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Ralph Barbosa

3G's
Ralph Barbosa lines up the G's with wild barbershop stories, while Jesus struggles with his status as a second-rate customer; plus, Sasha shares her ultimate turn-off
Show transcript
00:00
I was a dishwasher.
00:01
I was, I was home remodel, bro.
00:02
I know how to paint car.
00:03
I was working at a body shop for a long ass time.
00:05
Like I've only worked with nothing but fucking p I did not have
00:09
no crush on these.
00:11
Like, yo love to play grab ass fool.
00:14
They're like, hey, like, dude, what the fuck are you doing
00:17
And they call you get explains a lot about you.
00:21
We just got to the root of it.
00:33
OK?
00:33
Everybody.
00:33
Welcome back to three G's.
00:35
I'm your girl, Sasha Mercy Jesus supporter in the building
00:39
Eric Rivera here.
00:40
And that's it.
00:41
What we talking about?
00:42
Well, I'll tell you what we are talking about that fit.
00:45
You didn't wear that last episode.
00:49
Last episode of this episode of this episode.
00:53
Here's the thing.
00:54
I'm gonna tell the people.
00:55
All right, we try to be smooth and we try to trick you guys.
00:59
We try to trick the people.
01:00
We try to do some Hollywood shit here.
01:02
All right, and try to trick you to make you think that we shot
01:05
them all in one day.
01:06
We forgot to shoot this part.
01:08
I'm sorry.
01:08
Welcome to Hollywood.
01:09
Ok.
01:10
Benito's Hollywood.
01:11
Ok.
01:12
And guess what?
01:13
They told us, send us a text, wear the same stuff you wore from
01:16
that episode.
01:18
We got the memo.
01:18
You got the memo, right?
01:21
So that's the problem over here.
01:33
So I'm pretty much wearing the same thing.
01:37
The only thing is my hair is different.
01:40
This is the, this is my natural hair.
01:43
Shit.
01:43
Ok?
01:44
I forgot mine and they had to do some, some shit.
01:49
I didn't even know you said you said that.
01:52
They said the little man.
01:52
Yeah, they said some, some guy to go get my stuff.
01:55
Remember you said little man from the phone.
01:58
They order delivery.
02:01
What was the little man?
02:02
He was talking about Uber.
02:04
Uber deliver package and they came in a chick fil a bag, ok?
02:09
Because I know what she did.
02:11
She did it on purpose trying to piss me off his his his girl stapled
02:15
the bag all the way across Jesus but he didn't call his girl
02:20
That was my wife.
02:21
You know what she did?
02:23
She stapled my my bag because you're that kid.
02:25
No, because she's, she's thinking ahead.
02:27
She's like I don't want them to touch it, wear it.
02:29
I don't want them to mess with it.
02:31
So she thought of me.
02:32
She's trying to protect me.
02:33
You're that kid.
02:35
You're that kid that staple the note to your shirt.
02:38
You want a kid that lose shit.
02:39
So yeah, she stapled your bag.
02:41
So you wouldn't lose nothing.
02:44
She knew if she knew that it was brought in a regular bag.
02:50
He wasn't going to look inside.
02:51
So she put in a, I was both to we, I was thinking about sitting
03:01
outside and she, and he smelled like nugget.
03:06
He smelled like nuggets and waffle fries to our friends.
03:09
Ok.
03:10
Now we old man spice Jesus Christ.
03:16
You smell like a boring conversation coming up too.
03:18
That's what you smell like.
03:20
You smell like you gonna talk about pickleball uh activities
03:23
That's what you smell like.
03:24
But that's the fit.
03:25
Huh?
03:25
That's the one you went with.
03:26
This is the fit I had last time.
03:28
It's just my hair.
03:28
That's different.
03:29
You didn't wear that last time?
03:30
Yes, it was.
03:31
Yes, you did put up a picture.
03:35
Oh, I guess you did.
03:38
It's just the only thing that's different is my hair.
03:41
It's natural.
03:42
People watching at home if you see the cuts and all of a sudden
03:44
she got straight hair and then she got this hair again.
03:46
Yeah.
03:46
Yeah.
03:47
Yeah.
03:47
It's just gonna be so just, just try to bear with us and, and
03:50
believe or you know, use your imagination that my hair is different
03:55
Sure.
03:56
All right.
03:56
Sounds good.
03:57
Let's go to my favorite segment.
03:59
White people problems.
04:04
So uh I don't know if you guys saw this on tiktok.
04:07
This chick was uh she was having like a mental breakdown because
04:10
she, she's got a 9 to 5 and uh, this generation, they, they soft
04:16
She was like, I don't know how you do.
04:18
9 to 5.
04:19
I'm working all the time.
04:20
I can't do yoga.
04:21
I can't have fun no more.
04:23
I can't believe I gotta pay rent.
04:24
Like, she was just blown away.
04:26
And now that she's in the real World, can we watch, can we watch
04:28
the clip?
04:29
I know.
04:29
I'm probably just being so dramatic and annoying, but this
04:32
is my first job, like my 1st 9 to 5 job after college and I'm in
04:36
the Real World is hard, sweetheart.
04:38
Yeah, she, she says she's stressed out.
04:40
She's a, she's a mess because, uh, she found out what?
04:43
Thank you for joining us work is thank you for joining us in
04:47
adulthood.
04:47
Sweetie.
04:48
She crying, she's crying too.
04:50
She's crying like she had a day, she had to work 9 to 5.
04:55
She had to drive.
04:55
That was the other thing that made me laugh.
04:57
She goes and then I got to drive to work.
04:58
That's like 20 minutes and it's crazy.
05:02
I don't just, I don't just appear there.
05:05
You know what's so funny that she's saying all of this stuff
05:07
right?
05:08
And she has her lashes done, you know, her hair is done.
05:11
She looks like she's really taking care of herself.
05:13
Once she really starts doing a 9 to 5 for a couple of months,
05:16
them lashes are gonna be beat, her eyebrows are just gonna
05:20
be filled in with a pencil and she will have her hair up in a bun
05:25
and a messy bun.
05:26
You know, when I realize how long does it take?
05:28
How many, how many, how many weeks of work does it take?
05:30
I think she's gonna be looking decrepit in like three weeks
05:34
When was it real for you, Jesus?
05:36
When uh life got real with me, I was 15 and I was working construction
05:39
with my uncle and you know paisa stuff.
05:41
You know what I mean?
05:42
Hard work labor, you know, you become a man.
05:46
All right, I want construction and I got paid very good at that
05:50
time too.
05:50
They were paying me $500 a week and I was like, damn, it's called
05:54
child labor.
05:56
You know what I mean?
05:57
I was 15 and I was just taking out the trash and stuff like that
06:00
You do, you do have construction face.
06:02
Yeah, I got, you know, construction arms too.
06:03
You wanna feel them anyway?
06:04
You wanna hug or what?
06:05
What do you want?
06:06
You wanna sit on my lap?
06:07
I, you struggle with that chick fil a bag?
06:09
Let me see, dude, I swear to God spice this shit, dude.
06:12
I gotta pay my first check, right?
06:14
I, I couldn't believe I had $500 and then I told my uncle like
06:17
oh thank you for giving me the job and stuff.
06:19
He's like, hey, hey, hey, out of those 500 you're gonna give
06:23
me $100.
06:24
You and I, and I was like laughing.
06:26
I was like, ha, it's funny and he's like, Netta Caron.
06:29
Hey, the gas to come here, the lunch, everything it cost money
06:34
Nico.
06:34
You got to pay.
