00:00
My name is Jessica Ruvalcaba and I'm Ana Barraza.
00:03
And today with the support of our friends at United Healthcare,
00:05
we are here with Doctor Lisette Sanchez and Tiffany de La Riva
00:08
licensed therapists to demystify the mental health issues that affect our communities
00:14
anxiety, and other mental health conditions that affect so many of
00:17
us and yet we don't like to talk about it.
00:20
So thank you unitedhealthcare for recognizing the challenges and empowering us all
00:24
to have these sometimes difficult conversations.
00:27
We have questions and we're asking for an Amiga.
00:34
OK. So we are here today to discuss mental health and
00:37
you know how taboo it is in the Latino community.
00:40
Why it is that it's taboo how we can start having these
00:43
difficult conversations, not just with ourselves,
00:45
but with our family members.
00:46
And we asked our peers audience,
00:49
what mental health issues affect the the most.
00:51
So we're excited to have you guys here.
00:53
I'm so excited to be here.
00:54
Thank you so much for having me.
00:55
I want to become a therapist because when I was a little
00:57
girl, I had separation anxiety.
00:59
When I started pre K,
01:00
I grabbed onto my mom's leg,
01:02
I would cry. I would not let go.
01:04
And my parents, they didn't know what to do.
01:06
And so they deferred to the teacher and the teacher said,
01:09
oh, take her to therapy,
01:11
That's when I realized there's a job,
01:13
there's a career out there where you can help people,
01:15
you can help improve the quality of life,
01:17
help them just be better,
01:19
be happier. And that's what initially drew me to the field
01:23
And as I continued on,
01:25
I found that there was a lack of representation when they came
01:29
to gente, when they came to the Latino community.
01:32
And so I want to also bridge that gap.
01:35
What about you? What drew you into a feel?
01:38
Yeah. And I think there's a running joke right now right
01:40
amongst the mental health providers that it's our trauma response.
01:44
And I feel like that's pretty accurate.
01:47
it just came so second nature to want to be the person
01:50
to provide a safe space for other people to provide that nurturing
01:53
care that maybe people don't have in their own homes or in
01:56
their own circles, right?
01:58
Ok. Ladies, let's start with an easy one.
02:02
Intergenerational trauma. It's funny,
02:05
but actually, we had an overwhelming amount of responses from our
02:08
fierce fam in this audience.
02:10
Polling. What exactly is intergenerational trauma?
02:13
So, intergenerational trauma is a trauma that is passed down from
02:16
one generation to the next,
02:18
right? Sometimes when we experience a trauma,
02:20
it causes a significant shift in how we cope with situations and
02:23
then all of these different behaviors are passed down to the next
02:26
generation, right? So how you're socialized,
02:28
what environments you're growing up in,
02:29
what's going on there?
02:31
So I got my grandma's issues,
02:32
my mother's issues and I wonder,
02:36
you know, I'm just like trying to take it easy here
02:39
Well, because now we want the rest,
02:41
right? It's, it's so exhausting to feel that pressure.
02:45
So that's essentially just what it is,
02:47
but it impacts us in a lot of different ways,
02:49
different ways that it shows up,
02:51
it can show up as depression,
02:53
anxiety. And I think a couple of things that we could
02:56
do that may be helpful is starting off with conversations like this
03:00
destigmatize mental health, talking about the trauma that our parents and
03:04
our grandparents endured. And I think it also starts with
03:07
what we want it to look like for future generations,
03:10
right? So as a mom myself,
03:12
I plan on instilling different coping skills with my son,
03:15
right? And this could look like having open communication,
03:19
apologizing if something I did was inappropriate or wrong,
03:23
right? I think it starts off with conversations like that
03:26
first and foremost. And I feel like our generation,
03:28
you know, who's the most equipped with the tools we're like
03:31
curious and we're learning and we want to break these cycles like
03:33
what are some coping skills that we can maybe teach our parents
03:36
to kind of help them teach me.
03:38
Please teach me something.
03:41
Yeah. No. And I think it's important we talk about
03:43
how do we address it so that it doesn't continue to get
03:46
passed on to generations.
03:47
Right. Because if we act like it's not there,
03:49
it's going to get continued to pass on to our kids and
03:51
then their kids. No.
03:52
Absolutely. It's a lot of reflection.
03:54
We don't know what we want to change unless we have insight
03:58
into what's going on with us.
