Series
.

Cheap Dates, Inner Chad & Clubbing Days

How to finesse restaurants, tour horror stories, and the distant memory of going clubbing with Sasha, Erik, & Jesus.
Show transcript
00:00
Pool baby.
00:01
Did you have a nickname for yourself?
00:02
You're like, oh shit, Ja is coming on.
00:06
No, man.
00:07
I didn't have no name.
00:08
I was a fly dude.
00:09
You know what I'm saying?
00:10
I used to be, oh, look at that guy.
00:12
So this was like you have to look to look away.
00:15
You know what I mean?
00:16
Like, oops, there's a camera there.
00:17
Oops that it captures.
00:20
Oh my God.
00:20
Is that like the actual camera, digital camera?
00:22
That, that was a uh a blackberry?
00:25
And I took a little, but that was like an oops, I took a picture
00:28
of, oops, sorry.
00:29
But I'm out here looking fly.
00:31
I got the vest the tucked in, you know what I mean?
00:37
He was right there.
00:39
I was 21 and those, those, those eyes, they don't lie.
00:42
I know what I was doing.
00:43
He thought he was the 98th degree right there.
00:45
Look at him.
00:46
He thought he was the back street.
00:48
But was that a flashlight or was that the light from baby?
00:56
Welcome back to three on a podcast.
00:57
This is episode three.
00:59
OK.
00:59
And I know you came back, you clapping.
01:01
We got somebody clapping in the back and I know you came back
01:03
because you know, we like to and so we're gonna be chopping
01:09
it up.
01:09
Me and the boys, we're gonna be chopping it up.
01:10
We're gonna be talking about life.
01:11
I'm Sasa Mercy, Eric Rivera.
01:16
You good.
01:17
I was gonna say in the building, but it felt very aggressive
01:19
last time I said it.
01:20
So I just wanted to play, tone it down.
01:23
I, I like it.
01:24
I like it.
01:25
Well, I'm very excited to be here.
01:27
It's been a crazy week, crazy weekend.
01:30
I want to hear about your weekend.
01:31
Listen, I'm a dad.
01:33
My weekend was filled with little league games and kids birthday
01:36
parties.
01:36
That's, that's what weekends become.
01:38
Now.
01:38
There's no more going out, there's no more drinking, there's
01:41
no more hangover kids don't understand that.
01:43
So all day this is all I'm doing is going to these little league
01:46
games and hoping these kids don't embarrass me because now
01:49
they have my last name on their jersey and I don't need the my
01:54
kid to strike out and everybody who's Rivera are they?
01:57
Are they, are they good?
01:58
The 10 year old?
01:59
You proud?
01:59
So I thought this was gonna be the last year.
02:01
We're gonna do sports like he, he's starting this, starting
02:04
the season and he's like, I don't wanna do it.
02:05
I was like, we just gotta do it, man.
02:06
Let's, let's do one more year and you know, he wasn't that good
02:10
The first two years he did baseball this year.
02:12
He's starting to hit and the coach is starting to put him in
02:15
like all the time, all the time.
02:17
He's not striking out no more, but he hit because the coach
02:20
helped him or because you're out there in the park helping
02:22
him out.
02:22
I'm out there in the park with the ball.
02:26
We're doing pink pong balls.
02:27
I taking the batting cage, I do the things because you, you're
02:31
gonna start doing this because right now baby, but you start
02:33
doing stuff where you're like, yo, why didn't, why didn't
02:35
my dad take the time to, you know what?
02:39
We're gonna go play catch but we're gonna hold on.
02:41
I, I tell him, yeah, when I look at things like that, I'm like
02:44
why didn't you come?
02:44
Because I work on, I gotta pay bills because I had to feed your
02:49
goddamn stomach.
02:50
So now, so now he's getting good.
02:52
Coach is giving him nicknames.
02:54
He's feeling confident about himself like he likes going
02:56
to the games now and I'm like, God, now, uh we're gonna have
02:58
to do another year now if you like.
03:00
So why wouldn't you want to do another year now?
