00:07
I wish I had something to do right now.
00:09
Leave my old friend alone.
00:20
Welcome back to another episode of Three G's.
00:25
So PDA Eric Rivera in the building.
00:29
I'm so excited today.
00:31
Today is a great show today.
00:33
It's gonna be a great day.
00:33
Why are you wearing the sunglasses, man?
00:35
You're bugging us, dude.
00:37
I don't know why he's your agent or your as agent manager.
00:41
Uh talk to my peoples.
00:44
So what about your peoples?
00:46
What's going on things, dude?
00:48
I don't know if you noticed it but uh I actually just came from
00:54
Um You'll learn about it later.
00:56
So are you, the headliner is coming in?
01:01
You're an instigator.
01:02
So are you uh headlining or opening?
01:06
That's what she just did to you, dude.
01:08
She's trying to take the wind out your sale but don't let him
01:12
I'm the wind beneath your wings.
01:13
She's trying to take the wind out to, did you rehearse that
01:24
That's what she did to you.
01:26
Note to self unfollow Sasha.
01:29
First of all, you're gonna let him get to you.
01:31
Remember what he said this morning?
01:33
The past me get upset.
01:35
But the new me just laughs at people like you who will make fun
01:40
of people like me, you know, tell us about your experience
01:47
Um And she said it's me.
01:52
Look at her, that's what you told me to say.
01:54
Look at her, she's coming after you.
01:58
Did you not return her call?
01:59
She's like, yo, dude, I'll tell you what I did.
02:01
What I did do was perform in front of 12,000 people, dude.
02:06
Uh Yeah, I want that.
02:09
That's sarcastic dude.
02:11
Come on everyone in this studio.
02:18
I don't see you clapping, which is weird because he was sarcastic
02:23
She's, she's just got a little, he's trolling you, dude.
02:26
Listen, there's a lot of things for you to be jealous about
02:28
but here's the thing, dude.
02:33
Did I did, I did, I did good.
02:36
Uh Did I kill I don't know as the 20,000 people that saw me, I
02:39
don't know uh 12,000, 12,000.
02:44
See her dude, I walked out and was I scared, barely.
02:53
I knew what I was doing.
02:55
Uh listen, I'm a pro went out there.
02:57
Did my thing got, I got no laughs for some reason I got roars
03:07
There's a difference at that level.
03:09
There's a difference and uh people say it changed me but I don't
03:14
People think I'm big headed.
03:16
I don't see that either.
03:17
You're as humbled as ever.
03:19
And that's why I appreciate that.
03:20
A slice of humble pie.
03:21
You had always been that big.
03:25
People said, you know what?
03:28
Call me to tell them you're not doing three G's unless it's
03:31
one G and I said, listen, dude, I'm not gonna be that guy.
03:35
So I'm still here for you guys.
03:41
I just asked for a simple thing and God damn it.
03:47
I actually texted him and he said, uh who this?
03:52
No, but honestly, um I was looking at the videos and I thought
03:55
that that was amazing.
03:57
It was, it was not the real me out.
04:03
Yeah, I remember texting you guys in a group chat and you know
04:07
So I literally felt like you forgot about, I'll explain what
04:11
I got a, I got a text message.
04:13
I got a text message from the big guy.
04:15
You know, Gary Glass just texted me and it was like, I was like
04:19
He offered me the day I said, yeah, for sure.
04:21
And it was gonna be a different date.
04:23
And then he, he text me back and said, hey, you know what, forget
04:26
Which I thought of course this was happened to me.
04:28
They just, you know, they'll just tease me and he says I heard
04:31
you're from America, Arizona.
04:32
I want you to open up for me at the arena where the Suns play in
04:37
And I'm like, I needed, he needed help to sell tickets.
04:40
I was like, oh no, so then I go there, I couldn't eat for a week
04:44
It was all this pressure I had bonded before but I never bonded
04:48
in front of that many people.
04:50
So I'm like, and then a part of me was like, oh my God, what if
04:54
What if you bump and all that was going in my head?
04:55
And then they 5432 and then I just saw freaking roared.
05:01
I did it proud of you, man.
05:03
I, you know, for sure.
05:04
That's like a big deal.
05:07
Uh Yeah, it was fun.
05:09
I wanted uh thank Gabriel for letting me open up one.
05:12
You didn't have to do that and he did cool guy and I started,
05:18
Here's the thing, dude, here's the thing that for me was like
05:21
touching at the end and I'm not gonna lie.
05:23
It was like I even said the speech on stage before I got off cause
05:27
I was like f I was, it was like 1998.
05:30
I remember I was watching TV.
05:31
And I saw a show called Que Locos and there was a lot of young
05:35
comedians there and he was one of the young ones and I related
05:38
so much to his jokes and he had a bit about like the board, the
05:42
Oh, it was so funny.
05:43
I laughed and I said, oh, that's what I wanna do.
05:44
I wanna be like that.
05:45
I wanna do comedy like that and tell stories and he gave me the
05:49
opportunity, but I was trying to tell a story.
05:54
Uh Sorry about that.
05:56
Um And then I told him that like, he gave me the opportunity
06:00
to like open up for him and I was like, that was fucking cool
06:02
and everybody just like, yeah, so that was cool.
06:03
No, honestly, that's, I'm giving you all your flowers.
06:06
I was like, oh fucking amazing.
06:08
Like it really was like, but it's like the Latino in me that
06:12
was like, I don't wanna talk about it because I'm gonna jinx
06:14
I don't wanna tell people what if they call me, I don't wanna
06:16
show up and then they're like, so every step was like, OK, they
06:19
haven't, they haven't canceled yet.