06:35
I thought he was messing.
06:36
I'm laughing.
06:36
I'm like, oh, you're crazy.
06:38
It's, it's crazy.
06:38
And he's like, I'm talking for real.
06:41
You're gonna pay me.
06:42
Hey, come on $500 for 15 year old.
06:44
That's too much money.
06:45
You gotta, you gotta help out.
06:46
That's life.
06:47
This is life car on, this is life and I'm just like, it hurt me
06:51
it hurt me and I gave it to him and I was like, oh wait until my
06:54
dad finds out about this, he's gonna rip him a new one.
06:57
I told my dad and my dad's like, that's crazy because in this
07:00
house you gotta pay 200 for the food, the lights and I'm like
07:05
God damn it.
07:06
I'm working to just give you guys my money.
07:09
That's life.
07:10
And that's when I realized what life was.
07:12
I only got left with 200 out of those.
07:14
It hurt me.
07:15
I'm like, dude, this is, this is your uncle, your uncle and
07:18
your dad took federal tax.
07:19
They told you tax, tax, all that I told him I'm gonna move out
07:23
and they're like, move out and you see how they're gonna treat
07:26
you guys because if you don't pay, you're in the streets.
07:29
It's true.
07:29
I remember when I was 18 years old, getting my checks and just
07:33
seeing how much taxes I had to pay.
07:35
And I was like, that's not even fair.
07:36
Like, why do I, why, why?
07:39
And after a while you kind of just suck it up and be like, that's
07:41
true.
07:42
No Vaseline.
07:43
Just damn as, as a kid.
07:46
Like you don't think about the cost of those shit.
07:48
Like I remember as a kid like thinking like, oh my pens are so
07:50
cheap.
07:51
Why don't, why don't we have all the cable channels?
07:52
Why don't we have this on?
07:53
And then when you become an adult and you're like, how much
07:55
is cable?
07:56
Uh you know, I don't want that.
07:57
I, I'll go basic, I'm gonna do, you know what?
07:59
I just need the 4245 and 11.
08:02
That's it.
08:03
I love how my dad tries to negotiate with these companies.
08:06
He's like, ok, I wanna get uh these channels, the basic channels
08:10
All right, it's gonna be this much great deal.
08:11
Great deal on $10.
08:13
Excellent.
08:14
And then I was like, damn it.
08:15
I want like MTV.
08:16
Oh no, he wants this channel.
08:18
How much?
08:18
Oh that's gonna be, well, that's gonna be $80 a month and he's
08:21
like, oh no, what if I just get this channel only?
08:24
Just this channel?
08:25
How much would just for this?
08:26
Oh, it doesn't work like that.
08:27
You gotta buy the whole packet.
08:29
I don't want the packet.
08:31
I want that channel.
08:32
Matter of fact, can I pick my 10 channels to make it to?
08:37
The first package was like, that's not how it works.
08:39
But in my head, I'm like, yeah, this guy's not being reasonable
08:42
My dad is a genius.
08:44
I should get these channels if they only want to pay for 10.
08:47
How about we don't want these 10?
08:48
Can I choose my 10?
08:49
That's a packet right there.
08:50
But at the end is a business and they don't give a fuck.
08:54
Which is a business that, that you had to pay for that.
08:56
You were just like damn dude, they're taking my money but it's
08:59
OK.
08:59
I'm still paying for it.
09:00
Uber.
09:01
Oh, just get a license.
09:03
Haircuts.
09:04
Here's the thing about haircuts.
09:06
When the, how did it go from $20 and a handshake?
09:11
And I'll see you live my man.
09:12
You just 55 and when they say 55 they have no like $55 for a haircut
09:22
for a haircut.
09:23
That's with no tip.
09:24
Can you cut your own hair?
09:26
Oh Can you cut your own?
09:28
Look at this guy.
09:29
Can you cut your own hair?
09:30
This guy right here, I'll take, I'll take the service.
09:33
If I can't do it, then can you cut your own hair?
09:37
Can you cut your own hair?
09:38
No, I cannot cut my own hair.
09:39
There you go.
09:40
So what do you complain about?
09:40
You can't do nothing about it unless you can cut your own hair
09:43
Wait, can you, can you, as I said, what is something that you're
09:50
paying for that?
09:51
You're like, you can't do nothing about it.
09:52
You just have to pay for it.
09:54
Yes, I can't cut my hair.
09:55
That's why do you complain about it because I, I thought there
09:57
was a safe space to complain.
09:59
Goddamn.
09:59
What is your problem?
10:00
Can I like learning how to cut your hair?
10:03
Like, is it that hard to learn how to cut your hair?
10:05
Especially when you gotta do a little thing and all that?
10:08
Well, I mean, if you get, if you get his haircut, you don't really
10:11
need much.
10:12
I don't know what that is.
10:13
That's just uh what is that?
10:15
That's just the one on the side of that and a pigeon type of cut
10:19
in the front.
10:20
It is called the Mexican neo-nazi right there.
10:23
Do you know I would have gone with, have you ever seen a house
10:29
I just want the tip of the house right there.
10:30
Just a tip, not the whole house, just a tip.
10:32
And it is a, can I get the, I just swam over?
10:36
Thank you.
10:36
Can I get the, I just swam across the board to come over.
10:39
You can just do whatever on the sides, I guess.
10:41
And then uh I want like a strong cut just I want you to say so I
10:46
I my hair I don't want, I did not know it was gonna get this.
10:50
Can I get the most expensive land at home?
10:52
It's gonna be this heated.
10:54
Can you trim my mustache?
10:55
I know you don't see a mustache because I can barely grow one
10:58
but just trim whatever is left with the little, the little
11:00
All right, I get it.
11:01
I get it.
11:01
Haircuts are important.
11:04
You never seen a guy with hair and be like God damn.
11:07
My brothers will cut their own hair so they would just, they
11:10
just does not care about a hair.
11:11
Look at it.
11:11
Look, we heed it and y'all are friends.
11:17
This is a betrayer right here.
11:20
Take it down a notch.
11:20
Look at her.
11:25
That was kind of racist.
11:27
I mean you're saying that curly hair is not done.
11:30
You're saying that my curly hair is not done.
11:31
I mean, I mean that that fucked up.
11:34
This is what happened misunderstood because Jimmy Neutron's
11:38
over here.
11:40
That's what I'm talking about.
11:41
Jimmy, Jimmy don't try yo, get the fuck out of here, the fuck
11:50
out of here.
11:50
Get in that rock and get the fuck out of here, man.
11:54
Yo, Jimmy do we, we got a very special guest.
11:59
Rocky Barbas is in the building and hopefully uh we all look
12:03
the same still.
12:04
My hair is gonna be different because I'm bea when you get out
12:09
of the pickable court, your weaknesses are exposed between
12:12
us.
12:12
I got a secret weapon for him.
12:20
I don't know how I do this week in and week out.
12:24
Well, well, well, look who's late again.
12:28
Pre Advil dual action back pain.
12:33
I swear if you use the, I miss my exit.
12:35
Excuse again today, Sasha, what you do hurt yourself with
12:39
hot yoga or was it your bidet on full turbo?
12:44
No, I heard my back carrying youtube bozos these last two seasons
12:48
dude.
12:48
Shut up.
12:49
Ok.
12:50
Ok.
12:50
All right.
12:50
Can we both relax?
12:51
Can we pretend to get along, Eric?
12:54
You don't want this smoke?
12:55
You look weak, dude?
12:57
Even hurt.
12:58
You can't touch me.
