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Al pan pan; al vino vino

Dichos
A generous friend meets an old college buddy for drinks as a way to help him cope with his divorce. While there, she runs into her cousin and some friends from her old neighborhood. To top it all off, her gay best friend has a last minute ticket to the Maluma concert beckons her to come. Full of doubt as to where her loyalties lie, she is unable to choose who she should stay with.
Show transcript
00:00
Listen, why don't you uh ask me about my story.
00:04
Well, it's uh an expose on Big Pharma and it runs next week.
00:09
No.
00:09
Mommy Big Pharma is not just a diet pill.
00:13
Oh, hold on, let me call you back.
00:21
They didn't have Lanao.
00:23
So I just got the regular stuff.
00:24
I was gonna text you but I didn't have my phone.
00:26
Uh Who's texting you right now?
00:29
I don't know my Alexander teacher.
00:31
She rang late again already.
00:34
Have something on your mind.
00:37
Oh Did you want an eggplant market?
00:40
Jeff, what are you fucking?
00:42
It's just a glitch.
00:44
Um Restart my phone.
00:45
A glitch.
00:46
Oh, you filthy sneaky, cheating.
00:51
Like you liar.
00:52
It's not a lie.
00:53
The LTE network is unstable.
00:55
You fucked that intern while I was in DC last week.
00:58
Audrey.
00:59
Yeah.
00:59
The one from New Zealand, the one who's always posting selfies
01:01
of herself, drinking from straws on Instagram.
01:04
Audrey is from Australia and she has a jaw thing.
01:08
So that's why she has, what about two weeks ago when I was in
01:11
Houston and you didn't pick up the phone when I called.
01:13
I told you my Tinnitus was acting up.
01:15
I can't Oh, are you fucking, ok?
01:18
You know what, this isn't one of your little investigations
01:21
Ok?
01:22
Like I'm not the bad guy here.
01:24
You mean one of my investigations that got me on the cover of
01:27
New York magazine last year?
01:28
One of those.
01:29
Uh Babe, what are you doing?
01:31
No, no, you are not a bad.
01:33
I know you're just a cheater.
01:36
I'm not a cheater.
01:39
Panda.
01:41
Is that a poem?
01:42
You know, I only read Neruda, that motherfuckers ain't gonna
01:45
save you.
01:46
Now?
01:46
Is he?
01:47
What does it mean?
01:48
Let's say you get invited to a dinner party.
01:52
All your friends will be there.
01:54
You pride yourself on knowing an interesting, diverse and
01:58
fabulous group of people you throw on a shirt you picked up
02:02
at your yoga studios lost and found you're dressing to impress
02:08
as you haven't seen your friends since you made out with Marta's
02:11
husband in front of her.
02:13
Or maybe you haven't seen them since you borrowed $300 from
02:17
Julie's purse.
02:18
Or maybe you haven't seen them since you accidentally ripped
02:22
Monica's Versace dress.
02:24
You put the finishing touches on your look, making sure to
02:27
address any problem areas.
02:30
You notice some Amazon packages were left for your next door
02:34
neighbor.
02:34
So you pick them up and throw them into your apartment.
02:38
All of the guests are required to bring something to eat and
02:41
something to drink.
02:42
You want to get something good, something that will make you
02:45
look classy.
02:46
So you pick up the most expensive bottle and swap the price
02:50
tag.
02:52
You also pick up some bread, but then remember that you only
02:55
have $2.15 left on your debit card.
02:59
So you tuck the loaf in your spandex and walk out the door, you
03:07
arrive to the party holding your bounty.
03:11
And once you greet this diverse group of people, you are told
03:16
that this is actually an intervention.
03:18
We need to talk about a few things.
03:21
You're a terrible person.
03:22
You're a bad friend.
03:24
Remember when my brother was in town and we all took him out
03:28
to a bar.
03:28
Well, he just woke up from the coma.
03:31
You think you're like all peace and love, but actually you're
03:35
more like parasite and destruction parasite.
03:38
You so you can have digestive problems, stolen socks from
03:42
my feet while I was asleep, honey, it's all in your mind.
03:46
You think you're like, oh I'm a bitch.
03:49
You're just a bitch.
03:50
I want my television back.
03:51
You're a shitty person.
03:53
You're a messy bitch.
03:54
Stop taking my jockstraps, stop calling me Alvino.
03:59
I, I get it.
04:01
Yes.
04:01
The bread is the bread and keep it in your pants.
04:05
No.
04:05
Carbs.
04:06
Carbs is that if an Australian drinks out of a straw, we should
04:11
ban straws.
04:13
What?
04:14
No.