03:02
Well, because I thought he was done and like, like I want my
03:04
Saturdays back but now he's getting good like he like he selfish
03:07
She wanna be selfish.
03:09
I know he, he looks like the, the, the, the, you know, he needs
03:12
time.
03:13
He needs time.
03:13
Hold on, hold on for a day.
03:15
He couldn't even get one out.
03:18
Look like I try to say without being, he's like a, uh, what is
03:21
it like?
03:22
Because I was gonna say a soccer mom.
03:23
But what is it?
03:23
A baseball mom?
03:25
You're like a baseball mom with the snacks?
03:26
And I can see that you got the, I was trying to get out of it.
03:29
I thought this was my last year.
03:30
Yeah.
03:31
Yeah.
03:31
Yeah.
03:31
Are you gonna, so you, are you gonna have your little man play
03:34
soccer?
03:34
Baseball?
03:37
So he's playing a sport that you ask a man?
03:40
A man?
03:41
Hold up, hold up a man.
03:44
Get the fuck he just, he just, they just stand there and then
03:47
they just, there's like, first of all, you got, first of all
03:50
you're not gonna come at you, you're not gonna come at Dominicans
03:53
like that, that's our sport, ok?
03:55
And we dominating that shit, right?
03:57
Baseball's not a sport.
03:58
You can be like overweight and they, you can kill it.
04:01
You can be overweight.
04:02
You're like making $100 million as a baseball player.
04:05
Like God damn, you can't be, what are you talking about?
04:07
A soccer player?
04:07
You gotta be fit, you gotta put in work.
04:09
That is work.
04:10
If you go overtime, you'll see the player just like deteriorating
04:13
because he's been running for two hours.
04:15
It's a man's sport where you can't touch the ball.
04:17
You can't use your hands.
04:19
You play soccer.
04:20
Listen, you hit 100 mile per hour, fastball and tell me you're
04:23
not worth $100 million.
04:26
Come on.
04:26
Look at those titties, dude, that's strength right there
04:31
By the way.
04:32
He's like, oh, you never play and just fuck a tooth.
04:37
This is, he's not fighting for the ball, he's fighting for
04:40
he had 50 home runs one season.
04:42
This, first of all, he diabetes.
04:46
I'm just saying.
04:48
All right.
04:49
All right.
04:50
How, how many, how that look at that.
04:53
He got a, he got a sports bra talking about.
04:58
Look at that.
05:03
You go, you can walk around and I'll tell you this right now
05:05
Hold on.
05:05
I've said this 1000 times.
05:06
I ain't gay.
05:08
Goddamn.
05:11
That's God.
05:12
What just happened right there?
05:13
I ain't gay.
05:14
You know everybody know that.
05:15
Ask about me.
05:16
They know I ain't gay but God Dan, I bet you Jesus's size every
05:21
time he says a soccer player right there.
05:25
Look at that.
05:26
Wait, ok.
05:26
All right.
05:28
How much they get paid?
05:28
They get paid.
05:29
I don't know, I don't even know his name, but that's what I'm
05:30
saying.
05:31
Like that's why baseball is a more popular sport.
05:32
You just go around and ask people, baseball players and people
05:35
will tell you, nobody knows who this is.
05:38
I don't know, can we turn this off because Jesus is drooling
05:41
right now.
05:41
His tongue is coming out of his mouth.
05:43
I don't know what I'm looking at, but I have a freaking question
05:47
Bring a weapon to the game.
05:48
What is that?
05:50
I can't, this is holy God.
05:53
Stop playing.
05:54
I don't see nothing.
05:55
I don't see nothing.
05:57
No.
05:57
Absolutely.
05:57
I don't see it in what is happening on this show.
06:04
I know you see it.
06:05
You drooling.
06:06
I can see it in your face.
06:07
I can see your eyes uncomfortable.
06:10
You trying to deflect on me.
06:12
I look at you drooling.
06:13
We have you on camera drooling your eyes.
06:15
Haven't have left that we looking at you.
06:21
Oh my God, I out the drool dude.