06:20
Every time they'll text me, I'll be like, OK, they're not doing
06:23
that haven't replaced me yet.
06:24
Who, who, who, who I remember there was one time you got a text
06:27
while we were here at work and he was like, and I was like, what
06:32
He was like, nothing, not nothing.
06:33
Like I don't wanna jinx it.
06:36
I don't wanna, I don't wanna jinx.
06:37
I don't wanna be like, I was afraid that it might not happen
06:40
And then I say it and then you're like, what happened to that
06:43
And I'm like, oh, it didn't work out.
06:44
And then uh that's like that look like the guy who just says
06:47
things and that's like the person on Instagram big news coming
06:49
and then like a month like big news.
06:51
I'm like that rapper that's always like, yo, album coming
06:53
soon, never came out.
06:55
Well, you know, never came even though you know, like it might
06:59
seem like I was giving you shade, right?
07:03
She was, no, no, I sent you guys a grateful text.
07:12
That's what I thought guys for you.
07:15
I was like, yo, she got about to ask us for a kidney.
07:18
I saw that emotional as message.
07:19
You interrupted my porn hub session.
07:22
I was like, yo, I'm the bus.
07:25
And the thing is I was just sending like a general grateful
07:29
text and this is like, what I get.
07:32
No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:32
Let me, let me talk it.
07:36
Look, I said I'm working on my gratitude this morning.
07:39
I need to send you a text to let you know how grateful I am for
07:42
And however you'd like me to show up for you.
07:44
I'm always here and this is what I get right?
07:48
This is what I get from Eric.
07:52
What the fuck right?
07:54
This is what I get from Eric.
07:55
And then what I get from Jesus is Pulda.
08:00
It felt like an uncle hugged me the wrong way and I was like,
08:04
yo, my man, I know we're family but that was uncomfortable
08:08
and I felt very weird.
08:09
I don't know how to, I didn't say like I wasn't like, oh my God
08:12
I said I'm grateful for you guys that makes you feel uncomfortable
08:15
The nineties, the nineties kid in me was afraid to show emotion
08:19
because every time I did, I would get clowned for it like, oh
08:21
no, I missed you too.
08:22
I like a pussy like, oh never mind.
08:24
I can't show emotion.
08:25
So yeah, that's trauma, dude.
08:28
You open something up that I don't wanna, I don't wanna open
08:31
So that's what I'm saying.
08:32
Like did you mean it was it uh uh uh uh from the heart, you know
08:38
try to sell us on some kind of pyramid scheme right now and
08:42
I appreciate the message.
08:44
Now, you're gonna be selling calling cards.
08:46
You're gonna be selling calling cards or Herbal life.
08:51
That's how, you know, there's trauma because he's like, he
08:53
was like uh did you mean it?
08:56
It's like, yeah, why would I, why she making it funny you after
08:58
she told you she was, you know what?
09:02
This is your trauma.
09:03
Do I'm like, why would I not mean it?
09:08
Why would you say what the fuck you guys?
09:09
This is what I'm saying.
09:10
You got issues, bro.
09:11
No, because if you look at our group text history, it's never
09:16
And all of a sudden you come out of nowhere guys, I'm practicing
09:18
my gratitude and my oneness.
09:20
I don't know if Thanksgiving was around the corner and we were
09:22
just, I, I was like, wait is I thought the, I thought the first
09:25
thing was I think Sasha is dying.
09:27
I think we need to do a on, she's on drugs again.
09:33
You know about that one.
09:35
Do you understand how like how fucked up?
09:38
This is the fact that the fact that he was like, I think Sasha
09:41
is dying and the first thing he goes is what the fuck?
09:45
First of all, instead of being a safe space, our group text
09:50
history, I sent you guys a text tomorrow said, hey, I love you
09:55
Look, look how, look how uncomfortable you both got.
09:57
Like, wait, what you uncomfortable?
09:59
Yeah, I didn't say that I didn't say the words, I love you.
10:01
I said I am grateful I would text back gay and also what's wrong
10:09
But you know how come you know that you would get like, oh what's
10:12
Not, it was just like, what the fuck and oh it's like, I'm pretty
10:16
sure when you got the text it was like a hot potato.
10:18
He was like, I got to drop it.
10:20
How quickly did you regret sending that?
10:22
Oh, immediately when I came back, I was just like telling like
10:25
Liam, I was like, yo, I don't think, I don't know people.
10:28
Wow, you really got hurt by it.
10:32
Actually I just wanted to show the the the the what the fuck
10:35
was a loving it, right?
10:40
When you're the only girl, it's just two boys.
10:44
See, that's what I'm talking about.
10:46
That's all I need is you love her too, dude.
10:49
He tells me he tells her that I was like, no, no, no, you're the
10:55
I do appreciate your Thanksgiving text though.
10:56
Me and him, we have our own thread.
10:58
We uh we're grateful for each other because you know, do you
11:01
guys have, let me see it.
11:04
Let me see what me and him texting each other.
11:07
You see, I wanna see that because it's bullshit.
11:16
No, no, no, there was a text.
11:17
There was a text because y'all bullshit and I found it.
11:21
I just feel like you guys are today today.
11:25
No, no, look, look, look, look.
11:34
Um No, it says no, it says uh grateful for you.
11:37
Happy Thanksgiving brother.
11:40
You, you guys are frauds.
11:44
You guys are frauds of us.
