00:00
Think of the so, so if you had to swipe right?
00:01
Who swiping right was be real with you, right?
00:08
With right means that you're into it.
00:11
Eric looks very happy and he's going to eat your pussy.
00:15
Oh This one looks like he's going to rob the fuck out of you because
00:18
I'm going through some things.
00:20
That's my purse, right?
00:24
The one on your left looks like he's going to dry you out of your
00:26
money as he tries to get his rap career going.
00:35
Mi Gente, I'm Sasha Mercy.
00:36
She was pulled in the building Eric Rivera here and welcome
00:39
to three G's in the pot.
00:40
This is a very dope ass episode because we have one of the homies
00:45
She's the one of the talented in this building.
00:49
That's the best way to welcome anybody with the reggaeton
00:55
We got to find out what's going on with Sasha.
00:57
You got the Norah Jones jazz singer.
00:59
I've been smoking cigarettes, all I've been, I've been singing
01:07
It shows the shows that sounds slow as hell.
01:16
Um now, honestly, I feel like I'm hung over because I've just
01:19
been partying like, since Friday.
01:25
At church, like the rest of us.
01:29
Well, I don't be at church at night, you know, like you go to
01:32
church in the morning, you pray to God a little bit.
01:37
No, yesterday I went to the grandma event, I went to the grandma
01:41
event and then I found myself on the microphone just yelling
01:46
from the top of my lungs yelling just like they were playing
01:49
a song and I was just like, yeah, like into it is that man scoop
01:56
You don't follow Sasha on Instagram before you play that before
01:58
you play, hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:59
If you don't follow Sasha on Instagram, Sasha has drunk eyes
02:03
every time she gets on the microphone, it cracks me up every
02:05
time I see her, her eyes are like half right there.
02:08
That's not drunk eyes right there right there, Sasha.
02:15
That's like that Mariah Carey video.
02:17
I'm doing what I Yeah, so that's how I feel exactly how I feel
02:24
Like Mariah Carey in that video.
02:25
So I throw these events and so they've been doing very well
02:31
but you know the man I'm always working, it pumps out.
02:37
I want to go so bad.
02:39
But I'm also doing a weekly one called G Go Fridays.
02:42
So let's just pull up.
02:45
It's just all about bringing people together.
02:46
But now my voice is suffering because I'm partying too much
02:51
So, yeah, that's what's been going on, what's been going on
02:54
What you guys do this weekend missing these parties.
02:56
I listen, I got a wife and I got kids and I see the pictures and
03:05
My parents came from out of town to go see the baby.
03:08
So dealing with two families, it's so weird.
03:11
I feel like you, you gotta keep them happy and then trying to
03:17
It's so impressed as fuck or what?
03:20
No, no, no, no, no, no.
03:23
Yeah, because it's like my dad's aggressive apparently.
03:28
And then yeah, and then she just like, it's funny cause she
03:33
points things that I never really noticed.
03:34
It's like um because she was upset and I was like, why, why you
03:37
why you have that face?
03:38
She's like, are you serious?
03:40
Do you know does your dad need to speak like that?
03:42
And I was like speak like how like like the cussing, I was like
03:46
cussing, you know cuss, I swear to God man.
03:49
We walked into the restaurant, my dad's like, bitch, you motherfucker
03:53
And I'm just like, hey, I'm just noticing all these cuss words
03:56
and I'm like, dad, you cuss a lot.
03:58
It's so funny though cause you gotta, you gotta play translator
04:00
but you gotta learn, you have to know how to say it to him.
04:03
Like she's like, babe, can you go tell him?
04:05
You're like, all right.
04:06
Hey, you have a Yeah.
04:08
Are you cuss a little?
04:09
Like, and my, and my dad feels like he's the type that's like
04:13
if he feels like to tell him no, now he wants to do it.
04:16
He's like, oh you think that's cussing?
04:18
I'm gonna show you a cousin you a grown ass man what to do or how
04:23
It's like, you know, so that's what I have to do.
04:25
I had to do with that balance and shit.
04:27
So like what are you telling her to get used to it?
04:28
Because he's not going to change?
04:30
Yeah, that's who he's gonna be.
04:31
That's what he's gonna be.
04:32
And then she just like, really?
04:34
You're just gonna let her dad just, it's gonna be, it's gonna
04:39
If I don't, it's going to be like world War three.
04:41
So and my dad knows that bothers her.
04:43
So he does it even more.
04:46
You what a bit you are?
04:49
How is he with the baby?
04:50
He's so excited, he's excited.
04:51
But then he says things to the baby and he looks at me like what
04:57
you and I was like, what the fuck my dumb ass like and the baby
05:07
got the same face as I do.
05:08
He's like, and we're both.
05:10
And then you look over your girl, she's giving you eyes like
05:12
can you, can you say something?
05:13
I'm just like, oh my God, you tripping, you tripping.
05:15
That's your baby real quick though.
05:17
I'm looking at the baby like that word.
05:20
But yes, and that's what she's afraid of.
05:23
And I'm telling her like, let him just say all these words now
05:25
But when he starts talking, we'll just, I'll talk to him about
05:28
But anyways, so what, what did you do?
05:34
I'm out here performing on the road.
05:36
I was in Denver and then hopped on a plane and then Sunday night
05:40
I was at the L A at the Hollywood Improv opening for Martin
05:43
He did two sold out shows Latinos come out for him.
