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Don't Post Your Man! Freezing Your Eggs, Friendzoned y Mas!

Girl, Let Me Tell You
We sip some wine and open up about mental health struggles stemming from relationships and past experiences. Plus: are strip clubs cheating?
Show transcript
00:00
Because like when I look at you before I started working, I
00:01
was like, I, I admire, I was like, I don't know you but like you're
00:04
killing it.
00:04
Like you're like, I wish I could be friends with her and they
00:07
put it on a podcast.
00:08
I'm like, oh, she's so dope.
00:09
So it's so interesting for me to be right here next to you.
00:11
Like you, you have anxiety like, hey, welcome to another episode
00:20
just in case y'all forgot.
00:21
My name is Jessica Flores.
00:23
I'm more.
00:24
What's up?
00:24
What's up?
00:25
I'm Yvonne Rojas.
00:26
What's going down?
00:26
What kind of coffee do you guys get when you do drink coffee
00:29
I was curious, I'm curious what your style.
00:30
I honestly I have to drink.
00:32
I could drink any kind of coffee.
00:33
I don't got no, I'm not.
00:35
You're not gonna order.
00:36
Well, I have a particular order at Starbucks.
00:38
It is a grande white moco with oat milk and no whipped cream
00:42
It makes me feel less good.
00:43
You healthy because they're like, do you want the whipped
00:47
cream or not?
00:47
And when you say no, you're like, wow, I'm in my healthy group
00:50
but it still has mashed it but it does make me feel a little bit
00:54
good.
00:55
Like no whipped cream, please.
00:56
Um There's everything else.
00:57
I'm only three pumps instead of four.
01:00
I do know.
01:01
Sugar og cafe latte with almond.
01:05
What's see this?
01:06
I feel stupid.
01:06
What's a cafe latte?
01:08
It's just espresso with a lot of more milk than espresso coffee
01:14
It's a light coffee drink.
01:15
I get very Colombian midday kind of.
01:18
Colombia is the capital of coffees.
01:20
It really is like Colombia.
01:22
And when we were babies in the wattle, I had coffee.
01:24
Like, I'm not a little bit like they kind of start training
01:27
you like when you're like, no, no, but it's true.
01:32
We're Colombian and it's very true.
01:33
My grandma has called at 9 p.m. and I'm like, oh in Colombia
01:38
I drink coffee all the time.
01:39
I was actually.
01:40
So I don't really hang up for Christmas time.
01:44
I don't usually hang up a tree.
01:45
But last Christmas I wanted to put a little tree in the apartment
01:48
and my niece, she's seven and we were picking out ornament
01:51
It's like, oh get this coffee thing because you always drink
01:53
coffee and it wasn't until she's seven.
01:55
So you know, kids notice everything.
01:56
I'm like, yo, I have an addiction so I it's good for you.
02:00
But it's the only thing I look forward to.
02:03
I drink.
02:04
I drink every morning.
02:06
But I know it makes me a little bit crack head vibes too much
02:13
I don't know what that is.
02:14
You know, I'm Latina but I think it's more Mexican because
02:17
Colombians a but it's more like a Mexican cinnamon coffee
02:21
delicious.
02:21
I have to have coffee every single day is the one thing I look
02:24
for.
02:25
Do you stress out if you don't have coffee?
02:26
Like, you know, my brain that's part of my routine.
02:29
Like, even if I don't like, I don't care.
02:30
I have to drink a coffee.
02:31
So my brain knows the day has started.
02:33
Like, it's just like a thing that an addiction, it's an addiction
02:38
No, no, it's just like a routine.
02:40
I mean, that actually goes to this topic.
02:42
Control or with the flow because if you, if that's not in the
02:46
morning, can you really have your day?
02:48
My day?
02:49
Exactly.
02:49
So the controls you, but it's a routine.
02:53
I, it's like I know I journal every night.
02:57
I'm just saying, I'm just saying like, oh, I journal in the
02:59
mornings I journal and I'm like, ok, do you consistently?
03:02
You do this?
03:03
I, I only journal once a month.
03:05
I just like to pretend I do good things.
03:06
I journal at night because you know, you see those, ok, let's
03:09
be real.
03:10
We see those videos on social media, like, look at my morning
03:13
routine.
03:13
Ok?
03:14
And they're like, they wake up from their slumber and they
03:16
look perfect and they're splashing water on their face and
03:19
then they're like journaling and I'm like, do you really do
03:21
that.
03:22
Some people do do that.
03:23
I think some people I think depending on where you are in your
03:26
in your, in your journey.
03:27
Like there was days when I woke up and I was writing a, every
03:30
day, every night because I needed to get it out of my system
03:32
Now, I'm like, uh once a month to manifest some things.
03:35
But like at the beginning I wish every single day.
03:38
No, but I, I do try to journal um often as often as you can because
03:44
sometimes life just gets in the way of things or whatever.
03:46
But I can just say that I do shit like I feel like a better person
03:52
kind of want to talk a little bit about because this is something
03:54
that's been on my mind because I have been feeling a shift in
03:56
my life hustle culture, especially like when you're from
04:00
L A or like the cities and not even that you could be from like
04:02
a smaller state, a smaller town and still feel that sense of
04:05
hustle and like wanting to work.
04:07
But I know I felt a big part of that in my early twenties.
04:10
It was all about that hustle culture and to a sense it's very
04:14
beautiful.
04:14
It's got me to where I am but it is a little bit dangerous.
04:17
There's also some downsides to that.
04:18
Have you guys felt like there's been like a detriment to your
04:21
mental health when you guys have only been about work and you
04:23
didn't have that balance of like, OK, today I'm going to journal
04:26
and maybe there's days where there's a little bit more healing
04:29
I think there's definitely a time in your place in your life
04:31
and you have to put your head down and grind like there's a time
04:35
but then there's a time in your life when you kind of need your
04:37
own space and silence.
04:40
Because for me, a lot of my ideas and visions come when I'm silent
04:43
when I'm like, either walking on the beach or I'm just praying
04:46
or meditating.
04:47
Like it's when you're silent that you can really hear whatever
04:50
it is.
04:51
You know what I mean?
04:51
But when you're on the grind though, that's when things start
04:53
moving.
04:54
But that's when things start moving too.
04:55
So it's like you have to learn to balance.
04:57
I think that comes to a mix because I know that everyone's like
05:00
anti hustle.
05:01
Oh my God.
05:01
I got a Charlie ho sorry.
05:03
Um Everyone's like anti culture.
05:06
But I feel like I like, I still like my brain is so locked in like
05:12
I just have a process and I have to get these things done or like
05:16
I just want to, I have to be honest in comedy, like if everybody
05:20
has a season, but it's like you really have whatever you hustle
05:22
whatever you work for is what you get.
05:23
So it's like if I'm not really like at home, like doing what
05:27
I have to do, then I'm not going to see those results.
05:29
So I think it's a balance.
05:31
I have learned how to be less kind of bitchy in my approach because
05:34
I used to be really hard on myself, like everything needs to
05:37
be perfect.
05:37
And now it's like, you know what Gloria it got done, it's out
05:40
there.
05:41
How can you make it better for the next time?
05:42
Like, stop being so mean to yourself.
05:44
I don't know, I don't know that.
05:44
Answer the question, but I'm just saying, I'm still a little
05:46
anal.
05:47
I just have to be honest about that.
05:48
Yeah.
05:48
How do you, how do you like for instance, like when you're dealing
05:51
because you have been on like Netflix shows, you're a full
05:54
blown actress killing it here in Hollywood.
05:56
Like how do you manage the stress of it all?
05:58
Because let's be real like as women, I love that we are career
06:02
women and we are pursuing our goals, right?
06:04
And we're not letting a certain, you know, tradition define
06:07
us, but also we're women and innately in us.
06:10
I don't know about you guys.
06:10
I'm speaking on myself.
06:11
I wanna be a mom.
06:12
I wanna be a present mom as well.
06:14
So you're dealing with that as well.
06:15
Like how are you managing the stress of it all?
06:17
Because we are at that age where now you're kind of, I don't
06:21
want to say a crossroads but you're a little bit like, what
06:23
am I gonna prioritize?
06:24
Is it more work or is it more building a family?
06:26
Is it this, is it that like, how are you managing stress?
06:29
Like I grew up, I'm an athlete, like I grew up playing sports
06:32
man entire life.
06:32
And I think that has really shaped the way that I am now in my
06:35
career because as an athlete, like you learn how to like you
06:38
wake up and you practice, you are playing with the team.
06:40
So you know how to be a team player.
06:42
You have a coach, a mentor, like a, a director that tells you
06:45
like what to do and you're able to adjust and not take things
06:48
personally because your coach is trying to help you.