11:45
You know, this is gonna be a fun episode but we've got a new,
11:49
Hello, we found it here and then we've got one of our favorite
11:55
guests coming back, returning Jade Catapres.
12:14
Welcome to another episode of the G spot.
12:18
Oh, today we have my home girl.
12:30
We at the three G's.
12:32
We wanna make sure that we find her the right suitable bachelor
12:36
We try to find you the person who could touch the spot of your
12:43
Have you been um I broke up with my last, I was in a situation
12:48
for a while and mind your business, Eric.
12:52
Are you on the show?
12:53
I know he ended officially August 12th.
13:00
I wanna know what broke the relationship that way.
13:03
The people right there in the silhouettes, know what not to
13:07
Honestly, he n he didn't know what he wanted.
13:10
He didn't know his purpose in life.
13:12
You know, he didn't know his purpose in life.
13:15
Well, you know what I'm doing here, what's going on, first
13:29
I wish I had something to do right now.
13:31
Leave my old friend alone.
13:35
No, he just didn't know his purpose.
13:37
Uh, he didn't have a job and, um, yeah, he just wasn't the decision
13:42
He wasn't a good decision maker.
13:44
How was he taking you out on dates?
13:46
So, that was part of the problem.
13:47
You see where if you don't have money, you can't, I don't know
13:50
I don't, I don't know him.
13:52
But let me tell you so broke dudes, they know how to do it in the
14:00
Why do you know that movie?
14:01
Have you been all my life, all my life?
14:06
Oh my, he just started getting a little bit of money.
14:09
So on dates, he was just being creative like, oh, I'm made of
14:11
Honestly, we just did a lot of Netflix and chill.
14:14
Not even his Netflix because he didn't have no money.
14:18
We're gonna introduce the eligible bachelors.
14:20
We're not gonna ask your name.
14:21
We're just gonna ask a fun fact and your for sign.
14:25
We're going to start with number one, Timothy.
14:31
He looked like Timothy.
14:46
First of all, I like fighting but like that.
14:47
But OK, but that's great.
14:49
Thank you so much for answering.
14:50
I mean, but you still have a hope.
14:52
I'm, I'm not judging you by your sign.
14:54
We, we judge by the fact that would be a little tough Bachelor
15:02
Uh fun fact about me.
15:04
I'm an artist, so I'm very, very, very good with my hands.
15:15
What kind of paint like you paint with?
15:17
What kind of paint I paint with acrylics.
15:28
That's number three.
15:30
Then give us your horoscope sign.
15:32
Um I'm very well rounded.
15:40
Ok, so sorry, your voice very well rounded.
15:45
My voice is well rounded.
15:48
I like these voices.
15:48
Everyone sounds really nice so far like you guys have things
15:51
So round one, we're gonna ask you guys questions on behalf
15:55
And if Glo Ellis, you wanna chime in at any point, you feel free
15:59
And you guys answer best to your abilities and uh, we'll see
16:02
uh, if we can find you match made in heaven.
16:05
I'm so tired of being single question.
16:09
Number one, we'll start with Jesus.
16:11
Laurie's ex keeps sending her Drake lyrics in the D MS.
16:16
How do you handle that?
16:23
Thank you for asking that.
16:24
He's OK, but it's about like, you know, you're trying to get
16:27
Do you do the all, all that you handle this or are you the, let
16:31
me, let me see the phone and then you break, I'm gonna say something
16:34
Oh, what kind of person?
16:35
No, I would say you handle it, you know.
16:41
Have you ever been in a fight?
16:43
Have I been in a fight?
16:46
You got to repeat the question.
16:47
Well, he's been in a fight before.
16:48
He said he said yes.
16:52
I think he lost that fight.
16:55
So the next Bachelor, let's see.
16:57
How do you handle the situation?
16:59
Me personally, I would send back Drake lyrics from Drake's
17:11
I love a petty king.
17:20
Bachelor number three.
17:23
I'll probably just send a selfie of us together.
17:28
It's getting very like Pink Davis and Kim Kardashian.
17:31
That triggered me because you know, my ex's new boyfriend
17:34
did that to me and I'm like, all right, all right, have fun.
17:39
That's what you wanna do.
17:40
What are you thinking so far?
17:42
Number one, I want you to come a little harder.
17:48
You're a pumper but I ain't feeling you.
17:52
I, I, I'm a great catch.
17:54
You would agree with that.
17:56
And I want everyone to have an opportunity.
17:59
B number three The question is you've made it official with
18:03
How do you launch her on Instagram?
18:06
What's the caption out of the body?
18:10
That's all he got for you and for me, I just put an ei ei the heart
18:25
and the one, the one I use that one.
18:30
I try to defend the one I've never used that.
18:34
If you ain't got an imagination.
18:35
That's your problem.
18:37
I never seen the, the orgasm.
18:40
So then you ask me, what is that?
18:41
I'm gonna show you that.
18:45
How do you launch her?
18:46
And what's the caption?
18:48
We would launch uh by taking a picture, boot up at your favorite
18:59
Yeah, I, I love pasta like that.
19:01
The caption is gonna say we're gonna do a lady in the tramp with
19:08
That's that, that's all, all, that's the number one I, I gave
19:24
So I think it's gonna be good.
19:26
It's a Yeah, it's a launch of the relationship between you
19:32
So this is the first time everybody on your page is gonna see
19:35
a picture of you and her again and it'll be a collapse.
19:37
It will be on both of our pages.
19:41
So it would be um as we walk along the shore.