12:59
My body is aerodynamic.
13:01
Well, are you sure about that?
13:02
Because I feel like you spend most of your time in front of a
13:04
mirror.
13:04
Like no, we got jokes, we got jokes.
13:08
I'll tell you what.
13:08
Let me take my Avil dual action back pain and then it's on.
13:11
Oh, y'all look a little scared.
13:13
Absolutely not cover boy.
13:15
Matter of fact, Eric, this is what we gonna do.
13:17
OK.
13:18
How about you pick the sport?
13:19
And if I lose, I will drive you to the studio myself for the rest
13:23
of the season.
13:26
Is it?
13:26
I'm not even having any service right here.
13:29
What the heck?
13:30
Post Advil dual action back pain.
13:34
Are we supposed to do that too?
13:38
What's up everybody?
13:39
We're at the Santa Monica Pickle ball center and we're with
13:41
our trainer Julio Rivera.
13:43
OK.
13:43
And we're about to learn a sport that is loved by Chad and Karen
13:48
drop, drop.
13:49
Follow through all Right.
13:52
No.
13:53
Hold up, hold up, hold up in my eyes.
13:55
Remember I said drop like what your parents did to you as a baby
13:57
This is called a Mexican serve Taco Bell.
14:00
But I wait, you see you trick them by yelling by yah way on the
14:05
hand.
14:05
Oh dude, that's really good.
14:07
Thanks.
14:08
Working on.
14:09
Are you sure you don't know each other?
14:11
OK.
14:12
You almost say Julio Dominican power almost.
14:16
OK.
14:18
Yay.
14:18
Oh, is Eric up yet?
14:21
That was a great thing.
14:22
Hey, yo, Eric, you corny.
14:24
So here it comes.
14:24
Nice and easy.
14:29
We need to work on teamwork.
14:31
So I'm gonna tell you right now.
14:33
It's you three versus me.
14:35
Let's do it, dude.
14:39
What the hell trying to kiss me all the time, dude.
14:41
Who's over here trying to grab my pickle at my ball guys.
14:43
Get it together.
14:45
S are you serious?
14:45
I'm blocking it over here.
14:48
Pay attention to, that was my fault.
14:50
It was our fault when you get out of the pickle ball court, your
14:53
weaknesses are exposed and my weaknesses out there were Jesus
14:56
and Sasha.
14:57
Let's be honest.
14:57
I got it.
14:58
Got it, got it, got it close.
15:00
My out.
15:04
No, this is pickleball, not soccer and it like Beckham.
15:07
No paddle paddle.
15:10
I hope you like movies because you got served.
15:13
Oh, wow.
15:16
It was an accident.
15:18
Can I not have an accident?
15:22
Ah, is he a problem?
15:26
No, I saw that he was thrown off because he didn't have enough
15:28
sunscreen.
15:29
Poor guy.
15:29
I think we need to bathe powder because he got a rash.
15:32
Apparently I heard uh these are things I'm hearing.
15:35
What I learned is that he is very passionate.
15:38
Even if he's not the best.
15:42
You suck, you suck.
15:44
He'll make it seem like he is Julio.
15:46
We just happen to have the same last names with the east coast
15:49
But no, I just met him for the first time today.
15:52
I feel like I know the guy, I mean, I, I know I just met him but
15:54
I like, I feel like like we're really tight.
15:56
I saw something going on there when they walked in, they greeted
16:00
each other like they knew each other.
16:02
I feel like they're the same person.
16:03
He reminds me of that kid that used to snitch on me in school
16:06
I'm feeling very, very, very, very confident.
16:08
If you're not putting your money on me, then, then you're just
16:10
throwing it away.
16:11
I'm ready to play.
16:11
And between us, I got a secret weapon for him.
16:44
How did you feel coming into the final match today, man?
16:47
You know, we wanted to stay focused day in and day out.
16:49
We want complete domination, man.
16:51
A nation calculations.
16:54
Uh We're trying to hit them with all the nations and I 000 my
16:59
God, you almost hit me yet.
17:03
What the hell was that?
17:05
Is there a hole in a ring?
17:10
He tells a sniper Oh, so stor oh, you think you're great?
17:14
You're Jesus.
17:15
Was it necessary to hurl all those insults?
17:19
Not at all.
17:21
My only regret was I didn't say more.
17:26
Get it again.
17:33
Pick up.
17:34
Did I feel great?
17:35
Yes.
17:35
Iiii I wanna be honest, I sucked out there.
17:41
All right.
17:42
Is that what you wanna hear?
17:43
Ok.
17:43
OK.
17:44
What Eric, how does this win feel?
17:46
Do you guys feel guilty when you, you step on a bug?
17:49
No, that's what I had to do.
17:51
I had to show them who the main G is.
17:53
They had it coming next question.
17:56
Let's go.
17:57
Sweetie bit.
17:57
Why?
18:00
Love that.
18:01
Ah Hold on.
18:03
Come on.
18:03
Come on, win, win.
18:05
No, I wont let Eric win.
18:08
Perfect.
18:09
Yeah, like that.
18:12
Oh wow.
18:13
I think I was ever get this look.
18:17
Some people are born with the body of an Adonis.
18:19
Some people are just born champions.
18:21
I tell them to stick to comedy.
18:25
Oh, wait, I'm great at that too.
18:28
Wow, honey, Eric.
18:30
Any final words?
18:32
I would just like to thank uh first and foremost, my wife, my
18:36
two boys, my mom, my dad, you're watching my, my new chauffeur
18:41
Jesus.
18:41
It's my neighbor, Tom.
18:44
He gave me my first pickleball racket.
18:46
And you know what?
18:47
I like to thank Pickles, my cousin who got locked up, never
18:50
got to play pickleball with him.
18:51
But one day, dude, you'll be out.
18:54
I'm living the dream for you.
18:55
So uh thanks y'all gonna need that.
19:02
Bye.
19:09
What's up, Mi Gente?
19:10
Welcome back to Three G's in the pod.
19:12
We have a special guest for you today.
19:14
Stop.
19:14
Look at me.
19:14
You put in too much pressure and can I do that?
19:17
You're doing?
19:18
Welcome back, Mi We I youtube.
19:25
Like what is up guys?
19:27
Hey, welcome back guys.
19:29
Welcome back to 3D and the P we have a special guest for you today
19:32
We have Ralph Barbosa.
19:34
What's really good?
19:36
Yeah, that's it.
19:37
We're rolling out.
19:40
Is it Barbosa or Bar boas?
19:43
What generation Mexican are you?
19:45
Um I'm second but I was raised by my grandparents.
19:48
So kind of like a first generation experience.
19:50
You know what I'm saying?
19:52
I'm first generation.
19:53
So I'm technically BIIS.
19:55
Yeah.
19:58
You see a green card when I hit the border?
20:01
I started sweating and I'm like, wait, wait, you was born.
20:04
I was born here.
20:05
I think they gonna investigate.
20:09
We see that birth certificate.
20:11
You know what?
20:11
Actually when I was a kid I actually got smuggled into the country
20:15
because they forgot my birth certificate.
20:18
So you, I like that like your local bag.
20:23
They just didn't shower him for two days and put him in a chicken
20:25
bag.
20:26
Like no, it's just chicken smell, it, smell it.
20:30
Yeah.
20:30
Fucking my mom had to bring me in because she was illegal at
20:34
the time of shit.
20:34
The cross with me in arms.
20:36
Are you incriminating your mom on the phone?
20:39
I mean, I guess I mean, what's your mom's address?
20:41
Just out of curiosity.
