00:00
Ola, I'm Cynthia Cleo Milner.
00:02
And this is a special episode of the podcast A La Latina
00:05
the playbook to succeed being your authentic self.
00:07
Today, we have with us Xiomara Gallego Bernard.
00:10
She's a children's book author and she just published a very useful
00:15
book about enabling a highly sensitive child going back to school.
00:19
Here are the three takeaways of our conversation.
00:21
Number one, it is super important to normalize the conversation about
00:25
parenting, highly sensitive Children.
00:28
If we do, we are going to realize that many of
00:31
us are going through the same,
00:32
it doesn't have to affect our ability to succeed at work.
00:36
Number two, she gave us a playbook to communicate with your
00:40
sensitive child, which can also help you better communicate with your
00:46
she is living proof that you can find your purpose later in
00:49
life. If you feel like you haven't found yours.
00:53
Keep searching this and more in this episode of A La Latina
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Today. We're gonna give you our audience,
02:01
especially moms, a different type of playbook,
02:04
a playbook to enable our kids to transition to school without the
02:08
stress that usually comes with it.
02:10
Many of you are moms like us and you know how much
02:15
our personal life interferes and having stress can influence our ability to
02:20
focus on work. So today we wanna give you the tools
02:23
that you need. So back to school season doesn't get in
02:26
the way of your ability to succeed at work.
02:29
I'm super excited to have with us Xiomara Gallego Bernard.
02:32
She's a wellness advocate and a children's book author and we're gonna
02:36
talk about that really cool book that she just wrote and that
02:39
I read to my kids this morning,
02:41
Xiomara. Thank you for being here.
02:43
Thank you so much for the opportunity.
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I'm excited to share about the book and about what being highly
02:48
sensitive really means because I think it's an important time in our
02:53
in our lives now to be connected with our Children and
02:55
really understand the emotional struggles that they could be having.
02:59
So I'm excited to share about the book and to help professional
03:02
women to transition their Children into school while also be able to
03:08
excel in their careers.
03:10
I read your book this morning and I was very touched by
03:14
how my son who is also like on the highly sensitive side
03:19
was absorbing everything that,
03:21
that you wrote there.
03:23
And it made me think a lot about what happens before we
03:27
arrive to work and after we arrived to work,
03:29
that can be impacting the millions of moms that start mornings with
03:36
sometimes like really difficult moments,
03:38
a lot of yelling or a lot of like struggle and then
03:41
you have to kind of like compartmentalize and flip the switch and
03:45
then go to work and it's,
03:48
And I wanna thank you for writing this and I'm super excited
03:52
about our conversation. I wanna start with you telling us a
03:56
little bit about why you wrote this.
03:58
Let's start with your upbringing and what make you be the person
04:02
that you are today and then we'll go into the book.
04:05
Ok. So I'm a Brooklyn girl.
04:07
I was born and raised in Brooklyn in Williamsburg,
04:10
which is very different from what it was when I grew up
04:14
right now. They're trendy shops.
04:18
it was not a great place to be and no one really
04:20
wanted to live there.
04:21
It was a lot of crime rundown buildings.
04:26
and we were a low income family.
04:27
So that's what we could afford,
04:29
right? But now it's completely different.
04:31
So I think that struggle has made me who I am today
04:34
has made me stronger,
04:36
has made me more resilient.
04:38
Also, I was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition when I
04:42
was one. And so I had to undergo open heart surgery
04:47
at a very young age.
04:49
while I don't remember that surgery,
04:51
I do remember a second surgery that I actually had to go
04:54
through as well, which was to remove a pacemaker that they
04:58
had placed to monitor the heart after the initial surgery.
05:04
I really had a tough childhood from the beginning,
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right? And I think again,
05:10
that's made me stronger in who I am.
05:13
And now I live life with a different perspective,
05:17
right? I'm grateful for every moment that I have.
05:20
I value time with my family,
05:24
more connecting with people.
05:27
And I'm grateful for those experiences because I've learned,
05:30
especially as I've gotten older,
05:32
to appreciate the little moments and really be present with my loved
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ones with friends with people that really bring joy into my life
05:43
So yes, I'm really happy that I went through all
05:46
of that because it is who I am today.
