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Does Size Matter with Sex Therapist Dr. Cat Meyer

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Renowned sex therapist and relationship expert, Dr. Cat Meyer, addresses the timeless question: does size really matter? Meanwhile, Jesus has trouble accepting the location of his G-spot.
Show transcript
00:00
If you brought a vibrator out for her and you said you want,
00:03
you would be a king.
00:04
She'd be like you care about my pleasure.
00:06
All right, I'll do it.
00:09
But the vibrator gonna have my skin color.
00:16
What's good?
00:17
Mi Gente, I'm Sasha Mercy.
00:18
He's a poet in the building, Eric Rivera.
00:21
Still here.
00:22
Thank you for being here.
00:24
So welcome to three Ds in a pod.
00:25
This episode, we're going to be talking about sex, love relationships
00:30
and so much more.
00:30
But first we're going to start off with something else.
00:37
I need to grow up.
00:38
You need to grow up to my favorite segment.
00:41
White people proud of.
00:43
Yeah, baby.
00:45
So we've got this girl right here on Tik.
00:47
She's got some things she's gotta say.
00:49
So let's hear what she's gotta say, please.
00:51
OK.
00:51
Dizzy.
00:52
I got a question.
00:53
How come the new haunted mansion didn't need any racial updating
00:56
because even in the original, it was about a black family with
00:58
a couple of extra white people.
01:00
I just think it's super coincidental and funny that you don't
01:03
feel the need to racially update anything that already has
01:06
black people as the star.
01:08
But you can't be racist to white people.
01:09
So it's fine.
01:11
So this is one of those people that got messed up when there
01:14
was a Black Little Mermaid.
01:15
She's one of those, one of those.
01:17
So she's got a problem with Haunted Mansion because it's still
01:20
black family, black family because Eddie Murphy did the original
01:22
Now this one, it's got the dude from Atlanta and uh if I'm blanking
01:28
on his name, Tiffany Haddish.
01:29
So she's like, oh, there was no updating here.
01:31
What the hell Disney?
01:32
Because apparently white people are being left out a movie
01:35
Wow.
01:36
Wow.
01:37
Well, I just, I how are you left?
01:39
How are you being left out when you're 75% of America and African
01:44
Americans are only 13% and everybody else is less than that
01:48
percent.
01:48
Like what is so like, what are you left out of?
01:51
Like you're left out of nothing?
01:53
Well, let, let us have a moment, let us have a thing.
01:55
Let us let, let us feel represented and your teeth was so yellow
01:59
My man, her teeth was yellow.
02:02
I thought it was a white tee.
02:12
My goodness.
02:15
I don't know if you should brush your teeth or put mayonnaise
02:17
in front of her mouth has diversity.
02:21
There's no white people in there girl brush your teeth before
02:25
you start talking, talking spicy with the look at the yellow
02:28
teeth.
02:28
They as yellow as a version.
02:30
I don't know why everybody teeth are diversified.
02:33
I don't know why, why people get so upset when something is
02:36
racially, like, just changed.
02:38
You know, with the Black Little Mermaid was one of the things
02:40
like, there's, if you look at the old movies, first of all,
02:42
if you watch some of the old movies, they are racist as hell
02:44
Like you're like, oh wow, that's happening.
02:47
But there's a lot of kids out there and the diverse kids, like
02:50
they wanna be princesses or princes and when they put them
02:53
on like II, I hate to say like I dude, I, my kid got dressed up
02:57
one year and they're like, oh check it out.
02:59
Yo, is, is, is Mexican that and I was like, no, he's just, he's
03:04
Captain America.
03:05
He's not a central Captain America.
03:07
Like what are you doing?
03:09
So we need to diversify these things because kids are watching
03:11
this and they need role models.
03:13
Like how many Latino princesses does Disney have?
03:16
It's crazy like listen, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hit you guys with
03:20
my Hollywood conspiracy theory right now.
03:23
We are being left out of movies.
03:25
We are being left out of animation superheroes but mo mainly
03:29
movies.
03:30
That's why every year comes out.
03:31
Those, those reports like, oh we 2% of the people on screen
03:34
and right now white people are doing this tricky thing where
03:37
they're doing period pieces to leave us out and we don't get
03:40
mad at it because we don't realize it's happening.
03:42
What do you mean Hulu's got a show called The Great, it's called
03:45
Catherine the Great.
03:46
There's a time piece where there were no Latinos, right?
03:50
You got uh Bridgerton like it's Old English.
03:53
The crown was a big one on Netflix.
03:56
Bridgerton was a bad way.
03:58
Did update that we want the Crown Superior.
04:01
We can't.
04:02
Oppenheimer is a big movie right now.
04:04
There was no, come on, there was no Latino bullshit.
04:07
There was no Latinos.
04:08
Latino janitor in the, and there was no Latinos in fixing the
04:11
goddamn bomb is like a, it's like who disconnected the wires
04:18
It was because there was no on the wire.
04:22
And so I take it out.
04:24
It's good.
04:25
Now there was no Latino la Hey Jose.
04:28
No, no, no, no, no.
04:29
Polish that no.
04:29
Me in there.
04:32
I have a question.
04:34
La Bomba was doing flashy lights and I disconnected it.
04:37
Can I tama if it blows up I might watch.
04:41
It wasn't that serious.
04:42
Who moved the bomb?
04:43
It was right here.
04:45
Who cleared up the white board?
04:46
It was me Mr Rape.
04:49
But that's the thing, right?
04:50
It's the, it's the funny thing about like what you're saying
04:54
right now where all these things are coming out and all these
04:57
main characters are white and you're just upset that one character
05:01
like the Little Mermaid is now black when you still have the
05:05
majority of Hollywood.
05:06
You whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, I, I said in the
05:12
beginning of this podcast, we're gonna be talking about sex
05:14
love relationships.
05:15
And I'm very curious about what was it like?
05:19
The first time you got to round base, like the full base, the
05:25
first base, rounding first base.
05:27
What is, what is, ok, let's establish the base before we go
05:31
into it.
05:33
My first base is base, is busting a mizz.
05:42
I know that we make sure we on the same page on my fear is your
05:50
base is are way off third base in a but all right.
05:54
So what's your first base?
05:56
Hold up what I said, but you see what I said?
05:59
Hold on.
06:00
This is a fact we have it.