06:49
You know what I mean?
06:50
And then you learn how to win.
06:51
You don't, you don't have to lose.
06:52
So like that has helped me in my life now, like as an actress
06:55
I try to like with directors telling me, I take it as like a
06:59
helpful thing and I try to work out every day to not be stressed
07:02
and I have mentors to like bounce ideas off.
07:05
Like you need to use these tools in your life to continue to
07:07
grow.
07:08
And I think that's the most important thing is that don't be
07:10
afraid to ask for help because people have been there already
07:13
Like that's why they have there's wisdom in this world.
07:15
So like use those tools.
07:16
Like, don't ever feel like you can't learn more.
07:19
So for me, like I have no shame in my game.
07:21
Like I love having a coach.
07:22
Like I'm my coach.
07:23
What should I do?
07:24
Because you know, you, you experienced, I want to be really
07:29
open.
07:30
You know, one thing about me, I'm an honest bitch.
07:32
I hate team work.
07:36
There's no, I in team, I hate the idea of like having to run things
07:40
by other people and maybe that's a really bad trait but something
07:44
I'm learning, I always say, look, Gloria, you're not perfect
07:47
I'll be having a conversation with myself and something I'm
07:49
learning.
07:49
I'm really stubborn and receiving feedback.
07:51
Like I hate when people like I find it interesting that you're
07:54
coachable.
07:55
Like I don't feel like obviously like when I'm working and
07:58
I care about a project, I'm going to put my best foot forward
08:01
But I hate like, if I get off stage and someone's like, you could
08:03
you could have rewrote that joke.
08:05
I'm like, I'm an artist.
08:07
Ok?
08:08
But I'm starting to learn that maybe sometimes you have to
08:11
listen to other people and that's really hard for me to admit
08:15
because I'm one of those growth.
08:17
We are witnessing growth before our time.
08:19
Let's get a, let's get a plan in the house that makes some dream
08:25
work process because you have like the coach cheers have a
08:31
mental, mental, mental.
08:35
I think the thing about this you have the mentality combo.
08:42
One thing about me, give me the ball and give me the ball.
08:45
I don't know anything about that over here.
08:49
No, I don't know anything about sports, but I know that Kobe
08:51
Bryant never shared the ball and they won so many championships
08:55
Just give me the ball.
08:56
I mean, he, he started winning when he started learning how
08:59
to share the ball and that's feedback and look at me.
09:02
Exactly.
09:03
Exactly.
09:04
To sharing the ball, to sharing the ball.
09:08
What's your process?
09:09
I want to know what your process is in regards to what, what
09:11
do you got?
09:12
Like a sports mentality?
09:13
Like go, go, go.
09:14
So dealing with stress, like getting better in your craft
09:19
and hustling.
09:19
OK, look, I'm going to be super honest, I feel like first off
09:22
yeah, working out is my saving grace.
09:25
I deal so much and you look at my social media, you meet me in
09:28
person and you're like, how can you would never expect that
09:31
I deal with a lot of depression.
09:33
A lot of anxiety, a lot of self doubt.
09:35
I sit in my bed just, I don't know, like sometimes I just feel
09:39
like, am I on the right path?
09:40
Is this what I really want?
09:42
Am I happy?
09:42
Like, you know, just those life existential crisis moments
09:46
I deal with that a lot.
09:48
I think we all do, right?
09:48
And so when I'm, I think the thing that keeps me afloat honestly
09:53
is physical activity is going on a run where I'm like dying
09:57
But it proves to me like I'm good like you got this, I don't know
10:00
what is about physical activity.
10:01
I think my dad instilled that in me a lot for sure.
10:04
But other than that I think, and this is just me and again, I
10:08
don't know if anybody is listening.
10:09
That's God feeling, but just honestly, like God helps me a
10:12
lot.
10:13
It's like when you know that and whether you believe in like
10:15
a source or the universe, whatever it is that you lean on for
10:18
comfort during those moments, for me, it's like God and it's
10:21
like family.
10:22
That's what helps me get through seriously.
10:25
Like my darkest moment.
10:25
It's like, dude, he has, I'm good.
10:27
I'm going to be.
10:28
Why do you, how do you feel like what makes you feel like you're
10:31
not like whenever you have?
10:32
I think everybody has that moment where like, I don't know
10:34
if I'm on the right path.
10:35
Like, what am I doing?
10:36
What makes you feel like that?
10:38
Like, is it like a moment that happened?
10:40
Because when I look at you before I started working, like,
10:42
I, I was like, I don't know you but you are killing it.
10:45
Like, I wish I could be friends with her and they put it on a podcast
10:48
I'm like, she's so dope.
10:49
So it's so interesting for me to be right here next to you.
10:52
Like you have an, I mean, I have mad anxiety all the time but
10:55
you're insecure.
10:56
Like what do you think that you, you're a big influence on your
10:59
social media is your platform?
11:01
Do you think that has caused you a lot of anxiety?
11:03
I think.
11:03
Yeah, honestly, like the more of a platform you have, I feel
11:06
like sometimes you start to kind of be like, well, oh my God
11:10
like I don't want people to expect me to be this person when
11:12
I am so flawed.
11:13
I have.
11:14
So I mean, we are all like on the same playing field, we all deal
11:18
with our family is issues, personal issues, relationship
11:21
issues.
11:22
And I also think like a lot of my ex relationships have caused
11:25
a lot of insecurity in me as well, right?
11:28
Because like I've had exes that have put me down and say what
11:31
you do is a joke or what you do is not good enough.
11:33
Why can't you just be regular or have a regular job or be normal
11:37
or things like that?
11:38
So that plays a big role as well?
11:40
Like, am I weird?
11:42
Am I different?
11:42
Is it because I'm from L A?
11:43
Like remind you just like to not to not care about what people
11:48
think of you is a big thing, especially if coming from a Latino
11:50
family.
11:51
Like Latinos is like my mom is like, you know, as a young child
11:54
like make sure your hair looks good before you walk in.
11:55
Don't get that.
11:56
Like, I'm always like, I was always worried about what I'm
11:58
gonna say, how I'm gonna look because, you know, you have to
12:01
look a certain way, even if you don't feel that way when you're
12:03
younger, like in the Latino family, especially, you know
12:05
you don't talk about your problems.
12:07
Like there's not that much therapy, it's not even a, a concept
12:10
You know what I mean?
12:10
Are you ladies in therapy?
12:12
I mean, I've had a therapist for sure.
12:13
You had a therapist or you don't have one.
12:15
I don't have a therapist.
12:16
I'm in therapy.
12:16
I have a Virgo therapist.
12:17
It's hard.
12:18
My mom's a Virgo.
12:20
So I feel like this is the universe testing me.
12:21
Like this is me facing my mom.
12:23
But is it working?
12:24
You know what, you know what I like about the therapist?
12:27
Maybe, I don't know.
12:27
I think so.
12:28
I hope so.
12:29
But I like that I can talk about people in peace like nobody
12:32
will never leave this zoom call.
12:34
Is that fucked up?
12:35
No, no, because let's be real if you talk about it just with
12:38
your homegirl that maybe knows this person, they have a bias
12:40
but it's a super unbiased.
12:42
So whenever I tell her something that I'm going, but you know
12:44
what is really hard?
12:45
Sometimes I'll go through things in comedy that you can't
12:47
really talk to appears about because then it becomes gossip
12:50
versus like, hey, I'm just trying to learn from the situation
12:53
How would you approach it?
12:54
So, I have a lot of conversations with my therapist about like
12:57
just stupid shit.
12:58
Like sometimes, you know, maybe you see somebody that's like
13:01
your host, maybe there's another host and maybe she's getting
13:04
more opportunities and you start asking yourself like, am
13:07
I doing something wrong or what?
13:08
I think we all kind of go through that in our careers where it's
13:10
like, yo, like, am I a whack whatever.
13:12
So I talk to my therapist about that.
13:13
I talked to her about my mom.
13:15
Like I'm working on.
13:15
It's really nice.
13:16
Have someone that has no opinion other than there to hear you
13:20
out.
13:20
You know what I mean?
13:21
It's not awkward at the end where she reminds me, I've got to
13:22
pay for this like, yeah.
13:23
Yeah.
13:23
Yeah.
13:23
No, you haven't said one word the entire day.
13:27
I'm waiting for them to tell me what to do.
13:28
They're like, all right.
13:29
Well, the next session, I'm like, what do you mean?
13:30
The next session?
13:31
You haven't said one thing?
13:32
But at least I was able to say everything off my chest.
13:35
You know what I mean?
