, I came out when I was 16.
14:45
So I came out in my teens.
14:46
Did you always know that you were only into women?
14:49
I had a crush on my fourth grade teacher.
14:51
Shout out to Miss Campbell.
14:52
She was so hot Campbell and memory but she left an imprint on
14:58
me and I was like the kid that always brought like beautiful
15:02
bouquets of flowers on Valentine's Day for my pretty teacher
15:06
What happened to me, a female and very fem.
15:10
Um But this is your book.
15:13
This is the thing is I never knew what sexual you're so young
15:17
You don't know why you're attracted to what you're so I thought
15:20
Like I really thought that girls just checked other girls
15:23
out like in middle school, high school.
15:26
Um but I had a pretty traumatic coming out story.
15:29
I was disowned by my family and I was, yeah, it was nuts.
15:34
Um, when I was 16, my cousin was 15 and we were like best friends
15:40
You know, you grow up with your cousins and sisters and she
15:43
confided in me and told me that she was, she was gay and she was
15:46
dating this girl and I was like, no way, girl, me too.
15:48
Like I haven't told anybody because we come from a super Catholic
15:51
So that was a big, no, no, I know.
15:55
So when, when we, when we were like talking and confiding in
15:59
each other, she went to meet up with her girlfriend and my literally
16:04
caught her making out with her girlfriend on our block.
16:11
It was her daughter.
16:13
It was never my, her mom caught her that's different.
16:19
And it was over like the entire family.
16:22
She told the entire family.
16:23
It was like the next day it was so traumatic and then at a family
16:28
barbecue we were all hanging out and my just starts going off
16:32
on like, how she's a lesbian.
16:33
She can't believe she's like, dating to women and like, what
16:36
are the people going to say?
16:37
Like, what does that mean about our religion and just like
16:41
And I remember exactly.
16:43
It's always like that and my mom jumped in and she started gay
16:47
bashing and I couldn't sit there and be like, this is, this
16:51
So I just outed myself and I said, hey, like, if you're going
16:54
to call her those names, you should call me that as well because
16:57
I'm also, that must have been a crazy barbecue.
16:59
Like you were in the park and you're like, what's going on over
17:04
Do you like, you're just walking by like, what are they talking
17:11
And my mom literally grabbed me from my hair and like pulled
17:14
me out of the barbecue.
17:15
And I was like, yeah, she was like, we're going home right now
17:18
and like started calling me all sorts of names on the way home
17:22
She was like, I never want to talk to you again.
17:24
How dare you embarrass me, embarrass our family like you did
17:29
it in front of the whole family because the whole family was
17:32
ganging up on my cousin and it was like 1 20.
17:39
And then, like, I was, like, bawling, I didn't know what to
17:43
And I've always been, like, I'm a Pisces so I've always been
17:45
like, all about my feelings and I wrote my mom, like a two page
17:49
letter telling her like, this doesn't affect our relationship
17:53
Nothing's going to change.
17:54
It's just like what I'm attracted to and I gave it to her and
17:57
she like dead ass just ripped the letter in my face and was like
18:01
I don't want to talk to you.
18:02
Like didn't even read, read the letter.
18:03
So did you stay like, did you grow up with your mom or just?
18:07
Yeah, I've always grown up with my mom.
18:08
My mom was a single parent but that was when I was 16 and the very
18:14
I, I was crying, I went to sleep.
18:15
I was like, it's gonna get better.
18:16
It's gonna get better.
18:17
The very next day she got me a one way ticket, plane ticket to
18:21
go live with my dad who I hadn't seen since I was seven in Guatemala
18:28
And I had never been out of the country ever.
18:31
And now she was sending me on a plane by myself with one luggage
18:34
like grab whatever you can.
18:35
And I'm sorry, where is the TV?
18:37
Pilot that you told her she can't come back until she is that
18:43
she can come back until she's straight.
18:45
But did your mom ever, like, you know, change her mind?
18:47
Like, do you guys, do you still talk to your mom?
18:49
Like, you may never talk to her since that day?
18:51
No, I did talk to her after that.
18:53
I ended up coming back a year later and I tried to mend our relationship
18:59
I was like, you know, let me be the bigger person.
19:01
I went to a lot of therapy, like I had to unpack a lot, you know
19:04
especially like, that's a lot.
19:05
You really fast, really fast.
19:08
And when I came back, I worked on myself.