06:01
I'm filming right now.
06:02
No one mentioned but I said in her, but you look how excited
06:06
you got though, I'm sure it was her but your eye got glossy anyways
06:14
Anyway, second base is what?
06:15
Let's talk about bases, right?
06:16
So first base is kissing, kissing.
06:19
Yeah, what I'm saying?
06:20
Second base is touching, touching, touching, touching what
06:25
touching areas, touching, touching, you know, like we getting
06:41
down now, I thought it was Dominicans got a whole all the way
06:56
with third base.
06:58
So what's for you like going down on the neck ros, you know what
07:06
I mean?
07:06
Neck rolls bases on the, on the, on the third base and then all
07:16
the way all the way we on the same page every time I think about
07:22
the bases, I think, I think about baseball, it's like first
07:26
base, second base, third base and that's all that happens
07:30
Eric takes it somewhere else.
07:31
He probably does something at the benches.
07:32
I don't know what's going on over there on the bench.
07:33
You know, I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
07:37
So, yeah.
07:37
So when was the first time you ever got to first base?
07:41
First base?
07:42
Oh man, you're getting caught in the action.
07:44
I'm not gonna lie.
07:45
First base was young for me.
07:49
I was doing this shit young.
07:51
I have, I should have started with him.
07:53
You know what?
07:55
I started my shit.
07:55
A young age at the fucking playground at the apartments with
08:00
some pretty girl.
08:01
We started making out.
08:04
I probably was in kindergarten.
08:05
I ain't gonna lie.
08:05
Kindergarten.
08:06
You were making that I was a player player.
08:08
I know now what are you talking about?
08:10
I know kind like I was like it was a kiss but I was kissing.
08:19
I already had sweaty hands and everything but isn't first
08:23
base as a kid.
08:27
My kid is, he's got girls that he plays with and he, I kissed
08:32
her on the mouth and he kisses them.
08:35
It's a front but he's not making out exactly what was the first
08:43
grinding session and what song?
08:45
Which party it was grind on me.
08:52
That was, that came out when you were like 20.
08:55
That was when I was in middle school.
08:59
I was in middle school.
09:00
You got left back.
09:01
A couple of times they did bring back a little bit.
09:04
But yeah, that was in like middle school.
09:07
No, it was freshman year of high school and it was a oh no, it
09:12
was back that ass up and it was at this girl's house in middle
09:15
school and I was like seventh grade and I remember my mom from
09:18
Roman.
09:18
Hold on, hold on.
09:20
Her mom, her mom was uh they were working back in the day.
09:23
The moms and the parents used to work and the kids used to be
09:25
left alone in the neighborhood.
09:27
So we all like got together at this one girl's house because
09:29
she had a pool and uh and I remember we went to the living room
09:33
and her sister was adopted and she was like 18 and she was a wild
09:37
child.
09:37
She was like they, they they could control this bitch.
09:40
So she was out here silver teething it up with everybody.
09:43
So she was was she was a walker.
09:45
She had booty shirts before booty shows were booty shorts
09:46
You know what I mean?
09:47
Like all the deals in the neighborhood.
09:51
So there was that girl that was just walking around the neighborhood
09:53
showing cheeks and she was adopted and she was like she came
09:56
to the house and she told us she told them to start freak dancing
10:00
That's what she called it freak dancing.
10:01
So I guess she's freak dance and then on, on us or the guys and
10:05
we were all like, oh that's what it was, that, that ass up.
10:10
Oh my God.
10:10
I put that shit on repeat.
10:12
What was your first experience of grinding?
10:14
It was uh it was a, it was a middle school dance and this is uh
10:19
Usher was nice and slow.
10:20
Came on and iii I grew up very religious.
10:23
So when it happened and I started feeling the blood flow.
10:26
I was like, I got, I got, I go to the bathroom like I just, I panicked
10:29
and I just, Iii I walked off and, and I was just like, I don't
10:32
I don't know what to do.
10:34
Like I'm gonna go to hell, this is sin.
10:38
That girl was probably like, I thought we were connecting
10:40
and he just loved it.
10:42
He was like having a whole anxiety come through poke all that
10:50
Yo, Jesus Jesus Sante now for me.
10:55
Um OK, it was like, I was high school, I was in high school and
11:02
it was like a reggae, it was like a reggae song I can't remember
11:07
So I said, hey, it's t give out what they know.
11:10
No, no, no, no, no, I never heard that song.
11:12
You heard that?
11:13
OK.
11:15
Thank you.
11:16
So it was a reggae song or whatever.
11:18
And I thought the guy was cute and then that was the first, you
11:22
know, and then I was like, he turned out to be my first boyfriend
11:26
and that was it.
11:27
You gotta do it the right way when you broke and you just out
11:29
here, you know what I mean?
11:30
You a good dick and you broke.
11:32
I don't know what you mean and you just like when you're done
11:34
you're just like, oh my God, that was funny.
11:36
Yeah, you just fucking get up and just be like, yeah, I was just
11:40
trying to explain to you how to do it.
11:41
You just look at him and you're like, hey uh oh wait, no, no,
11:43
nothing never mind.
11:44
And girls are always like, what, what, what is it?
11:47
No, I just, no, nothing, never mind.
11:49
Just fucking whatever.
11:50
I'm just not gonna make it be quiet.
11:53
I'm just not gonna make it.
11:55
I got something going on but I can't make it cause you got young
11:57
impressionable viewers and you're teaching them this.
11:59
I just, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to, you know, make it
12:01
happen because you know what I mean?
12:04
They bite you now, whatever, man.
12:06
Fuck it, man.
12:07
You gotta act tough like you don't care.
12:08
No fuck.
12:08
I'll figure it out if I can wait.
12:10
Do you need money?
12:11
I mean shit cool.
12:15
I mean nah you know what?
12:16
Forget it.
12:16
I'm gonna leave.
12:18
That's how you did it to get girls to give you money.
12:20
OK?
12:21
How much do you need?
12:24
How much you got?
12:26
Hold on.
12:26
Oh God, look, I've seen that.
12:29
I need the shoes.
12:30
I need a fucking, you know what I fucking cheese from, I see
12:33
my brother do the same shit for shoes too and she bought them
12:35
sneakers.
12:36
I used to, I used to have girls buy me sneakers an outfit I used
12:39
to like because when I was, you know what I mean?