19:48
We look at each other and then we, we find the small moments
19:52
in between the pauses where we're breathing together and
19:56
then we find when our heart stops before the click of the tongue
20:01
when we have our time to be the best we can.
20:06
So we love what we can and we find what we can in the moment in
20:13
the city describing the photo or the caption.
20:18
No, it's, it's really nice.
20:20
I I'm, I have to say paragraph caption.
20:22
I'm not really good at poetry because I have a DH D so I can never
20:27
That's the end of round one G Loreli.
20:28
What are you feeling right now?
20:30
Who's in the country right now?
20:33
I'm so honored that these men are fighting for my heart.
20:36
Yeah, that really means a lot to me.
20:38
You don't want to just go with what you already had.
20:41
You take something that's different.
20:44
It might be something that you want.
20:45
And that's what I'm trying to explore.
20:49
It's gonna be round two and this time there will be an elimination
20:55
So you gotta fight for the heart.
20:58
If not, you're gonna get gone, baby.
21:01
We got some more questions for our eligible bachelors here
21:04
Uh Well, I should start with Bachelor number.
21:05
Two to give the other guys a little time.
21:07
Glory's horoscope warned her about a fuck boy entering her
21:13
How do you defend yourself from these allegations?
21:17
I would say maybe we both gotta be on the lookout for him because
21:33
Very smooth, very confidence.
21:36
Number three, I ain't gonna lie.
21:40
Why are you trying to have fun?
21:41
You trying to be bored?
21:45
You trying to be bored?
21:49
So you know I'm toxic.
21:50
So I'm not mad at it.
21:53
She was looking for love and now she's looking for, I'm looking
21:58
All right, same question for Bachelor.
21:59
Number one, everybody has their own energy.
22:05
And I think if we kind of put a mic microscope to the energy of
22:12
this person, whoever is trying to negatively charge our situation
22:17
then there's something definitely there's, there's obviously
22:21
something very insecure about this person.
22:24
I mean, we can find a way to work together and, and problem solve
22:31
and figure out a way where we can be more democratic about it
22:37
And he sounds like a professor for I like I like where he's honestly
22:42
like you guys are laughing.
22:45
I'm not a younger laughing but I like that answer.
22:49
Last question from me.
22:51
Just woke up from a dream where she finds out you cheated on
22:55
How do you prove her wrong?
22:59
You first your dream cheated, go back to sleep and dream about
23:07
I even said anything.
23:08
Gloria had a follow up question.
23:09
How did I put her back to sleep?
23:15
He just say yo, shut the fuck up, go back to sleep.
23:17
And he said, yes, sir.
23:21
I don't know what Timothy has to say.
23:23
Uh I would give her a hug and then um I tell her it's just a dream
23:32
Um Usually we usually when we have bad dreams, it's, you know
23:37
it's just a reflection of our unconscious.
23:43
Have you ever dated a Dominican?
23:45
No, no, I, I could tell because I, I said she woke up angry from
23:49
dream cheating and you, you trying to hold her and I don't think
23:53
you've ever dated a Dominican.
23:54
I'm gonna hold you baby girl.
23:55
That's like trying to hold a, a pitbull snarling at you.
23:59
You had somebody throw something at you.
24:01
Wait, how do you handle having objects thrown at your, at your
24:05
Well, I have a, a really good skill at just being still and so
24:11
I would just try to be as still as possible.
24:14
If you're dating a T Rex in Jurassic Park, I said, Dominican
24:17
she could see you still play a yoga instructor.
24:21
Uh Bachelor number two.
24:23
So I ask you what she looks like and then you tell me and then
24:28
we go get a wig to match her hair and then we come back in the crib
24:32
and prove you right.
24:42
Let's make you the bit that I cheated on you.
24:48
I think the one he was trying to say is if he's gonna cheat on
24:52
you, it's gonna be with you.
24:59
So that's the end of round two glo at least.
25:01
Unfortunately, one of these guys has to go.
25:02
Oh my God, it's really, it's really tough.
25:04
We gotta lemonade one because you know, I don't like breaking
25:07
I don't know if number one likes me.
25:08
I don't know if he came to fight today.
25:13
So why did you come here today?
25:15
Were you looking for me?
25:16
I came here to find somebody.
25:18
Um eliminate someone.
25:22
Like that was the elimination who's gone.
25:26
I like Timothy as a friend and I think that you're a great well
25:30
I wanna read all your poetry books.
25:32
You just messed up a good date at Echo Park ready?
25:43
Oh What is your name?
25:48
What's your, are you heartbroken?
25:50
Did you wanna be with me?
25:52
Um I'll get over it.
25:56
Honestly, girl, I think you, I think you messed up my car but
25:59
there's two other good candidates.
26:00
I just got that L on experience.
26:02
Uh We have two Bachelors left and we just wanna see if they can
26:10
What song or genre of music best describes you also, I need
26:16
you guys to show me some moves.
26:20
So number two, I gotta say R and BR and B right now and R and B is
26:27
You guys are in the dance floor.
26:28
You guys are just vibing the God damn.
26:41
Oh My God, that, that thing.
26:44
And um ra he brought that up, he went with his knees work.
26:55
I don't skip like day.
26:57
Oh Like that number three.
27:00
What song or genre of music best describes you and then I'm
27:04
a R and B connoisseur and I really like aventura when it comes
27:19
to dancing, I'm not gonna do nothing.
27:20
I really play the wall.
27:23
Y'all stand in the wall and I let you do what you gotta do.
27:31
You don't even dance.
27:37
I think it was really impressive.
27:38
Round of applause for the guys.