05:48
In the last episode of our,
05:53
not the last like the last interview which was with Claudia,
05:55
my co host. She told a story about how she
06:00
actually had two siblings who passed away when they were very young
06:04
And that put almost like a magnifying glass on her because
06:08
her parents were first of all thinking like she could die any
06:12
moment. But also like you're a survivor,
06:15
what are you going to do with your life?
06:17
Did you experience that same,
06:18
both love but also pressure of you,
06:22
you must be alive because you are going to do great things
06:26
So having a 5050 chance of survival definitely changes your perspective on
06:31
things and makes you really think about,
06:35
Why was I given a second chance at life?
06:37
And this could be it at 46 years old.
06:40
You know, I wrote this book and there's a purpose behind
06:44
The struggles that we were facing with our child.
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Now, I put it into a book,
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our experiences and hopefully will help other parents,
06:53
other caregivers that other Children that may be also going through the
06:56
same struggles as we were.
06:58
I love it. I read recently that people are starting to
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find their purpose and realizing,
07:07
ok, finding my purpose at like 45 46 50 60 it's
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sometimes I'm, I'm sure some people never find their purpose.
07:16
But I love that you're finding your purpose.
07:18
I can tell you that for me,
07:20
like a La Latina has,
07:22
I think it's been my purpose.
07:24
It's been waiting for me to happen and then you stumbled upon
07:27
it. So you stumbled on your purpose.
07:29
And, and it's funny because someone told me,
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I think a few years ago when I was struggling to figure
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out what I wanted to do with my life,
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right? Because I was a stay at home mom,
07:38
but still trying to create a career,
07:41
the wellness career. And they told me they said,
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you know, some people don't find their purpose after they're 40
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And I didn't believe that person.
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whatever, I'm struggling,
07:53
I'm depressed, I'm stressed,
07:56
So I've found a path to take and I'm so grateful and
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so excited that this book is now available and can maybe help
08:06
families the book. I'm not gonna give you guys give you
08:11
ladies the, the gist of what the book is.
08:15
But I can tell you that when I was reading it,
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it's gonna be another kids book.
08:20
Like there's all these,
08:21
I think we have 300 kids book.
08:23
So I was like reading it thinking is it gonna surprise me
08:27
And it really surprised me.
08:29
I think you found a very unique way of making highly sensitive
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kids feel like they can be superheroes.
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So not only you made them feel like they can handle the
08:41
stress of back to being back to school,
08:44
but at least my son went to,
08:46
to summer camp today being like,
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I'm going to help another child today and thank you so much
08:52
And that's why I wrote the book,
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right. So for those that don't know what being highly sensitive
08:57
means that it's not a disorder,
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it's not a diagnosis or a medical condition.
09:03
It is a personality trait that we're born with,
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which allows us to feel things in a deeper way.
09:09
So we have an increased emotional sensitivity and stronger reactivity to both
09:16
external and internal stimuli.
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So we can easily be overwhelmed,
09:21
overstimulated and things like loud noises,
09:26
large crowds transitions are difficult for us at times.
09:30
Routine changes, we also feel pain,
09:33
hunger a little bit deeper than kids who are not,
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or people who are not highly sensitive.
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And if you don't understand the trait,
09:42
it can become very difficult to help your child or just the
09:45
family will have a difficult time dealing with everything that's called on
09:49
with the child. And during the research that I did before
09:53
we knew that our child was highly sensitive,
09:55
I also came to understand that I'm highly sensitive and looking back
10:00
at a lot of moments in my childhood where I was overstimulated
10:06
but I didn't have the support because my parents didn't know what
10:10
what I was going through and I'll share something that a
10:15
lot of people don't know.
10:16
But I had a nickname.
10:17
So they gave me a nickname,
10:19
man. Tequila, right?
10:21
Butter. And what happens with butter?
10:25
because I was having meltdowns,
10:27
that was the nickname they gave me.
10:28
Oh man, here's the maranoa mania,
10:31
right? And it could be funny when you think about it
10:35
but when you're the child receiving that from the people that
10:39
are supposed to love you,
10:40
it really affects you and and we couldn't express that right?