12:41
I was out here, you know, dating girls that had jobs and shit
12:45
to be driving their cars.
12:46
Hell, yeah.
12:46
How was that guy?
12:47
Fuck you all?
12:48
When we come back?
12:49
We got uh Doctor Kat Meer and hopefully she can fix Jesus if
12:54
he's got a smaller penis.
12:56
Does that help?
12:58
That's what he wanted to make sure he could still pleasure
13:02
a woman.
13:03
It's not about the size is what he wants to know.
13:05
Never actually is about the size.
13:11
Is there anything on your guys' mind that you're ready to talk
13:13
to her about?
13:14
This is bump on my dick.
13:15
I'm saying I don't trust someone about sex.
13:18
If they ain't hot, you definitely ain't fucking.
13:21
That's not true.
13:23
That's not true.
13:23
I think people fuck all the time.
13:27
How many people be having sex?
13:28
For sure.
13:29
I don't know, dude, I trust a pretty, a very beautiful pretty
13:32
girl because then I'll be like, well, you definitely know
13:34
what's up.
13:36
No, that's not even true because you have to be a sexual person
13:39
A lot of girls that are pretty from what I hear from dudes.
13:42
They're pillow princesses.
13:43
What's pillow princess pillow.
13:45
What's that?
13:46
She lays in the pillow like this.
13:48
She's all dolled up.
13:49
She got her hair, her hair done, her nails, done a toll done
13:53
and they just lay there like that and yeah, printers.
13:57
Now I remember I, I used to take like there was this big teddy
13:59
bear.
14:00
It was like a, like a husky, like a big teddy bear husky.
14:03
And I was just humping it.
14:04
And my grandmother was like, what are you doing?
14:05
And I was like, I don't know, but not for me, but I have a friend
14:08
that my like ass play in order to orgasm.
14:12
Why is that not for me?
14:15
That wasn't for me?
14:16
Is it true that the male G spot is in the asshole?
14:18
I've heard that.
14:19
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
14:21
I try to tell us.
14:23
Yeah, I'm oh no.
14:25
And we are back and we've got a very special guest.
14:28
I'm excited to have her here on the couch.
14:30
Give it up to Dr Kat Meyer.
14:32
Yeah.
14:34
OK.
14:37
So what is, what is the title you prefer?
14:39
Like Sex therapist?
14:43
You, what is the title you prefer when people address you or
14:47
like come to you?
14:48
Yeah.
14:48
Yeah.
14:49
Uh Sex therapist.
14:50
I'm also specialize in Ket Iun Assisted therapy.
14:52
So I like to go by like sex and psychedelic therapist.
14:55
How does a meeting with you look?
14:57
So when you're working with me and I'm in the session with you
15:01
you're not having sex, things might get, you might feel pleasure
15:04
in your body, you might feel really sensual with the other
15:08
person as in like you're touching, you know, or petting the
15:11
other person or you're gazing into their eyes, that kind of
15:14
thing.
15:14
But then mostly I give the practices outside of the session
15:17
for you to do into the privacy of your home.
15:18
I love that.
15:19
Now, I, I have a question.
15:21
Uh Jesus message, this question, if he's got a smaller penis
15:25
does that help?
15:27
That's what going on.
15:29
I'm sure he can still pleasure a woman.
15:32
It's not about the size.
15:33
It's what he wants to know.
15:34
I would like him to do psychedelic because as you can see, he's
15:36
battling some demons in there that we don't know about, you
15:39
know, from Jesus at gmail.com.
15:43
That is not my fucking, you know, that question is asked so
15:47
often and I think it comes from this, yeah, this fear of not
15:51
being enough.
15:52
We want to be a good lover and it never actually is about this
15:56
It's about how you learn to seduce her body or be in your own
16:00
pleasure and hers.
16:02
And, and then for he, I, I like to think of side.
16:05
I don't like the way you point at me when you said that she was
16:08
like, whoa, whoa wait, that was not my question.
16:12
OK.
16:13
I'll whip it out right now.
16:14
I was like confident.
16:14
I am.
16:15
What's up?
16:16
Look at the body.
16:17
You so right now I fill up a fucking toilet paper roll.
16:20
I swear to God.
16:21
Bring that shit right here.
16:22
Yeah.
16:23
I, I think of it as the lazy type of sex because it's what you're
16:27
just gonna fill it up and just rub it around a little bit.
16:29
But like that, that gets boring after a while.
16:34
I mean, in some bring in some, some creativity.
16:39
It's funny that you're saying that, that sex has to be more
16:41
creative because a lot of people don't think about like, that
16:44
sex needs to be something that needs to be creative.
16:47
I think that's where I lack.
16:48
What about for people that some feel like I want to be in a relationship
16:52
with you.
16:52
But I also want to hook up with other people.
16:54
Like, do you get that a lot where there's that one couple that's
16:57
like I want to be with other people and then that person would
16:59
be like, no, I want to be with one person.
17:01
How do you handle that?
17:03
Well, I do that.
17:05
Yeah.
17:06
Yeah.
17:06
I work with a lot of individuals who want something that's
17:10
not traditional.
17:11
And I think our cultural idea of relationship is one person
17:16
for the rest of your life and that's it.
17:19
But if we realize that there is an infinite potential of all
17:23
these different types of relationships, it's going to take
17:26
a lot of work.
17:27
And especially because we're so programmed to think that
17:30
it has to be this way.
17:31
And so when you work with me, I can hold the space and help to
17:34
translate what's happening.
17:36
If a girl says she wants to like, try like different part, I'm
17:40
out like I can't, I don't, what's wrong?
17:42
What, what's going on with people that can't handle that can
17:46
be, can have share partners and not have and what do they call
17:50
that being in the open polygamy?
17:52
Polyamory?
17:53
Yes, I ain't gonna repeat that polygamy, polygamy monopoly
18:04
So here's the thing is like, what's going on with them?
18:08
What's happening with this person?
18:09
They're like, OK, yeah, I'm down to do that.
18:11
What's the common thing?
18:12
People look at this and say that there is no jealousy or there
18:15
is no fear.
18:16
You just are so confident to be able to do that.
18:18
And that's not the case.
18:20
That's what I thought.
18:22
I thought they come to this polygamous world where there's
18:25
no jealousy.
18:26
No, nothing.