19:11
She was like, I am going to figure out how to accept this and
19:15
we were fine on and off.
19:17
And then I met Eden and this became very serious.
19:21
So this was kind of like the downfall to my relationship with
19:25
my mom, the relationship with my mom.
19:29
So you don't have a relationship with your mom right now?
19:36
I think sometimes, um we do need like breaks from our, like
19:39
I think sometimes they are really stuck in their ways and
19:42
I feel like they feel like it depends what kind of relationship
19:44
we have your parents.
19:45
But I think they're like a conversation about how can you not
19:47
talk to your parents or whatever, but sometimes you do need
19:50
your own identity separate from them and they need to also
19:53
respect that you, that you're a grown ass adult.
19:56
And, and sometimes the only way they'll learn is if you stand
20:00
But I think that's another thing, right?
20:02
I think within the Latino culture, we have no boundaries.
20:05
We taught from a very young age.
20:07
You have to respect your elders, you have to write or die for
20:09
your family, regardless of how toxic they are.
20:11
Very self style mentality.
20:14
Did you have a similar experience too?
20:16
Or I, I came out later on in life.
20:18
So I came out probably in my like mid to late twenties and by
20:22
that time I was already in LA, I was very independent.
20:25
Um I had an opposite relationship with my family.
20:28
I was maybe too independent like to a fault.
20:31
Um I've had to work since I was 15.
20:33
I've like paid my own rent since I was very young.
20:36
I paid my way through college by myself.
20:37
I did everything by myself.
20:39
And so when I understood that, you know, I'm bisexual, when
20:43
I moved to L A, my mentality was whether you accept me or not
20:48
Like, I've, I've been good on my own this whole time.
20:50
Not that they didn't want to, you know, my, my family wanted
20:53
to be a part of my life and I think that must be pretty hard to
20:57
But, you know, you're there.
21:00
But I've, I've done everything on my own.
21:02
So I think what did they to me or not?
21:04
It was more of like a, you're gonna miss out, like you're gonna
21:07
miss out on, on a great daughter on the great life that I'm gonna
21:10
And if you don't accept me who I am, like, take it or leave it
21:13
So it was very cold.
21:14
And you said you were bisexual?
21:16
Did that affect anything with you?
21:18
Like do you date women that are bisexual?
21:22
You've never dated women that bisexual?
21:23
How does that work in the community?
21:25
Because it like, yeah, so you just struggle and marry a girl
21:29
It didn't matter like you didn't have a preference, boy or
21:32
Um So my my bisexuality, so bisexuality in general is a spectrum
21:37
So I really need to have a connection with the person that is
21:40
across from me could be a guy, could be a girl, it could be, they
21:43
them trans doesn't really matter.
21:45
Um I just didn't want to limit myself to meeting the right person
21:48
based on what they just happened to be born with.
21:50
Like I'm it, it that wasn't a big issue for me.
21:54
Like I like to be stimulated emotionally, mentally as well
21:56
as physically and physical is such a small part if you really
21:59
think about it, at least for me.
22:01
Um I'm very much an intimate person but like intimacy looks
22:05
so, so different and it's very big.
22:07
Um And so I, you know, identify as bisexual and my bisexuality
22:12
is still monogamous.
22:13
Like, bisexuals are very capable of being monogamous despite
22:16
what the media and like shows will, will, you know, tell you
22:20
But it's been a battle in the dating scene because straight
22:24
men find bisexual women like intimidating and then lesbian
22:28
women find bisexual women like untrustworthy.
22:31
So it's like, I'm, if I do, I'm damned if I don't.
22:34
And every time when that conversation gets caught, you know
22:37
caught up like I'm bisexual, it's like, it always becomes
22:41
like an elephant in the room, an elephant in the room or like
22:43
I don't know what to do with you or I'm too nervous about what
22:46
you might do before they even get to know me.
22:48
So there's a lot of prejudgment and I do know that I feel like
22:52
the men definitely have it a lot harder than the women.
22:54
But dating for me was, wasn't easy.
22:57
And a lot of times I would date men, but just because it was easier
23:01
not because that's what I wanted at the time, but it was just
23:04
And then when I would try to date women and I would really try
23:07
the conversations would go great with lesbians until they
23:11
find out that I'm bisexual or they finally read my bio because
23:15
it's very open, it's there and then the conversation dies
23:18
off and it goes cold and So would like, you, you did not have
23:22
a thing for bisexuals at all.