10:44
We weren't allowed to really share what we were feeling.
10:47
But I look at those moments and that's why I made a
10:51
commitment to really dig deep into high sensitivity and how I could
10:55
help my child because I never want him to feel what I
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felt. I never want him to feel.
11:01
not supported. Right?
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I always wanna make sure that he knows that I'm there 100%
11:06
regardless of whatever emotions he's going through,
11:09
everything is validated. I feel like our kids are so lucky
11:12
that they grew up in an age where we're not gonna just
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tell them you're throwing a tantrum.
11:18
But there is that other extreme where there's so permissive,
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you know that. So sometimes you want to,
11:26
you wanna help them,
11:27
but you also want to give them structure and tell them what
11:34
to Mexico to my dad's house.
11:36
I think two years ago,
11:37
my son is very sensitive when it comes to water.
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He doesn't wanna swim.
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And my neighbors who I grew up with were all telling me
11:45
just throw him in the water.
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And I'm like, what are you talking about?
11:49
That's how, how we all learn to swim.
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Like our parents just threw us in the water.
11:53
And I'm thinking my son is unwilling to put his foot in
11:56
the pool. I'm gonna throw him in the water and I
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felt so judged the entire vacation that I wasn't throwing my son
12:03
in the water and my son,
12:06
now he's swimming totally fine.
12:08
He just took a little bit longer time.
12:11
I kept taking him every week to,
12:13
to swimming lesson. It's not like I went to the extreme
12:15
of like, I'm not gonna take him to classes and I'm
12:18
going to just hope that at some point he decides to swim
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It's a skill that's important to have.
12:22
I'm taking him to his weekly lessons,
12:24
but I felt very judged.
12:26
And now I'm very proud of having done my own research and
12:29
made my own decision and every child is different.
12:32
And that also happened with our child.
12:33
We tried to put them in swim class when they were very
12:36
young and it didn't work.
12:38
And again, a lot of people were telling us just do
12:43
you know, he'll get used to it.
12:45
Right. But there's a different way to approach a highly sensitive
12:49
child. Right. And a lot of the things that we
12:52
think our rights stem from our upbringing and the way that they
12:56
discipline and the way that they did things.
12:58
But it's, we have to be kinder,
13:01
more gentle and we're gonna get,
13:05
but we have to do it at the way that the child
13:08
needs for us to do it.
13:10
So I'm sure a lot of people including me,
13:13
do all this research,
13:15
but we don't all decide to write a book about it.
13:20
And this is for a lot of our audience and,
13:22
and people that follow us that are kind of in a moment
13:25
in their life where they're,
13:26
they don't feel like they are living their purpose,
13:29
but they don't know how to find their purpose.
13:32
How did you decide I'm gonna give this a shot?
13:35
Like I think I can do something to help others.
13:37
Like this is my purpose.
13:41
well, I've always wanted to write a book.
13:43
That's the first thing,
13:44
you know, I've tried many,
13:45
many years, but when we started going through the challenge of
13:50
trying to figure out what was going on,
13:52
what was happening with him,
13:53
you know, so I'll give you a background of what happened
13:56
that led to me writing the book.
13:58
So when I have three boys,
14:00
a teenager and the twins who are seven right now,
14:04
when they were one of them is highly sensitive.
14:07
So when they were two,
14:09
this was also around COVID,
14:10
which could have, you know,
14:12
led to some of also the emotional struggles.
14:15
We noticed that one of them was having a lot of outbursts
14:18
meltdowns, but we didn't know what it was right.
14:21
He was two years old.
14:22
He wasn't able to verbalize what he was feeling.
14:26
So we were concerned obviously and we talked to his pediatrician
14:31
other friends of ours who were pediatricians,
14:33
counselors, friends. and no one could pinpoint what was
14:37
going on because he was meeting all of the milestones.
14:41
There were no delays.
14:42
So he was doing everything that a two year old should be
14:45
doing. So what we kept hearing was,
14:48
it's the terrible twos and the terrible twos,
14:51
everyone knows is when the child is testing you and the personality
14:55
comes out. So we said,
14:56
ok, let's let's wait and see.