18:26
I'm like, I don't know about you, but I will have you both.
18:31
I don't know about you.
18:33
My theory is that they get off on feeling jealous, they get
18:37
off on feeling hurt and that's why they like to do it.
18:40
There's something that about getting hurt that they're like
18:42
they like, that's comfortable for them or like they like
18:45
this feeling.
18:45
That's what I think.
18:46
Yeah, it's possible for some people but I, to generalize that
18:49
to the whole population.
18:50
I don, I'm generalizing on this one piece I had and I was like
18:53
yo, the way you grew up, I'm like, maybe that's so.
19:01
And if our partner is feeling jealous, how are we showing up
19:03
for them?
19:03
How are we finding connecting with the compassionate piece
19:06
and the curiosity?
19:07
And the, tell me more about that.
19:09
What are you afraid of?
19:10
What's, what's I don't think that jealousy is a bad thing.
19:13
If we pause and get to know what that person needs to be able
19:17
to feel mat and safe and, and secure, what if they want your
19:21
passcode?
19:21
And you're just like, I don't know if we're ready for you to
19:24
get my passcode on my phone.
19:25
What are you hiding privacy?
19:30
You know, I think privacy is important too, but then follow
19:33
the curiosity with them.
19:34
OK?
19:35
Tell me more about that.
19:36
Are there but there's some girls that just, just love to fight
19:39
they just love to, they just love that because I grew up in
19:43
that world and I've seen that in my office and oftentimes when
19:47
they pick fights, it's because they need to be seen and they
19:49
need the connection.
19:50
So the, the other partner, it may be a perfect match for hitting
19:54
their w and they may have this person who just pulls away and
19:57
closes down and that's just gonna trigger it, trigger it,
20:00
trigger it.
20:00
So then I come in and then, and I say, OK, let's look at this dance
20:03
How are you both contributing to this?
20:05
And let's see, if we can unwind this and see what the actual
20:08
like, fears and vulnerabilities are.
20:10
You can have like this, such a deep connection with someone
20:13
and like, like vibe with them and be like, oh my God, you're
20:15
my person or it just seems like you're my person and then sexually
20:18
you guys get involved and you're like, this is not gonna, my
20:22
question is, did anybody bring that up?
20:25
Do you talk about it?
20:26
Do you say, hey, that sex was not about that?
20:30
Keep it inside, lock it up and just keep moving.
20:33
Yeah.
20:34
But then you could be missing an opportunity with somebody
20:36
So awesome.
20:37
You just don't know what's getting in the way and that's where
20:39
I come into play.
20:41
You know, I help you understand what's getting in the way so
20:43
that you can have the, the sex life of your dreams.
20:46
I don't necessarily ascribe to the incompatibility of, of
20:51
our sexuality.
20:52
It's more about the incompatibility of open mindedness and
20:55
if both people are willing to learn about the other person
20:58
and what the other person needs, then there's so much more
21:01
that we can do there.
21:02
Well, it's almost like we're, we have this narrow mind of or
21:05
narrow vision of what sex is supposed to be like and everything
21:09
outside of it is a threat to us.
21:11
Like, well, I don't know what to do outside of this thing.
21:15
And now this person, yeah, this person has, needs something
21:18
else.
21:19
And so yeah, if we don't talk about it, if we don't, you know
21:22
come see me to figure it out, then that can blow up, we can pull
21:26
away, we can, you know, hide behind our protective parts and
21:29
just don't look at me, I'm not a good lover.
21:32
We're all scared of being a bad lover.
21:33
Is there a common problem you see with most relationships
21:36
or marriages when they come see you like, is there like a, oh
21:38
this is a classic textbook.
21:40
This is what's happening in this relationship and this dynamic
21:42
mismatch desire.
21:44
So where one person either wants sex a lot and the other person
21:48
doesn't.
21:49
And so then we have to go through this whole process of seeing
21:51
like what might be the, the culprits here, what's contributing
21:54
to it.
21:55
So it might be something inside themselves.
21:57
It might be something in the environment.
21:58
It might be that the two people speak very different sexual
22:02
languages.
22:02
So to say, and uh so one person's taking on the language of the
22:08
sex of the other person, maybe it's sensual, but they're not
22:12
really that sensual.
22:13
They're more kinky or they're more um sexual or they're more
22:18
energetic, you know, all these different styles of the way
22:21
that we can have sex, but we just keep doing the same thing and
22:24
then we don't want it anymore or there could be trauma or there
22:27
could be pain that's going on or there may not be enough foreplay
22:31
that's going on and, and it's like foreplay is like, have you
22:34
ever gone down a water slide without water?
22:38
Trust me, I've, I've been to Mexico water parks and the water
22:42
goes down like your skin just.
22:45
Yes, I felt that.
22:47
And, um, yeah, so I know exactly what you're talking about
22:50
You got to put them in the mood, right?
22:51
I wanna know body count, right?
22:53
Do you know what body count is?
22:55
Yes.
22:55
Yes.
22:55
OK.
22:56
I don't know how many people you had sex with.
22:58
Yes.
22:58
Oh There you go.
22:59
Oh you're from the streets.
23:00
So here's the thing uh is that like a big deal breaker in some
23:03
relationships?
23:04
Like if like your body count is way too high or also like is it
23:08
even important?
23:09
Like should we be asking these questions?
23:11
I like to encourage not asking that question because me personally
23:15
I don't think that it's a big deal but for somebody else they
23:18
might have the mean, they might ascribe meaning to them.
23:21
Yeah, they're lying to you.
23:28
I know but I'm trying to figure out how much they're lying.
23:31
Yeah.
23:31
So what does body count mean for you?
23:33
Like if somebody had a high who me?
23:38
Like yeah, because the thing here's the thing, it's like what
23:42
what number is too high for you?
23:44
Yeah.
23:44
What number is so high for you when you get to the double digits
23:48
I'm like goddamn it.
23:49
You just out here just you know what I mean, see what fits, you
23:52
know, but that was in my twenties, it was like, bro, you know
23:57
I didn't want to know, uh you know, in the thirties it was just
24:01
kind of like, I didn't even really ask.
24:03
I was just like, oh, it all good.
24:05
But then I'm still curious, you know, and you want to know he's
24:08
just like, oh no, I mean, you've been, you think you can handle
24:11
it?