27:41
How are you feeling so far?
27:43
I'm, I'm, you know, I'm a Gemini.
27:45
And can I just have both of them?
27:50
No, this is the G spot.
27:53
One spot, the G spot.
27:54
So right now you guys have to challenge each other to the death
27:58
So we wanna make sure that obviously it is a metaphor.
28:03
So you guys gotta pitch yourself to see why you are the best
28:06
candidate to take glory out on a date.
28:09
Alright, so Bachelor number three.
28:10
Come on, let's go sell yourself baby.
28:13
I don't wanna do so much.
28:14
I'm gonna pick you up just just know I'm the prize but you're
28:22
Because I don't understand like are we both surprised what
28:25
He's better than him.
28:27
You the trophy because I won.
28:33
Sorry I'm a little slow.
28:34
It's been a long I'm bi coastal so it's been long number number
28:38
Give us the elevator pitch.
28:44
Yeah, I feel like a grandma glory dates are cool.
28:52
Hanging out is cool but being together being inseparable
28:56
being each other's every let's do that so we can't do it no
29:01
Oh girl, I would have shit because I feel like I feel like the
29:09
The feelings are real but what are you, who are you feeling
29:12
This is a big deal for me like do I repeat a pattern or do I try
29:16
You know, and do you feel like there are signs of patterns that
29:21
are gonna be repeated?
29:24
My ex loved a ventura.
29:29
I'm gonna be honest I haven't eaten Chinese food in a long time
29:32
so I think number three has to go stop pop hold up, hold up.
29:41
We're gonna have you come out here so Gloria at least can see
29:43
what she's missed out on and if you're a real one, you come out
29:46
here with your shirt off.
29:51
Oh What, what's your take?
29:52
What are you gonna do after this?
29:54
Because if that take doesn't work out, we gotta don't change
29:57
Now I'm gonna slot in at the MS shit now for Glo Les Choice bashing
30:15
That honestly you better give him a hug, hug.
30:21
Where are we going to eat?
30:22
Where are we gonna eat?
30:24
We're going to a chef's table uh episode restaurant.
30:28
What is, what is chef's table table?
30:33
That means you got money.
30:35
So you guys are the winner.
30:37
So what do we do now?
30:39
Well, we're not getting married.
30:42
So what's your name?
30:48
What's your rising sign?
30:50
A and, and your moon?
30:55
I have a, I have a Pisces Moon.
30:57
Well, I guess you'll see what happens.
30:59
Yeah, you're terrible.
31:00
I can't wait to see what happens for sure.
31:09
And we today have one of our favorites coming back to visit
31:13
us here on the set of three Gs.
31:15
Give it up for Jade.
31:20
That was, I'm ready for prom.
31:29
I have my legs out just for you guys.
31:31
Like, you know, and I don't do that.
31:35
I would sow show legs if I was a girl, I think I would be a bit.
31:43
I love when I got a lot of me out there, you know, you see, I got
31:47
a lot of hair, a lot of very hairy.
31:50
Oh we really tucked in.
31:54
And does it go all the way down?
32:02
I don't think that the smell is gonna be ready for.
32:03
You gotta look at wiki feet to see your rating because I gotta
32:06
I don't want to brag of what is Yeah.
32:12
No, five out of five.
32:16
Let me look up and see if he's on there.
32:18
I got like you might wait, how do you know if you're on wiki feet
32:21
You just Google Google it.
32:22
I just Google it, Sasha.
32:24
You are on wiki feed it.
32:27
Oh I barely put any feet pictures.
32:31
I'll find them for a photo.
32:41
They go to all the photos where your feet are in it and they'll
32:47
That's a hot photo that was in Bali.
32:57
Don't do that for free.
32:58
Put those fours down.
33:00
That's, that's how people get turned on by feet.
33:02
I don't get the feet.
33:03
I've seen like on Amazon, I've seen like, like feet with just
33:06
like the vagina mold on it.
33:08
Just a foot with a vagina flash a flashlight but just a feet
33:12
What the hell on a merch?
33:17
Remember when he didn't even know what a Hyman was now?
33:20
I found that little guy.
33:21
I like who was in your fucker.
33:23
Oh, yeah, that was weird.
33:24
Everybody talks so much shit about me for that.
33:27
I guess it's really your mom's fault.
33:29
And I also, yeah, growing up, thank you.
33:31
And, uh, growing up, I don't have the face that girls trusted
33:36
You know what I mean?
33:36
They were like, uh, I, I don't want him to be like, I'm a, I'm
33:40
a, like, she's gotta be around a little bit for her to be like
33:43
ok, I'll give it to you now.
33:44
You know what I mean?
33:45
Like, I never got the fresh, I got the afters for sure.
33:48
It's so hard to be a guy.
33:54
You know what my brain is unraveling right now because it's
33:59
like, why was it so hard for you to find some.
34:01
Were you like a virgin?
34:02
Losing it to a virgin?
34:04
You could have easily been a virgin of what she was looking
34:08
I, I lost my virginity to someone who was gonna lose their virginity
34:11
So we both lost their virginity.
34:15
You, mine was in Virginia.
34:16
So it was not as it was a white guy.
34:20
Yeah, that was the first one was in a closet and we chugged a
34:23
bunch of pina colada because we were like nervous and then
34:25
we found out there was absolutely no alcohol in it.
34:31
You're just like I feel it, feel it, sugar.
34:36
You're just trying to get to that next time.
34:40
So wait, what's your drink?
34:41
Like now, now that we know how to drink, what's your drink?