05:50
He got that look like you don't know what he is until he starts
05:53
I'm still confused with what he is Arabic or something like
05:57
II I, like you said one of those, one of those, you know what
06:05
Latinos don't start tripping Latinos too because not all
06:09
I don't know, I'm talking about, I don't know one of those.
06:12
I don't know what you know, I feel like you're Puerto Rican
06:15
but then you come out and you say some weird shit like ho was
06:18
it Honduras, Guatemala we've only been doing in Guatemala
06:24
You look like Guatemala, you guys, but you're Salvadorian
06:33
I remember Salvadorian because I remember Salvadorian because
06:36
she's like, why is that a problem with the fuck?
06:38
And I was like, damn, you're intense and Nicaraguan and Lebanese
06:42
Lebanese, oh my God.
06:44
He Lebanese people in Mexico and Central America.
06:48
Isn't he like Lebanese?
06:51
But do you go back to like visit these places or no?
06:55
No, I stand out like a sore thumb.
06:58
They all want to rob me and I don't blame them and I, and I don't
07:04
I don't feel like they can rob you like you're a tough girl.
07:07
I don't think the people can rob you.
07:08
Have you ever heard of?
07:10
Oh yeah, they don't exist no more.
07:13
Apparently that's what they want you.
07:16
They want you to think that they don't exist.
07:22
I came back from Dr and I didn't realize how much like you stick
07:26
out when you go back to Dr plays right in.
07:32
I'm Eric takes after his dad.
07:38
I mean, Eric, what's his fool's name?
07:47
Look, I stand out because Dominican women in the Dominican
07:49
Republic, they straighten their hair so like to have braids
07:52
or locks, they're like you got to be American.
07:54
But um that's why are they straighten their hair because they
07:58
just, that seems like a lot of heat.
08:01
They have perfected the straight hair and especially with
08:04
like humidity and all that stuff.
08:06
Like you could go to Dr and barely find anybody with curly hair
08:10
and I'm, I'm looking at dumb, I'm like, bitch, I know you got
08:13
I know your hair is curly as hell.
08:14
But now I'm starting to see like little shops opening up with
08:17
you know, women embracing the curls because if my hair was
08:20
curly when I would wake up during the, my aunt would be like
08:23
go get your hair done.
08:26
Because they'll be like, yo go get your hair done because your
08:29
hair is not done and mind you.
08:30
It's like nice curls and stuff like that.
08:31
So and so it takes forever to do that, right?
08:34
It does, it does that for my girl would just be like, I think
08:38
she's just trying to fuck with me.
08:41
She just takes for it and I'm like, really?
08:44
That's what men don't understand.
08:47
No, not when ugly men have opinions on women, ugly women too
08:52
Women act like you took three hours to get here.
08:57
You talking about your dress for five minutes.
09:03
Like we have to do so much to look good and be just feeling good
09:07
Come on now like we have to do so much my hair, even curly hair
09:11
like we got to get the right products you can't, I can't just
09:14
put whatever on my hair because they could get too tangled
09:17
That, that's what I'm saying.
09:18
You'll be here stressed out and all this stuff.
09:19
But your lady do good.
09:22
But my thing is like, if you know how to do it, shouldn't you
09:27
be like, that's what I'm saying.
09:31
No, you could be quick because you just put, put gel in your
09:33
hair, you slick it back.
09:35
Have a cow licking shit.
09:39
But women know we have to, you know, put on makeup, do our nails
09:43
We got, you know, we have a lot of maintenance to fucking.
09:47
Because you never know you at your girl she didn't get done
09:51
up like she just went out.
09:55
You don't want to tell me more about how I feel.
10:03
I don't, I really don't trip when she doesn't do her makeup
10:05
I'm like, yeah, that's cool.
10:06
She probably gets hit on more if she doesn't get herself done
10:13
When men are disgusting they have no standard.
10:19
We're doing all this for what?
10:22
Like, hey, I was just something about it.
10:31
I didn't even acknowledge that.
10:35
I mean, men are a little gross.
10:37
I mean they grow out of the grossness at 30 though.
10:42
They don't, none of y'all motherfuckers stuck up for me.
10:49
Got one motherfucker.
10:52
No, but real quick, real quick.
10:53
Like, honestly, I think by 40 I don't know.
10:56
But like, again, it's like my brothers went through puberty
10:59
just like emotional puberty, you know what it is because they're
11:02
not, they can't be on the streets like they used to, you know
11:05
They just be like, oh, that goes to show that you guys are the
11:08
problem even amongst each other because maybe I should, maybe
11:11
I would have been before this whole show is that we just saying
11:18
it, we have to because you're dumb and gross.
11:21
I don't know, trying to take a quick commercial break and when
11:25
we come back, we can come back with my favorite segment.
11:28
White people problems.
11:31
A white girl almost killed me, dude trying to go hiking in Arizona
11:34
Just like, are you OK?
11:36
I like hold on and then she fucking pops something out in the
11:40
fucking water and they have all the gear and shit and I came
11:43
I'm like, what the fuck was that shit?
11:44
And then I came with a water bottle and condoms.
11:48
No, we are back with my favorite segment.
11:51
White people problems on the white, white, white.
11:56
We got a new story here.
11:58
Uh White people are driving to Death Valley just to experience
12:02
the hottest weather in the country.
12:05
This is, this is how you know, people don't, they don't have
12:07
hardships, they have central air.
12:08
They're like, I wanna go feel hot.