20:43
She's a citizen now.
20:44
She's good.
20:45
I still don't speak English but she's good.
20:47
What are you?
20:48
Well, I'm, I'm from New York.
20:49
I'm from the Bronx.
20:50
I'm Dominican.
20:51
That's where Dominicans are made though, in the Bronx.
20:53
Right.
20:53
Well, it's like you do have Washington Heights where it's
20:56
like they call it little Dominican Republic and then you have
20:59
but I would say this, like the Dominicans like grew up in Washington
21:03
Heights.
21:03
They're more like like the Kardashians like those girls,
21:06
they like dress up and like these very Yeah, so those are the
21:09
girls you're gonna see like that got their body done and shit
21:12
And the Dominicans from the Bronx, we wear our sneakers, you
21:15
know, we like we'd be like we be saying shit like your corny
21:19
like we all, you know, we have like we were like very aggressive
21:21
you know, like uh Cops is Puerto Rican moms of Guatemala.
21:26
So you confused?
21:27
That was not as cool as the Bronx one we should have started
21:30
ended on Bronx because even the location where I was born,
21:33
I can't even make that like near Ael.
21:36
He'd be like all right near Ael or near a shell.
21:39
Rochelle, New Rochelle.
21:41
I thought you said near a shell on the beach.
21:44
It's a romantic love story.
21:46
We conceived him.
21:47
I heard that the most disrespectful thing you could say is
21:49
corny in New York is that true.
21:50
It is.
21:51
It is the most disrespectful thing.
21:52
Like if you tell us in New York that they're corny for a specific
21:55
thing, they will never do that again.
21:57
What you can't bounce back, you can't bounce back.
21:59
There's no bounce back at all.
22:01
Like at all, if you tell somebody, they look corny with sandals
22:04
it doesn't matter where they are in the world, you'll never
22:06
see them with.
22:06
I actually, so I'm actually from New York.
22:09
I was born and raised there.
22:09
I got caught corny once, so I went to witness protection.
22:12
Relocated, changed my identity that you gotta do that.
22:16
That's how it is.
22:17
But we all got something corny.
22:19
What's your corniness?
22:20
What's your corny?
22:21
I don't know.
22:21
I don't, I don't read that very well.
22:25
Very well.
22:26
I'm a little dyslexic.
22:27
I don't know.
22:27
That's not that you're a New York person living in L A.
22:31
That's pretty corny.
22:32
Yeah, it is.
22:32
The corniest thing I could ever done.
22:34
That's why I'm trying to go back before the, uh, before we started
22:37
rolling, we had already established Eric's corny.
22:39
It's a, it's a triple corny.
22:42
I, I don't like that.
22:46
Ralph.
22:46
He came out, he was weird socks.
22:48
The cuffed up a caprice over here.
22:51
He's supposed to go down here, but he bought the kids pants
22:53
so they could show off the socks.
22:55
Hey, Ralph, Ralph, he got the bad bitch pants.
22:56
You know what I mean?
22:58
Sometimes you gotta be a bad bitch got the pretty, pretty,
23:01
pretty TV.
23:02
Static socks over here.
23:04
They look like the eighties.
23:06
Yeah, shoes go hard.
23:07
But I don't know if in my opinion they're hanging out about
23:10
a quarter inch, too long on the laces.
23:12
I wanna go.
23:15
There we go.
23:17
You know, you do.
23:18
What do you realize how much they're enjoying that you're
23:20
here and you love to be.
23:22
This was wearing the denim jacket he got from the eighth grade
23:26
Hey, that's his girl's jacket.
23:27
You know what I mean?
23:28
Like they lead him back.
23:30
They are sorry, I had to hit that I had with that.
23:36
What's your corn?
23:36
My corn is, I'll be, I'll be wearing like shorts with hoodies
23:40
Like I can't decide if I'm hot or cold.
23:42
Yeah, that's a, that's, that's, that's a very L A look.
23:47
I'm from L A now.
23:48
What's your, what's your, what's your pick up line?
23:50
I feel you got a corny ass pickup line.
23:52
I'm bro, I'm bad with that.
23:54
I get lucky anytime that I've ever like, had a, like a one night
23:57
stand with a girl or just something works out where we kiss
23:59
I'm like dumb.
24:01
That's the only way it works if I don't know what's going on
24:04
Wait, so that, so that means that they'll probably be the first
24:06
one to make the first move then.
24:07
Yeah, it would be like this girl asked me for my chapstick one
24:10
time and I was like, ok, I was like, you can get my germs.
24:14
You might wanna like scoop off the top or something.
24:16
And she was like, you haven't caught on, have you?
24:19
I was like, you want the chapstick or not?
24:23
She kissed me.
24:25
I was like the fact that you got chaps is corny.
24:28
You know what I mean?
24:29
Corny got me kissed, bro.
24:33
Kissing is corny.
24:35
You chill, dude.
24:36
Huh?
24:36
I feel like you fucking, I feel like you would hold your girl's
24:38
purse.
24:39
You like and you know that, that bullshit you at the movie theaters
24:42
you just hold it.
24:43
I'm from Texas.
24:44
I let him know what if you like love the person like yeah, you
24:48
know number one don't love him.
24:50
That man.
24:51
The fashion man holds purse because you so she defended it
24:54
She goes but what if he you're in love?
24:55
I mean like yeah, like isn't that like a roll?
24:58
I'll hold it as you're like maybe getting off the car as you're
25:00
looking for your phone.
25:01
But the like there's like a, there's like a 15 2nd.
25:04
You ever play like the video games like Grand Theft Auto, you
25:07
go underwater, you can only hold your breath under water until
25:09
the there's a little meter running that hole in there.
25:13
I'm also looking out guys don't move.
25:21
We'll be right back after this commercial break.
25:25
I have been, I have been in moments where like some little random
25:29
thing would just make me be like Oh, I want this date to end already
25:32
Oh, yeah.
25:33
What was, what was one of those things that happened?
25:35
Uh, man, I hung out with this one girl who, any time I see her
25:40
she would seem like to dress pretty normal, like, average
25:43
whatever.
25:44
And then we went on this date and she was wearing like this weird
25:46
like, artsy fartsy ghetto.
25:48
She looked like Captain Jack Sparrow.
25:51
Yeah.
25:52
Yeah.
25:52
Yeah, we got to the movie and that's why you messed up.
25:55
I was like, I'm not, I'm not making out with you look like a look
25:59
like some pan v like that first date.
26:03
That was first date.
26:04
That where you messed up.
26:05
First date should always be something very time restricting
26:08
It's one drink coffee, something that if it goes bad, you can
26:12
get out a movie, you an hour and a half, two hours with previews
26:16
you committed two hours and if she shows up, Captain Jack
26:19
you're like, oh it's because I'm a gambler baby.
26:21
I'd be like, man, we spend a lot of time to bang me afterwards
26:27
No, I had to walk away from a girl that almost got me shot.
26:30
You know, you ever had a girl?
26:31
No, this girl I took her out for drinks and she started drinking
26:35
and after that she started doing like uh excuse me, why are
26:39
you all in my face and talk to other people?
26:41
And I'm like, I gotta defend you like and I'm not out here.
26:44
I don't, I'm not built like that.
26:46
It's not even my real girlfriend like we on a date.
26:48
You got me into some, you're getting me into some shit.
26:51
I'm here apologizing for this fool.
26:52
My man is gonna talk to you like a baby with the hey, hey, dog
26:57
control your bitch homie.
26:59
And I was like, yes sir, don't worry about it at all.