23:24
Yeah, I was definitely biphobic when I read the bio meaning
23:28
like you, you an anti anti bica.
23:34
Yeah, but that's the thing, right?
23:36
Like when I was biphobic, I didn't realize where that stemmed
23:39
from a lot of insecurity.
23:42
I think for me at the time when I met her, I thought she was going
23:45
to cheat on me with a dude and like, I can't compete with a guy
23:48
Like we're equipped completely different, but that's just
23:50
where my head went, not realizing that it's just like a cheater
23:53
is gonna cheat regardless of the 100%.
23:56
And that was something that I didn't realize and it didn't
23:58
click until I met her and I was like, no, she's right.
24:01
Like I'm not gonna, I shouldn't judge someone based on their
24:04
Like that has nothing to do with the person that they are.
24:06
Do you ever feel bad for having, I guess biphobic tendencies
24:10
I think it's really big of you to say like, I used to have this
24:12
viewpoint and then I changed.
24:14
Did you ever feel like bad?
24:15
Like sometimes I'll go back in time, like, damn, like I could
24:18
have been less toxic or whatever.
24:20
Did ever feel bad about having that former viewpoint?
24:24
We have open conversations about it.
24:26
But again, I can't, I can't change what I was or what I thought
24:29
back in the day, all I can do is change my perspective now and
24:33
now you guys are engaged.
24:40
How did it, how did it go from there?
24:42
Like you guys are more open on social media, you set an example
24:45
to all the, you know, people around the world.
24:47
What, how did you guys decide to get that, take that step to
24:50
be public and actually also be people that are gonna teach
24:54
you know, your relationship to other people.
24:55
Well, it, because even within our first date and dating in
24:59
general, we've learned so much about what it means to be healthy
25:03
for each other because we weren't healthy before we met.
25:06
And yeah, I mean, even admitting to, you know, being biphobic
25:11
And knowing how to like open your mind and open your perspective
25:14
like that was the first question you, you asked me on my first
25:17
date um about being bisexual and I was like, are you, what are
25:21
Because I'm afraid you're gonna cheat.
25:22
I was and then ask me if I'm a cheater because whether I cheat
25:25
on you with a guy or a girl, cheating is still cheating.
25:27
And if you ask where I stand on cheating, I don't stand for it
25:29
And then I was like, I gotta ring in my pocket like what made
25:35
you guys so much so healthy is just being straight up cold turkey
25:40
It's harder for people to do.
25:42
I really feel like honest, honesty, like just being honest
25:46
with somebody and not being afraid to ask.
25:48
Well, I think part of that is you have to be honest with yourself
25:50
when you both met, you probably were like, this is where I'm
25:54
If you don't like me, whoever that could have been like, I don't
25:57
want to be with you.
25:58
But I think it's also like, you have to be honest with yourself
26:00
So you can be honest with other people.
26:02
A lot of people are walking out here, delusional.
26:05
Did you, did you ever have like, I know you guys are amazing
26:08
about like any obstacles, any breakdowns, any break ups?
26:11
That was like a crazy fight.
26:13
Thankfully, I've never broken up, but there was some growing
26:16
pains because I grew up in a household where just feelings
26:20
and emotions were swept under the rug.
26:21
You're not supposed to talk about it.
26:23
You're supposed to be strong no matter what, whether you're
26:25
going through grief or loss, any of that.
26:28
So when I met her, I realized very quickly, I had a lot of toxic
26:31
traits that I need to get over, like walking out of a relationship
26:35
like walking out of a, like a conversation or walking away
26:40
because you do that.
26:42
I mean, instead of sometimes I, I'll just like step back and
26:45
just not talk about it and just walk away.
26:47
I do because I'd rather not react and act foolish.
26:50
I'll just kind of disappear for a bit, which is, which is really
26:56
Now, I used to but now recently I'll be like, ok, what's up?
27:00
Let's talk about this.
27:01
Even though like, I used to have like a lump in my throat all
27:03
Now I would need that lump back because I'm talking too much
27:07
and I talk about everything.
27:09
I was also a people pleaser.
27:11
So you got to be people pleasing.
27:12
And so you're like lying to yourself because you're lying
27:16
to others because you didn't want to have a confrontation
27:19
She don't let the tattoos fool you.