13:36
When did you think it was important to start looking into the
13:39
like you were or have you never done therapy?
13:41
I've never, no, I don't really, you've got a lot of moments
13:47
in the room.
13:47
So I think maybe running is, haven't you done it?
13:52
I don't really know.
13:53
I think for the same reason, a lot of people don't, like, they're
13:56
scared.
13:56
It's unknown.
13:57
Maybe, I don't know, for, you know, for whatever it might be
14:00
Like they think maybe it's expensive, like there's so many
14:04
factors that go into it.
14:05
I know I could definitely benefit from it.
14:06
I'm personally not scared of it.
14:08
I just, I just haven't done it.
14:09
I think I've always turned inward, which maybe is a good thing
14:12
maybe a bad thing.
14:13
I've always just turned to like, you know what I feel like shit
14:15
about myself today.
14:16
I'm gonna go run 10 miles.
14:18
But it is, it isn't easy to get a therapist and it's expensive
14:22
I don't know where to find one.
14:23
It's like, what if they don't get me or they find one for my mom
14:26
or my dad who speaks Spanish?
14:27
Like, where do I go?
14:28
It's not that easy.
14:29
I got really lucky.
14:30
I mean, the first time I had a therapist who was a white woman
14:32
loved Shelley.
14:33
Can I say that name is that she, Shelley was great.
14:36
We got to the topic of hair.
14:38
She was like, just go to the salon.
14:39
I was like, Shelley, this is the end of our therapy journey
14:42
because you, because you're going to buy the book.
14:44
It was really what she taught me was when you're arguing, argue
14:46
about this moment, not everything that happens or like whenever
14:51
you like, pretty much stop projecting or like the thing that
14:54
was really helpful was the rules you have for your life or not
14:57
everybody else's rules.
14:58
So like me, like I have to do this, I have to do that just because
15:00
I want that does not mean not to put that on other people.
15:02
Something that my therapist told me was like, forget about
15:05
the story.
15:06
Like every time you have something traumatic happen in your
15:08
life, like I continue saying the story in the details and every
15:11
time I say the traumatic story, I'm re pater, like, bring that
15:15
pattern back into my body.
15:16
So like with an X or something, she was like, stop saying his
15:19
name and he's like, she's like, don't say the name ever again
15:22
And I stopped and stop.
15:23
Literally not saying his name totally changed my vibration
15:27
And my just like, there's little, there's little methods
15:30
and little like, you know, strategy you could do to really
15:32
evolve that only a therapist can teach you.
15:35
Can you study it or like a lot of times I call you on your bullshit
15:37
sometimes my, so my therapist now she's a Virgo Dominican
15:41
So I think I'm really lucky because I'm like, this is something
15:43
that I actually want to explore.
15:44
Like, you know, sometimes I have my own issues within my own
15:47
culture.
15:47
Like, am I Dominican enough?
15:49
My mom all this stuff?
15:50
And she's like, how much more Dominican do you want to be?
15:53
I'm like, well, I don't like, I don't know.
15:54
Am I supposed to be doing?
15:55
I just stupid.
15:56
Like, these are just things that, for me they feel stupid but
15:59
I have a therapist to talk to with and that's why I like, what
16:02
does your family feel about you going to therapy?
16:05
My mom thinks that way.
16:06
She asked me and I'm like, why are you wasting money?
16:08
It's worth it.
16:09
I'm like, mom, you wouldn't know.
16:11
maybe you need some therapy but it's a negative connotation
16:14
It's just like a safe space to talk to somebody.
16:17
This is what it is.
16:18
Yeah.
16:18
Even about like mental health issues and all the stuff that
16:20
we go through.
16:20
And I know like, recently I know like a really big headline
16:23
that had hit was the Becky G break up with her.
16:27
Well, I don't know if they broke up but he just did on her shortly
16:32
after proposing to her, which is, you know, that's a really
16:36
tough situation, but I know a big thing that he had leaned on
16:38
was his mental health issues and stuff like that.
16:40
And now he's saying he's going to go to therapy to kind of help
16:43
out with all that.
16:44
Um They still need to break up.
16:47
Wait, that's not fair.
16:48
Oh, see, you're empathetic.
16:50
I'm illogical.
16:51
I love that.
16:51
I mean, I feel like if it was for me, I mean, we don't know what
16:55
happened fully.
16:55
We don't know if he actually cheated on I think he entertained
16:59
something and I think that everybody should have a chance
17:01
like a second chance to learn a lesson or then it's like, you
17:04
know, so, I don't know.
17:06
I have a theory.
17:07
I go ok, I have a theory about men and I'm not gonna, I don't wanna
17:10
type this, but I think a lot of men are like puppies and they
17:15
don't have bad intentions but they're, you know, they're
17:17
they're learning, they're excited.
17:18
They're, they're peeing over here, they're peeing over there
17:20
and you have to teach them like they're saying you can, there's
17:22
nothing.
17:24
No, no, no, I can't be there.
17:25
Wait, can I finish?
17:26
You can't be there.
17:27
It's not bad but you can't be there like this is your area.
17:31
So a lot of men need to be a lot.
17:33
A lot of people need to be taught first before because a lot
17:35
of people don't know.
17:36
I say a lesson, I'll give you this, I'll give you this.
17:40
I'm a very cutthroat person because I don't have time to play
17:44
with my time.
17:44
But the person that we're not going to name names, the one reason
17:49
I am empathetic is because when I went through my having to
17:51
find my purpose, I went through a really hard like men.
17:54
So health time and I just, I just need it to be by myself and I
17:57
know what it's like to reinvent yourself.
17:58
So that's why, that's why I'm empathetic.
18:01
I don't think he's a bad person.
18:02
I think that he's going through that.
18:03
But at what point?
18:04
And I'm not at any point like trying to be dismissive to mental
18:06
health.
18:07
At what point is it?
18:08
Like maybe you need to do this on your own versus I stay with
18:11
you.
18:11
I'm not talking about me like someone like a Becky G like this
18:13
man proposed to you and he's gonna get work, he's gonna get
18:16
help.
18:16
Oh damn.
18:16
We gotta bring the receipts up.
18:18
See that's why I never do my man, my man, my man online.
18:21
So because she was my man confessed to a 10 minute lapse in judgment
18:26
but is 10 minutes worth your entire marriage.
18:29
He was fucking for 10 minutes.
18:30
Can I say ladies serious, serious question?
18:34
Ok.
18:34
If you guys were with the man, he proposed, everything has
18:37
been great and he's been loyal and he's been amazing to you
18:40
Would you guys take him back over a 10 minute lapse in judgment
18:43
Would you guys throw it all away and be honest with you?
18:46
Any quotes I can't keep running for demons.
18:49
So he's admitting it.
18:50
I know that any action made that put us here should have never
18:53
happened to begin with.
18:54
Pushing right up to the very, the boundaries of line that should
18:57
we have never been crossed only hurt me and the people that
18:59
I love most.
19:00
So he's admitting to his fault and he has, he's saying that
19:03
he has demons needs to work on.
19:04
Did he know about these demons before he proposed?
19:06
Because now that's a different question.
19:08
You should have worked on that before you proposed to me.
19:09
But sometimes you need situations to happen for you to even
19:12
know that you have demons.
19:13
So, have you guys ever taken back a cheater?
19:15
I've never, I've never, never, I've never cheated on because
19:19
I've never been in a real relationship.
19:20
I've definitely been played and I've definitely taken the
19:22
person back, like, like dragged through the mud.
19:25
Like I hate it though.
19:26
I guess technically we weren't like an official relationship
19:28
but he was when I say he was dragging me and like having, what
19:32
do you say kissing on the bed with marry a lot of women?
19:34
And I still took him back because I was so tired to the narrative
19:37
Like I want to marry him for the wrong reasons.
19:40
I just kept taking him back and I'm like, I, I just, I don't know
19:44
I don't want, I don't want to miss it.
19:45
And if they, I always say every relationship has its own culture
19:48
So they have a culture of like, hey, I am going to forgive you
19:52
that's missing her.
19:53
But I also want to make sure we're not, I don't want to use mental
19:56
health as an excuse.
19:57
I'm not saying he's doing that, but I want to be very careful
20:00
and sensitive about that.
20:01
So if you guys have demons and I'm 33 years old.
20:04
I wouldn't accept cheating now.
20:07
Like I think that, you know, I think that the man that I'm going
20:10
to be with in the future, if I am like has been through, it has
20:14
done this thing that I learned.
20:16
What's cheating.
20:17
What's cheating?
20:17
Cheating is keep you emotional too.
20:20
Cheating is touching, involved, cheating.