27:02
We're gonna have a talking to you, but I feel like movie should
27:05
like a third date kind of thing.
27:07
Like there's too much time you committed.
27:10
You don't know, you don't know you, you can, you, you can build
27:14
off a drink like let's go out for a drink.
27:15
Oh I'm having fun.
27:16
You wanna go grab something to eat, then you can build, you
27:19
can't cut the movie.
27:20
You can't be like, yo, stop judging me.
27:22
I was like 19 and there was one time I went like I remember going
27:27
on a date and this dude sounded like spongebob.
27:29
He was like, oh my God, like, oh my God, how do I get out of here
27:37
That was the first and last time that I was just like, never
27:40
again.
27:40
My parents are like Sasha.
27:41
Where are you from?
27:42
Like the Bronx honestly.
27:44
But that's the thing that after a while I was just like, I was
27:48
too manly for like my relationship.
27:50
I'm like, am I the alpha dog?
27:51
Like so there was OK, I was dating somebody for five years.
27:55
Right.
27:55
We lived together the day I lost respect for him.
27:58
The day I lost respect for him was when I walked into the, into
28:03
the room.
28:03
Right.
28:04
And there was a flying roach in our bedroom and he has Jordans
28:08
on, he jumps on the bed with Jordans and he's like, oh, and so
28:13
my, he's like, kill it, kill it.
28:15
And I was like, you know what?
28:16
I can't respect you if I'm the one that gotta kill the insects
28:20
That was a little, I'm like, that's, that's, that's a little
28:24
So Loki, where do you draw the line at?
28:26
After doing some, you have to, you know, every guy has to do
28:28
some man shit.
28:29
Where's your line where I, like, I can't do that.
28:31
Like I can't kill a mouse proposing.
28:34
That's a good way to start right away from you.
28:38
I got you.
28:39
Yeah.
28:41
No, not me, man.
28:42
I'm not corny like that.
28:44
I could do like the marriage lifestyle.
28:47
I could be with one girl like the rest of my life and II I just
28:50
don't wanna put no paperwork behind it.
28:52
Oh Then it gets all, you know what I mean?
28:54
Also like I'll make the promise before God.
28:57
Like at the house.
28:59
Like not at church.
29:00
You just don't want the government involved.
29:01
I don't want the government, my family involved.
29:05
That's what someone says when he starts making some money
29:07
You know what I mean?
29:07
When you're broke, you're like, let's get married.
29:11
What?
29:11
I don't get it twisted.
29:14
Even when I was a bum, I was just like, I, I don't need you.
29:17
I, I wanna give away my PS four.
29:21
I was sleeping in my, in my grandma's house.
29:23
I'm making two 100 bucks a week.
29:26
Cutting hair during the day is out of my bedroom.
29:29
I was doing open mics every night.
29:30
I was living, I was living, son.
29:33
Are you, are you the uh are you the type of barber that was like
29:36
a talker or you just a quiet ass man?
29:38
I quiet and I think some clients we get kind of mad because after
29:42
like the 5th, 6th haircut that you come get from me, then I start
29:45
talking to you and then we get like mad cool and then we wouldn't
29:48
stop talking the whole time.
29:49
Then the next client would get there and he tried to be like
29:51
cool, friendly with her and I just be like, OK, I'll be like
29:55
shut up, bro.
29:56
This is your first haircut.
29:57
I don't know you, it's awkward when the barbers do the the the
29:59
lip, turn it up and then just like staring in my eyes and just
30:03
like, oh yeah, I had strangers right now.
30:06
We we vibing right now.
30:07
I had complete strangers that while I'm edging them up, I'm
30:09
lining them up right here.
30:10
They would look at me in my eyes and I'll stop, I'll be like,
30:12
what are you doing, man?
30:13
That's me.
30:14
I'll be like, haircuts over.
30:18
They're like, and I'm just kind of looking at them and they're
30:20
just like, are you good?
30:21
And I'm like, oh, no.
30:22
Yeah.
30:23
I don't know what to do with my eyes.
30:26
If you close up, if a man as a, as a straight man, if a man is ever
30:30
if a man is ever within two inches of your face, you either
30:33
hit him or you close your eye.
30:34
Right.
30:34
Right.
30:35
Right.
30:35
Right.
30:36
He's making eye contact, licking his lips.
30:38
I had the weirdest gay moment I had at a barbershop was when
30:42
I was like this and then my dude just turns and just b bulge right
30:46
here on my and I'm like, damn, never put your, put your arms
30:49
on the arm.
30:50
Oh For real?
30:51
That's like a real thing right here in the cable.
30:54
They try to do some shit like instead of moving the chair, sometimes
30:56
they just wanna, and then they put the thing on and I'm just
30:58
like, and if I move it, he knows I touched it and if I don't move
31:02
it, I'm just gonna act like I, we can act like we did.
31:04
He was just getting molested.
31:05
He was just like you gotta, you gotta get out of here.
31:11
How much did you give him that day?
31:12
I panicked.
31:20
The beer shade was whack.
31:23
But that bulge got your $10.
31:25
You got, I heard the thing about, like, uh, you could cheat
31:30
on your girl, but you can't cheat on your barber.
31:32
Is that like, I don't cheat on my barber shop because I grew
31:36
up with that shop.
31:36
So I'll go with any of the barber.
31:38
I also worked there for a long time when I worked there.
31:40
We wouldn't charge each other for haircuts.
31:42
It was just like when you got free time, whoever's open, like
31:44
fade them up real quick, you know.
31:45
So I won't cheat on my shop.
31:47
And I get, I get tons of people, especially when they find out
31:50
that I, that I was a barber.
31:51
I'll get people on Instagram hit me like, yo, when you come
31:53
to my town, like, I'll hook you up with a cut and it's like, I
31:56
appreciate it.
31:56
But like the day, the day my barber dies or the or that shop closes
32:00
is the last day I get a haircut.
32:02
Oh my God.
32:03
Are you loyal to the?
32:04
So you're loyal to the barbers and shit.
32:06
I really go to one dude.
32:07
But if he's not available, then I'm still sticking at the shop
32:11
Don't, don't, don't judge me but I ain't loyal to the, I ain't
32:15
lo to the barbers.
32:16
My barber died.
32:17
I walked in and everybody's like, yo, he got shot and I'm like
32:20
everybody's all sad.
32:21
The awkward pause and I'm like, yeah, my man, you, you had that
32:26
you didn't even ask like I gotta be I, I did a moment of silence
32:33
with him and I'm like, yeah, it's crazy.
32:34
And I was like, yeah, but uh those are, those are what we call
32:37
like second rank clients.
32:39
That's me.
32:39
That's the ones who only stick to their barber.
32:45
But my question is like, has any of your clients been too loyal
32:48
to you to the point?
32:49
You're like my man get off my shit sometimes.
32:51
But only because like, I, I always put comedy first so I, I would
32:57
lose clients like, you know, over the years just because I
32:59
kept, if, if I was, if I had my weekend booked up Friday, Saturday
33:02
Sunday or something like that and on Friday morning they
33:06
hit me up because I'm in Dallas and they hit me up from Houston
33:08
or San Antonio like, hey, last minute we need somebody to come
33:11
feature at this club or ho is like, I'll be like, I'm there,
33:14
I'll leave everybody and I would have some clients who are
33:17
like real good friends, like some of them were friends or some
33:20
of the clients that became friends.
33:21
They'll be like, that's cool, bro.
33:22
Do your thing.