27:20
She's non confrontational.
27:23
You know, you guys go to therapy together like six months into
27:27
We, we literally, we were like, we want this to work.
27:30
We want to use that therapy as preventative, not as the last
27:33
thing I want to go back to social media a little bit because
27:37
I think social media is such a polarizing place right now.
27:40
You can put anything and it's just like anything can be slammed
27:43
I like hot dogs and that shit is going to get, I'm going to get
27:47
But I think I think being queer, being lesbian, bisexual can
27:52
trigger a lot of other people's maybe their own journeys.
27:55
And do you ever feel like you have to navigate maybe negative
27:58
conversations online?
27:59
Especially because your relationship is so public and you
28:01
know, a lot of stigma within Latinos and the Latino family
28:05
Do you ever feel like sometimes you have to take a break from
28:08
social media or like, do you have tools in place?
28:11
But like, you know what I have to this person or I choose not
28:14
to educate this person because they should do their own homework
28:16
Well, we didn't wake up with the goal to be influencers.
28:20
That was never a thing.
28:21
We started this page primarily because we never saw, we, we
28:24
couldn't find an account that focused on healthy relationship
28:28
within the Latino community, especially within the queer
28:31
Like it just doesn't exist.
28:32
So we took it upon ourselves to share the tools that we learned
28:36
in therapy and like within our relationship, for those that
28:38
probably can't afford therapy are, aren't familiar with
28:42
It's taboo because that conversation therapy in general
28:44
in the Latino community is like unheard of, you know, you don't
28:48
They both come from broken homes, right?
28:50
And so the relationship, your first, you know, vision of a
28:53
relationship starts with your parents.
28:55
And so we didn't have like the best example of what a healthy
28:59
dynamic of communication relationship, compromise, love
29:02
looks like we've had a very long string of, you know, toxic
29:05
relationships, which we know what we don't want, but not enough
29:08
representation of what we do want.
29:10
And so as we're trying to figure out this journey of how to be
29:13
that, that healthy couple that we always knew we could be.
29:16
If we just put in the work for it.
29:17
Let's try to be that for somebody else who may not have that
29:20
example to let you know.
29:22
It's absolutely possible, but it's not easy and we don't sugar
29:25
We don't lie about it.
29:27
It takes compromise 100% compromise your stubbornness and
29:31
your ego, check it out the door because that, that relationship
29:34
is not gonna work for real.
29:35
So what things do you guys share on your Instagram to help other
29:40
Everything even like even like this all the time, we're very
29:45
Like I said, I'm a person and she's a logical person.
29:49
So it takes a lot to figure out how we can speak the same language
29:53
So how do you do that?
29:54
So she operates a lot on emotion and I, and I'm very logical
29:58
and so we understand that we are two different people who have
30:01
very different communication styles doesn't mean one is
30:04
better than the other, doesn't mean one's right and one's
30:07
At the end of the day, you have to come from a place of love and
30:09
respect and there's going to be compromise.
30:12
Someone has to give up something.
30:14
It can't be one person compromising all the time or giving
30:17
up because listen, it's gonna feel it's gonna be somebody
30:21
someone, they, you both have to give up something you both
30:24
have to have to compromise and meet in the middle.
30:26
But you also have to understand.
30:28
And we, this is like our biggest thing that we, we preach every
30:32
You have to give your partner safe space to be honest with you
30:35
And you can't judge them for being honest because what you
30:38
don't want for them to do is lie or to not communicate because
30:41
they don't feel safe to talk to you.
30:43
So we create this safe space and we've worked very hard to create
30:46
create a safe space.
30:47
Asking for a friend, ask for, you always want to blame things
30:53
on me for everybody.
30:58
Well, Ivana and Ivana friend.
31:01
Yeah, I think when we first started dating, uh Eden played
31:05
this game where she's like the couch is safe space.
31:08
So if we're sitting on the couch and you want to tell me like
31:11
a something that you're not, that you're not comfortable
31:14
If you're on, if we're on this couch, whatever goes with no
31:17
type of judgment, judgment or backlash.
31:21
And so we started playing this game where if I needed to tell
31:24
her something that I didn't feel comfortable, I would call
31:26
safe space on the couch, like couch, a safe space and, and I
31:29
feel like that's good because um it just, it's a culture like
31:34
a tradition, a relationship where you're like, ok, we know
31:36
what time it is, you kind of get in the zone nothing comes unexpected
31:40
Either you, you can expect the worst or the best or whatever
31:43
it is, but you'll be open, your guard is already down.