24:12
And even if they said fucking two, I would have been like, oh
24:15
I thought I was the one for you.
24:17
I thought I was the only one.
24:19
It's like, yeah, so you know, so what does that mean?
24:22
When you hear a woman here?
24:24
The thing here, I'm glad I'm glad we're talking about this
24:28
Now, the thing is, I think it's the Mexican Machista in me.
24:33
I think it's the, you know, the power trip.
24:36
You know what I mean?
24:37
You just want to be the, the, the, the one I grew up with like
24:40
the thing was she, can you, you are the only partner for her
24:45
If she already messed around and lost her virginity, she's
24:48
considered a slut.
24:49
And that was what I grew up in.
24:51
People would talk like that.
24:52
Adults, cousins, uncles.
24:54
So I always looked at it like that and if I dated a girl with a
24:57
kid, oh my God, you were just like, oh, why are you?
25:01
So that was a big thing.
25:03
And then I realized, oh they need a girl.
25:05
Oh God.
25:05
You know what I mean?
25:06
Those guys need to like come back to earth.
25:08
You know, this isn't fucking the 18 hundreds in Mexico.
25:11
But that still bothers you because like you were saying there's
25:13
body count.
25:13
Like what if you found that perfect girl?
25:15
But it's not gonna fucking like what if you find that perfect
25:17
girl, you vibe and everything and then you, you drop the questions
25:19
you're like 73.
25:21
Like I said, I grew up, Eric, I grew up and then I just felt like
25:24
that.
25:25
Nothing.
25:25
Don't bother me.
25:25
I'm just kind of like then I went to the phase of like, yeah,
25:28
but I could do a better bitch, you know, even though let's be
25:32
real, I can't, let's be real dude.
25:37
And I think you bring up a really good point.
25:39
This is what we grew up with.
25:40
So if we think of our brains, like these computers that are
25:43
picking up these experiences that we've had, that makes up
25:46
our initial programming.
25:48
And so then we're looking through the filter of these old programming
25:51
that need to be updated and creates this power dynamic between
25:55
two people.
25:56
If I can show you the way baby, I'll show you how sex can be, you
25:59
know, like you don't even know.
26:01
Right.
26:02
Yeah.
26:03
Yeah.
26:05
And now it's in your head.
26:06
Oh Somebody else showed you that?
26:07
Oh What if they're better than me now it's in your head and creates
26:10
anxiety.
26:10
So it's uncomfortable to be in that role.
26:12
I guess I've been saying, listen, listen, that's what I was
26:16
saying.
26:16
What's wrong with me?
26:19
Somebody who has their own experience of their own body, of
26:23
of ownership of their own body, of learning what pleasure
26:26
is like in our body and then they show up to you and they're showing
26:29
they're expressing and experiencing sex in that way.
26:32
Imagine how different that is for you.
26:34
It's a power trip.
26:35
I wanna be in control.
26:37
It's a power trip.
26:38
That's what it is.
26:38
You said it, I like to be like, I'm showing you things, not you
26:42
showing me.
26:43
But what if that person shows you something that blows your
26:45
mind?
26:46
Oh This Cougar did one time and I swear to God ever since then
26:49
that's probably why because he probably showed you something
26:53
and then he was like, I want more and then she was like, I'm out
26:56
and maybe that cause a little bit of trauma it cause because
26:58
I want, I said, listen, I can't, you know, be here with your
27:03
grandkids and grandsons.
27:05
I said Cougar, I say I'm gonna say this younger, I said a Cougar
27:09
that's the thing.
27:12
I got my heart broken at a young age and it messed me up ever since
27:16
then.
27:17
There's been this wall, I put bricks the heart and, and I just
27:21
put a wall and I said, I'm never gonna get hurt like this again
27:24
Opening up, you need to do.
27:31
He's an alien.
27:32
I don't know what's wrong with.
27:35
We're always the ones opening up here.
27:37
You know what I realized with men, especially nowadays, like
27:40
you bring out a vibrator when you guys are having sex, they're
27:42
like, I'm not enough.
27:44
Like why are you bringing that up?
27:46
Like they really feel a certain, if I brought a vibrator out
27:50
in order for her to have an orgasm, it's like, I think it depends
27:54
on the style of vibrator.
27:55
Like if it's a brief kick, kick, kick kick, I'm like, yo, I'm
27:58
out.
27:59
But if she just goes in her drawer, like I OK, let's go.
28:01
Let's play.
28:02
If you brought a vibrator out for her and you said you wanna
28:05
you would be a king.
28:06
She'd be like you care about my pleasure.
28:09
All right, I'll do it.
28:12
But the vibrator gotta have my skin color because I hold on
28:18
I feel like you cheating on me.
28:18
Somehow some people do feel threatened by a vibrator, which
28:22
is so interesting because I'm like, this ain't even a person
28:25
It is this little machine going and you know why do Yeah, its
28:32
me dancing to what's the best toy out right now?
28:36
Oh, that's a big question because there's so many toys, I mean
28:41
ranging from vibrators to butt plugs to kinky toys and, and
28:46
you know, I don't, yeah, that's really, I gotta go shopping
28:51
all right.
28:52
We're going to take a quick commercial break.
28:53
So stay tuned.
28:55
Don't pull your pants back up yet.
28:56
We got more Kat Meyer for a woman of orgasm from the back.
28:59
Do I didn't know anal sex?
29:02
Somebody's like, oh don't do that.
29:03
That's scary.
29:04
Eric's favorite fucking.
29:07
But maybe your partner is just afraid.
29:10
I mean, if one of us like a I know never mind.
29:13
All right.
29:13
Anyways, go ahead and we are back with doctor Pat Meyer, sex
29:18
therapist, extraordinaire.
29:20
How do you keep that sex life uh alive and spicy?
29:23
Cause I, you know, women after they have Children may feel
29:27
a little insecure about themselves, they may feel a certain
29:29
way.
29:29
You also now got the kid in the, you know, his, his schedule
29:33
So what like what, what, what recommendations do you give
29:35
to like married men to like, hey, let's, let's keep things
29:37
alive.
29:37
Let's keep things spicy.
29:38
Don't, don't just go in there and like you were saying, Jack
29:41
Hammer just worship her body, worship her body, her body make
29:46
her feel so luscious and just like like a queen to support her
29:50
to feel really good in her own body.