33:22
I'll wait and then next week comes and I gotta cancel again
33:27
or they, or they keep texting me like, hey, bro, you know, you're
33:30
free and I'll be like, man, I can't like, I'm still doing this
33:32
still got this going on and it'll be like a month and they're
33:35
still like, yo, bro.
33:36
And it was just me and I'll be like, but for the, but I appreciated
33:40
it more than anything, bro because I mean, those are the people
33:42
that kept food on my son's plate.
33:44
Like I still had a baby to support.
33:45
So I will, I will, man, some of them would follow me too.
33:48
Like I, if I wasn't working at the shop, I'll cut her out of my
33:51
house.
33:52
So the schedule was like weird.
33:54
They'll pull up to my grandma's house.
33:55
Like 40 year old dudes, like just 40 year old dudes with the
33:59
whole family shit.
34:00
Anything wild happened at the barbershop, you know, barbershops
34:03
get kind of crazy sometimes.
34:05
Yeah.
34:05
Sometimes we have crackheads.
34:06
They didn't wanna leave and like I remember one dude tried
34:08
to fight 11 time meth head, dude, I had to, I had to stop him because
34:12
that, that meth head dude pulled off his shirt.
34:15
You ever seen that movie?
34:15
A Bronx Tale?
34:17
Yeah.
34:17
Remember the bikers don't wanna leave and he locked the door
34:21
This was a Sunday, bro.
34:22
It was a Sunday.
34:23
Me and this dude name Johnny.
34:24
Shout out to Johnny.
34:25
It was wild, bro.
34:26
Johnny was just the most chill guy.
34:28
They barely talk.
34:29
It's just me and Johnny on a Sunday.
34:30
This dude came in, bro.
34:32
He's a, he's a meth head dude that would hang around there.
34:35
He just sat down, it was hot as fuck outside and me and Johnny
34:39
were like, hey, bro, like you gotta go closing up, you know
34:41
you can't, you can't be in here.
34:43
He was like, he's like, man, where the fuck you in?
34:45
Like it's hot out there.
34:46
And the dude Johnny said, get the fuck out, bro.
34:48
We ain't, we ain't playing with you like we don't give a fuck
34:50
if it's hot and that dude didn't wanna get out.
34:52
So he said, ok?
34:54
And Johnny went and locked the door.
34:55
I was like, oh shit, he was like, now you can't leave.
34:58
He's like, you don't wanna get out like we gonna beat your ass
35:00
and that dude took off his shirt and I, in my mind, I'm like,
35:03
fuck it, we'll stop this, do that, right?
35:05
Like I, I just throw some kicks or something.
35:07
Shit that dude took off his shirt and he had all these scratch
35:10
marks all over been down his entire tour.
35:12
So it looked nasty and I was like, I'm not touching that guy
35:16
I told you about to fight someone up the shirt that confidence
35:21
scares me already.
35:22
Confetti.
35:22
You took off your shirt.
35:24
That's why I gotta take off my shirt 1st.
35:27
1st wins and never do it fast.
35:29
That's the real, you're gonna do it.
35:31
Like if you dancing, you like you gotta hit him with a Bruce
35:33
Lee like you gotta pop your nail like, yeah, you take it off
35:37
and they're just like, oh never.
35:38
All right, never mind, bro.
35:40
I love, you're not an angry dude.
35:41
Like you went from like yeah, we about to fuck you up, took your
35:43
shirt up John, you, you do what you gotta do?
35:49
Like this is a cop across the street, let me unlock it.
35:51
Like get out guy.
35:52
That bar is getting fucking, it gets real the barbershop,
35:57
right?
35:57
I go to like a bad neighbor to get a haircut because then they
36:00
they I don't know why they just got the good technique in the
36:02
bad neighborhood for sure, bro.
36:03
So I'm there getting a haircut.
36:05
Me and him were just talking and he said I got you my boy, what
36:07
The little Cholito dude.
36:09
And then some fool comes in bleeding from the side just bleeding
36:13
and I'm just like, oh shit.
36:14
And he's like, yeah, 44.
36:15
They're coming for me, homie, fuck you know L A.
36:17
You know, fucking, hey, they're coming for me.
36:18
Ho he's like, oh so good chill back.
36:20
I got you homie and I'm just like concerned for his safety and
36:24
I'm just like, yo, my man like is this normal a car pulls up looking
36:28
for him?
36:28
Three dudes.
36:29
I can see the gun.
36:29
It just, hey, motherfucker come over here and then he just
36:32
like, nah he's, he's not here, my boy, it's all good.
36:35
You guys, you run that way ho and he's like, ah all right.
36:38
If you see that motherfucker, we find it all that and I'm just
36:40
like, man, I'm about to and then they leave and I feel like they're
36:45
coming back and forth.
36:45
I can see the car coming back and forth.
36:47
This motherfucker now chilling right there.
36:48
They haven't seen him.
36:49
So if they were to lock guys, they're coming in here and I'm
36:51
already like, hey, like, he was like, you still want me to do
36:54
the beard?
36:54
Nah.
36:55
I, like, I left their beard all fucking scuffled up like he
36:59
even told like you're not scared, are you?
37:01
I'm like, no, hell no, but, but I mean, do we really need him
37:06
here?
37:08
But I did it the hard voice.
37:09
Hey, I bounce on me like, you know, just let him bounce and shit
37:12
I don't feel comfortable in the back like bleeding out.
37:17
I don't have my fucking quit on me.
37:18
You know what I mean?
37:20
I wasn't even ready for this.
37:21
Like, I'm strapped up too.
37:22
But yeah, I pushed out real fucking bad.
37:29
You snitching on that.
37:32
So this is like your fucking tat that, that's now either you're
37:49
childish or you're a genius because that was a hell of a line
37:52
I know that you were, you know what does, what does a haircut
37:59
say about you?
38:00
Like what does it say about a person?
38:01
Like if somebody has a haircut, you can be like, no, this guy
38:04
is corny or this guy got it.
38:05
Like, like if you look at somebody, you'd be like, nah, this
38:07
guy is she Drakes?
38:09
Hairstyles.
38:10
I'm like, bro, you from Canada?
38:13
I don't know.
38:14
I feel like he'd be trying to do like some Atlanta southern
38:16
shit when he does shit like that.
38:17
Yeah, I just feel like he's a grown ass dude.
38:19
He might see, you might see a team bashes and stuff like that
38:22
Like you're too grown to be here.
38:24
You're in college, you at the high school party.
38:26
He's definitely the black friend in a lot of circles.
38:28
Like I, we have a black friend Drake.
38:32
He's like adjacent to danger.
38:34
You know he's adjacent.
38:35
What about this haircut right here?
38:37
That, that dude just, I don't know that whole little hairstyle
38:39
just says like you don't give a fuck about nothing, which I
38:41
respect that because he knows he doesn't have like pretty
38:44
hair.
38:44
There's no texture to it and shit.
38:45
There's no like curly, you know, it's just like he just faded
38:48
the little side burn little baby taper and whatever the fuck
38:52
It's like a cut in the front and then it's just like a, like a
38:56
like a weird mullet.
38:57
He looks like he listens to Lincoln Park and cries.
39:02
Yeah.
39:02
Yeah.
39:02
Yeah.
39:04
You know what legit you gonna make, you came right here like
39:10
this damn man.
39:12
Not that one.
39:13
Not that cut.
39:13
He looks like he makes some sick ass coffee homie.
39:15
He just looks like he's some organic got granola he made at
39:18
home, right?
39:19
You gotta line that beer I know I'm not one to talk about like
39:22
a half fed little whatever the fuck.