14:59
But they turned three and it was still happening four.
15:02
It was still happening.
15:03
So I like any mama would do was like,
15:07
I need to figure this out.
15:08
So I started reading and researching and there wasn't a lot of
15:12
literature on high sensitivity.
15:15
There was some and I stumbled across two books by Elaine Aaron
15:20
who's a psychologist and an author.
15:23
And the books were the highly sensitive child and the highly sensitive
15:27
person I read the highly sensitive child.
15:29
And that's where I realized that maybe my son is not a
15:32
like as highly sensitive as most kids.
15:36
And from the moment I opened that book,
15:39
I knew I had found the answer or I was on the
15:42
right path and I started implementing things that were in the book
15:47
and they were working.
15:49
oh my gosh, thank God that I found this book.
15:51
And I'm so grateful for this book.
15:53
Obviously. Now, more research is being done,
15:56
but that gave me kind of,
15:59
you know, a blueprint or plan to kind of follow to
16:03
help. And so I thought about it and what we were
16:06
going through and I said,
16:07
you know what, there are a lot of other families that
16:09
made me struggling through this as well.
16:11
So let me try and write a book that will be relatable
16:17
to other Children, not just highly sensitive kids,
16:20
but any child can benefit from reading this book because school is
16:25
always transitioning to school is always a challenging time for any child
16:30
you know what, I know that other parents might be going
16:32
through this caregivers and this might help them just make it more
16:38
a fun read for the Children,
16:41
right? And it might help them.
16:43
So I started writing the book.
16:45
Right. So, besides the book which I hope everybody buys
16:48
and I hope everybody reads to their kids.
16:50
Can you give our audience some tips that you've learned that
16:55
have worked for you on how,
16:57
how to make like a morning easier when you have a highly
17:01
sensitive child or how to handle difficult moments.
17:04
I do. So what we do in the mornings are
17:08
I get up earlier before anyone else in the house gets up
17:12
so that I am in a better place emotionally,
17:15
mentally and prepare because sometimes you don't know what you're going to
17:20
get in the morning from your highly sensitive child.
17:28
say I'm grateful. Thank you for my life.
17:31
And then I walk into their room and I walk in
17:34
with a positive attitude.
17:36
That's very important. No matter what you're feeling that morning,
17:40
you have to walk in there with a positive attitude,
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positive tone, gentle tone,
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calming tone, never rushing the child.
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So you wake them up.
17:50
We also have a routine chart that we put on the door
17:54
so that they know what's going to happen next.
17:57
They wake up, they brush their teeth,
17:58
use the bathroom, then we do breakfast.
18:01
A highly sensitive child needs that in their life so that they
18:07
know what's coming next.
18:08
So nothing is a surprise.
18:10
They don't do well with surprise.
18:11
We have a good chart with the check.
18:15
I just, I just have the same with us and it's
18:20
helped tremendously. I mean,
18:21
we've used it since we started researching and reading about it and
18:25
it works also. Make sure that you're again,
18:29
wake up early, make sure they have enough time to prepare
18:34
for school so that they're having breakfast in a calm way.
18:37
They're not eating in the car.
18:39
Right. I know that that's difficult sometimes if you have a
18:42
long commute with your child,
18:44
I think those things are really important so that they are not
18:48
rushed in the morning because we've tried that sometimes or we've run
18:53
late and the child just loses it.
18:57
And then what happens when you're,
18:59
you're, you're creating an environment where you're preventing,
19:02
preventing, preventing, preventing,
19:04
but many times like it happens and they have a meltdown.
19:08
How, how do you handle those moments?
19:11
Well, first we have to regulate our own emotions,
19:13
right? Because it can be hard for us to calm down
19:17
especially if you're a highly sensitive parent.
19:19
Like I am, my emotions are all over the place.
19:22
Their emotions are all over the place.
19:24
So we have to first regulate ourselves,
19:27
take breaths, whatever it is that we have to do and
19:30
then we can help the child.
19:32
And again, we've had moments where,
19:35
you know, we're five minutes before school starts and he'll have
19:39
a meltdown. I don't want to go to school today.