20:22
I think to me is anything you wouldn't do in front of them that
20:26
you are you proud of showing them that you, that you, that you
20:29
want to hide.
20:30
That's cheating because you're ashamed of it because the
20:33
guy like, ok, man, would you want to be with the girl that's
20:36
doing things that you know, maybe she wouldn't do in front
20:38
of your face but she's doing behind your back.
20:40
No, like it's disrespectful.
20:42
So I don't know even look because we all are on social media
20:45
I've always at this point in my life, I'm at a point where I'm
20:48
like, and I know this is going to sound so od to say this but because
20:53
I know I have a following and guys don't always like that.
20:55
To be honest, I've had guys stop talking to me because because
20:58
they don't like that, that's, that's insecurity, insecurity
21:01
But I understand it also because let's be real.
21:04
If I had like, let's say, you know, 900 followers and there
21:07
was a guy with 100,000 followers trying to pursue me, I'd be
21:10
like, no, and maybe it is about insecurity, but also maybe
21:13
it's just, I want peace.
21:14
So I understand if guys kind of shy away from that, but the way
21:18
that I know like down the line, if I ever want to get married
21:20
or married to a man, I'm going to let them know, you know what
21:23
if you guys want access to all my stuff.
21:24
And again, I know that's OD and that might be controversial
21:27
and it's like we're going to say, well, he should just trust
21:29
you.
21:29
Yeah.
21:29
But if I have nothing to hide then look at all my stuff, I'll
21:32
give you my passwords.
21:33
I really don't care.
21:35
I'm against that Jessica.
21:37
I'm not what I'm saying.
21:38
I am in the comments of this own episode saying I'm against
21:42
that.
21:43
You guys, I have a quick question.
21:44
Are strip clubs cheating.
21:46
No, this is a cultural thing.
21:48
What?
21:50
What?
21:51
No, it's just like a thing you're down for your husband to go
21:53
out to strip club that's different than a boyfriend.
21:57
My boyfriend can go with your settings.
21:59
Husbands and husbands become the tone for a husband.
22:02
So you're down for your boy.
22:03
Ok.
22:03
But, but Ivana, if he's like, if we're not married and see now
22:07
I'm getting dragged if we're not married and he's like, like
22:11
it's, I'm not at the end of the day, we can't control other
22:13
people like you're gonna do whatever you're gonna do.
22:14
And if you want to fuck up this relationship that's on you.
22:17
But I'm saying it is to you cheating.
22:19
If a guy is just looking at a beautiful girl dancing in front
22:21
of him and whatever, he's not doing anything, he just kind
22:24
of, you know, getting simulated like through his eyes.
22:26
Is that cheating?
22:27
Do you?
22:27
No, he's at the, oh, he's like I got nervous.
22:31
Wait, you really?
22:32
I don't, I don't want my husband to be at a strip club.
22:35
I just don't think it's necessary.
22:37
I think, I think it's time for us to bring up one of these toxic
22:40
relationship.
22:41
I had to be really strong when my guy went on the bachelor, bachelor
22:44
party to Colombia.
22:45
First thing I thought that he's gonna, he's gonna fuck somebody
22:48
He's going.
22:48
I just, that's the first thing I thought.
22:50
And then I asked him, I didn't ask him if he did that.
22:53
I was like, did you go to the strip club?
22:54
And he told me that he did and he didn't hold anything back.
22:57
But I don't, I just have to be strong enough.
23:00
Is that dumb for me to say I have to be strong enough to know that
23:02
people are gonna have their own life.
23:03
You have to be confident.
23:05
It's really hard.
23:05
And especially with a Colombian girl like they are.
23:08
No, not Colombian American, the real Colombians are there
23:11
You can't even, you can't breathe sometimes like they come
23:13
into the room like what is that like, they're beautiful.
23:17
It's like they're sexy, confident and like, it's just like
23:19
kind of like edible, like candy and it just, it's just a lie
23:22
So you have to really trust your man.
23:24
And I was like, I will say, but my, what's the equivalent for
23:28
that for women?
23:28
Like if like what's a strip club for us that men will be like
23:31
oh look, I'm gonna be honest.
23:33
It's like I am, I am not into men's strip clubs.
23:35
I don't want any of that in my face.
23:37
I want like booties or balls in your.
23:39
No, no, no, no and no, you're not into like the, what's that
23:44
movie?
23:44
Magic Mike?
23:45
No, I don't want none of that is attractive to me at all.
23:49
Like a guy with like washboard abs and all that.
23:52
I don't know.
23:53
I like it but you want a cowboy.
23:55
They have apps.
23:56
Some of them, some of them have beer bellies.
23:58
That's cool.
23:59
I don't like muscular.
24:00
You don't, you don't like metrosexual?
24:02
Sexy?
24:03
No, I'm down if a guy is fit but I'm also if a guy is not like the
24:08
washboard as like big, I'm cool.
24:10
I'm very chill when it comes to body time.
24:12
Magic.
24:12
But I will say like we're so different than men.
24:15
I think men can get turned on like this visually.
24:18
We don't like, I mean, you see a hot man and the first thing you
24:21
think is I'm not like I wanna get, I wonder what his personality
24:25
is like.
24:25
Honestly, that's why I think that's nice.
24:28
I don't wanna date someone that's physically, like, kind
24:31
of perfect because he's gonna make me go to the gym.
24:32
I don't have time for that.
24:33
Like, I don't know, I don't have time for that, but I want to
24:36
go back.
24:36
We were talking about how do we get back to talking about men
24:38
and cheating?
24:39
And we're done for men for a second.
24:41
Can we talk about mental health?
24:42
I will say one thing about and mental health, I will say one
24:45
thing thing about lying to me because my last relationship
24:48
was very toxic.
24:49
And I for the first time in my life, I got betrayed.
24:51
OK?
24:51
And I never been betrayed by anyone in my life like cheetah
24:53
type vibes, like just lying and like asking and knowing that
24:57
he's lying and he just doesn't say the truth and, and then finding
25:00
out that it was a lie and the problem with that is that when you
25:03
lie, ok, you're creating a false narrative, right?
25:08
A false story.
25:09
And I am basing my life and my response on your false story.
25:13
So we're creating a false relationship and a false life.
25:17
But if you tell me the truth from the get even if it's gonna break
25:20
my heart, at least it's gonna be real.
25:23
And I can say, you know what I'm gonna choose to continue to
25:27
be with you because you told me the truth and I still love you
25:29
or I'll be like, it's not for me but tell the truth.
25:32
And I, I wanna say this to guys if anyone's listening, like
25:34
I know you could be afraid and you think that lying will actually
25:37
just like simmer the situation.
25:39
But just be honest because you're really just gonna elongate
25:42
a problem.
25:43
And what's, what's wrong with lying and betraying is like
25:45
I've worked really hard for my mental health.
25:47
And I think we all have like our inner system that we've created
25:50
throughout our 30 years of life where we can like filter good
25:55
people, bad people, people with discernment.
25:57
And when somebody that you trust and that you love betrays
26:01
you, that system crashes.
26:04
And then not only are you lying to me, but you're messing with
26:06
mental health that I worked really hard with to acquire.
26:09
You know what I mean?
26:10
So that's why I'm saying next time you lie, just think about
26:12
it even if it's for a moment to be courageous.
26:14
And I'm saying this, I also have lied.
26:16
I get it.
26:17
I, I have, I have, I lied many times because I didn't have the
26:19
courage to tell the truth.
26:21
It takes time, you know what I mean?
26:23
And it takes time to trust this person.
26:24
Like, OK, can you handle me and all my truths and all the craziness
26:28
that comes with me and all the complications that come with
26:30
me as a human, my past, my baggage, all that stuff and my ex was
26:33
like, I lied because I knew that if I told you the truth you'd
26:35
probably break up with me, which is probably the truth, the
26:39
truth.
26:39
But that means that that's what it happened anyway.
26:41
So, like, why don't we just be real, cut to the chase?
26:44
But I also think that sometimes I think we talked about it in
26:46
the last episode too.
26:47
Like sometimes men just like, I'm not even trying to be like
26:49
on some pick me shit.
26:50
Sometimes they don't have the tools and I'm super empathetic
26:53
to that too.
26:54
Like men also go through a lot of mental health issues.
26:57
So that for me again, Becky G, I really admire her and look up
27:02
to her.
27:02
But I think that before, I think I'm actually happy that maybe
27:05
he cheated because now they get to really talk about what do
27:07
you really want in a marriage because you're getting married
27:10
That's not just a little relationship like you're building
27:11
a life with them.
27:12
So I changed my mind.
27:14
I agree with you, Ivan.
27:15
Sometimes people do deserve a second chance.
27:16
I'm growing in real time.