06:25
But wait, listen, oh my God, I'm trying to ask a question.
06:29
You over here.
06:30
How much do they get paid?
06:31
How much is, how much they get paid?
06:34
Yeah, because baseball players, they get paid more than uh
06:40
basketball players, they get paid more than football players'
06:46
right there on the left.
06:48
They get money, they get, they get money and that's your baby
06:53
And that's yours.
06:55
That's money versus baseball players.
06:59
I think, I think baseball players might get 40 40 million,
07:02
40 million na It's not as much as, uh, as baseball players.
07:05
Messi.
07:06
Messi made like 100 mil, bro.
07:08
I think Messi like me like he's right because what was it?
07:13
$100 million right there.
07:15
His yearly salary.
07:16
The biggest contract that's yearly, that's money.
07:24
Anyways.
07:24
What were we talking about?
07:26
Baseball players get?
07:26
How much, how much they get?
07:28
Damn I'm telling you.
07:31
Ok, for baseball.
07:33
So, so baseball is where it's at?
07:37
Ok.
07:37
All right.
07:38
Ok.
07:38
Anyway, uh, so back to the sport that makes a lot of money.
07:43
That's why my kids playing baseball and I ask the guy who's
07:46
getting paid the most, is he Dominican?
07:49
No, that guy, that guy is gonna make, why are they making Dominicans
07:52
Why are they giving Dominicans some type of money?
07:53
I don't know, look, I don't know anybody's uh like salary or
07:57
whatever, but we can look at a salary of a, a baseball player
08:00
who is, I would say the best we've ever seen that's gonna, that's
08:05
gonna, he has a new contract.
08:06
They're, they're estimating, that's what he's gonna get
08:08
Who was that baseball player?
08:09
Uh o he plays for the Angels.
08:11
Now, the, the thing he's uh Japanese, but the thing that makes
08:14
him the best is my man hits like crazy.
08:18
He can pitch like we've never seen that and the pitch, he's
08:23
a pitcher and a hitter.
08:25
Cy Young MVP.
08:26
Like he's got, he's, he's the ultimate baseball player.
08:29
We haven't seen that ever.
08:31
Really?
08:32
So, no, now he's big.
08:35
Right.
08:36
Right.
08:38
If you look at Dominican baseball player, you look at that
08:39
you look at Machado, they got big contracts.
08:42
I don't know any of those baseball players.
08:44
So congratulations.
08:46
All right.
08:46
You, you proved your point, whatever.
08:48
But my son's playing soccer, he's playing soccer so you could
08:53
check out the other soccer players.
08:57
First of all, when I, when I mentioned a soccer player, I didn't
08:59
say my man that is that the I listen, I don't know who's editing
09:05
this.
09:05
Can we clip up jesus' face when the soccer players are on the
09:08
screen and put it right here?
09:10
I wanna see that anyway, the M and everything.
09:13
All right.
09:13
But, but ok, so your kid is playing baseball, baseball, kids'
09:19
birthday parties.
09:20
I take him out to events and stuff like, all right, so I just
09:23
recently.
09:24
All right, I'm gonna tell this story.
09:26
I don't know if you guys grew up the way I did like we get invited
09:28
to events and stuff, right?
09:29
And I always have the mindset of act like you belong.
09:33
I don't ask a lot of questions.
09:34
I don't want people to realize, I don't know what's happening
09:37
A lot of times like if it's a fancy event, I'm just, I just look
09:40
around like, what are they doing?
09:41
They're using that fork or I'm gonna use that for like I, I try
09:44
to act like I belong.
09:45
So we have a friend uh uh uh and you know him uh he, he, he, he was
09:49
one of the producers of the series in the half hours and he has
09:53
a suite at the Staples Center Crypto Arena and there was Disney
09:57
all night.
09:57
So I was like, hey, you think you could look that up for my kid
09:59
He goes, you got it.
10:01
And we've gone to these events with him in the Suite Clippers
10:04
games.
10:05
You go, there's, there's clothes you can take free t-shirts
10:08
and there's food, there's everything.