04:00
And so you can reflect through journaling,
04:02
reflect through talking to trusted loved ones.
04:05
You can reflect through speaking with a professional once you have that
04:07
awareness and you can begin to notice.
04:09
Well, what is something that I'd like to change?
04:12
And it's a lot of baby steps,
04:13
you start small. You have experienced a way of being in
04:18
a way of existing for your whole lives.
04:20
And now we're trying to change that.
04:23
And so that comes of that needs a lot of self compassion
04:26
It's gonna, it's hard,
04:27
it's hard to break cycles and what you talked about journaling because
04:31
I feel like a lot of the times we do our own
04:33
work and what are some of the questions or journal prompts
04:38
that you should be asking yourself?
04:40
Because sometimes we don't even know what questions to ask.
04:42
Like we don't know where to start.
04:47
I try to be a very strength focused and so a lot
04:50
of it is, and our reflections are like,
04:52
OK, what is it that brings you joy and what stops
04:55
you from being able to feel that joy.
04:58
And we start to recognize,
04:59
OK, what, what's stopping us?
05:01
Those are some of our barriers that might be one of the
05:05
cycles that we're trying to break,
05:06
right? Maybe what stops us from feeling joy is constantly feeling
05:10
guilty for putting ourselves first.
05:12
It's so interesting that you brought up the term joy in kind
05:17
of diving into your own mental health journey because that's not what
05:22
maybe that's like the the misconception of it all too,
05:27
right? It's supposed to be traumatic,
05:28
it's supposed to be this and then also going into the topic
05:31
of depression, I know that that's something that's really prevalent among
05:34
the community and also super hard to talk about.
05:36
In fact, someone from our fierce fam kind of elaborated a
05:40
little bit about their experience and told us that when she's opened
05:44
up to her mom about,
05:45
hey, I have depression.
05:46
Her mom said just be happy,
05:48
you don't have depression,
05:49
just be happy. So how can we kind of talk about
05:53
this with our family?
05:54
I think it starts off with having conversations to normalize depression,
05:59
normalize anxiety, right?
06:01
And I think destigmatize mental health,
06:03
right? I think in a lot of Latino families.
06:07
It's kind of like taboo to say,
06:09
oh mom, I think I have depression mom.
06:11
I think I need to go to therapy because they say it's
06:15
That's exactly, it's because you're bored.
06:19
It's because you're bored.
06:22
or it could be misconceptions like,
06:24
oh, you're just always in your bed,
06:25
you need to get out of the house and it's like no
06:27
people who suffer from depression physically cannot get out of their bedrooms
06:31
right. So I think having conversations with people,
06:35
we trust and start opening up about us wanting to seek help
06:40
outside the family. And I think that's another thing that's taboo
06:43
is in a lot of Latino families.
06:45
It's not OK to talk about things that go on in the
06:48
family outside of the home that's really frowned upon something that helped
06:52
me in the situation with my mom.
06:56
I never realized that I had never asked her about her upbringing
07:02
when I was going through a difficult time with her.
07:05
And the more I learned about her and her relationship with her
07:08
mother, the more sympathy I had and realize they're learning to
07:15
they don't know that they can seek help or so
07:20
that gave me a little bit more permission to kind of step
07:24
back and re evaluate the situation.
07:27
And so, but I learned that through therapy and sometimes you
07:31
can bring in some of those smaller tools that you learn,
07:35
you know what I have found that's really helping me when I
07:37
get stressed, mom is going outside for a walk,
07:41
maybe we can go on a walk together sometimes.
07:44
you're sharing, you're teaching the coping skills.
07:47
And so then eventually when you're ready to share the whatever feels
07:50
difficult to share, you know,
07:51
that we model, we model behaviors and we can help people
07:55
learn through modeling. One of the things that fears has addressed
07:58
before in our Latino community is the eldest daughter syndrome.
08:01
Can you help us understand what that is?
08:06
Again, I'm an eldest daughter.
08:09
And how many eldest daughters do we have at the table right
08:11
now? We're a table of eldest daughters,
08:19
but I don't know if we're going to be so excited about
08:21
this. Once you talk about it,
08:23
we're talking. So eldest daughter syndrome,
08:26
it's a pop culture term that encapsulates this experience that many eldest
08:31
daughters may have in common,
08:32
right? A lot of different characteristics that we may share because
08:35
we're eldest daughters. So situations like because we're the eldest,
08:39
we're naturally put into a caregiver role again because we're eldest daughter
08:43
because this is not the same experience for eldest sons.