27:18
OK?
27:19
I like to see it happening in regards to social media.
27:23
Here's the thing like, you know, going back to celebrities
27:25
sharing their social media, relationships and all that
27:28
stuff.
27:29
Like, what's your guys's opinion on sharing relationships
27:31
on social media?
27:32
We're not about Well, I know you're kind of talking to someone
27:36
but you think it's your soul.
27:37
Well, first of all, many people I'm dating because I'm single
27:41
No, but I love one person.
27:43
That's your man.
27:45
That's your soulmate.
27:46
Did you ever post about him or?
27:47
No?
27:48
No, for my rule on Instagram because I think of Instagram as
27:51
my little comedy linkedin.
27:53
This is work and a lot of the times part of some of my jokes, I
27:57
do, you'll see me do a joke.
27:58
But I've been doing it probably for a few years and I'll talk
28:01
about from the perspective of being single.
28:02
So if I have a man, it kind of ruins the joke.
28:04
So I don't tell people unless it is my husband.
28:07
I'm not putting you on the internet.
28:09
Yeah, me neither.
28:09
I keep all my romantic life private.
28:13
I don't think it's, I don't even think we need to like, I like
28:15
what Isa Ray did.
28:16
She just popped up married one day and they was like, ok, moving
28:19
on.
28:19
It wasn't even a journey because then if you give people the
28:21
journey, they're going to want to follow it.
28:22
Like there have been people that broken up.
28:24
I was like, I need the press release.
28:25
What happens?
28:26
What are you already?
28:27
I'm already invested.
28:28
I think that anything that's really sacred doesn't need to
28:32
be broadcast.
28:33
I agree.
28:33
You know what I mean?
28:34
I really feel that because, you know, he knows it could be he
28:37
her or whatever it is like you don't need to promote it because
28:41
it's real.
28:41
Ok.
28:41
So that's cool that we're saying that.
28:43
But how did y'all's partners feel about the fact that you weren't
28:46
posting them or telling people?
28:48
You know what I am off the market?
28:50
Because let's be real.
28:50
If guys are following you on social media, you're beautiful
28:53
you're beautiful.
28:54
You're funny, good personalities, guys are going to hit on
28:56
you naturally.
28:57
What if your boyfriend's like, well, can you at least let it
29:00
be known that you're not on the market that has caused issues
29:04
that has happened.
29:05
They've been like, you're trying to hide me.
29:07
I'm like, I'm not trying to hide you.
29:08
But if you really knew me and knew what I was about, you wouldn't
29:11
ever be feeling that way.
29:13
You'd be like, that's my girl.
29:14
I know what you're doing.
29:15
I know her career.
29:16
Let it be.
29:17
It comes with confidence and security.
29:19
I kind of feel like maybe I hope I'm not going off topic, but
29:22
I, I feel like Instagram got a little bit crowded and sometimes
29:26
I really want to have my own life on the internet outside of
29:28
my man.
29:28
So it's like, I don't really want my business and I don't want
29:31
to be in your business.
29:31
Like it's just too much, it's just too much to live with someone
29:34
or be with them all the time and then also follow them online
29:37
And it's just so much, I have so much access I'm here because
29:41
I'm dating right now and we've been dating for a bit.
29:44
Like when is the right time because it, it gets, when we're
29:48
older it's kind of things are different.
29:50
But when is the right time to introduce your partner or the
29:52
person you're dating to your family if he has a ring?
29:55
Because really, I don't, I'm, I'm 33.
29:59
Really?
30:00
One thing about me, I'm done.
30:02
I don't understand.
30:03
I've been through everything like I'm not bringing my family
30:05
like anyone around other guy if he's not serious about it because
30:08
it's like, especially my niece.
30:09
She gets attached to people like who's that?
30:11
It's like you don't need to know unless this is my man.
30:12
Ok.
30:13
That's serious for me.
30:14
Coming from a Latin family meeting.
30:15
My family is like, it, it's normal.
30:18
I think it's, I can, they can come the first day like, oh, this
30:20
is my friend that I just met that I kind of like, like my family
30:23
like, oh, but the problem with that is they start falling in
30:25
love with your family and then you're building a bond that
30:28
you're not gonna sustain.
30:29
So, unless you're trying to get married to me, what do you tell
30:31
me my mom for?
30:33
Yeah.
30:33
Moment of silence.
30:35
That's true.
30:36
I've introduced my parents and my family to a couple of guys
30:39
that I've dated throughout the years.
30:40
But I would agree more now now that I am getting a little bit
30:44
older, I'm like, ok, unless this is my person, I don't want
30:49
to keep sending false alarms to my family and you know what
30:53
happened to him and, and our, our moms are getting really excited
30:56
about being grandma so that everybody, everybody wants to
31:00
know like is this the guy and it's just like, no, it's not.
31:03
Speaking of the Yeah, what are, what are some, what turns you
31:06
on about a guy?
31:07
Like for real?
31:08
What are three things that you like?
31:11
Three things that turn you on?
31:12
My, I'm just one of those women that men kind of hate because
31:16
I'm really shallow.
31:17
Like I really, I'm just serious.
31:19
Like I don't want, I want someone that has a wonderful credit
31:22
score, um a wonderful job and wants to buy me a house.
31:28
You, you weren't coach here so you don't when you meet somebody
31:31
you don't know that about them.
31:32
So what are the things that you see when you see somebody, a
31:35
guy, you're like, I like that guy.
31:36
If I'm not being shallow, like, you know, a jokey, whatever
31:39
I really want someone that's really generous.
31:41
Like someone that's super thoughtful and generous.
31:44
My love language is someone I really like someone that, you
31:47
know, my friends would get along with him and someone that
31:50
is just like a really good person and creative.
31:53
You're into the creative type.
31:54
What about you?
31:55
What are your my turn on.
31:58
OK.
31:59
First off, super masculine man, somebody that's a protector
32:03
provider, family man.
32:04
And then somebody that is God fearing I would say are like the
32:06
three big things because at the end of the day, if we don't align
32:10
if you don't align with your man morally on what's going on
32:13
because let's be real.
32:14
Everything this day and age is political, everything down
32:19
like everything.
32:20
It's you take this stance or that stance.
32:22
So I don't think as long as you, if you don't align with a lot
32:26
of these issues with your partner and you want to procreate
32:28
ok, under that umbrella, like you wanna have a family and
32:31
all that.
32:32
How do you expect to raise a child if you guys aren't on the same
32:35
page about what you believe in and the environment you want
32:38
because look at the end of the day, at our age or sorry, I'm going
32:41
to just speak on myself on my, at my age, I'm not dating for fun
32:44
anymore.
32:45
I'm dating because this is going to be the father of my Children
32:47
We're going to actually build a life together.
32:49
So I'm looking at deeper things than, than loves but don't
32:54
get me wrong like I love like a cowboy.
32:56
Like if you want to look, you have a moment she's attracting
33:03
what you want, do you think?
33:04
Yeah, I want to just go to a little city, a little country but
33:07
not love it.
33:08
I want to go back to the career stuff because I feel like, do
33:11
you think that you have to kind of expedite, expedite these
33:14
things because you want, like, we're all in our thirties,
33:16
are we OK with saying that?
33:17
Because I am, I don't know, like one year we're all in our thirties
33:21
And do you feel like you have to kind of rush through this phase
33:23
because we all want to be, well, I know we phase like finding
33:27
a partner and settling down phase, like finding that person
33:31
I don't feel a brush because I feel like this is really real
33:34
This is the biggest decision you'll ever make in your entire
33:37
life as a girl.
33:38
As even as a man, I'm a speak up on behalf of the men who you end
33:42
up marrying as a woman is so important because at the end of
33:45
the day, this is a woman that's first of all going to be bearing
33:47
your child, raising your Children alongside with you and
33:50
you want to make sure you're marrying a good woman because
33:52
let's be real.
33:52
Like even the legal system, you marry a woman that isn't the
33:57
you know, the best person they're going to leave with half
34:00
your stuff.
34:01
Like there's so much to consider what are some red flags for
34:04
you guys with men?
34:05
Like if he's not supportive in my career or he just, if he takes
34:09
me up my path, I can't be with you.
34:10
Like all those guys you're describing that they're mad that
34:12
you have 100 K followers.
34:13
Like you're bigger than that.
34:15
You're on the internet.
34:18
It's crazy because I recently told someone that I was talking
34:20
to you briefly.
34:22
I was like, I wish you would get to know me a little bit outside
34:26
of social media because he had expressed to me kind of briefly
34:28
like, oh, we have very different lives, which we do and I'm
34:31
very attracted to him for that reason.