19:43
We're having a math test or whatever and you kind of have
19:47
to just calm down and say,
19:48
ok and talk through it,
19:50
talk him through it.
19:51
It's ok. Everyone else,
19:53
other kids may be feeling the same way that you are.
19:56
You're not the only one.
19:59
because you are feeling this way,
20:01
maybe you can talk to the other kid who is also going
20:04
through the same thing and you guys can work together on managing
20:07
those emotions. So that has worked for us.
20:11
But first we have to regulate our own emotions.
20:14
I have to tell you being a mom of a highly sensitive
20:18
child, which I think my son is has made me
20:21
a better manager because I was so used to being very driven
20:27
and very clear and we're going to do this and we're gonna
20:29
get that and then with my son,
20:31
like if, if there's a meltdown,
20:32
five minutes before you have to get to school,
20:34
my normal like reaction wouldn't be to,
20:38
ok, let's take a break.
20:40
I could take a moment and let's talk about it.
20:41
And I'm like trying to convince him to calm down and go
20:44
to school and you're like,
20:46
the more he can feel that I'm just trying to push him
20:49
the less we're gonna get the outcome that we want.
20:52
So it's, it's a very different approach to the way that
20:55
you would manage a team.
20:57
And I have found that using the techniques that I use with
21:01
my kids with my team is very effective,
21:04
more effective than using the techniques that I used to use in
21:07
my, with my team with my kids.
21:08
It does work with adults a lot of times even more than
21:15
Yeah. And other siblings,
21:17
if they're siblings as well,
21:18
like using those type of things with them as well,
21:22
can help and also they can help the highly sensitive child because
21:27
now they know those tools and can help them when they're going
21:31
through their their struggles.
21:32
I think we're making a better generation.
21:36
So what in your research?
21:38
And when you've been talking to moms,
21:39
can you tell us what are some common challenges that professional women
21:43
face when they're balancing their work?
21:46
Like the mindset that they need to be in when they have
21:49
a highly sensitive child at home.
21:51
So I think as moms we can do,
21:53
we can do everything but not all at once,
21:55
right? So when you're balancing a demanding career with raising
22:01
and parenting a highly sensitive child,
22:03
it comes with its own unique challenges.
22:07
We're constantly juggling multiple roles.
22:09
So time management is crucial,
22:12
right? And because our highly sensitive Children need more attention and
22:17
support, we often feel drained,
22:20
drained, tapped out.
22:22
So it's really important again to re center yourself so that
22:28
you have more to give as a mom.
22:31
How do you do it again?
22:34
Breathing? I think breathing is meditate in the morning,
22:38
wake up and just again,
22:39
wake up earlier before anyone else.
22:42
And I know that can be difficult but it's a commitment right
22:49
but the whole family.
22:50
Because if you know,
22:51
if everyone is not on the same page,
22:54
it's not going to work,
22:55
it's going to be a chaotic household.
22:57
So I think doing those things and just being kind and
23:01
gentle to yourself because we are doing the best that we can
23:06
right? Also accepting help.
23:08
I think accepting help is really hard for us sometimes because we're
23:13
trying to do everything by ourselves,
23:16
right? Because for me,
23:18
it's been, you know,
23:22
to think that I had to do everything on my own.
23:25
And that's not the case anymore.
23:26
When we're trying to juggle our careers with parenting,
23:31
we need help. So it's ok to ask for help.
23:34
It's ok to accept help when it's being offered.
23:38
Because if we are running on empty,
23:41
it's not going to be a good place to be for a
23:43
child. They're not going to get the best us,
23:46
right? That they can get.
23:48
Ok. So we talked about activities and routines that can help
23:51
highly sensitive Children in the morning in general.
23:54
Maybe can we talk about some common mistakes to avoid besides speeding
23:59
things up and rushing them?
24:00
Are there any other things that you think we should avoid yelling
24:05
we definitely want to avoid doing that.
24:09
I go back to upbringing and a lot of the things that
24:12
we thought were correct.
24:14
Right. That our parents,
24:15
the way they disciplined us was different.