08:49
So different characters. So the caregiving taking on more household responsibilities
08:54
a higher level of expectation when it comes to just anything
08:57
that they're doing proper,
09:00
something that I think a lot of Latinas probably have heard a
09:04
lot is this phrase that's call,
09:08
you all know what I'm saying.
09:09
Right. All his daughters,
09:10
it's like you're taught to be subservient.
09:13
You're taught to be more self sacrificing very early on.
09:16
The first daughters are called very mature for their age,
09:21
very developmentally advanced. And it's like when we reflect,
09:26
hm, where did that come from?
09:28
well, at a very early age,
09:30
we were taught that it was our responsibility to babysit.
09:33
It was our responsibility to take care of the household chores.
09:36
While both parents worked,
09:37
it was also a responsibility to be hemp paras Ninos,
09:41
right? Which means you have to set the example for the
09:44
kids because they're watching you.
09:46
And so it just sets so many expectations,
09:48
so many roles, so many responsibilities at such a young age
09:52
and going back to what you said about also the phrase that
09:56
most of us kind of grew up hearing calls Maz Bonita,
09:59
you know, one of the founding pillars of fears was Callas
10:03
no more because we're breaking that,
10:04
right? So that's a founding belief of the platform.
10:08
It's a reason of why we're all here.
10:09
We're kind of getting rid of the literal tape around our mouth
10:13
and kind of having these difficult conversations.
10:17
Inca, it does no more.
10:18
Also comes, you know,
10:19
advocating for ourselves. And we've been taught to say yes and
10:22
to be the person for,
10:23
you know, our family needs.
10:24
But how do we say no.
10:25
How do we advocate for ourselves,
10:27
set those boundaries and not feel guilty about it because they're kind
10:30
of two separate things.
10:32
you know what I mean?
10:33
They're just intertwined. Right.
10:34
Right. And I think to start off with,
10:36
right. I think it's really important that we define what boundaries
10:40
are and what the purpose of setting boundaries are.
10:42
Right? And by setting boundaries it doesn't mean that we're going
10:45
to be able to change other people,
10:47
right? But what it does mean is that we're able to
10:50
shift our focus to what am I in control of in this
10:52
situation? Right. I've set this expectation,
10:55
I've set this boundary with this person and you know what,
10:57
they're not listening to me,
10:59
what's going to change,
11:00
what can change is how often we spend time with them,
11:04
How close our relationship is,
11:07
how much energy we allow certain relationships to take up in our
11:11
lives and even what events we're willing to commit ourselves to.
11:15
If we don't want to go somewhere,
11:17
you don't have to go,
11:18
right? And I think especially in the Latino community,
11:20
there's a lot of pressure of like you have to come to
11:23
all family gatherings. But the truth is we don't have to
11:28
you know, I was thinking about something else that you suggest
11:30
How do we not feel guilty?
11:32
How do we not feel guilty?
11:34
And I think that when we're talking about guilt,
11:37
we have to reframe how we think about it.
11:40
Ok. I'm feeling some kind of way because I'm trying something
11:42
new. It's going to be uncomfortable,
11:45
especially thinking about your intentions when we're setting boundaries,
11:48
all of the boundaries,
11:49
we're setting there to deepen our connections with the people we love
11:52
They're not to separate from them when we can connect with
11:56
someone in a way that feels most authentic to us.
11:59
If I'm more introverted,
12:00
I only have a certain social battery.
12:03
I can't interact more than that.
12:06
And if you try to push me past that,
12:08
you're going to get a grumpy individual.
12:10
It's like I don't want to be here who's going to Macara
12:13
or whatever they say.
12:16
but if I set the boundary and say,
12:17
you know, I'm only available and around during business hours,
12:21
actually, after that,
12:22
I need to decompress,
12:23
I'm just not available and then you only interact during the time
12:27
when you have the most energy,
12:28
then you're able to connect on a deeper level as opposed to
12:32
So I think we want to think about boundaries.
12:34
Tiffany mentioned it is how we respond versus react,
12:37
but it is also to deeper in our relationships with the people
12:40
we care about. So be mindful that it's not,
12:42
it's not to separate you.