34:33
But I don't know if he was attracted to me, going to events and
34:37
all these things that people would invite me to.
34:39
And I'm like, it's all cool, but I promise you there's a whole
34:42
different part of me.
34:43
The majority of my life is spent doing stuff that I genuinely
34:46
enjoy in Grammy.
34:47
So again, people will see your social media, your social media
34:50
and think that's who you are and that's who you are entirely
34:52
And it's like, no, there's a whole other side of me that I kind
34:55
of wish you had given a chance.
34:57
They don't realize that entertainment like, like going to
34:59
events, it's all like literally a job.
35:02
And I want someone that has the knowledge to understand, to
35:05
compartmentalize like, oh, she's doing a job, she has to network
35:08
so she can do this.
35:09
Like some people really do take it so personally, like you
35:12
cannot take my job personally and I cannot be with someone
35:14
that doesn't understand that or doesn't have the capacity
35:17
to understand that.
35:19
So, you guys aren't on a rush to, at this point, I'm in a rush
35:23
but it is on my phone.
35:24
What about biologically speaking?
35:26
I was about 33.
35:27
I mean, I went to a doctor recently in Mexico and she was like
35:31
I would say at 35 freeze your eggs if you haven't, if you haven't
35:35
met the one at 35.
35:37
My, um, my OBGYN said that I have a really good egg count.
35:42
Yeah, I did a, I did a test.
35:44
I forgot what the name of the test was.
35:45
It does cost $20,000 to get your eggs frozen 1000 to $20,000
35:50
Like, I want a good process.
35:51
I, I don't want, I want the drive through refrigerating menu
36:02
Right?
36:02
No, no, I know.
36:04
But that's, that's the sad part.
36:05
It's like people, we can't, I can't afford 8000 $10,000 to
36:10
get my eggs out right now.
36:12
I've been looking into it.
36:13
They, they have layaway plans.
36:14
Yeah, they do.
36:14
They do.
36:15
And I will say like that's the difference, I think between
36:17
male and female and it comes down to biology.
36:19
At the, the end of the day, a male can reproduce the rest well
36:23
into their seventies.
36:25
I've seen it happen.
36:26
Actually, I was about, I was about to talk shit, but my dad just
36:29
had a baby.
36:29
So, yeah, you're right.
36:30
I mean, well older and that's fine as women.
36:34
It just look, it is what it is.
36:36
It's a science.
36:36
There are more biological risks when you have babies later
36:39
in life.
36:40
And that's not to say there's been women well into their forties
36:42
that have had perfectly healthy babies, but it's just a risk
36:45
factor at the end of the day.
36:46
It be ok if you didn't have kids.
36:48
No, I mean, I would be ok because I can't choose it.
36:53
Like I'm not gonna force something I can't control.
36:55
You know what I mean?
36:55
I think as you get older you realize, like there's a lot of things
36:58
you can't control and you have to learn how to let go of things
37:01
that like expectations.
37:02
That's, that's like being my age now.
37:04
It's like, I don't have expectations.
37:06
I have standards, you know, like I have standards, what I will
37:09
accept and what I won't accept but like, I'm not gonna expect
37:11
anything from anybody because who am I to know what you are
37:14
going to do?
37:15
I did, um, I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm like, you
37:18
know what?
37:18
I, I just, I just became an auntie again and I'm like, I actually
37:22
really love my nieces and I wouldn't be mad if I didn't have
37:25
kids because I would be more mad if I had it with the wrong person
37:28
The thing is that we don't really get to choose because we might
37:30
not be able to.
37:31
So I just have to think about both outcomes.
37:33
I was like, ok, if I have a kid, I'll be really happy.
37:35
But if I don't, I think I'll be fine too.
37:36
I don't know.
37:37
For me, I am so like wanting that one day again, like no brush
37:43
I could be in my mid thirties having my first kid.
37:46
I'm ok with that, but I know that that's one of my callings is
37:49
to be a mom one day.
37:50
By the way, I know like I said, scientifically, it's better
37:53
obviously for women to have kids younger.
37:55
But for me, I would just love like that is, I feel like my dream
37:59
Did you, have you ever thought about baby names with someone
38:01
OK, with those kind of girls?
38:03
Well, I've thought about it with myself.
38:05
So anybody that I've dated, I've always just told them this
38:08
is what it's going to be and it stayed consistent and it's Daisy
38:10
Daisy Daisy because my last name is Flores, which means flowers
38:15
in Spanish.
38:15
So I want to name all my girls flower names.
38:18
And then my man can choose all the guys name.
38:21
Really easy, really easy to find you a boyfriend.
38:24
Like on this podcast.
38:25
If there is a man that is a cowboy and man that wants some daughter
38:29
that wants a beautiful stable woman that has a great family
38:32
like literally you're attached and this is what I wanna say
38:34
to women like, I think that the way we were raised, it's like
38:37
somehow sometimes men have like the power or like they're
38:40
the ones to choose.
38:41
That's wrong.
38:42
We choose, we choose who we want to be a partner with.
38:45
We get to choose who we want to be the father of our kids.
38:47
We get to choose.
38:48
And I think women don't realize that like we have the ability
38:52
to choose whoever we want to be with.
38:54
And birds like Colombia has the most pieces of birds in the
38:57
world just saying thank you.
38:58
And I'm learning so much about Colombia, male birds like women
39:03
birds.
39:03
The only way they choose their partner is the male needs to
39:06
do different things.
39:07
Like they dance, they spread their wings, they put their flowers
39:10
a woman, a woman gets to like choose like, oh I want that one
39:13
because he has that to offer that.
39:14
So like, don't forget women that like we have a beautiful thing
39:18
to offer, which is not only ourselves, but we give birth.
39:21
We're the only thing that's connected to the spirit world
39:24
And we are literally the beings that connect like you said
39:27
and I think you said it perfectly because I was watching a
39:29
video about that.
39:30
We literally bring souls from the spirit realm into the realm
39:35
that we're in now.
39:35
And that is our superpower.
39:37
And this is why I preach to women do not compete against men
39:41
men do their things, they are strong.
39:43
They, they build the infrastructure that we're in.
39:46
That's an amazing thing.
39:47
And I'm so appreciative of them women, we literally have the
39:51
ability of bringing celestial souls out.
39:54
You know, again, whatever it is that you believe in, into this
39:56
realm, own it and love it and don't compete against men with
40:00
it.
40:00
Like, why don't we come in together?
40:02
Have a messy question to ask.
40:04
You're in love.
40:05
A guy doesn't, Well, whatever he decides that I want to be with
40:08
you and he gets with another girl and the girl is a little intimidating
40:12
because you think that she is really attractive.
40:14
Do you want to compare yourself or two are happy for this guy
40:18
and move on with your life?
40:20
I guess I'm trying to ask a question like what happens?
40:23
It happens to you.
40:24
Oh my God.
40:24
I know, but it happens.
40:25
So I think all of us where we kind of have, I guess I'm trying
40:28
to find a palatable way of saying, have you ever compared yourself
40:31
to one of your guys' exes?
40:33
No one of my guys, new friends he got with after me, the main
40:36
fashion Nova model, gorgeous girl.
40:39
I actually whatever her name is.
40:40
No, no, no, no, not her.
40:41
It was another girl but one of the main ones, beautiful girl
40:44
I was actually following her while we were dating and I remember
40:47
even tweeting about her like it is so beautiful and then it's
40:51
gonna be Haley Bieber.
40:54
Haley Bieber.
40:55
We broke up and then I remember seeing them post together like
41:00
a month later or something.
41:01
And I was like, there it is.
41:04
Are you still following her?
41:05
No, no, no, I haven't followed her but I don't have any hate
41:07
towards her because I was over him.
41:10
To be honest, I wasn't that hurt about it, but I was like, ok
41:12
she is dropped dead gorgeous.
41:14
I remember seeing her at an event once and she was like the main
41:16
girl there or whatever.
41:17
And I was like, damn, like, well he did that.
41:19
I was happy for him.
41:20
It's cool.
41:21
And that's what I want to talk about too because like, I feel
41:23
like when you're in a, we all have been in toxic relationships
41:26
Absolutely.
41:27
And then when you are in one, like you get your self esteem gets
41:29
really low as a woman.
41:31
Like you start doing things comparing yourself to women that
41:33
you would never once look at twice if it wasn't for that, you
41:36
know, like, how do you pick yourself, take yourself out of
41:40
that situation of comparing and like, thinking bad about
41:43
yourself.
41:43
Like I really like, I've been, I've been there and it takes
41:46
a lot of work.
41:47
I have to just say like, I have to understand that sometimes
41:50
the person we sometimes we can't meet the person's needs and
41:53
we're just not the right person for them.