24:18
we can't do that because we're trying to teach them
24:21
how to regulate their emotions.
24:23
And if we don't regulate our emotions,
24:25
if we go in there fighting and yelling and screaming,
24:28
where they're going to say,
24:29
well, why is she trying to teach me to manage
24:34
my emotions if she's not doing it herself?
24:36
Right? Also blaming blaming the child,
24:40
especially in front of other people.
24:42
We never want to blame the child because it can create more
24:46
of an emotional response to that and they'll feel embarrassed.
24:52
Also ignoring the child.
24:54
That's something that I experienced as a child.
24:57
Right? After the bad behavior,
25:00
my parents would never,
25:00
wouldn't speak to me,
25:02
right? So we don't want to ignore the child.
25:04
We always want them to feel like they're loved regardless of what
25:09
they're feeling, right?
25:10
They've gone through their emotions,
25:11
they've gone through the bad behavior,
25:14
but we always want to make sure that they can come to
25:17
us and talk to us with whatever they're feeling.
25:20
We want to create a safe space.
25:22
So you touched on something that I wanna talk a little bit
25:26
more about, which is the upbringing of Latinos like I also
25:29
grew up in a very Latin family where if you misbehaved,
25:35
there was no really analysis for trying to understand what was
25:39
happening. You were throwing a tantrum and you had to go
25:41
to your room. What else do you see that is unique
25:45
in the Latino culture that you think a book like yours
25:49
is so needed? I think especially in the Latino community,
25:53
as you mentioned, being highly sensitive or also just emotional
25:57
or mental health. It's not something that we,
26:01
like you said, talked about,
26:03
but we have to normalize,
26:04
right? We have to change the narrative,
26:06
we have to change the way that our Children feel towards us
26:11
too. If that makes sense,
26:13
we don't want our Children to fear us.
26:15
And I remember I feared my parents,
26:18
I would never communicate with them or share what I was feeling
26:22
And I think that because of that,
26:26
I think the new generation understands that,
26:28
but it's still hard to detach from that way that we grew
26:34
up and now parent our kids in a different way.
26:37
But we've done that at home.
26:39
We obviously, you know,
26:40
we're not perfect, we're going to have our own meltdowns.
26:44
And I have yelled at them at times.
26:46
But for the most part,
26:47
we're consistent with not yelling,
26:49
not screaming and giving them the opportunity to talk about what they're
26:54
feeling. Why did this happen?
26:55
Why they think this happened?
26:57
And I think that it's really important,
26:59
especially in our community with the book to,
27:04
to make sure that we are understanding or that I'm trying to
27:07
help others. Other parents understand that there's a way,
27:10
a different way that we can discipline our Children and still have
27:14
that respect that we want our Children to have towards us.
27:18
It's,, it's crazy how like the previous generation and
27:22
maybe still some people reinforce the,
27:25
you're a man, you shouldn't be crying.
27:27
Right. Exactly. Yes.
27:28
Yes. Or toughen up or toughen up.
27:31
I was telling my son when we went to,
27:35
he went to a summer camp,
27:36
he had never gone and he cried there,
27:41
they called me. And later in the day when I saw
27:46
how, how was summer camp?
27:47
It was great. And I thought he's not telling me that
27:50
he was crying a lot.
27:51
Why, why is he hiding this from me?
27:56
Only the brave kids cry?
27:59
Because if you're brave,
28:00
you're comfortable with your emotions and you're like gonna let them out
28:04
Not like if you're throwing a tantrum.
28:08
a friend of mine was really struggling herself and she felt ashamed
28:13
of the struggle she was going through.
28:14
And I thought I'm gonna tell her the same thing.
28:16
I told my son and I told her friend,
28:19
you know, only the brave ones cry and let her out
28:22
and share what they're going through.
28:23
And then the next day,
28:26
Mama, I may cry today.
28:29
Only the brave kids,
28:30
that's great that you are telling him that,
28:33
right? Because it helps him help us feel stronger and he
28:37
can walk into camp or school more confident and say,
28:41
you know what I'm sensitive and that's ok.