31:45
You need to establish that safe zone.
31:48
Like it's, we're in this ring together and where it's always
31:51
going to come from is that we need to fight for each other and
31:53
not against each other.
31:54
So help me, help you get to what we need because we're going
31:58
to get there a lot faster.
32:00
And this phase and this friction will end a lot sooner if we
32:03
just work on it together instead of against each other.
32:05
So it's, it's do you want to fight with your person or do you
32:08
want to find a solution with your person?
32:10
And I'm gonna be real.
32:12
But applying this relationship is a lot of work and we always
32:16
say this is the hardest relationship we've both been in because
32:18
we have to work every day.
32:20
We ask a lot of questions.
32:22
That'll help you guys so much is asking like when your person
32:25
is when you're approaching a conflict, right?
32:28
Or a confrontation and your person is like off and just venting
32:32
you need to ask them, do you want me to solve the problem or
32:35
do you just want me to listen?
32:37
I want to ask a question for a friend, not for me, for a friend
32:42
I I'm gonna be an amazing woman after this.
32:45
I can't wait to see my boyfriend.
32:46
I think sometimes in relationships, sometimes I think a lot
32:50
of, um, maybe what we're taught, what we end up doing in relationships
32:53
But what about when somebody has a lot of, maybe, maybe they're
32:56
going through a rough patch in their lives, like, you know
32:58
losing a job or maybe losing a family member and sometimes
33:01
when that becomes like a weight on you, like, you know, I'm
33:05
sure maybe there have been circumstances where you were in
33:07
different places and something became a wait, how do you set
33:11
Like, I still want to show up for you, but I can't take all of
33:14
this on because you're bringing me down.
33:15
Like, do you ever have maybe within this relationship or other
33:19
people that have had that question for our friends?
33:21
We actually, when we first started dating, Eden lost her mom
33:25
not that long ago to cancer.
33:28
And so she was battling with a lot of that grief and she was depression
33:33
a lot of depression when we first started dating.
33:35
And it got to the point where I was like, listen, I love you and
33:39
I want nothing but the best for you.
33:41
But if you don't get help with coping with this, I can't go on
33:44
that journey with you.
33:45
Like it's not my journey to take.
33:47
She's like you're drowning when you're taking me with you
33:49
And she's like you're going to a place that I can't go.
33:51
So I need you to make a choice and it's like you, you lost your
33:54
mom and you're gonna lose me too.
33:57
So I had to, I had to choose you buckled up.
34:00
I'm sorry, you spoke up.
34:01
I think a lot of people just end up just going with the flow and
34:03
then having resentment for their partner and then maybe a
34:08
Are you, are you good?
34:09
I'm just so, so emotional.
34:10
It's like so beautiful to see like this pure, raw emotion that
34:14
I feel like with a lot of female and male couple, it's hard to
34:17
like get that common to get to that common place all the time
34:21
Like men are from Mars, women are from kind of, but I, I realize
34:25
that it's not about that at all.
34:26
It's just about communicating it like being really honest
34:29
And I think the hardest thing to do for a lot of people, I think
34:31
people will like to your point when you put things online,
34:34
people can say like, man, she gave you an ultimatum.
34:36
I was like, thank God she did, but it was my choice to take it
34:40
you know, and she was doing what was best for her.
34:42
And I can't get mad at her for that.
34:44
Like that's where that no judgment comes from, that safe space
34:47
And you're telling me what you need and she's like, I need you
34:50
to get better it's not that I don't love you.
34:51
And it's not that if you didn't choose me, I would never stop
34:55
loving you for the rest of my life.
34:57
But I can't, I can't watch you go through this because when
34:59
you love somebody who's going through pain, it hurts.
35:01
And I don't wanna, I don't wanna hurt her.
35:05
And so it was really a motivation for me to get help and to be
35:08
And I think a lot of arguments in couples when they, when they
35:12
get defensive, they, they feel like they're the best versions
35:15
of themselves already and they don't want to hear how they
35:17
can improve versus me.
35:19
I'm like, tell me how I can be a better partner because that's
35:21
what you deserve and it's my choice to change.
35:24
And so I chose to get help and my emotions are like, not because
35:27
I'm sad because I miss my mom because I'm so proud of you for
35:29
doing that because I needed that.