41:54
So it has something to do.
41:55
With looks.
41:56
It's just like you literally cannot meet my need or I can't
41:58
meet yours and you deserve to be the person you should be with
42:01
happens to be.
42:02
You know, that's what I'm saying.
42:03
Like everyone's so beautiful.
42:05
So it's like I never want to tear another woman down.
42:07
It's like you maybe we're better suited for him or like, and
42:10
it's something I also do too.
42:11
Like if I'm dating someone and he trash talks a girl, I don't
42:14
like that because that's also nasty.
42:16
Like I will never condone that.
42:18
Do you teach your partner how to meet your needs?
42:21
Like I can't read your mind.
42:24
I think you have to kind of walk them through it.
42:26
There are some things that should be natural.
42:27
Like if, if you're not a natural supportive boyfriend, like
42:30
I need, I need behind the scenes.
42:32
There's non negotiable.
42:33
There's no negotiable.
42:34
But then there's a lot of things that like, unless you tell
42:36
your man, like, how are they going to know?
42:38
Like maybe if you talk to me this way, I would respond in a better
42:42
way or like, I think, I think sometimes as people, we try to
42:45
make something that's incompatible, compatible and some
42:47
people are just not for you.
42:49
Like, if someone's not a natural communicator, that man might
42:52
not be for you.
42:53
Yeah.
42:53
But there's also like guys, like, let's say, in a sexual way
42:55
like, how are they going to know what you like, unless you
42:57
tell them because there's basics for everything, even the
43:00
way you kiss, like, say like you want you to kiss.
43:03
I cannot teach you how to kiss.
43:04
At the age of three, I can teach you how to kiss and nobody how
43:07
to kiss.
43:07
No, no, at the, at the age no.
43:09
But like you could teach a guy how to kiss the way you like.
43:12
You know what I mean?
43:13
Like everyone's different.
43:14
There's a skeleton and then there's like the skin after and
43:17
you need to teach them about the skin, the skeleton is there
43:19
I, I taught a guy not, I don't want to say too long.
43:25
It was probably like a year ago.
43:26
I was like, I like when you kiss me slower or like less and you'd
43:32
be surprised you'd be surprised that a lot of guys like to be
43:35
told what to do because it click down to how you say it.
43:39
Like I like when you do instead of, I don't like when he does
43:41
I really like when you do this as a direction versus I got to
43:48
teach it from the ground up because there's like, for example
43:52
this is, this is traumatized me.
43:54
We were talking about kissing and saliva and there was this
43:56
guy that he will always just lick my ear and I was like, I don't
43:58
like that.
43:59
So I put eating my earrings like, I don't know, I don't want
44:03
to teach maybe And again, I said earlier, I'm stubborn.
44:06
I don't want to teach anyone shit.
44:08
What's the most toxic thing a guy has ever done to you?
44:12
I don't want to talk about his sad.
44:13
I want to hear, I, I cannot say the most toxic thing is like the
44:20
summary PG 13 version.
44:22
Um I was dating this guy in college and he had told me that the
44:25
girl that he was at the time, Facebook walls were big and the
44:29
girl that he kept calling Bay was not someone he was dating
44:32
and I didn't know what Bay meant.
44:33
So, I mean, you know, it's like Bay now the pop term and he ended
44:37
up um he just made me go like crazy or whatever.
44:39
He ended up marrying this girl and I actually was watching
44:42
the wedding on youtube the other day.
44:43
It's on youtube.
44:44
I'm not going to pull it up.
44:46
But yeah, he married the girl.
44:47
He told me not to worry about that.
44:49
He was like, you're crazy.
44:50
I'm not dating her.
44:51
I feel like that happens so much on both sides though.
44:54
Even the guy like that's just my guy friend.
44:56
A lot of girls end up getting with the guy friend too.
44:59
It happens on both sides.
45:00
I'm saying thing about guy friends is like, you, you, there's
45:03
no expectations and there's no like there's no like anything
45:06
at stake.
45:07
So you could really be yourself like me as an actress.
45:09
Some of the guys that know me the best of my, the guys in my acting
45:12
class because I'm so vulnerable.
45:13
Like we have to really be real in class and tell us like, you
45:16
don't tell us the actress because I was so vulnerable.
45:19
Like it's like you, you do, you do you like every, you fall in
45:24
love with your co-star but it's like there's levels and you
45:26
know, to not go that far but you are real.
45:29
It is a little different because I don't want my men kiss and
45:32
no, I don't want to date an actor.
45:34
I never date an actor.
45:36
But I think that it, it, it's a slippery shows of you guys.
45:40
Do you feel like girls and guys can be friends?
45:43
I have um this is my and I'm gonna take a page out of your book
45:47
My theory.
45:48
I think that you have to initially get over like the weird attraction
45:52
that just happens naturally and then decide like I, I know
45:54
I don't want, I don't see it that way.
45:56
But I, I think that before guys and girls can be friends, I think
45:58
they are a little attracted to each other and they realize
46:00
actually you're better as a friend.
46:02
I always think men make, they make better friends than actual
46:04
boyfriends.
46:05
I think that women could be friends with men but a lot of men
46:10
Yeah, sometimes like, OK, look, I can guarantee you right
46:15
now if either of you guys were to pull up your phone and I'm like
46:18
call your friend, call a guy, you called his friend and say
46:21
hey, look, oh God.
46:25
I don't know why you've been on my mind.
46:27
Do you want to Netflix and chill tonight?
46:28
First of all, tell me if any of these guy friends would tell
46:32
you.
46:32
No, no, I'm not right now.
46:34
I could see all day.
46:36
It's so true though.
46:37
Like one of them, look, I tell you, I think, I think it's different
46:42
I think if it's like, if you don't have like a network, like
46:45
for example, like if you meet another actor friend and you
46:47
guys can be friends.
46:48
But if you meet like a man on the street, you can't be friends
46:50
with him.
46:50
So like I'm just saying like I'm in a sorority and I have guy
46:53
friends in fraternities like we are just friends.
46:56
It is literally dear mind.
46:57
No, I promise, I promise you.
46:59
No, I promise you like you were like, let's link up tonight
47:03
and they do it.
47:04
They will do promise they'll be like, are you OK?
47:07
And like, I really will not get that reaction.
47:09
It, I'm gonna em like we are just that, that's cool to know that
47:13
they're actually guys that can be home but, but to add another
47:17
uno card or whatever the fuck.
47:18
Can you be friends with your ex?
47:21
No, no, I can't, I can't personally, Jessica.
47:25
Sorry, I feel like I could be cool with them.
47:28
I could be cool with them, but there's a fine line I think.
47:32
I'm trying to think.
47:33
Are there any exes?
47:34
I'm not cool with, no, I'm trying to think most of my exes, I
47:38
just call them fans now but they do buy tickets to my shows and
47:43
ok, look, I'm very, I'm cordial with, for the most part, like
47:48
all my exes, but if I were to get like a new man or a new relationship
47:52
and I don't talk to any of them at all.
47:55
They're out of the picture for the most part.
47:57
But if I were to talk to a new man, it'd be an easy blog delete
48:00
Never again type I, but I just have, I'm single.
48:03
So like, are they in my life at all?
48:05
No.
48:05
Do we ever link up?
48:06
No, but I'm cool with them.
48:07
Like if you cool with them, if you have a boyfriend, you can't
48:10
What about your boyfriend having girl friends?
48:13
No.
48:14
Like I said, I have to throw out, you're acting real innocent
48:19
at night.
48:19
Like I, I don't think that you would ever accept that.
48:22
I'm just saying I, the reason why is because I've already had
48:24
these conversations like with, I guess a person that I am or
48:29
may not be dating, I'm a Gemini.
48:31
Everything's a problem.
48:32
But he does have girlfriends and whenever I, I must, I must
48:36
say something toxic that I would never admit.
48:38
But I have some wine.
48:39
I like to make sure that these women are married, have a relationship
48:42
and if, if that's the case you can be friends with her.
48:44
But if she's single, no, why are you friends with her?
48:47
So, it sucks.
48:48
It's a double standard because we get in front of the guys and
48:51
genuinely feel that it's not a friendship where they talk
48:54
it's like they talk to her, like, once or whatever, like a
48:57
like a month or whatever.
48:59
Like, they were like, talking every day.
49:00
If they were talking every day, I would be concerned.
49:02
But it's like that men are allowed to have friends too.
49:05
They are.
49:05
They are.
49:06
Yeah.
49:06
But my ex had a best friend that he hooked up with once before
49:11
we met and it was always like, oh, they don't want to go on a hike
49:15
they doing that and in my heart, I just felt like, you know
49:20
intuition.