29:53
You know, it's like I'm sorry about this.
29:54
If you're taking care of kids all day, your mind is on kids and
29:58
it's hard to then shift into sexy mode.
30:00
So there needs to be a trans and how are you supporting in this
30:04
transition?
30:07
I dated a girl who had a mole and I think that's because I've
30:09
always always like, damn, how did you make her feel special
30:13
That's the thing.
30:13
I didn't wash her if I would, if I would have just the mole, kiss
30:16
the mole tickle, the mole, kissed the mole first.
30:19
You know what I mean?
30:20
Then she would have been, wait, is this how we found out you
30:23
and Sasha was fashion?
30:24
No, we didn't fucking grow up.
30:26
No, she had a mole on her, on her neck and I was always like kissing
30:29
on the other side and she's like, how come you didn't want to
30:30
sit here like, oh no, it's because the eyes and my, you know
30:34
I'm so sorry.
30:35
But I also think like bringing in playfulness, bringing in
30:38
fun, bringing in like, how can we make something um I call them
30:42
perverts.
30:43
How can we turn something that is traditionally not sexual
30:47
and make it something that's perverted and fun and silly and
30:49
and playful, like bring in laughter into sex.
30:52
And I think that I like that.
30:56
How do I make my man or my significant others feel special or
31:01
like, how do I spice it up for them?
31:02
Like, you know what I'm saying?
31:03
Like, how does it feel?
31:04
How can I make it feel different for them?
31:06
We do these things to support our partner to feel a certain
31:09
way.
31:09
But ultimately, it's about us getting into our body and being
31:12
in pleasure and, and making the fun.
31:15
We wait for the other person.
31:17
What if it's too wild though?
31:18
And the other person is not about that wildlife.
31:20
So then there could be a negotiation, negotiate something
31:25
in the middle.
31:25
So maybe you don't get exactly what you want but you can find
31:28
something around it.
31:31
I don't want an impossible burger.
31:32
I want the burger.
31:33
I want the goddamn meat.
31:35
I don't want to do no.
31:36
Like well, because you're saying like you find a middle ground
31:40
like no, but if it's not that then I don't want that.
31:43
I don't want this middle ground.
31:43
Like what, what would be the, what would be the thing that you
31:47
want in a fucking, a hotel room with the window open?
31:50
People can watch but it's like maybe they're not in it but they're
31:52
in it somehow.
31:54
It's like I don't want to do that shit.
31:55
Yeah.
31:55
But maybe you can find out what are the fears around it?
31:58
What are the concerns around it?
32:00
Is there some way that we can meet some of those instead?
32:03
You know, you know, uh anal sex.
32:05
Somebody's like, oh, don't do that.
32:07
That's scary.
32:09
Fucking, maybe your partner is just afraid.
32:14
I mean, if one was like a, I know, never mind.
32:17
Anyway, go ahead.
32:20
I apologize all the time.
32:22
I mean, if I'm lying, I'm lying.
32:25
This is what's out there, this is what comes into my office
32:27
I get it.
32:27
Yeah.
32:28
OK.
32:28
So that like anal sex and like the fear around that you like
32:34
how do they ease into that anal sex?
32:37
There's gotta be a lot of prep.
32:39
I think a lot of times you're just like, stick it in.
32:41
Oh, we want it.
32:41
Let's do it, let's stick it in.
32:43
And that can be really painful.
32:44
That can cause tears that can cause the person to not enjoy
32:47
themselves.
32:48
But there's a whole lot of prep that needs to happen at least
32:50
a week or two beforehand to help support it.
32:54
Other then when you do that, it can be insane.
32:57
It can be such a powerful orgasmic experience.
33:01
But you got to take the time with the body.
33:03
You can't go faster than it for women and men, for women and
33:06
men.
33:07
So women and men can have all genders.
33:11
Yeah.
33:12
Did you just figure out you had a booty hole?
33:17
I know we both have booty holes but it's also like for a woman
33:20
of orgasm from, I didn't know this, you know, from the back
33:24
door.
33:25
I didn't know but they like that.
33:28
No, I'm learning, I'm learning a lot about the things that
33:33
you're saying.
33:33
And it's like, it's very interesting because it's like there
33:37
is this linear thing about how we think about sex and I think
33:39
we all have like this is what I'm going to do.
33:41
This is how I'm going to put it down or like this is what I'm going
33:43
to do.
33:43
I'm going to have these tricks.
33:44
But it's like, sometimes it gets old and if you don't want to
33:47
jump from partner to partner because that also doesn't feel
33:51
good.
33:51
Sometimes it's like, what is the common ground if I'm bored
33:53
here?
33:53
But I don't want to do this and I don't want to do that.
33:55
I don't want to jump around from being from this person to this
33:57
person.
33:58
But then I'm bored here.
33:59
Like, what am I gonna do?
34:00
You know?
34:00
And there's a lot of practitioners.
34:02
So myself, I lead couples retreats with um B DS M which is more
34:06
of a kinky type of type of sex.
34:08
And then to, you know what that is?
34:10
Is that the BS M stands for a bondage discipline?
34:15
Um uh sadomasochism.
34:18
What's that?
34:19
Tell him, tell him, tell him sexual activity.
34:22
That's more on the fringes.
34:23
So it could be bondage, it could be handcuffs, it could be spanking
34:27
it, pull it out, pull it out, pull it out, pull it out.
34:33
I don't even like girls trying to scratch me.
34:35
And it's like uh what girls like, oh my God, I was like, oh, hey
34:39
hey, like what the fuck is wrong with you?
34:41
Like I don't like that but people like this, that kin right
34:45
on the side.
34:46
OK.
34:46
So these kinks, what it's like if somebody's into these kinks
34:50
should I be a red flag and be like, oh, we gotta go see a therapist
34:52
because she's trying to, we gotta fix some trauma here is this
34:56
does that come from trauma?
34:58
That's like the biggest misconception.
35:00
You don't like something just like it.
35:02
Some people like spicy food.
35:04
Some people don't like bland food.
35:05
You're not going to.
35:06
Oh, they like bland food.
35:07
They got trauma.
35:08
They like spicy food because they got trauma.
35:09
That's what people like.
35:10
I like spicy food because of trauma.
35:12
Right.
35:12
Oh my God.
35:13
I apologize.