12:43
I think the guilt usually for me,
12:46
at least it comes at the beginning when you're first putting down
12:51
trying to set the boundary because what I realize happens is
12:57
I'm breaking a perception of others,
13:00
half of me. So they used to me being available and
13:04
now I'm not as available or they used to me being,
13:08
you know, very people pleasing and now I'm kind of not
13:13
and putting my foot down a little bit.
13:15
And so I think it's just like,
13:17
oh, it's just the perception they have of me of being
13:21
like, well, they're,
13:22
they're gonna think I'm this or that I'm changing or that I
13:25
don't love him as much or that,
13:27
you know, we're kind of conditioned to feel guilty,
13:30
right? It's our responsibility to be readily available to everyone at
13:36
And so again, I think once we start feeling guilty is
13:39
reminding ourselves what's the purpose of this boundary that I set?
13:43
What's the change I'm looking for?
13:45
Right. And I think when we are feeling guilty,
13:49
it's OK. Sit with that discomfort,
13:51
right? I always encourage that,
13:52
sit with the discomfort.
13:54
It's a normal feeling.
13:55
We experience anger, we experience sadness.
13:58
Guilt is a completely normal emotion too.
14:01
And so let's sit with that,
14:04
practice some self care and continue with the consistency of setting the
14:09
boundaries to sit with the discomfort,
14:11
literally applies to everything because a lot of things aren't,
14:16
especially when it's our first time doing it.
14:19
Another member of our fierce community wrote how scarcity mindset can lead
14:24
to hoarding. Adding that her grandmother didn't have a pair of
14:28
shoes until she was 17.
14:30
So she holds on to things because she never had much before
14:34
I think a lot of us could relate to going to
14:37
our grandparents' house or even our own parents' house,
14:39
opening up the cabinets and seeing expired condiments.
14:42
Right. Or even bread that's already stale.
14:45
And they're like, oh,
14:45
no, it's still good.
14:50
And I think we all have been raised with that mentality of
14:53
like, don't be wasteful,
14:54
be grateful. We worked really hard to buy this loaf of
14:56
bread. Right? And I think it all stems from when
14:59
our parents and grandparents were raised,
15:02
right? They didn't have the same resources we did,
15:04
right? Where if something doesn't taste as good or fresh,
15:07
we could just go buy another.
15:08
But it wasn't the same circumstances for them.
15:10
Well, I think with scarcity mindset,
15:12
there's a lot of fixed mindset as well,
15:14
right? The scarcity.
15:15
It's like there may never be enough and then fixed mindset of
15:18
things will always be this way and there's nothing that I can
15:20
change about this or there's nothing that will make me want to
15:23
change. So I will always be in scarcity,
15:25
things will never change.
15:26
Even when I see that there are resources.
15:28
What tools can we pull to kind of teach them?
15:32
Hey, that's the wrong mindset.
15:34
Let's move them from a fixed to a growth or what can
15:37
we do affirmations, right?
15:39
We spend the majority of our time in our own brains,
15:42
in our own thoughts,
15:43
right? So let's shift that mindset to more positive affirmations,
15:48
I am worthy of change.
15:52
I am worthy of healing and growth,
15:55
right? I am enough and my worth is not dependent on
15:58
my belongings and personal property.
16:02
So while we're talking about affirmations,
16:03
I want to share my favorite affirmation with you all.
16:07
It's not what I say out loud that determines my life.
16:10
It's what I whisper to myself that has the most power.
16:13
But how does that work when you're kind of anxious and you
16:16
taught yourself a lot of things?
16:18
Well, that's the thing.
16:19
Be aware when you're anxious,
16:20
you're giving all of those anxious thoughts all of the power and
16:26
your thought could be instead of what if everything goes wrong,
16:29
but what if everything worked out?
16:31
What if everything turned out exactly the way I wanted to?
16:40
And I think another great suggestion is maybe seeking professional help,
16:44
finding a therapist or psychologist.
16:46
I feel like it's so scary,
16:48
like a lot of people in our community because it's been so
16:51
they don't know what to expect out of it.
16:53
Therapy can seem really daunting and something really scary.
16:57
So, how can we communicate to family members or loved
17:00
ones? Like what they can expect out of a therapy session
17:03
And I think first and foremost,
17:04
right? And I encourage it with people who are coming to
17:06
me to seek services too,
17:08
is I encourage everyone to schedule at least two maybe consultations with
17:13
different therapists. That way you can find someone who's like the
17:17
right? Having a consultation with them,
17:20
asking them all the questions on what they specialize,
17:22
how long they've been doing it for.