12:10
Honestly, I feel like we should convince more white people
12:13
There's not enough of them doing it.
12:20
What's the, what's the temperature in 100 and 30 or 100 and
12:26
And this is the hottest it's ever been in history.
12:28
Is that like a couple too?
12:30
Like they're like a couple.
12:31
I just wanna know in your hands like, you know what I mean?
12:34
No, man, that's the thing is you got extreme heat dangers.
12:36
They got heat warnings and they go, they drive out there, look
12:39
there it goes 100 and 23 to 100 and 24 °F.
12:43
Not gonna go too hard on the whites because I, I'm married to
12:47
Uh, but for some reason I don't understand the infatuation
12:50
of white people in the sun like they love the sun, but they hate
12:53
Like I see them at the pools, sunscreen, the sun hates them
13:00
And then the sun shirts up to here.
13:02
And I'm like, then why even be in the sun?
13:04
Why people are just so desperate to feel something because
13:15
In this news article we found so two people have died so far
13:19
in death valley, 71 year old man collapsed Tuesday after hiking
13:23
just like you said, hi.
13:26
And by the way, there's a sign that says, hey, we may not be able
13:28
to rescue you because uh time is an issue.
13:31
So you might die and people still be like, I'm gonna go hike
13:33
That's what I'm saying.
13:34
A white girl almost killed me, dude trying to go hiking in Arizona
13:38
Here's when you know you're about to black out because like
13:39
you see here and then you see down and you're like, how did
13:43
I get from here to here?
13:44
And you're like, and then I start tell her, hey, I think I'm
13:48
It's just like, are you OK?
13:50
And then when she said, are you OK?
13:52
It's like a movie moment when everything just goes.
13:54
Oh And I'm like, I'm gonna pass out, I'm gonna pass out.
13:57
She's just like, relax, hold on and then she fucking popped
14:00
something out and I fucking water and they have all the gear
14:03
and shit and I came back to life and I'm like, what the fuck was
14:07
And then she showed up with basketball shorts and I came with
14:10
a water bottle and condom.
14:12
There was nothing else.
14:15
She went to re I, she had the boots on and they had the backpacks
14:18
I was like, I thought I brought what I needed.
14:21
So you thought you were going to have sex with her on that night
14:23
I thought it was going to fuck me.
14:24
The Cactus Coyote was going to come back when I bit your butt
14:29
So you admit men are dumb and gross here.
14:32
The thing you are not helping our cause, man, if that's the
14:36
case, then guess what fucking?
14:41
What a fucking looked at the white.
14:46
I'm going to bring some condoms for you but I didn't melt.
14:52
I'm like me, I'm not going to sponsor them, but you know which
14:56
one you would have had sex on this mountain on a rock?
15:06
He used to, he used to be ignorant on a rock on a rock.
15:13
His fucking, if we're not laying on a pillow and my head's not
15:18
resting on something soft, I can't make love to you.
15:20
That's the type of guy he is.
15:21
I'm a fucking outdoor man.
15:23
I'm the person that's like out on this.
15:30
Have you not been with a man?
15:33
Have you not been with a man before?
15:36
We get a fucking dumb and gross every time he does something
15:40
nasty, dumb and gross.
15:41
Where's the wildest place you've done it?
15:43
Now, I'm curious because you don't want to know we do want to
15:49
A real man, a real man, the mic to the guest man.
15:54
All of a sudden you had a man before the whitest place.
15:58
Someone was in a vineyard in the vineyard.
16:07
I got shit all up in my hair.
16:09
I never thought about that.
16:13
Vineyard is the wildest place I've ever done.
16:16
It was on a hike talking all that shit, talking all that shit
16:29
There was a dingo too.
16:30
A dango looking at us like, I'm sure it was a dang dang outdoors
16:41
You're making me sick.
16:43
You made me feel like you haven't experienced life.
16:46
I've heard people like, oh, have sex on the beach, you get sand
16:51
You know, that's the best, you know, when I realized adulthood
16:54
wasn't like what I expected it to be was when I tried to have
17:00
And that was like the worst experience ever because in movies
17:02
it's just like this romantic thing.
17:04
And you're like, oh my God.
17:05
Like when I, once I have sex I'm gonna have sex and water.
17:08
No, that's the worst place to have sex.
17:11
It's like, I don't know what position to do it in the show.
17:14
It's so, it's just like, let's just use the shower for a shower
17:17
wipe your butt out of there.
17:18
And it depends on the shower head.
17:21
Some people got the weird shower heads and the little, you
17:27
know what I don't want to share now, I don't want to share.
17:34
No, let's talk about fucking Disney movies and that's what
17:37
y'all want to talk about.
17:43
Let's go back to the shower.
17:45
Let's talk about positivity in Disney movies in this motherfucking
17:49
If there's a showerhead, I'm showering by myself.
17:57
Was on the other side of the door like she been in there for 50
18:04
You OK in there, I guess you're right.
18:09
Have you guys heard about Short King Summer?
18:15
Short guys are having a moment, Eric living his best life.
18:19
You act like you 6 ft two.
18:21
I'm bigger than you.
18:22
I'm bigger than you.
18:23
We see that but I'm talking about taller and bigger.
18:28
If you're looking at my dick, you're correct.
18:30
I am bigger than you.
18:31
You, we're looking at you guys, I'm just, you look, you're
18:35
looking at the All right.