35:15
Used to give me and then they like this one has chili.
35:17
You eat it, come on, eat it.
35:19
That's what you get.
35:20
And I'm forced to eat it.
35:21
And now I'm like uh no, I can't eat it without fucking eating
35:23
spicy food.
35:23
I don't like spicy food but I have to.
35:26
So that's your kink.
35:27
That's not my kink.
35:28
I'm just saying that's what I, that's just like you're taught
35:31
these things, these things.
35:33
I really do believe that you're taught these things.
35:35
I feel like if you're into a weird kin because it has to be deeper
35:37
than that.
35:38
She's a doctor.
35:39
She's a doctor and she could really explain that.
35:41
So, no.
35:42
And we're getting it more in the mainstream to where people
35:45
just want to explore and do something fun.
35:46
There's something really erotic and turn on about doing something
35:50
that's naughty or doing something in secret, you know.
35:52
Oh I'm not supposed to be in this power role, dominating somebody
35:57
with consent, you know.
35:58
Yeah.
35:59
Yeah.
35:59
There's consent.
35:59
There's negotiation that happens beforehand.
36:02
Um Even pain like, you know, I'm a, you know, somebody who's
36:05
a feminist and they want to be dominated by their male partner
36:09
And it's like, oh in the space in which we're playing and we
36:13
create a scene, we can play this out.
36:16
But that's not the reality of how I live my life outside.
36:19
So it almost like creates this container for us to play out
36:23
things.
36:23
My thing is how many of that percentage are white people because
36:25
that's not white people.
36:26
Shit.
36:26
I feel more free spirited like we didn't have that.
36:29
I didn't have that and I didn't have that either.
36:31
I'm from Saint Louis and it wasn't until I moved to L A 14 years
36:35
ago.
36:36
A be open in mind.
36:38
Who did someone mess you up?
36:39
Was it a guy messed her up?
36:41
She just blew like there wasn't a guy that went, whoa, you just
36:44
went like damn.
36:46
And he just opened to the new world of just fucking, it's a different
36:50
world because you weren't like that.
36:51
And then you were like that.
36:51
What was the thing that made you?
36:52
I started studying sex therapy.
36:55
Yeah.
36:55
And so I was immersed in the B DS M world and the, and then I started
36:59
doing um neo Tantra which is more of like the spiritual, the
37:02
energetic sex.
37:04
Yeah.
37:05
And it's, you know, it, it created these reference points
37:09
for me of like, oh this is possible to do that when you see somebody
37:13
else be able to do that.
37:14
Now it's in your, in your mind of like, it's possible.
37:18
Is there a move or exercise?
37:20
You could teach us where we could just incorporate into the
37:22
bedroom?
37:23
They would take, our partner would be like, oh, yeah, I want
37:26
something.
37:26
I wanna, like, look it up or something growing up.
37:34
I remember there were certain things that I would talk to my
37:36
friends.
37:36
Like I'm like, I would never do that.
37:38
Was there a part of you that I'm like, oh my God, this is wrong
37:40
or like this is interesting.
37:42
It's been a long journey because I also come from trauma from
37:45
my early age.
37:47
So I to do a lot of reprogramming around, um even just feeling
37:52
safe in my body again.
37:54
And that's, yeah, but then I also had this deep determination
37:59
to heal and I didn't want sex to be something that was scary
38:03
I wanted to be able to have relationships.
38:05
I couldn't hold relationships.
38:06
So these I dove into everything that I could and of course I
38:10
would get in there and sometimes be like, oh, this is too much
38:12
too much, you know, and I'd have to come out and, and then,
38:15
you know, do some uh inner work and, and look at why was that
38:18
too much and then learn about how to express my needs or what
38:22
my boundaries and my limits were so that I could create safety
38:26
for myself and, and then it turned some of these experiences
38:31
into, oh, there's nothing wrong with the people in the B Ds
38:34
M community.
38:35
They're just, they're people that want to be fully expressed
38:39
and, and play.
38:40
It's like this essence of playfulness.
38:43
And I had never worn lingerie before.
38:46
I was 20 lingerie.
38:50
It's a waste of time.
38:51
So walking around with no, no, no, no, no.
38:55
What were you trying to say?
38:56
Yeah.
38:56
So walking around in that in this environment of people in
39:00
in this dungeon like setting and other people were fully
39:04
owning their bodies and their sexual expression helped me
39:07
to reprogram the slut of like, oh like I can be, I can own my body
39:13
I can own my expression.
39:15
That is not an invitation for somebody else.
39:17
I can learn how to hold my boundaries, pick who I want, but still
39:22
be and dress and act how I want to.
39:24
And that doesn't make anything wrong about me.
39:26
You know what's interesting about that?
39:27
It's finding the safe space to be there because as a woman,
39:31
we both know as women, like sometimes people think people
39:35
pray on that and be like, oh well she's, she's down for, you
39:38
know what I'm saying?
39:38
Like and being, being in that environment sometimes makes
39:43
you feel like I shouldn't even show up this way even though
39:47
this is how I want to show up.
39:48
But I can't because it's going to make people think that I'm
39:50
inviting them to my vagina and I'm not so like even that like
39:55
how do you find the safe spaces?
39:56
How do you find a place to feel comfortable for women to walk
40:00
down the street in an outfit?
40:02
Like I love wearing whatever the fuck I want to wear.
40:04
However I will get eyes that look that, that feel an energy
40:09
that feels really unsafe.
40:10
There's the safe stairs, right?
40:11
But then there's the stairs like I'm about to pull up, I'm about
40:15
to wait on this person because I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do my
40:17
own little tests and theories and stuff.
40:19
I'm going to wear short shorts, I'm gonna show package and
40:22
see if I get any safe.
40:23
Scary.
40:25
So I think it's important to think about like creating safety
40:28
as in like who do I surround myself with?
40:30
You know, do I have friends who celebrate and support me too
40:34
And then also I feel relaxed knowing that I can set a boundary
40:38
I can say, you know, leave me alone, but they will too.
40:41
And I think that creates this added sense of safety for us to
40:46
be more of our express self.
40:47
Is there a move or exercise?
40:49
You could teach us where we could just incorporate into the
40:52
bedroom that would take our like our partner and be like, oh
40:55
yeah, I want something I wanna like look it up like I do a set
41:02
a box or something.