17:23
And then as long as you feel comfortable with them,
17:25
then scheduling an appointment with them,
17:27
right. And I think the biggest thing too is I think
17:31
is reminding yourselves right,
17:33
that even if you start therapy with one therapist,
17:35
it doesn't mean you have to stick with them.
17:36
Right? Like if it's not a good fit,
17:38
you need to go with someone who is the right fit and
17:40
you know, we at least,
17:41
right, we don't take it personally if someone's like,
17:44
I think I need to find another therapist,
17:46
right. Because we too want you to make the most out
17:50
And that therapist, client relationship that fit that we talk about
17:54
It's very important.
17:55
In fact, like all the research that they've done on what
17:58
makes therapy the most effective.
18:00
It's the relationship between the client and the therapist.
18:03
And then once you start therapy,
18:04
I think, knowing that it is a confidential space,
18:07
I think in a lot of these communities,
18:09
there's a lot of fear around what will people think of me
18:13
What if people knew that I had these thoughts that I
18:15
have these feelings. There's a lot of shame around the emotions
18:18
that people feel. And so knowing that therapy is confidential,
18:22
there's very few reasons for when we break confidentiality.
18:25
And that's only if there's a concern of the safety,
18:28
your safety or welfare or the safety of welfare of a vulnerable
18:31
population. Otherwise everything you say,
18:36
stays between us. I think what I've gotten when I tell
18:40
people, oh, I'm in therapy.
18:41
Oh, what's wrong with you?
18:43
nothing. I'm just working on myself.
18:46
Ok? So in addition to therapy,
18:48
like, what can we do to practice self care?
18:51
First and foremost, I think a lot of people experience this
18:55
guilt of taking time to practice self.
18:59
It feels super guilty or we have to earn it.
19:02
I hear a lot of people saying like,
19:04
oh, I don't think I deserved it this week.
19:08
And I think that all stems from basing our value or worth
19:13
on productivity, which isn't fair for us either because we do
19:17
work really hard. And even when we don't,
19:19
we still need to take those breaks,
19:20
right? It's the same thing we talk about when we're talking
19:23
about why we need self care.
19:25
You want to pour into your own cup so that you can
19:26
pour into other people's c you want to take care of yourself
19:29
your soul, your being whatever term to really help,
19:33
push that message forward and be able to focus on what I'm
19:37
doing now. Isn't selfish.
19:40
It's so that I can actually be a better sibling,
19:43
a better parent, a better spouse.
19:46
I can show up more when we talk about self care.
19:49
It's not always like this really big.
19:51
It doesn't have to be a full weekend.
19:52
Sometimes it's these mindful moments of I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed
19:56
Let me move myself from this,
20:00
even if you live in a small space,
20:01
like a studio, it's like maybe let me just step outside
20:05
for a second or let me go stand by a window if
20:07
going outside doesn't, isn't accessible for you.
20:09
But just how do you shift literally your space a little bit
20:12
to help shift your mood.
20:13
All the little things add up to a bigger amount of energy
20:17
When I say small moments,
20:19
I think five minutes,
20:20
five minutes of even of stillness,
20:22
five minutes in your transition from one space to another,
20:25
you're coming home from work,
20:27
you know that there's so much that you wanna get done at
20:30
home. And as soon as you get home,
20:31
give yourself those extra five minutes go inside when you feel ready
20:35
That reset makes the biggest difference in your mood as you
20:38
end your night. I've definitely felt a little bit of anxiety
20:42
when I'm like, I'm exhausted.
20:44
but I have I feel in my head.
20:46
I have like so many things I got to get done.
20:49
Right. But you can't show up as your best person to
20:51
take care of those things.
20:52
If you're not taking care of yourself,
20:55
it's hard. And I'm sitting in the discomfort every time,
21:03
you're going to close my eyes.
21:04
I'm going to find I'm not falling asleep.
21:06
Well, thank you so much,
21:07
Tiffany. Thank you Lisa for being here with us today.
21:10
I know I learned so much and I feel like I learned
21:13
a lot. I'm sure our fierce familia did as well.
21:16
So huge. Shout out to our friends at United Healthcare for
21:19
being there for what matters and empowering this important conversation.
21:23
Yes. And check out uhc.com/healthy mind for more mental health resources
Series