18:37
Short Short King challenge like is this going viral and stuff
18:40
like is this like a real thing?
18:42
What do you think is short nowadays?
18:44
What is, you know if a guy says that he's 57 but then you meet
18:49
I don't like the way you scratching your neck right now.
18:51
What's wrong with 57?
18:57
If he cut that little hair in the my wife and my wife, like stop
19:03
using fractions cause I'm like I'm 5, 6.5.
19:05
She goes, no one needs to have that.
19:11
If you're shorter than me, you're short.
19:13
I'm the actual 57, baby.
19:18
Everybody is a short king.
19:20
You like short kings?
19:21
My boyfriend is a short king.
19:27
He's 57 when he's 69.
19:29
It looks like a six and a nine and two different fonts.
19:36
Some of these, some of these real men I don't, that's a short
19:42
We worked together two dope queens and then I, I took a selfie
19:47
but I had to like crouch down so he could be in it.
19:50
How tall do you think he is?
19:53
I want to say, I think he's like probably 55 OK.
19:58
White man nipples look weird.
20:01
You just look weird.
20:03
I mean, how can you not look at that shit?
20:04
That shit looks weird off the head.
20:09
It just has its own little face like a go a little go supposed
20:20
to be like a sexy picture.
20:22
This is him stunting.
20:30
Would you guys smash your pass real quick pass?
20:38
I would say Jam is like 56 big personality for such a short king
20:45
That is to me it's not that to me.
20:52
But I don't think it's 58.
20:54
I don't think that's short though.
20:55
Yeah, I don't think 5858 is short.
21:00
I guess here is just five short men under uh 61.
21:07
Always lie about their height.
21:09
I've done the research, I don't know about that.
21:14
Um I would say 56 right here.
21:26
That's a tall guy right now.
21:28
I'm fucking, I'm 58 but forearms, there's no way you want to
21:35
stand up right now and prove it.
21:36
Yeah, let's prove it.
21:36
Come on there it is.
21:42
Put your hand hands like that.
21:47
Yo, you got little hands, Jesus 57.
21:52
That's with shoes on, dude.
21:53
Yeah, that's with shoes on.
21:57
I don't even care no more.
22:03
Yo, take your shoes off, put your chin down.
22:09
So yeah, it's a bear, right?
22:17
I'm just saying that he threw his pink flannel on and he got
22:25
First of all, let me tell you right now, Jeff, hold on, let me
22:31
tell you something right now.
22:32
I start there and work my way up.
22:35
You know what I mean?
22:35
I don't know how y'all look but I, I start in the center goes
22:41
Order that beef right away.
22:44
Oh, look at his little zesty Zingers.
22:47
He came feisty today.
22:58
He's tiny because he's next to A O and they're like kind of the
23:12
He's got to be like 56.
23:14
I say 555655 short, recognized short I I saw him, I was like
23:35
Look at that little baby king right there.
23:38
They got that little outfit at fucking H and M with the kids
23:41
That's a clip on tie and everything also.
23:45
What year is that Eric?
23:47
Five years ago, dude.
23:49
No fucking five years ago.
23:50
That was like when the cameras coming from above it looked
23:55
like it came from a sitcom and shit like this fucking guy dude
23:58
Look how cheesy he was, you know, like every time he sees me
24:03
smile like that, he just be like, oh come on, you too tipper
24:07
That's when I first started comedy.
24:09
I had hope and faith.
24:10
Look at it, beat me down, I'm done.
24:14
It's over, it's over right there.
24:17
He's being silly like I'm gonna be on an NBC show.
24:20
Hey, it up coming this fall.
24:23
Look at him now he's given up.
24:24
He's put on the weight, he's got the pink plan on.
24:26
He don't care no more.
24:31
So if you had to swipe right, who's swiping right?
24:33
Means that you're into it.
24:36
I mean, Eric looks very happy and like he's going to eat your
24:41
Yeah, this one looks like he's going to rob the fuck out of you
24:43
because I'm going through some things, my purse, right.
24:49
The one on your left looks like he's going to dry you out of your
24:51
money as he tries to get his rap career going, I'll pick Eric
24:59
Let me tell you something right now.
25:00
You would not, you because you wouldn't have a good time.
25:04
I tell you that this motherfucker will go on a date with you
25:09
You know what I mean?
25:09
I got to do something in the morning.
25:13
I show you a good time.
25:17
I'll be hung over the next day.
25:18
If you smash me, you'd be cooking in the morning.
25:20
You don't even know how to cook.
25:21
Like I didn't know I knew how to cook.
25:23
That's the type of dick I got teach women how to cook.
25:31
What's the shortest guy you've been with?
25:35
He's a very funny comedian with a huge dick.
25:39
He's on the right, right there.
25:47
The shortest I've ever dated was 510.
26:00
Who's the tallest you've been with?
26:02
Let me tell you something.
26:06
Put the mic, I smashed me a couple of top bitches in my day.
26:12
Actually I dated a girl that was like 6364.
26:20
You know, you mean to tell me I didn't smash.
26:22
Come on, I'm smashing.
26:26
Yeah, we fucked, we fucked.
26:37
We did that thing when I was like, she be able to feel like an
26:39
air plen, she kicked me up and like that it was, she picked him
26:46
up and she picked him up.
26:49
What's the tallest you've had?
26:51
Fucking uh the tower smasher?
26:59
I've had girls like, oh I don't want to wear heels.
27:01
I'm like wear heels.