35:31
And if you weren't gonna do it, I, I probably would still be
35:34
you know, sat in the corner crying, you know, you know, missing
35:37
somebody who was very much here like she's alive.
35:41
She can, I, I wanna keep talking about family.
35:45
Yeah, because you on the, in the same space, the, the couch
35:58
you're growing your business together, but you're also
36:02
in the middle of growing a family.
36:04
Can you tell us about the process of the, I like what's going
36:06
on with IVF and who's going to be holding the baby?
36:09
I'm like, hold the baby.
36:13
We started our IVF journey almost four years ago.
36:16
Yeah, we, we started three years ago and we're really big on
36:19
like fertility and advocating for fertility because it took
36:23
us three years to get to where we are today.
36:25
And people think like you can get pregnant, at least if you're
36:29
gay, you know, you can get pregnant like that.
36:30
And it's not realistic.
36:33
And for us, we're two women and we thought like, great, we have
36:35
double the odds of this working.
36:37
We're two young women on top of that.
36:39
I'm sorry about missing.
36:40
Did you decide who is going to carry?
36:43
That was the question you were asking.
36:46
So you both are going to have babies at the same time.
36:47
No, no, no, I don't know.
36:58
So we're taking, we're taking, we're taking people who get
37:03
pregnant at the same time, but that is not our journey.
37:05
How you decide to go.
37:06
Well, so I'm a little bit older than Eden.
37:07
So I was gonna go, I'm gonna go first and we all, we're also doing
37:11
reciprocal IVF which means I'm gonna carry her egg and she's
37:15
So my baby is gonna look like her and then her baby is gonna look
37:19
So it's gonna have a little bit of you too with her egg, right
37:24
It's my, didn't do that.
37:30
Egg is going in your body.
37:32
So it's gonna have her egg and then part of you, your blood,
37:38
I think like, I think if you think about it like a surrogacy
37:43
it kind of makes sense.
37:44
I think more like that DNA wise, it'll just be um me and the donor
37:49
but like she will have a part in this whole process because
37:52
she will be the one giving birth to our baby.
37:55
So it'll be a little bit of a mixture of everyone genetically
37:58
Yes, me but actual like or biologically, yes me.
38:01
But the process of bringing this person into life is definitely
38:05
her genetically there.
38:07
There won't be any traces of her DNA.
38:09
But that doesn't mean that she doesn't have a part in this process
38:12
And then I'm also opting to do induced lactation.
38:15
So while she's breastfeeding, I can speed up that process
38:18
for myself and I can breast feed and help her out so she can sleep
38:21
and then I can create a bond.
38:26
This is like the most beautiful thing.
38:29
We had a straight friend that's like I want to come back as a
38:32
So we just had a baby so she can help me out.
38:36
And I know I know that we um we have to wrap up this section real
38:39
quick, but I know we talk a lot about just how we do our emotion
38:42
being of each other being better partners.
38:45
You talk about IVF, but I also want to talk about your, you also
38:48
work together, you have a business venture.
38:50
So you guys really like each other.
38:53
I can't get along with nobody.
38:54
I mean, I'm working on it but I can barely get along with numbers
38:58
So you also, you also do parties.
39:01
So tell us all about how it came about.
39:04
So last May we created an event called and it was strictly to
39:08
bring our bi community to the forefront while bringing culture
39:12
and community like together, right?
39:14
Because I feel like for us a lot of these core spaces specifically
39:18
in L A, they tend to be a little white, no problem, no shade,
39:21
but I feel like there's no culture or that gets thrown in there
39:25
to make us feel a little more welcome.
39:27
And so that was kind of like the and the idea behind it, we also
39:30
still wanted to bring that element of safe space, right?
39:33
Like you can just let your guard down, everyone gets along
39:36
It's good energy and good people.
39:37
And so we were like, can we can we make something where it's
39:40
like a blend of our online, like person in our community and
39:44
bring it to the real world.
39:46
And so it was definitely a dream of Jay.
39:52
So what's a night, night?
39:55
Like what are we wearing?
40:01
The girls, there's gays and days and days and days and gay and
40:10
And it, 00, they're welcome.
40:17
As long as you, you know, you don't bring any drama.
40:19
We've got drag kings, we've got queer DJ S, we've got performers
40:23
queer burlesque dancers.