34:44
I'll do like a whiskey coke lime or like a gin and all right.
34:48
Now I like not all spritz.
34:50
I like, I like uh natural wines.
34:58
It's not that it's gentrified is that you don't have to preservatives
35:02
And then when you drink it, you don't really have a hangover
35:04
but you guys don't, your dick doesn't get messed up when you
35:06
It'll be our ph gets messed up.
35:08
You know what I mean?
35:09
Like, imagine if your dick was like started spitting stuff
35:12
out when you drank something weird guys.
35:15
You know, they're like, you wouldn't drink as much stuff,
35:20
Well, I'm gonna explain my smelly dick because here it is.
35:26
I can control beer, beer.
35:28
I can control, I could tell you like, yo, if I drink another
35:30
one, I know what kind of night it's gonna be.
35:32
You know what I'm saying?
35:33
Now, if I'm trying to get fancy, I'm gonna celebrate something
35:35
old fashioned, old fashion for sure.
35:39
Have you ever had a mescal old fashion?
35:42
What you, he's a man.
35:46
Listen, just by the way, he's, you can drink like nine drinks
35:52
and still be like, I'm fine.
35:53
I go, I go, I go so my, my girl's side of her family never see me
36:00
I don't ever get fucked up.
36:02
I don't really drink like that.
36:03
I was drinking a little, I got a little comfortable and I knew
36:06
I was getting comfortable.
36:07
She was like coming to say, hey, like slow down.
36:09
So you, you getting a little, you're becoming like yourself
36:13
and I'm like, you're becoming, I noticed that I was saying
36:16
a lot of like, oh fuck that.
36:18
And they were just like, oh where did this come from?
36:21
I become like a super like Mexican spice.
36:22
I started snapping my fingers like I get like that too.
36:25
But why can't we be like that?
36:27
I have to be like a certain different event.
36:29
Like, there's a lot of people I know.
36:32
Like, I'd be in with you.
36:33
But after you said smelly dick, I just have a lot of questions
36:37
Well, you know, I don't need to bring it back.
36:41
Yeah, you brought it back.
36:45
But it's got a, it's got a man to it.
36:48
How do you know, like, do you run down to fight out?
36:51
Does someone tell you my nut?
36:53
And I'm a human what's going on?
36:55
So you go like that.
36:56
I know hasn't smelled his nuts in like years.
36:58
I don't know what's going on.
36:59
Is that this is, this is what I love about you is when you get
37:03
it secure, you somehow have to throw it on to me.
37:05
You're Da Eric's gay.
37:12
What are you talking about?
37:12
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no in your head don't
37:20
I have seen that pattern thing.
37:25
Like I don't want your balls to smell like cologne.
37:27
I don't want them to smell like.
37:28
What do women want to smell?
37:30
I want them to smell like skin like nothing like, you know,
37:33
when you eat a pussy, you don't want it to taste like anything
37:35
You just want, you don't want any taste, you just want nothing
37:44
What what do you want to see?
37:49
A little salt, little, a whiff, a whiff of just, just a little
37:54
like, she's been out all day, like, you know.
37:57
A little, a little, it tastes like a little, like a little,
38:01
a little, a perfect cocktail.
38:03
She had a little walk, but a little whiff of like, you know.
38:06
It has to be a little like stanky in a good way in a good way with
38:12
It just gets you going like, oh, yeah, like, it's a real thing
38:15
you know, when you smell yourself, you're like, it can be
38:17
better, but I'll take it kind of a thing.
38:19
I mean, there's sometimes where it doesn't smell, that's
38:22
But if it does it's a, it's a real woman.
38:25
Thank you for saying that.
38:26
You know what it is.
38:29
Here's one thing about Eric.
38:30
I'll tell you one thing about Eric.
38:31
We share, we know about him.
38:34
He does not open like a very religious, at least that stuff
38:42
So then my mom does watch Pentecostal Christian household
38:47
I don't know how I, I'm not gonna, I, I was so nervous to tell
38:51
my mom we were pregnant the first time.
38:53
Yes, I have no idea.
38:55
I, I was, like, paranoid because, like, how old are you?
38:59
Like we told her parents, like, and they were like, oh my God
39:02
And then she was like, oh, we gotta tell your mom and I was like
39:05
I don't even like, yeah, like I was so nervous.
39:10
Like my wife was like, what's wrong with you?
39:11
Like, I was like, I'm sweaty.
39:13
Like, do you go to church every week?
39:15
No, I don't go to church anymore.
39:17
She called me, yells at me about that every time.
39:20
All right, we're gonna change gears here.
39:21
Uh about uh hem balls.
39:24
Uh We're gonna go to my favorite segment.
39:26
White people problems.
39:33
What the hell this happened yesterday during the Chiefs game
39:37
Uh this fan right here.
39:39
Now, first of all, this is a kid, so his parents definitely
39:42
helped him out with his outfit.
39:44
Uh So CBS is under fire for after fans call them out for featuring
39:48
a Chiefs fan in costume during the broadcast.
39:51
Now, the kid is wearing an Indian headdress already inappropriate
39:54
He can't wear those to Coachella anymore.
39:56
So this kid definitely cannot wear that and they've uh is,
40:01
He's fully been black face.
40:02
So they went black face.
40:03
They thought this was a good idea and the, and the headdress
40:06
and they're like, you know what, we've already slaughtered
40:08
Let's let's dress you up on top of that to put it on TV.
40:13
Like why don't put the camera on him?