27:02
I don't give a shit.
27:03
Put heels on, be taller.
27:06
It's always women that get like, oh feel away.
27:07
I'm like, who cares?
27:10
I have a problem with it too.
27:11
I dated a short guy that um we kissed good night.
27:14
He had me stand in the street and he stood on the sidewalk was
27:20
hold on, let me go get my step.
27:23
He was, I think, I don't think I've ever been like, if she's
27:27
tall, I never, I would never feel like I wouldn't even acknowledge
27:32
But yeah, like I wouldn't, you know what I mean?
27:34
It wouldn't be a thing.
27:36
I wouldn't be like I'm bothered by it or embarrassed by it.
27:41
Oh, yeah, because when you lay down, you equal you looking
27:49
There was this video that was going viral of this, these three
27:51
women in Mexico and there's this bear smelling her all over
27:55
her and like going like that.
27:56
That's so that's me three in the morning at a bar.
27:59
So what you doing after this?
28:02
All right guys, welcome back.
28:04
We're gonna do a little game right now.
28:05
We're gonna do a little challenge.
28:06
Uh So this challenge that we're about to do is your uh, Uber
28:09
eats Grubhub uh challenge where you pull it out and we'll see
28:12
your last transaction of what you ordered from that app.
28:16
So let's see who wants to go first.
28:17
I don't think I have anything crazy.
28:19
I don't really sandwich salad ramen.
28:25
Someone else has to read it.
28:29
We got Wendy's right off top right here on this.
28:31
What do you order from Wendy's?
28:34
Does it have bread in it?
28:35
Healthy fries if you order it does look like there's um multiple
28:42
items and he has Children.
28:44
So, yeah, so I will say this is, it was a weekend away with my
28:47
kid where I let him pick whatever he wanted that weekend we
28:51
have Frosties together.
28:55
Just go into their photos.
28:57
Don't look at my oh my God.
29:05
Don't be going to my pictures.
29:06
You're going to see some shit Organico breakfast or Organico
29:12
is healthy eat mcdonald's.
29:14
Somebody wants to mcdonald.
29:15
I ate mcdonald's mcdonald's.
29:19
What's the mcdonald's order?
29:20
I feel like throwing up now.
29:22
So she had her oh God damn.
29:24
How many people ate with you if you tell me, me and my boyfriend
29:31
Two star, two cheeseburger meals.
29:33
Two start two, not one.
29:36
So there's two people there.
29:36
So y'all split the nuggets.
29:38
I'm hoping, let's see, medium fries.
29:40
I don't do Uber eats, hold on.
29:42
Wait, there's another six piece of nugget at the end too.
29:45
So they had the 10 piece and why don't you just get the 2010 too
29:57
But I hate when the cashier doesn't put that shit together
29:59
And I was like, you know what girl, if you fucking give you the
30:06
Can I also say that Sasha gives him bad ratings so far?
30:11
You see she, she gave mcdonald's one star.
30:22
She said, fuck them.
30:26
Then she ordered wings, wings, wings, they got one star.
30:33
You do seem like the type of, you do look like a one star five
30:42
I'm very, I'm very chill like that people that it's the people
30:48
that deliver it that I have issues with.
30:50
So lately there was one time I ordered, right?
30:53
I, one time I ordered and the order I got was Sasha G, right?
30:59
Instead of Sasha M so I guess the girl has the same name as me
31:02
It was not the same order.
31:04
It was hard to get contact with someone.
31:07
So it was the whole thing.
31:08
And then the, did you get your order replaced?
31:11
They just gave me somebody else's order.
31:13
But did you get your order replaced your original order?
31:17
No, you didn't get it refunded.
31:18
I did get a refund but I didn't get it replaced.
31:21
No, no, but that is a replacement as a refund.
31:24
So you're just a bitch.
31:29
I play another game.
31:30
What's your Uber rating?
31:31
Because I see it, sergeant right here.
31:32
Wait, wait, hold on, wait, the other one.
31:42
This dude, he said that he was gonna deliver my food, right
31:47
And he delivered my food.
31:48
I ordered my food at 12.
31:49
He came with my food at four o'clock in the morning.
31:52
What's your Uber rating?
31:55
This is your phone right here.
31:56
I don't know anything.
31:59
Ok, Jesus is a 4.88 because I'm a nice person.
32:05
He's the thing, Sasha, you got to respect them.
32:08
You know what I mean?
32:11
A lot of one did we see Jesus's orders have a lot.
32:19
I don't, I don't, I just make food.
32:21
Hold on, go get it, dude.
32:23
You got Taco Bell orders here.
32:25
Hold up, hold up, hold on me.
32:29
I go to the real Taco shop.
32:31
Let me tell you something right now.
32:32
You got two chicken chalupa Supremes here.
32:36
Here's a thing of sour cream.
32:37
What I'm gonna tell you something about that.
32:40
Um Do your parents know about this?
32:44
I'm a little white and a white in me loves a goddamn taco supreme
32:51
You know what the fuck is up there?
32:52
What do you like organic tacos?
32:55
I'm just saying you come here and you swear you go to the real
32:58
spots and I see a Taco Bell here a lot.
33:01
My girl loves Taco Bell.
33:03
So you gotta throw her under the bus.
33:04
I'm gonna throw her under the fucking bus because I tell her
33:06
white ass all the time like listen, all you got.
33:09
There's a taco seor.
33:10
We got to support the fucking local businesses.