39:23
But come on, you gotta line that up, bro.
39:25
My guy, no, he uses all natural deodorant and he trying to sell
39:28
you on it.
39:29
It is, it is goat.
39:30
We, you know like you smell dude, but I notice that it's only
39:34
the dude saying that because women look at it and be like, nah
39:37
like, yeah, he could you just proving my point, hot guys can
39:40
get away with that shit about that hair.
39:43
That lineup is all right there.
39:46
What's up with?
39:47
What happened in the back then?
39:49
Why are you looking at the back at me?
39:51
This is what happened.
39:51
What happened, Ralph?
39:52
Tell us where that where that line up I should have known because
39:55
my barber looks like nobody gonna look back.
39:57
Let me, let me tell you I was in a hurry.
40:00
The only Barbara available was just like on his phone.
40:02
Are you good?
40:03
I'm, I'm, I'm ready and I was like, did you?
40:04
That's the guy I got and that's what I got it.
40:07
Like you don't come into my barber and always gambling on my
40:12
haircut.
40:14
That's why you're a second rank client.
40:16
You get fake second rank for putting me on game about that.
40:20
What about that bad bitch?
40:21
I'm not even gonna joke around with her.
40:23
She's just a mean lady.
40:24
Doesn't she look like a mean lady man?
40:26
We don't stop talking about this soon.
40:27
He's about to pull up right now to slap out.
40:30
Don't move.
40:31
We'll be right back after this commercial break.
40:34
You ever had a girl?
40:35
Put you on blast like that?
40:36
My son's mom tried to, like, when I first started doing comedy
40:39
I, I was, I was with her back then but we didn't have a kid yet
40:42
We're just dating with her, but I had got kicked out from home
40:45
I was like 1819.
40:47
They, you know, I was bumming, they didn't want me to and I,
40:50
I stayed at her house for a little bit and I would get home late
40:53
You know, when you first started doing comedy, they put you
40:55
at, at the end of the open mic.
40:56
So I was getting home like at fucking 2 a.m. and she would get
41:00
mad and she'll be like, like comedy is not even gonna go nowhere
41:03
She's like, it's just like a dumb hobby.
41:05
You're not gonna make money from it and people would, would
41:08
give me compliments or notes or whatever, right?
41:09
And I'll get excited.
41:10
I'd be like, man, this dude said that, that I'm doing pretty
41:12
good for where I'm at and he helped me out here.
41:14
Me, right, Joe, I remember I told you that.
41:16
But so every time I got a compliment, I tell her like, no, no
41:19
you know this uh this lady named Linda Stagner back home,
41:22
she owns a little club called the backdoor comedy club and
41:25
I'll be like, man, she, she said that, that I can host on the
41:28
weekends like whatever.
41:29
And so when she was telling me that she was like, you're never
41:31
gonna make no money off of this.
41:33
She's like you, you say that they tell you this, they tell you
41:35
that but it never goes nowhere.
41:36
I was like, bitch, I'm three months in like give me some time
41:40
Yeah.
41:41
So yeah, that, that one.
41:42
Yeah, that one fucked you up.
41:44
So I knocked her up and I took off.
41:46
Yeah.
41:46
Yeah, I'm making money now.
41:48
Yeah.
41:48
That's crazy.
41:49
When you first start people are like quick to be like why I had
41:52
an uncle that told me all that shit like you're a citizen, you
41:57
know, it's a big deal for him.
41:58
He's like yo citizen take advantage, get a job which I kind
42:02
of understand it when it comes from like I think she was saying
42:05
it just from like a mean angry place or maybe was, was she pregnant
42:08
at the time?
42:09
No, she wasn't.
42:10
That's Yeah, but I, but I understand it more when it comes from
42:13
like relatives, especially like the, the, the old school
42:17
type relatives that are very like they are, they, they say
42:21
if they're doubting you, it's only because they kind of worry
42:23
about you though like they want you to stay productive.
42:25
They're like, man, you should get a job, get your financial
42:27
status like stable first and then maybe go do that.
42:30
So I get it because they're only recommending what they know
42:33
works, you know what I'm saying?
42:34
They know those concrete jobs, you know, like, like, oh, go
42:37
work ac, go do that, whatever.
42:38
But I, I suck at, like, working, like, jobs.
42:43
Yeah.
42:43
Yeah.
42:43
I, I can't wait to get to a level where an uncle is, like, 50,000
42:48
That's all I need to get myself out.
42:51
Like, oh I can't wait for that moment.
42:53
What was it now?
42:54
Because I know I saw the special.
42:55
They haven't seen it yet because that was a fancy bitch.
43:02
I gotta ask that because you, you talking, you do a bit where
43:04
you do uh you, you work washing dishes.
43:07
Was that the first job you ever had was giving away bits?
43:09
Dude?
43:10
What the fuck?
43:10
I didn't give the punch lines away.
43:11
But I'm just saying like, because I always like to hear like
43:13
the first job comics had before they started doing comic.
43:16
Like, yeah, like my first job I, my mom used to have a hair salon
43:21
and they had this uh Italian barber and my man was old school
43:25
and he bought me a shoe box and he's like, oh I thought you was
43:27
gonna say they put you to translate.
43:28
No, no, he was like, you sh you shine all my customer shoes.
43:31
So like I learned how to and it was dude, I was like, I'm as I always
43:35
wanted to do that.
43:35
Yeah.
43:35
Like I had the thing and the brush, like, that was my first.
43:38
But, like, it was like old school town.
43:41
So they like, hey, my man, they give you like, 50 cents as a tip
43:43
Now, like, as I'm older I'm like, that's child abuse.
43:45
Eric would do the, the Italian accent to give more tip for that
43:54
What was your first job?
43:55
Uh, my first job.
43:56
I was a dishwasher about like 12 at a Mariscos restaurant.
44:01
The Mexican seafood restaurant.
44:02
How much he was getting paid 20 bucks a day.
44:06
You ever eat some of the food that they left over dishwasher
44:10
Shit?
44:10
Like I'll be like the whole fucking taco.
44:14
They didn't tell some people washing dishes seven hours straight
44:17
No break.
44:17
Hey, I'm gonna eat this.
44:18
I'm a grown boy.
44:20
You're fucking the, the, the, some of the fucking uh girls
44:23
comin.
44:23
She's a hostess.
44:24
You don't ever hit on them because they were my friends.
44:28
They were my friend, sisters.
44:29
The only reason I started working there, we were like poor
44:32
and needing the money.
44:33
So my, my best friend growing up, he uh he was working there
44:37
because his family owned it, right?
44:38
So every sister was like the bro that, that has six sisters
44:41
three older, three younger.
44:42
So the sisters that were old enough to work were like the host
44:45
is a server or whatever, right?
44:47
So I would, when I was hanging out with them.
44:49
We were like in 4th, 5th grade.
44:50
I was like fifth grade when I started working there.
44:52
I was like 11 maybe.
44:53
I was, I was like, man, this Saturday, you know, let's go to
44:55
the movies or something with her and he would be like, I can't
44:57
I gotta work.
44:58
I was like, bro, you're like 11.
45:00
He was like, no, but it's because, you know, we have a restaurant
45:03
He's like, but my parents said that if you wanna come work,
45:05
you can come with her and I mean, I'm not hanging out with nobody
45:07
else.
45:08
So like let's go.
45:09
Yeah, it was like my dad ain't picking me up this weekend either
45:12
So you know why we work at like family re uh a restaurant that's
45:16
like family owned because they talk to you differently.