41:04
So some of the best things you can do, you already have access
41:07
to.
41:07
So, breath, sound and movement are your favorite tools here
41:13
So if you change your breath, if you notice that, often times
41:16
your breath will start to get really quick and, and shallow
41:19
if you instead slow your breath down.
41:23
So breathing in and out of your mouth.
41:29
Yeah.
41:29
Nobody wants to make eye contact with me.
41:30
I got it.
41:31
I was like I'm doing a bra, I'm winning.
41:37
I should do her microwave.
41:39
Yeah.
41:40
So slowing down your breath really helps you to drop into your
41:43
body.
41:44
And it also helps to increase your arousal because your body
41:47
has a difficult time with the arousal and with the orgasm.
41:51
So you wanna relax your body sound sound vibration helps to
41:56
again open the body.
41:57
But it also we can be really turned on by the sound of our partner
42:00
So whether it's hearing their breath in our ear or you hearing
42:05
them moan and I know that guys are a little more, you know, vulnerable
42:10
about sounds and they don't necessarily want to moan.
42:12
But if, if I hear a guy moan, it's such a fucking turn on like
42:17
I'm gonna give that shit to me, you know, and because it also
42:20
communicates that there, you're right.
42:22
I used to be a AAA all you got was hot air for me.
42:28
Fuck, I was fighting all that shit.
42:30
Now you should see.
42:32
Oh fuck I'm a different guy now.
42:35
All right.
42:36
I, I know my body, I know what I like now people were like, yo
42:40
your girl was wild.
42:41
I was like, she is a shit.
42:42
That was all me, baby.
42:44
I was like, oh my babe, all that.
42:47
You were saying a sentence.
42:49
You were saying all sentence I telling you I am a moaner baby
42:56
Yeah.
42:57
Are we not in a safe place?
43:00
OK.
43:00
Then we're in the same fucking place.
43:02
Eric, shut your, this will vibrate for me.
43:06
Eric's one of these Eric's Eric's one of these.
43:11
That's what, that's what he is.
43:13
He's a hot breath viper.
43:16
00 my God.
43:17
I apologize.
43:19
And it was funny.
43:20
That was funny.
43:21
It was good.
43:22
I'm being open breath, sound and movement.
43:25
So many of us just do this back and forth are very stiff type
43:29
of movement.
43:29
But if you learn to move your entire body, then it helps to,
43:33
to spiral the energy and, and increase arousal and increase
43:37
your chances for orgasm.
43:38
Oh Yeah.
43:38
Yeah.
43:38
Yeah.
43:38
You see, I got the Shakira moves, you know what I mean?
43:46
Possessed we meant to be together starting with just tilting
43:54
and tucking your pelvis.
43:55
So like rocking your pelvis back and forth and already you
43:57
can feel a turn on it and then moving into circles into the hips
44:02
and again, so many of us are stiff here because we just don't
44:04
move that way.
44:05
So it's really helping to break and break loose and open up
44:09
into the pelvis and then even into the spine.
44:11
So can you spiral up the spine or allow your spine to s shape
44:15
forward and back?
44:16
Yeah.
44:17
So it's almost like making sex a dance in that sense.
44:23
You can do like Hula hoop or something to get your hips moving
44:26
and do you recommend music like during, you know, and that
44:30
bad bunny album on you?
44:32
Like, I can't do bad bunny Mexican Selena.
44:41
I mean, come on, girl, you know what I'm saying?
44:53
So got to go through that song if you know what I mean?
44:56
If you really want to with a good beat so that the two of you can
45:01
sync up on it because if it doesn't have a good beat, then you
45:04
can be disjointed.
45:06
What playlist would you recommend for some people?
45:09
I mean, I've got some good playlists.
45:13
Follow me on sex, love yoga.
45:17
Can I guess I think your playlist has like rain sounds like
45:20
you know the camping.
45:23
I don't know, I think it's a tattoo.
45:25
I don't know what it is and it's like, I feel like the guys like
45:29
when you walk in the room, do you see crystals and lights and
45:32
energy and like, oh you know those rugs that are on the wall
45:34
you're like, fuck, what is this?
45:35
We got a meditation profile.
45:37
I have so many different types of playlists because I work
45:39
with so many different types of people and I love to help them
45:42
create those experiences.
45:43
The three of us should come up with our own sex playlist.
45:46
Put it up and have people vote.
45:49
Let's sexual playlist.
45:51
Oh my God.
45:51
Let's do that.
45:52
Let's do that.
45:52
So, before you go, is there any lasting uh advice you could
45:55
give us when it comes to sex or relationships or, or dating
46:00
I, I feel like you've gotten a sense of our personalities.
46:02
I would say that the potential of your sex life is infinite
46:05
as long as you stay curious, man.
46:08
Damn.
46:08
OK.
46:09
That was deep.
46:10
That should be on a pillow.
46:12
Uh Well, thank you, Doctor Kat Meyer for being here.
46:14
Can you tell, tell our listeners, tell our viewers where they
46:18
can find you your, your website, social media, all of that
46:21
Yeah.
46:22
Uh So they can find me at sex, love yoga.com or follow me on Instagram
46:27
at sex, love yoga.
46:28
Awesome.
46:28
Well, thanks so much.
46:29
I think we learned a lot.
46:31
Uh If you enjoyed the episode, make sure you like, subscribe
46:34
Tell a friend, be a friend, spread the word.
46:36
I need a cigarette after this.
46:37
No, seriously.
46:39
Like I learned so much today.
46:40
I'm not gonna lie rock hard right now.
46:43
All right, Tasha Eric, thanks again, guys.
46:45
Great episode.
46:47
Oh man.
46:50
What an episode?
46:52
It was fun, dude.
46:54
It was fun.
46:54
Anything.
46:55
Uh anything jump out at you.
46:57
Yeah, dude.
46:58
The whole mel G spot like being down there.
47:03
I don't know, dude, I just don't buy it.
47:04
Yeah.
47:04
I mean, she brought up some pretty interesting points but
47:08
it's a male G spot.
47:09
I mean, how is she really gonna know?
47:11
Yeah.
47:13
Yeah.
47:19
Like here, how short you think his fingers are?
47:30
Like, why is he digging so long technique, man?
47:34
Technique?
47:41
Well, with us call him, you gotta walk it off.
48:01
That's it.