33:13
Yeah, but I just really want a crunch taco from taco.
33:15
But all right, bitch go get the top crunchy taco and says we're
33:23
Hop on the scooter on the scooter.
33:25
Go get that chalupa supreme.
33:27
I don't hop on the scooter.
33:29
You never used the life scooters.
33:33
I want to show you this got so infected.
33:36
It looked like pizza man, because that's what happens when
33:43
you're on a scooter.
33:45
It was so bad that when I had that injury, I didn't know how to
33:49
So I kept putting gauze on it to the point that I infected it
33:52
How do you not know how to take care of wounds?
33:53
I didn't know because I wasn't let outside.
33:59
Do you feel like you're outside?
34:00
No, not all, no camping.
34:03
No, I hate all of it.
34:10
What about glamping?
34:10
What about glamping?
34:12
Put me in a hotel, bitch.
34:13
Eat my pussy in a hotel.
34:21
My sister is, she's super into that shit.
34:22
We used to go camping as kids and I tolerated it because we were
34:25
doing it as a family but I, to it, I didn't like being outside
34:32
Yeah, I guess you're right.
34:40
Let me tell you something.
34:41
Have you ever had to wear the fucking in the woods and shit?
34:45
And we have no ride anywhere.
34:46
We have to sit there for a week.
34:48
You'll be lucky if you're with me.
34:49
Let's just say that.
34:50
Well, have you ever had like a bear scare?
34:54
I never had a bear scare but I had a coyote scare where one popped
34:58
up, one popped up, one pop up.
34:59
And one pop and I'm like, it's about to go down.
35:02
So I wait for that shit.
35:03
Yeah, because all you gotta do is go fucking fucking take.
35:08
Sounds like the Leonardo Dicaprio movie.
35:10
He said that he was like, you have confidence because a bear
35:12
looked in my eyes and he knew I was the awful fucker, ok?
35:15
First of all, you just said coyotes now bear to the right.
35:23
You're telling me that if coyotes come like five of them, all
35:26
you gotta do is they run off and they run off.
35:29
They're scared right now.
35:32
I'm gonna tell yall survivors, fuck.
35:35
They're not trying to fucking kill you.
35:37
They're trying to protect themselves and when they're in
35:40
the pack, they're a group of friends.
35:41
It's like three homies trying to jump you like oh you're trying
35:43
to jump you, fuck we with them after all.
35:45
You're like, no, I know but I I know what coyotes are doing.
35:48
They're just like I've been in this fight before.
35:49
You could tell Jesus has told this story at a bar to a girl because
35:52
he, he switched to bears right away and I looked the bear right
35:55
And I was like, no, not today, bear, not today.
35:58
And then I stuffed that bear with a wolf and I roasted it and
36:13
Yes, but I didn't have no fucking bear, alright?
36:16
But I told him, bitch sometimes I scratched myself on purpose
36:19
to show up at a bar.
36:20
I'm like, what happened?
36:22
So it was this fucking wolf outside the house and I had to grab
36:25
that motherfucker Chris, his head off like you fucking bad
36:29
I try my fucking best.
36:32
Somebody here would trip.
36:34
There was this video that was going viral.
36:36
There was this video that was going viral of this um these three
36:39
women in Mexico and there's this bear just like smelling her
36:43
all over her and like going like that.
36:48
And there was a girl that was like in purple like she was wearing
36:51
this purple T shirt where she was just like becoming one with
36:57
So what would you do if he's over here sniffing you?
37:02
So that's me three in the morning at a bar.
37:04
So what you do under this?
37:08
So where are you going?
37:08
Where's your place at?
37:10
You think it's fuck?
37:13
Don't be scared away real quick.
37:20
What if she had her time of the month grabbing her from the back
37:25
He's just smelling her and the other friend wants to leave
37:35
But look all right now he's walking bear and now he comes back
37:40
this is the thing that pissed me off.
37:41
Does he take a bite?
37:43
He takes a bite right for a little, I don't know what to do and
37:51
that I'm gonna come back for you delicate.
37:53
The fact that she's not hysterical right now I'm gonna get
37:57
some home, first of all.
38:00
How far did they see this bear?
38:03
What would you all do?
38:07
I know Eric would just bend over and be like, do what you want
38:09
now is out there and we see a bear.
38:12
I know I'm faster than you.
38:14
So I just got to outrun one of y'all.
38:17
I know your ass runs for every little problem.
38:19
Blackberry supposed to stand still and brown bear.
38:21
You're supposed to get big and you supposed to get big.
38:28
I just got to be faster than one of y'all and I already see who
38:31
Once you start, once you start running, they're the one that
38:43
The bear don't fucking know the bear.
38:45
Don't know that I'm fucking packing heat in the fucking chest
38:52
Or I'll give a knife, a knife and just fucking like a little
38:57
boy doing an impression of a man.
39:00
You know, here's the thing, here's what I would do a little
39:06
boy to you, that drunk uncle that watches an action movie.
39:09
Listen, this is how I do it and you're like, all right, go ahead
39:17
But you're really gonna bring a gun to.
39:19
But, but when you go camping right now you bring a gun, I'm not
39:23
gonna go hiking all the way up there all the way deep.
39:26
If I know I'm not packing nothing that can help me, bro.
39:28
You went on a hike with a water bottle and condoms.
39:31
You didn't have a gun that day?
39:32
Yeah, I was, I was loaded downstairs.