28:45
I love this. And can you share a personal story from
28:49
your book that highlights a key lesson or a strategy for parenting
28:53
of a highly sensitive child?
28:54
So one of the personal stories is when Thomas finds out that
29:00
vacation is over and school is going to start in a few
29:04
days and you see in his face,
29:07
he tears up, you could see the anxiety building,
29:10
the nervousness building and the key lesson there is empathy,
29:14
kindness, right? Mama shows him kindness,
29:18
empathy and is caring,
29:20
right? And she she understands because she is highly sensitive,
29:24
she understands. So she tells me,
29:26
you know, why don't we work through this,
29:28
through breathing, right?
29:29
And I always go back to breathing exercises,
29:31
but they take that moment to breathe and that's exactly what happened
29:35
with our son. You know,
29:36
every year is a challenge for us when he's transitioning to school
29:41
and when I was a child,
29:42
it was also a struggle for me,
29:44
but I didn't have the support.
29:46
But now what we do is we work through those emotions before
29:49
school starts. So that part of the story is a personal
29:54
one that I have experienced with my own son.
29:57
So you basically wrote the book for yourself and for your son
30:01
And what's really amazing is that he knows that the book is
30:06
inspired by him, right?
30:08
And inspired by his sensitivity.
30:10
And there are actually pictures in the book that my illustrator who's
30:13
amazing was able to put in the book,
30:16
you know, so some of his paintings,
30:18
some of his drawings are in the book.
30:20
So when he's Tomas loves art.
30:23
So when he's in the art class,
30:24
the pictures that are on,
30:26
there are hanging on and there's,
30:27
I think there was a robot that's so he drew that.
30:31
So he is so excited about the book because he knows that
30:36
he inspired that book.
30:38
I love that. I think my son would love it if
30:40
I wrote a book about him.
30:41
OK, let's talk about advice for professional Latinas.
30:45
What advice can you give a professional Latina mother raising a highly
30:50
sensitive child? First of all,
30:53
be gentle, be kind to yourself,
30:56
be forgiving. We are juggling so much in our lives that
31:01
you know, it's OK if we mess up,
31:04
you know, we always have to remember that that and we
31:08
are not the only ones that are going through this.
31:10
We also have to try and what I've done is learn
31:15
everything that I can about the trait,
31:17
a highly sensitive trait.
31:19
So the book that you recommend is highly sensitive,
31:21
highly sensitive child, the highly sensitive person.
31:25
And if you think that you are highly sensitive,
31:28
the highly sensitive parent is another book as well.
31:31
Learn everything that you can about the traits so that you are
31:35
better prepared to handle whatever comes along because it's,
31:40
it's an emotional roller coaster sometimes and not everything is bad.
31:45
I don't want to say that everything is negative when it comes
31:49
to raising a highly sensitive child.
31:51
So what is the positive side?
31:52
They're extremely creative. They are so smart,
31:57
funny, witty, you know,
32:00
again, they can feel other people's energy as well.
32:04
So that helps them be more empathetic and understanding.
32:10
So my son and I really get each other because we're both
32:14
highly sensitive and we have a special bond because of that.
32:17
So he at times would just come up to me and say
32:20
I love you mama because he also knows what I'm trying to
32:26
So as he gets older,
32:28
I'm trying to implement these tools and strategies now.
32:32
So that as he gets older,
32:34
he can take those tools because situations are just going to get
32:38
harder, right? Emotions are just going to first day at
32:42
college as teenagers as adults.
32:45
So he can take those tools and start applying them also share
32:50
And almost like pay it forward.
32:52
Yeah, we spoke about how there are certain characteristics of our
32:56
culture that probably create a more hostile environment for a highly sensitive
33:01
child. Are there things in our culture that create actually a
33:04
more like a nicer environment for a highly sensitive child?
33:08
I think what we do at home is obviously everyone in the
33:13
household has to be on the same page.
33:15
And I think growing up it wasn't like that.
33:19
I think everyone in our household now,
33:21
what we've done is we've had conversations about understanding the trait and
33:25
understanding the sensitivities to certain things.
33:29
And it's an adjustment obviously,
33:30
but everyone understands and not that the child is getting special treatment
33:35
or getting away with bad behavior,
33:38
but everyone understands what can lead to a meltdown.