40:25
It's a whole product.
40:28
You guys started this whole thing.
40:29
How did you know that it was going to be, I think when you're
40:31
doing live events, like you don't know if it's going to be successful
40:33
if it's going to transfer from online to in person.
40:36
You realize like, oh, this is going to pop our first party.
40:38
We, we got a bar in downtown that can maybe fit 200 people.
40:43
And we were thinking, you know, we'll do a little shout out
40:45
we'll put it on social.
40:46
Maybe 100 people will show up and half of them are going to be
40:49
our friends that are just there to hang out with us long and
40:51
behold, it was like 400 people that showed up.
40:55
The line was wrapped around the block to pay.
40:59
We just threw a free event.
41:01
I wanted to see and then sure enough, we hit capacity 30 minutes
41:04
you know, with the doors opening.
41:06
And so we were like, ok, let's try it again.
41:09
Let's let's charge tickets and then let's see if that was just
41:12
Because we didn't want it to be just like a DJ playing and that's
41:17
Like, we really wanna give our culture and our community some
41:21
And so we're like, how, what talent can we hire?
41:23
What can we bring in?
41:24
We brought in a Selena impersonator and she did a whole performing
41:30
We got her like two dozen roses to hand out to the crowd during
41:36
And it was a beautiful moment and that was about 506 100 people
41:40
that showed up to that one and New Year's Eve had over 1000 people
41:44
And so it just keeps going and growing.
41:46
So is that your main business?
41:48
No, no, no entrepreneurs portfolio.
41:52
So what, what else are you guys doing?
41:54
We are actually we have like not a 9 to 5, but we're freelance
41:58
social media managers for different small businesses around
42:01
It's like a small and then we have and then we are also influencers
42:07
So we deal with a lot of brands online that, you know, pay us
42:10
to just to bring it back to.
42:11
And I real quick, I know you have different bands for like if
42:14
you are, I think if you identify with certain, I guess that's
42:18
what I love about this is that we're able to like create the
42:21
night to be whatever we want.
42:23
And we think of everything from the back to the front.
42:25
And so when we go out to events there's a lot of anxiety, right
42:28
So we're all about therapy.
42:29
How can we lower people's anxiety and make it more friendly
42:32
and we're like, let's give them bracelets so they can go and
42:35
meet each other and know what you're looking for, right?
42:37
Can meet other singles and a yellow is friends and I'm red.
42:44
Don't talk about it is going to be there.
42:47
I'm, this is my very solo era.
42:51
Ivan goes so we could now we've opened it up to Polly because
42:55
they need to be represented as well, which is really cool and
42:57
it's taken off pretty well.
42:59
We love everything about this event.
43:01
We want to give the audience a vibe of what it is.
43:03
So check out this clip guys.
43:23
So we were talking about and you're gonna go to night, you're
43:29
gonna need some Latina Latino, you need some sweat, you need
43:32
some game, you need to have a good vibe.
43:33
You can't even be going there, right?
43:35
You have game Ivana.
43:37
No, I mean I'm not even trying to put, I want to know, do you have
43:39
I've been in this game for years.
43:42
It made me an animal.
43:44
So we're going to play a little game that we just came up with
43:48
It's called Who has, who is the Latina goddess on the couch
43:51
Who's got the most games?
43:53
These are some lines that are pick up line and we want you to
43:56
say a couple of them to see how it comes out, how you say it in
44:00
All right, here we go.
44:01
Ok, I'm gonna do my own line.
44:05
Are you a because I wanna hit that?
44:07
Oh, that, I can't be down, down.
44:14
Oh, have you ever used that?
44:17
At least you should.
44:22
I got to get close though.
44:27
You're going to do it to me.
44:32
And you're looking like a snack.
44:34
Oh, my couch is the same space.
44:37
I just the same right now.
44:45
Is that, is that a mirror in your pocket?
44:48
Because I can see myself in your pants.
44:53
Did you come up with?
44:54
No, it's on the night of the rocks were my favorite movie.
44:56
Everyone's coming up with their own thing.
44:58
So um no, I feel like is going to be me to make it up.
45:04
This is what I came with.
45:07
All right is your middle name Selena?
45:09
Because you're a legend.
45:11
Oh, wow, you got me.
45:24
That was maybe because I bought it.
45:25
I did bring it back to me.
45:26
That was kind of selfish.