39:36
You know what I'm saying?
39:37
I had a fucking downstairs.
39:39
I'm going to sex up that bear.
39:42
I was like, I was like, all right, bitch, don't get fucked.
39:50
That's what I was saying.
39:52
Did you fuck your lady this morning?
39:54
You have a confidence that I'm trying to put a, that's just
39:59
like this is my one right now because this is my show.
40:01
You know what I'm saying?
40:03
Welcome to my world.
40:04
You know what I'm saying?
40:06
Yeah, like I said, I'm not going to go all the way in there and
40:08
I'm always going to have a knife or something to stab in the
40:10
heart, period, period.
40:14
And if I kill the fucking bear with a knife in the heart, I will
40:20
I didn't know you was Liam Neeson when you wasn't on that seven
40:24
year old boy, young man.
40:27
If y'all ain't scared, say that.
40:29
Well, we're going to take a little break and when we get back
40:32
we're going to show you the Silver Tooth kid of the week.
40:34
My favorite segment.
40:36
Uh Do you know what Silver tooth kid?
40:39
So stick around, sit down, you know, we'll be, we'll be back
40:45
There's no adult in the car.
40:46
He knows what he's doing.
40:47
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
40:49
Give you to look at him of the week of the week.
40:57
Obviously it is a little back kid who just, you know, you know
40:59
those kids, I was one of those kids.
41:02
All, we're going to show you a clip of our silver tooth kid of
41:06
the week and see what he's doing.
41:11
This is me at five years old and my dad said, hey, just pull the
41:15
car in the driveway and I went for a little cruise with my homies
41:19
There's no adult in the car.
41:23
You see, he knows what he's doing.
41:25
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
41:26
Just give you a break.
41:29
He is not going to drive.
41:31
He started the car, he, the car, he ST that car.
41:40
This has gotta be like Mexico.
41:42
By the way, who whoever is driving is trying to press that one
41:45
I see, I see my car, get in, get in, get in my homie got it.
41:50
They're like little rascals, my little homie.
41:53
He can make it happen.
41:54
Did they really drive off?
41:56
He drove always about him?
41:58
Boys hang out with older girls.
42:01
Maybe he just short.
42:01
Maybe he's short king.
42:02
Why you got to do that?
42:03
I don't mean he old.
42:05
She's like babysitting, ok?
42:07
This is what you're going to do.
42:09
There might be a grown ass man right there.
42:12
I'm just saying with his people and shit grown ass man again
42:23
He starts crying, you know, I'm not hurt.
42:26
My dad used to tell me to pull in the car.
42:28
I used to act like, yeah, I'm gonna pull it in but then I reversed
42:31
and I'll go for a little.
42:34
And I would just, you guys never done that.
42:37
I was like in fifth grade, maybe sixth grade shit out of me.
42:39
I didn't do nothing bad.
42:42
No, my dad would beat the shit out of me but I still did it because
42:44
I was like, yeah, I'm gonna miss, what's the wildest thing
42:46
What was the wildest thing you ever did to impress a girl?
42:49
Oh, wildest thing to impress a girl.
42:50
I mooned the moon had that answer.
42:55
He didn't have to go to a rolodex and like hold on.
42:59
I thought like this girl was impressed by this like popular
43:01
kid in school, but I need to outshine him somehow.
43:04
We're about to pull up to the rival school.
43:06
So we're about to play sports.
43:07
So then I pulled the thing down and I pulled my pants on and bam
43:10
I show fucking cheeks.
43:11
And everybody was like, oh hilarious started laughing.
43:15
And then that girl was actually like, hey, that was really
43:18
And I was like, oh she impressed like, did you, did you date
43:21
We bust a mac after that.
43:23
Yeah, we bust a mac also.
43:25
She was very like, Cholla, that type of shit.
43:31
Who, who you respect her, you that.
43:36
But yeah, but those girls were like, you know, they like wild
43:39
So he was like, oh I got to be a wild boy for this wild girl.
43:42
She was like, damn, you're fucking crazy.
43:44
I don't give a fuck.
43:45
I don't think we have to impress dudes.
43:47
I've definitely like, put too much effort to try to let a dude
43:51
know like, oh man, like we, we work well together, you know
43:54
take this homie shit to the next level, like try to do shit
43:57
that I don't need to be doing that.
43:59
Well, what I'll do is I'll try to be more into sports.
44:03
I guess that's like, oh my God, what did lebron Dots and have
44:09
to listen to podcasts that I'm not into, you know what I mean
44:12
I feel like it's true though.
44:13
Picking up men's interests is a wild move for girls.
44:21
Whatever they like, I try to like it too.
44:23
They just feel like I'm cool.
44:25
I think for me it's like more sports stuff.
44:27
So I'm like, I have to learn.
44:28
Is that why you, the sports stuff?
44:33
I don't like sports.
44:34
It gives me a headache.
44:39
I thought you would be into sports, like soccer and stuff.
44:41
I play all the sports and, uh, but I don, I don't fucking like
44:46
watching it because I'm like, that could have been me, I could
44:50
have, I'd rather, I'd rather do that than watch that.
44:55
You know what I'm saying?
44:56
Like I'm like, I have a DH D I need, I'm like, it gets me hyped
44:59
up where I want to go play.
45:00
Now I wanna go play soccer.
45:02
I wanna go play your girls into sports.
45:06
Let's give her her due credit.
45:08
Now she's into sports.