40:15
My question is what year is this, this is like three days ago
40:20
How are we still doing the same mistakes over and over and over
40:24
The thing is that people don't think they're gonna be on TV
40:26
There's cameras everywhere that's like you showing up somewhere
40:29
you're not supposed to be and then nobody's gonna take a picture
40:32
Should, we just stop selling black paint because people don't
40:35
It's like we shouldn't allow it.
40:37
We just silo people that's the way to do it.
40:40
But first take a shower, please.
40:44
I think just in general because I was saying we're so clean
40:48
So like, you know, anybody that comes in, it's like it's like
40:50
you're going into a spa, you gotta rinse your parts before
40:52
You know, Jesus take a shower.
40:55
Trust me, I'll, I'll go prepared like the in Brazil would definitely
40:58
be like, I really, I mean, I'm not, that sounds adorable.
41:13
Is that I am very, you're welcome.
41:17
How do you say uh clean?
41:20
I was gonna say, is that no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
41:26
It's, it's, it's a sex ball.
41:39
I don't know what's going on here.
41:40
I wonder if mel gigolos, I wonder who would get more service
41:45
I mean, I feel like that would be fun when you're 80.
41:47
Just do heroin and fuck a young dude, you know what I mean?
41:51
Like I want that, hold on pose the question again.
41:55
I said what I said, if you and I were screaming, I'll scream
41:59
If you and I were male Gilo, who would get more play, who would
42:02
Because I, are you out of your mind, Eric would get more play
42:07
What the hell are you out of your mind?
42:10
Look how big his teeth are.
42:13
Have you ever seen uh a Magic Mike?
42:15
And you know, everybody is like the, the hot guy with the, I'm
42:20
the one that looks like the mechanic type that comes out with
42:22
the fucking grease, you know, a little bit weight on them.
42:24
But they like that manly shit.
42:26
But out of all the other ones, they wouldn't be like the mechanic
42:30
They would be like me.
42:33
No, but that's, you know, for your ego.
42:36
Jesus, you would get more play like a woman would want a man
42:39
No, they do, they do, they, you talk and stuff but he looks cleaner
42:44
So what is he gonna do?
42:49
Go with the li but he's gonna be, how do you say boring in Brazil
42:53
Uh Bur I hope that I've got a face.
43:05
You've got Hepatitis C 10.
43:07
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm more of a mechanic
43:12
Let's say you guys are male gigolos.
43:14
What be like a wild night?
43:15
Like how would you not be, uh what would you include in your
43:20
How much we charge and what your services would be?
43:22
Let me tell you something.
43:24
You ever go to eat sushi and you see a front page and it has all
43:28
these boxes that you can check out because all they have is
43:33
I feel like his sushi menu would be just 33 things.
43:39
You're a California pizza kitchen.
43:40
I avoid, I avoid pizza kitchen.
43:42
I'm a Cheesecake Factory.
43:43
I don't got Cheesecake baby.
43:45
All right, I will take you to a place where I'll give you a massage
43:49
I'll start off with the massage, full body massage.
43:52
You talk to me, tell me what you want.
43:54
Give me all the stuff that you're holding.
43:56
Boo boo boo boo, boom.
43:57
And then we're done.
43:58
You're getting smashed.
44:02
You wanna get smashed?
44:03
You wanna, you want, you want, you want me to give it to you?
44:06
Like we're making love.
44:07
Do you want me to uh there's different speeds, like different
44:14
So like what if they're into weird shit?
44:16
Would you be into like what if they're like, I wanna pee on you
44:19
because that would, would that be in the menu?
44:21
We're doing the weird shit, baby.
44:23
Ok, let me tell you something.
44:24
You don't have this type of energy.
44:26
I don't wanna do that.
44:27
By the way, I'm a gigolo.
44:29
I lived a weird life.
44:30
I came from a weird family.
44:32
I got left in a trash can.
44:33
I grew up on my own.
44:34
I'm from the street story.
44:37
There's a reason why I'm in the gutter instead of being come
44:40
to work my way up and by the way, I cut my own hair.
44:44
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, IP You're right.
44:49
My name would be Gustavo.
44:52
Oh Gustava Zia because I'm, I'm Gusto.
44:57
You know what I'm saying?
44:58
Go, you just told us two seconds ago, you come like three minutes
45:02
I know but not in the scene I grew up in, I had to fuck my way up
45:09
Like if I don't fuck my way up, if in the comment section, y'all
45:13
First of all, he started this podcast on us.
45:16
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
45:18
Then he told us he takes his going to the bathroom and he's like
45:22
This is not, this is we're talking about me and him.
45:28
Listen, the man I wanna be.
45:29
First of all, I'm well groomed and I take care of myself.
45:33
Which means I will take care of you.
45:35
I am here for you, whatever you want for your pleasure.
45:41
She goes, yeah, you wanna wake up and feel like you might be
45:48
itchy then go that route if you wanna be well taken care of and
45:53
breakfast in bed right here.
45:55
Give us a little more.
45:57
That's all he's got, that's all he's got.
46:01
Because Gustavo is sounding a little more adventurous.
46:03
Gustavo has to Upsell because he's already, we already know
46:07
the product is, he's like a, he's like a used Honda Civic.
46:09
Like no, but also it goes really fast like Youve got now.
46:12
So yeah, I'm luxury car.
46:19
What kind of, I'm a, I'm a Tesla.
46:21
I'm, you're going too slick.
46:24
You gotta have some like I think he's so boring.
46:27
He goes on autopilot and just the same stuff doesn't care.
46:39
Sell yourself, sell shit.