33:43
Right? So everyone's on the same page.
33:45
So you've kind of thought the basics for grandparents,
33:49
uncles, aunts. And that's another important thing.
33:52
Everyone in the family needs to know because Abuela may have again
33:58
going back to our culture,
34:00
may think that the child is bratty or disrespectful if the child
34:05
doesn't want to say hi or the child doesn't want to hug
34:08
Right. So we have to,
34:09
to give them their space.
34:10
So we have to talk to them about that.
34:13
So you've had those conversations we've had and now I think with
34:16
the book coming out and all of the conversations that I've had
34:20
now on this podcast,
34:21
I think they get it a little bit more.
34:24
They start to understand it a little bit more and my mom
34:28
has read the book and she's like,
34:31
And now I understand Nico's temperament.
34:34
Right? And so it's not called Tomas.
34:37
No, my son's name is Nicolas,
34:40
what I, what I found out means Twin.
34:47
my son's name is Nicolas.
34:49
Ok. So I feel like our audience and your audience,
34:53
it's gonna, it's gonna need a very short list for how
34:56
to explain to extended family,
34:59
how to engage with a highly sensitive child.
35:01
Like these are the 10 things that you may experience with a
35:05
highly sensitive child. And this is how you should act just
35:08
like a cheat, cheat so people can use it if you
35:10
create it. We're happy to help.
35:12
Definitely, I can definitely do that.
35:15
I'm all for a cheat sheet.
35:17
I'm like, I read all these books and I'm just hoping
35:18
that at the end of the book,
35:19
there's like, of course,
35:20
well, at the end of the book I do,
35:22
there is an interactive guide with questions that you can ask your
35:25
child tips that Tomas strategies that Tomas uses tips for caregivers
35:31
when the Children are returning from school.
35:34
Because a lot of times when they come back from school,
35:36
we're bombarding them with questions.
35:39
Who did you talk to?
35:41
And we can't approach a highly sensitive child like that.
35:45
I don't think any child likes that,
35:46
but specially with a highly sensitive child.
35:49
So I include that the resources.
35:50
So the, the two books,
35:52
the names of the two books are there.
35:54
And just a note for caregivers,
35:56
I'm gonna read it and I don't know if there's anything that
35:59
I didn't ask you that you would like to say,
36:01
I think raising our Children in general,
36:03
we have to let go of what we thought was the way
36:09
to parent. I'm talking about our Latino culture,
36:11
right? We have to be,
36:13
again, I keep saying,
36:15
gentle, gentle parenting sometimes can be thought of as you know
36:18
you let the child get away,
36:20
right? But that's not what it is comes from a place
36:23
of love, a place of caring understanding,
36:27
creating a safe space for your Children to be able to communicate
36:34
And feel like every emotion is honored and validated.
36:40
And so they never feel like they,
36:41
they're never supported. There's a phrase I wish I had
36:45
the exact phrase that I read,
36:47
but I'm gonna just paraphrase it that said we can be the
36:50
generation that breaks a cycle of very toxic parenting.
36:56
You know, like we have all the tools we understand.
36:59
I mean, unfortunately or not either fortunately or unfortunately through
37:04
data and through a really analysis of what works and what makes
37:11
be adults. I think we can be better parents to our
37:15
kids. So we break that cycle of changing the narrative,
37:19
right? And also just stay consistent even on the days when
37:24
you think it's not working,
37:26
even on the days where you just want to give up,
37:30
that applies to anything in life,
37:31
right? Just staying consistent because we've been consistent with implementing the
37:36
tools, right? And from two years old,
37:40
up until now, seven,
37:41
the progress has been amazing,
37:43
right? And so you started doing this at two years old
37:48
right? Starting to again,
37:49
research what was happening and learning the tools and again being consistent
37:55
And at first it was just me doing it.
37:57
But then my husband started understanding,
38:00
right? And then he started implementing the tools now.
38:03
So that's really important too that if you have a family,
38:08
right, everyone's on the same page and they are both working
38:12
towards improving just their chances of becoming more resilient in life,
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