45:12
You never said that a leg for the box?
45:25
I can't believe we're applauding white people.
45:26
She's Mexican and you said she was white and his feelings when
45:34
he sees her interviewing hot dudes with no shirts on like,
45:36
hey, it was hilarious.
45:39
Hilarious if you catch his feelings and he's like, fuck sports
45:45
You know, my thing that I don't understand is like, OK, you
45:49
already watched the sport, you already watched the game and
45:53
then you have to hear two hour podcast talking about the game
45:56
and po and the possibilities and the possibilities.
46:00
Hypotheticals for hours hypotheticals for hours.
46:04
Like let me tell you something.
46:05
If this guy come on, comes and here's you with the uppercut
46:09
and this is the third, he gonna be like, he gonna be good.
46:11
And I'm like, yo, y'all talk about shit that never happened
46:16
There's a whole channel anyway.
46:22
No, no, no, I didn't say his girls on that channel right now
46:31
The pain and anger of her listening to that shit really just
46:34
bubble up real quick.
46:37
Give us the athlete's name that bothered you that she interviewed
46:42
You want to say this big ass shoulder?
46:43
Just rub my, get your short king of the fuck out of here.
46:48
He's like, hey, how you been everything good every day?
46:52
He said everything good.
46:52
They were like grabbing her hand like, yeah, yeah.
46:54
So you got my number if you need anything you already know.
46:58
And I'll talk to you later and then he like what?
47:00
Elbows I know and leaves and I'm like, and she was like that
47:07
and I was like, who, who?
47:09
But it's obvious when you're in secure and you ask who's that
47:15
I I didn't act like I act like it didn't bother me until like
47:18
I was like, hey, Who's that?
47:19
Uh She started crying in the shower practicing when he was
47:27
How many times did you practice?
47:28
What you were gonna say?
47:30
Hey, hey, hey, hey, uh yesterday, yo, yo.
47:36
No, I did the whole thing like, like when you're mad but you
47:38
don't want to say nothing, we'll do it.
47:41
I was like, wait, what's wrong?
47:42
I feel like, nah, I'm good.
47:44
What are you talking about?
47:45
And then finally she's like, you like, you feel different
47:48
I was like, nah, it's like I didn't know you liked your elbow
47:53
You know what I mean?
47:54
Like what, what, what, what's that shit?
48:00
And she's like we just, are you serious?
48:04
I'm, I'm going to be friends with girls too and shit.
48:08
I get touching elbows too.
48:09
Then you just touching everybody's elbow at the grocery store
48:16
Thank you for that here at the club.
48:17
And I'm like, what, what with me right now here?
48:22
Let me put your elbow real quick.
48:29
I know I'm fucking, you, you, you going to the perfect, perfect
48:39
I'll be learning this episode that you definitely need therapy
48:44
I go to therapy sometimes she do.
48:50
You fuck no jealous.
48:53
That's my dude is pansexual.
48:54
I don't get jealous for nothing.
48:56
My kind of confidence, that guy I want to open the door and walk
49:05
What is a, why don't you tell us what you think it is?
49:08
I think is you don't want to know what I mean?
49:16
To me, what it sounds like pansexual is that you only fuck like
49:20
plain people that you don't like?
49:23
You see, that's why I don't want to say is that you start giggling
49:25
you start fucking looking down like plan like playing boring
49:29
You're fucking whack people.
49:30
You're a whack fucker.
49:32
But she's not whack.
49:33
I'm not saying she's whack.
49:34
But I don't want to say that because, and now you feel like you
49:39
So what is it means you're attracted to everyone, Dale.
49:46
Isn't that bisexual though?
49:48
No, because bisexual, it's the binary.
49:51
So it's two men and women and that's it.
49:53
It's the whole rainbow baby, the whole rainbow.
50:02
You got to be confident to be, to be somebody that you gotta
50:09
You got to be confident?
50:10
You just talked about dude touching your woman's elbow and
50:13
you, you, you got to be the opposite.
50:18
This is what I don't care if he touches someone's elbow.
50:24
If he fucking It's cool though because we'll be in the car and
50:29
I'll be like cat calling the dude.
50:30
I'll be like, hey, what's up?
50:31
And he'll be next to me.
50:33
He'll be like calling too.
50:36
We do everything as a couple, we'll hear my scooter me.
50:43
Here I am as he was on his live scooter again.
50:45
Talk about, that's something I would wear.
50:50
You had that shirt on last episode.
50:51
Yo, that's exactly what it would look like too.
50:55
Give me fucking tle bumps with me and my boo boo.
50:57
That's it for this episode.
50:58
Thank you Marcela Ague for visiting.
51:01
Yeah, Marcela, thanks for having me.
51:04
Tell everybody where they can find.
51:06
Hit them with the socials.
51:07
I'm at Marcella comedy.com on everything at Marcela comedy
51:12
Follow me got a big show at Women Crush Wednesdays at the Ford
51:14
Theater here in L A in Modesto.
51:18
I'll be in Modesto, California State Theater, August 18th
51:21
I got whole date coming up, check me out and check out, check
51:25
out the special on HBO.
51:26
Come on me out on the app formerly known as HBO.
51:32
That's my special and I was fire was fire.
51:38
I was like damn, that green just pops.
51:41
Well, you always look fire.
51:44
That's all I gotta say.
51:45
You always look good.
51:49
If you enjoyed the episode, make sure you hit that like button
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