45:27
But let me just let me bring the audience.
45:30
So he didn't even, he was so disappointed.
45:36
Ok, let me think about the middle name.
45:41
Um All all the lines went away.
45:43
Let me think about something.
45:44
Um I got no, you got, you got that face though.
45:50
Give us your, I got a face guard.
45:52
Give us the look it's over.
45:55
Maybe you could spit Risk to me.
45:58
I saw one that said um I think it was like, am I are you an because
46:02
I'm not a without you.
46:05
I was on the loo you better react.
46:11
That shout out to the homie jean is like, oh she did say my ass
46:20
So yeah, we'll never be using the Selina 10 my God.
46:25
I said it on a loudspeaker.
46:26
Well, a little bit embarrassed.
46:30
I, I'm having so much.
46:32
I honestly learned so much today.
46:35
You have us back July 1st, right?
46:41
July 1st is our festival.
46:42
We have a Halloween and a New Year's Eve party.
46:44
Those two are really, really fun.
46:47
I'm gonna be here for New Year's Eve because I live in Los Angeles
46:50
and we pass out grapes at midnight to make.
46:52
I mean, I don't know what this year, but it's been a pretty,
46:55
you, you did anything for New Year like to start the year?
46:58
Did you do any like we do 12 grapes, grapes, that yellow underwear
47:03
and eat one wish for every grape.
47:06
Yeah, we did that at the time that I saw that if you eat the grapes
47:09
underneath the table or something.
47:11
Yeah, but I'm not engaged.
47:15
I was like, I already ate the grapes before we close.
47:18
I know this is such a fun conversation.
47:20
What does your board look like for the wedding?
47:23
I already started planning mine.
47:24
No one asked me but I, all I care about is how my friends dress
47:30
I made a Pinterest board that was like she sent them the board
47:33
I sent everybody the board.
47:34
I was like, y'all have to slay at my wedding.
47:36
Did you, did you give color?
47:38
Oh yeah, it's like Mexico City meets the mega.
47:41
Like that is the, this is gonna be really cute.
47:44
It's gonna be beautiful and I'm super excited to get there
47:47
and it's hard because like, I think we were originally supposed
47:50
to get married in 2024 but then we got notification from our
47:53
doctor that we have to have kids sooner rather than later.
47:56
And that was a big shocker for us.
47:57
So we moved the wedding up a whole year and we had to tell everyone
48:00
like, ok, less than six months now we're getting married like
48:03
if you're still in great.
48:05
Um And so that was kind of, you know, a bit challenging.
48:07
So my Pinterest board, I try to put too much, not too much pressure
48:10
on it because I'm like kind of in baby mode right now.
48:12
I'm super excited to hang with everybody and to see what everybody
48:16
wears and the food and the dancing but I'm, I'm pretty much
48:19
halfway in baby mode right now.
48:21
Well, I, what did you hear from this conversation?
48:24
I honestly, I've learned so much.
48:26
I think the one thing was the safe space, creating a safe space
48:29
No judgment, no defensiveness.
48:31
It's almost like a really cool game that benefits both of you
48:34
You know what I mean?
48:34
You can say it's a good game, but in reality, it's just getting
48:37
you closer and I'm going to use that literally tonight.
48:40
I think mine is more about boundaries.
48:42
Sorry, I just naturally clap all clapper.
48:48
Um Sorry, I just had a flashback.
48:51
I used to be, it doesn't even matter anyway.
48:53
So what I but I got through this conversation with boundaries
48:57
and not being afraid to really be honest when you can't receive
49:01
I'm I have a Pisces mood.
49:03
I am a Gemini but I just be listening to everybody.
49:06
I'm like, I'm stressed out and I love you.
49:09
I'm just saying I'm practicing and I love you, but I need to
49:12
like it would help me if you at least started the process so
49:15
I can be there to support and it is hard too because you never
49:18
want to dismiss anybody or push them away, especially you
49:21
don't know how people react to like everyone grieves so differently
49:24
But I want to be able to be there for somebody without taking
49:27
on everything because I have my own issues.
49:29
So that's what I learned today and thank you guys so much for
49:34
blessing us to be present.
49:36
This was a beautiful episode, girl.
49:38
Let me tell you, make sure to like, comment and subscribe to
49:41
As always, I'm Ivo Rojas.
49:43
I'm, I'm Jay, I'm Eden.
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