46:42
You, you make the decision, look at his face, guys.
46:44
I thought this would be a more of an exciting race, but I would
46:47
probably hire Gustavo to smoke a joint together one night
46:52
I feel like we have tough skin though.
46:54
As comics, we probably have our parents abused us.
46:58
We all have that in common?
47:01
What you think I would be?
47:04
I would have been a doctor.
47:05
I also feel like we grew up kind of like, wow, we had fun.
47:09
We had nightlife, right?
47:11
But do you guys still go out here and party it up?
47:14
No, I'm not a party party.
47:18
The place that you partied.
47:18
Like when you, when days ago we went, I went to Virginia, we
47:23
went to Dave Matthews concert and that was chill.
47:24
But then, but then, but then, then we took a bunch of mushrooms
47:29
mushrooms like in a field with like a 40 ft fire.
47:32
There was like a girl with fairy wings.
47:34
I don't know if people had multiple eyes like it was fucked
47:36
And I didn't think I was gonna be because I'm not smoking weed
47:38
So I took a 25 mg because I was like, I'm gonna party and then
47:42
I ate the mushrooms and because I had forgotten and I was fucking
47:46
I tripped for like eight hours.
47:48
Did you even believe that you were gonna get through that swallow
47:52
Like I went through some rough moments.
47:54
Yeah, I went, but it was, you know, like when you're tripping
47:56
it's like you're like, I'm gonna die and then you're like,
47:58
I'm gonna die like you don't care like you think it's so funny
48:02
Have you done mushrooms?
48:05
I, I laughed so much.
48:09
I'm not the type that and laughing at the fact that I'm tripping
48:13
I'm more like I'm dying, I'm gonna die.
48:17
Like I had black eyes and I didn't think I was me and I was like
48:19
look at you, look at you and then I went for that.
48:22
You were fighting yourself in the mirror.
48:25
Don't talk to me like I like that.
48:28
I could kill you right now.
48:29
That the thing when the times I have Jane, you are dark, I needed
48:33
ad I, I needed a trick.
48:34
You know what I mean?
48:35
Just to get back into that.
48:37
Like I needed to feel it.
48:38
I got roofied and I think that excuse me when you were on your
48:45
Gustavo or no, no, no, no, no.
48:47
This is, it goes in and out of Gustavo.
48:50
It wasn't an actual Roofy.
48:52
It wasn't, it was like a pill that I took that we all, everybody
48:55
was taking a pill and I was like, I'll take a pill that could
48:59
have been, but I don't know if it was Roofy because I, I didn't
49:01
It wasn't like that.
49:02
It was just made everything slow.
49:04
And I remember thinking like, what is it?
49:06
I'm, everything was just slow and everything and the music
49:12
was like super fast and it was like, remember it was that song
49:15
with uh he had a baby as the, the kid and the, the, the memories
49:22
like this is the what I did to nine muscles now and I'm on this
49:33
pill and everything is just like chill.
49:36
When I would go to the restroom.
49:37
I would have like pep talks.
49:38
So I felt like all right, you get yourself together.
49:41
You're, I, I don't know what it was but you're not gonna die
49:44
you're not gonna die and then you get that moment of hope.
49:46
You're like, yeah, I get die.
49:48
And then my body would just, the chemicals just opened up and
49:54
It's like, well, you are gonna die.
49:55
He, he's just talking yourself out of it, but it's happening
49:57
You're dying, you're dying, you're dead right now.
49:59
I think you're dead.
50:00
And I'm like, oh dad and I'm like a talk out.
50:02
I put water on my face and then I get that little glimpse of like
50:05
hey, this should be a warm blanket over me.
50:11
You calm down, you're fine.
50:13
I'm like the moods of like you go through so many things.
50:17
Open the door, fear again.
50:22
My trip wasn't, it was like I should have freaked out, but I
50:26
didn't freak out like I made it through and everything was
50:29
two D and it was just like a whole bunch of art everywhere and
50:33
I was just like, yo, I could peel the layers of this.
50:34
It was just like, it's magical.
50:36
It was like, I was in a museum but I was in my living room roots
50:41
All I'm missing chunks of my skin.
50:42
I'm like there's stuff you, you gotta do.
50:44
You know there's five things you gotta like not have emails
50:47
you gotta have water, you can't have like anything looming
50:50
Yeah, you have to have like positive thought.
50:51
Your phone, your phone is like, man, if you do like a certain
50:55
amount and you're doing it right?
50:57
Nothing can ruin your day.
50:59
Like if something that ruins your day typically would try
51:02
to ruin your day when you do it with mushrooms, right?
51:03
You'd be like, that's nothing but that's the thing, Sasha
51:06
I ruin my day all the time.
51:07
You wanna be able, I'm sober and I want mushroom.
51:10
I'm gonna ruin it twice as I'm gonna be on the side of the freeway
51:15
You could, that would have been like Jade and Sasha.
51:25
They took a little, he came back from the trip with a therapist
51:28
Maybe you do like a guided one because you're gonna have all
51:31
this repressed stuff come out and I know you're not selling
51:35
them on this, all this repressed stuff.
51:37
Uh Well, thank you, Jade for coming by.
51:39
Uh tell everyone where they can find.
51:43
Give us all your socials.
51:44
What are you working on Jetta?
51:46
Some exciting new stuff coming out next year?
51:48
But we'll see, we'll see, I'll be back on the road in March.
51:51
So look out for my dates in the meantime, just come say hi.
51:57
All your power is out there.
51:58
Make sure to stay tuned.
Series