49:20
It's like, no, I don't like this but I was playing cool because
49:23
you know, I was like, I never know, I don't know until I know
49:25
and it evolved and by no means am I trying to be like, I'm not
49:31
insecure and I don't have these things.
49:33
It just more like I had to acknowledge that I also have like
49:36
as a comedian, like I'm always around men all the time and
49:39
I know how I am.
49:40
I put up boundaries.
49:41
So I would hope the person I'm dating is and understand that
49:44
Amen.
49:45
They were kidding?
49:46
Ok.
49:46
I was recently on the phone with someone not too long ago and
49:49
I was like, look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
49:50
I have a lot of men around me.
49:52
A lot of male friendships and stuff like that.
49:54
And I was like, is that a red flag to you?
49:56
And he, he kind of expressed, well, you know, it's weird.
49:59
It's different.
50:00
He's like, I really only have one friend who's a girl and she's
50:02
married and, like, I've known her my entire life.
50:04
He's like, I don't really have women friends like that.
50:07
Look, I have a lot of guy friends but if it came down to, like
50:10
my husband and he was uncomfortable with it, I would cut off
50:13
whoever it is respectfully respectfully.
50:15
I'd be like, you know what?
50:16
You're right.
50:17
Maybe men and women aren't meant to be friends if you have like
50:20
a full blown marriage and if it's not, if it's going to intrude
50:22
with anything of that, that comes number one, that connection
50:26
that person has to become number one at the end of the day I
50:28
think is healthy.
50:28
Like, if he, like, if you guys actually, like, if all of you
50:31
not like on some, like, show your friends too.
50:35
Yeah, that's the one that means something.
50:38
And then exactly if he's, if they're really friends, we can
50:41
all kick it but we can, we can kick it at the end of the day as a
50:45
controlling person, we just can't control other people.
50:48
We can't.
50:48
And I had to teach myself that lesson too.
50:50
Like it's a hard and I'm saying this right now but like I'm gonna
50:52
go home and write my man a paragraph and be toxic.
50:55
But I'm just, wait, do you guys, do you guys keep tabs on your
50:58
exes?
50:58
Honestly?
50:59
Be honest, like do you check the Instagram?
51:01
Do you check that?
51:01
You do?
51:03
OK.
51:03
I, I'm kind of getting out of an on and off five year kind of toxic
51:08
relationship.
51:10
Yeah, we lived together for, I want to say like two years and
51:15
it was, it was beautiful.
51:16
But also, yeah, it was unhealthy for the both of us for multiple
51:19
reasons and yeah, like I kind of keep tabs on him.
51:21
I know he keeps taps on me as well, but it's not on some crazy
51:24
stuff.
51:24
Like if he's with another person or he's doing a thing, I'm
51:26
just kind of like I shrug it off now, but again, it's not like
51:30
a weekly thing or even a daily thing at all.
51:32
It's more like I think about things a little bit.
51:36
I have a little bit toxic behavior I've been doing lately.
51:39
So, you know, since I'm in a weird window period with this guy
51:42
I'm dating that I don't know if we're going to be official or
51:44
not, which we talk.
51:45
So I'm like, I'm single so I do have this one on whatsapp and
51:49
you know what, not the, not the website, but, you know, like
51:54
on whatsapp, like, you could put the status and you can just
51:57
see who saw it.
51:58
So, like, lately I had him blog for like a year or so, but I'm
52:00
like, you know, I'm kind of over it.
52:02
So I'll just like, put up statuses and look at his status and
52:05
he'll look at mine.
52:06
He did send me a message about him right back.
52:08
Um But I have been enjoying the attention from this one, but
52:12
this is so toxic, but I'm not going to talk to him.
52:15
I just want to admit that I'm toxic.
52:17
That's what I was trying to say.
52:17
I keep tabs on my exes because I think that when you love somebody
52:21
I think that it doesn't die to energy, right?
52:25
Like everything is energy.
52:26
So like when you give your attention where attention goes
52:29
energy flows like so if I, if I love somebody, my energy like
52:33
in love to me is in frequency.
52:34
Like I, I've been in love after like two weeks because I'm in
52:37
the frequency of love.
52:39
That's how I feel.
52:40
I'm like, oh I'm in love like I'm I'm feeling so do you, do you
52:43
fall for people quickly?
52:44
I I don't, but I, I don't like fall, fall to her because I told
52:47
you I haven't like myself fully to anybody yet because I, I
52:50
have a strategy because I know that I have to be focused on my
52:53
career, but I appreciate and have the most fun real quick.
52:58
Like, let's go, let's, let's, let's have fun.
53:00
Let's live this weekend up.
53:01
Like it's our last day.
53:02
That's how I feel.
53:03
And that so, so I do like, have these really like fairy tale
53:07
love situations that are so fun.
53:09
But like, so for my exes, like, even though I don't have feelings
53:12
for them anymore, like I always love them, I always care for
53:16
them unless they really hurt me to train me.
53:18
And then I don't really know about my ex.
53:20
Like there's a few ex no, I, I just don't like for me out of sight
53:23
out of mind.
53:24
Like I, once you're out of the storyline, I literally forgot
53:27
about like, you don't, I, once in a while I go, I went to go look
53:31
at my ex youtube because I was making fun of him.
53:34
I was like, why would you put your, your marriage on youtube
53:36
That's dumb.
53:37
Sorry everybody that did that he's getting, I don't give a
53:42
shit.
53:43
Um But no more wine.
53:45
I just Yeah, so you're like no more wine.
53:48
I can't think of more wine like right now like someone that
53:52
I love so that I was doing the most for that I'm still keeping
53:55
except for this one guy on whatsapp that I'm just like keeping
53:58
tabs on.
53:59
I really like move on I do think that you have to cut all your
54:02
exes off to move on and find the one.
54:03
I, I don't think there should be any cord.
54:06
No.
54:06
Yeah.
54:06
Yeah.
54:06
Yeah.
54:07
Good.
54:07
One energetic.
54:09
I had to, I had to literally do cord cutting ceremonies.
54:12
I was like, like, because it's like, I've done it like a couple
54:15
of times and for, like, multiple, it's like, not multiple
54:17
like one guy, multiple times because it's, the connection
54:20
was so strong, but it wasn't for me and I had to cut it off like
54:24
and because an energetic cord that you don't really, everything's
54:26
energy, you have to let you have to let go to bring any blessing
54:31
into your life.
54:32
Period.
54:33
That's the thing you have to make.
54:34
You have to allow the universe, God again, whatever your,
54:37
you know person is that you lean on, you have to make space in
54:41
your life, get rid of people, jobs, whatever is holding you
54:46
back, whatever is making you feel like at night just uncomfortable
54:50
and uneasy keeping you up no matter like how scary it is.
54:54
Let it go because the universe, I promise you God, I promise
54:58
you will come in and fill that void with blessings a level,
55:02
something comfortable making this mistake, let the universe
55:09
whatever, astrology, astrology, beers, whatever.
55:15
But it's inevitable that if you let go and let go of all the toxic
55:19
shit, something else is going to come in and it's going to be
55:21
beautiful and it's going to be a blessing.
55:22
So anyway, this is awesome.
55:25
This is fun.
55:26
I learned more.
55:27
I know we need to go get another bottle of wine.
55:29
I, I feel like I've been II I, I'm not perfect.
55:32
I'm just like really trying to grow.
55:34
And I think that that's why these are so important.
55:36
We have to wrap it up because we've spoken a lot.
55:39
But I think that speaking with your home girls and people that
55:42
you can trust like is really an important thing to do.
55:45
If any, if anyone is struggling, like, don't be afraid to speak
55:49
to somebody that you trust because because we're all going
55:51
we're all going through it.
55:52
You never know, you never know it.
55:54
I don't have a perspective shift.
55:56
You're right.
55:56
I don't have to be so anal.
55:57
I can give people second chances.
55:58
Exactly.
55:59
Like open up, open up you live and you learn, let go and let God
56:02
let's go.
56:04
Anyway.
56:04
Thank you guys for tuning into our second podcast episode
56:10
So many more coming in.
56:12
So many more topics, so much more to talk about.
56:14
So many things coming up and I'm down to answer any question
56:18
Like I want them to send questions.
56:19
All send questions.
56:21
Comment below.
56:22
If you guys have like a scenario you guys are going through
56:24
in life and need advice.
56:25
Like we're here to talk about it and give our perspectives
56:28
We all have different takes on life perspectives.
56:30
So, comment below.
56:31
If you guys have anything, you guys can leave a like a comment
56:34
subscribe because we are not going anywhere.
56:38
We just getting started baby.