45:18
They tell you a little brave and shit like they told me one time
45:21
I swear to God.
45:22
She talks shit through me to me in a nice way.
45:26
Like I never heard somebody do this.
45:27
She was just like Mio um with a towel, just wipe and just act
45:32
like you're working.
45:34
I'm like, wait what I'm working, I'm really, I'm sweating
45:37
I'm like, bitch I have been working.
45:38
Are you saying I'm not working?
45:40
It's like just you know, if you're just gonna be lazy, just
45:42
act like and that way you can be lazy all day.
45:44
I was like, God damn bitch.
45:45
I should hurt my heart.
45:47
I'm giving you 100 and 10%.
45:48
And then they're always like, the waiters will always come
45:51
back and they will tell us it's a bad bitch.
45:53
That was a bad bitch on table five.
45:54
And everybody would just start walking out.
45:57
We get a phone call, yall I, me and my home, we do, we're way in
46:01
the bag.
46:02
We'd be watching dishes.
46:02
But my homeboy we sometimes have to like run out to go next door
46:06
to the little mercado to buy like meat or some shit.
46:08
Like, hey, we're low on Mila Nessa like whatever.
46:10
So my homeboy go and then he come back and he'll tell me like
46:12
hey, man, over there it's like this family and we're like
46:15
12, I think, I think they're like, there's this family.
46:18
He's like, they always come, their daughters are like in high
46:20
school, like we'd be out there from the kitchen window like
46:24
we would, I would walk by and act like I had a punch in like three
46:26
times.
46:28
Fucking don't work.
46:29
And I tell him I'll be like, man, let, let's take our lunch break
46:32
and like, let's go out there and, and still wear the apron so
46:35
they can be like, damn, they were, they got a job.
46:38
The all girls.
46:39
Yeah.
46:40
Yeah.
46:40
Yeah.
46:40
Yeah.
46:41
At that age it's something cool about having your own money
46:43
anyway.
46:43
Like, you know, I mean, I would spend it all that same night
46:46
at the gas station but it was fun.
46:48
One of my first job was at this place called Cozy and it was,
46:51
like, funded by, like, mid, uh, middle class people.
46:54
And my brother's friend who was, like, family gave me the job
46:59
and I was always messing up whatever.
47:01
And I would just, like, go to the back and eat and stuff like
47:03
that.
47:03
But anxious.
47:04
Yeah, I just didn't, I just didn't like people because, like
47:06
it would be too much.
47:07
But what he would do is like in front of the guy who would be like
47:11
um you want something cocksucker and they'll be like, and
47:13
they'd be like, what?
47:14
Nothing.
47:14
I didn't say nothing like he'll just do that to the guys and
47:16
they were like, oh yeah.
47:20
And then I was just like, we'll just be like, man serious like
47:22
that.
47:22
Like he didn't say nothing to make him feel like crazy.
47:25
But you ever had like a, like a your like coworker crush?
47:29
And you guys are just like, like, you know, obviously you guys
47:32
like each other but then she comes up and tells you like a wild
47:35
night she had and you're like, damn bitch.
47:36
I fucking love you.
47:37
Like I'm only gonna dig down and shit.
47:41
I'm like, what?
47:43
Like that's what's up.
47:44
I've only worked like fucking Mexican ass.
47:46
Like I was a dishwasher.
47:48
I was, I was home remodel.
47:49
I bro, I don't how to paint car.
47:50
I was working at a body shop for a long ass time.
47:52
Like I've only worked with nothing but fucking p did not have
47:56
no crush on these.
47:56
Like, yo, P leg love to play grab ass fool.
48:01
They're like, like, dude, what the fuck are you doing?
48:04
And they call you get, you ran my ass.
48:07
What are you doing?
48:08
Your layers?
48:10
Dude?
48:11
That's, we explained a lot about you.
48:14
We just got to the root of it.
48:18
My name is Martin Rizzo and Paisa as grabbing has gone up 50%
48:22
in the last 10 years.
48:23
We're going to find out what's going on at these workplaces
48:26
Porque Muchos Hombres, que que Grupo.
48:41
What is this for a podcast or you speak English when a whole
48:44
bunch of guys work together?
48:45
Why do you guys like to uh pinch each other in the butt?
48:48
I'd be seeing them.
48:49
They just, they'd be doing their own thing, bro.
48:51
But I don't know, I don't really pay like that, bro.
48:56
I guys are dogs.
49:08
You're right about that las toes to this.
49:21
So I had to try comedy like at 18, right?
49:24
1819 and it kept going bad.
49:26
So I just, I fucking do it no more.
49:28
Then when I was like 19 or 20 I was working at this body shop where
49:32
I was trying to become like the, the main painter because their
49:34
painters it was fucking off too much.
49:37
So it was only three of us.
49:39
Shit.
49:39
I don't wanna say shitty it was just like a lower class body
49:43
shop.
49:44
And these two older guys were working there.
49:46
They were the body men and I was on the paint side and I just chop
49:49
it up with them all day talking with.
49:51
And one of them told me one day he's like, he's like, oh, I got
49:53
my, he's like 1010 papeles.
49:55
He's like, you don't have papers.
49:57
I said, yeah, I was born here.
49:58
He's like, oh he's like Pero, no, las cua, we're gonna finish
50:02
school.
50:03
I said, yeah, I graduated.
50:05
I said I even did a semester at community college and he's like
50:09
OK, he's like and toss Potra hockey.
50:12
He's like, why are you working here then?
50:13
You know like you're educated, you're born here.
50:16
Like you could be doing a whole lot better than like why you
50:19
just busting your ass here, bro.
50:21
That day I started going back to open mics.
50:24
I also hate when they say that shit like motherfucker.
50:26
I, I feel like giving them my pet do it.
50:29
Let me see you do it.
50:30
I hate when they always paint you this dream that they would
50:32
do.
50:33
So I have 10 houses.
50:40
The L am E heard your story and in my head, I was like, there's
50:43
the movie right there.
50:44
He's like Rudy in the ride.
50:46
Come on.
50:48
It took a while to tell you you don't belong here in me.
50:50
But sometimes it's all this for us and it was like, that's all
50:53
it took for him to be like he's like you're shooting.
50:57
Yeah, it sounds like the ending of Go Hungry.
50:59
Like it look like he chose stand up instead of like a actual
51:03
business, a lawyer.
51:05
He just like, I'm gonna do a job.
51:08
The movie ends with his special and the guy right there in the
51:10
back just this and then he looks, he goes, there is a special
51:24
You just crying ga so real quick.
51:29
Let us know uh when the, when the special drop my my Netflix
51:33
special drops on Netflix on Halloween October 31st.
51:36
I didn't choose that date by the way.
51:38
That would be kind of weird to be like, oh Halloween, I thought
51:41
you, I felt like you were that type of dudes like, how about
51:44
we do Halloween?
51:45
Sure.
51:46
I guess uh they told me I, I if Halloween was cool and I feel like
51:50
that's the easiest day to remember.
51:52
You just Halloween.
51:54
Make sure you check out cow bunga on Netflix.
51:56
Halloween.
51:57
Come on, man.
51:58
This dude is super funny.
51:59
I I'm I'm so glad to know you dude saw you through the end of the
52:02
nose, man.
52:02
Super funny.
52:03
Couldn't happen to a nicer dude.
52:04
Thank you for having me.
52:05
Thanks for coming through.
52:06
That's it for us.
52:07
Make sure you catch us every Monday streaming live and every
52:10
Wednesday dropping new episodes on me too TV.