10:10
Dessert cart comes by, drinks are free, everything's covered
10:13
So my man says I got you.
10:14
Hooks up the suite.
10:16
Ok.
10:17
I tell my kid to invite classmates because I get 10 to 12 tickets
10:21
Oh, here we go.
10:23
The class, I'm gonna show you guys a good time.
10:27
We walk in the the show had already started.
10:29
We were a little late.
10:30
Lights are off.
10:31
I walk in.
10:32
Hey guys have a seat.
10:33
There's a, there's a waiter in the corner, right?
10:35
And I look around, I was like, where's the food?
10:36
I was like, oh, I guess maybe they, they change it up for these
10:39
events.
10:40
The guy goes, hey, can I get you guys?
10:41
I was like, yeah, sure.
10:42
He shows me the menu.
10:44
I don't ask questions.
10:45
I just start ordering y'all.
10:47
Let me get some uh you got chicken tenders you got, what do you
10:49
guys want?
10:50
Hot dog?
10:50
Ok, let's get that and snack packs.
10:52
Boom.
10:53
Yeah.
10:53
Is the dessert cart my meal.
10:54
I was like, no, not today.
10:55
I was like, oh, don't worry about it.
10:56
I got this right.
10:57
Right.
11:00
Kids are eating.
11:00
Everyone's having a great time.
11:02
Everybody's having Maddox's dad is the best.
11:05
They're all cheering.
11:06
I'm, I'm the man.
11:07
Ok.
11:09
End of the thing.
11:10
Uh oh, a man waiter walks up to me.
11:12
He goes.
11:13
Here you go.
11:13
No, no, no, no, no.
11:15
Oh my God, dude, I'm looking at him like here, here I go.
11:18
What they got and these are like the stadium prices, right
11:22
No, no, no, I, I would have, you know what, if I had known I would
11:26
have ran downstairs to get the food myself.
11:28
Wow.
11:30
Ok.
11:31
How much is, is it?
11:32
It's about a g you're talking about commas buddy?
11:37
There was commas in that buddy.
11:39
It's a, you know what I, I would have been like sir, this is Disney
11:43
on ice.
11:44
First of all, it's not even the real, it's even the Lakers even
11:48
if it's the Lakers lebron.
11:49
You, you could have Eric, you could have legit went to Disneyland
11:55
I could take all these kids and enjoy your life with your family
11:58
Uh You know what I mean?
12:00
Instead of over there trying to be like Mr Baller and shit.
12:03
I get one for wearing Jay and bring your, bring your own.
12:09
II I had to go.
12:10
Oh I was like I got this uh I put it, I had to go to the bathroom
12:14
and go into my chase account and transfer some money.
12:16
I got, I got this, I got this right.
12:20
He's got a war to make.
12:21
I'm gonna make a purchase right now.
12:24
I did not know about this.
12:25
It's gonna be flagged but it's me.
12:26
Trust me.
12:27
It's me.
12:28
Please do not, dude.
12:30
It painful.
12:31
But no, here's the kicker.
12:32
So I come back, right.
12:34
And there's a thing for gratuity.
12:35
I'm like, I'm paying gratuity waiter standing like this.
12:39
He's like, it's my birthday this weekend.
12:45
I swear to God, I was so mad because I wasn't gonna tip this dude
12:49
I was like, wait, wait, I can't believe you got paid because
12:54
I told everybody it's all co because in my head we've been to
12:56
those events where I'm like, it's all covered.
12:58
Guys, guys, come on out, bring the keys, say something right
13:02
now.
13:02
You're a better man than me because I would have been on the
13:04
phone with a friend.
13:05
You're my man.
13:06
Yeah.
13:06
Uh Yeah, guess what?
13:08
It's crazy shit.
13:09
They came and hit me with that.
13:12
I thought you hooked it up.
13:14
I thought you said you gonna hook it up, hook it up.
13:16
No, I, dude, I was hurt and then I called because I, I was like
13:21
yo, thanks again.
13:21
This, that and the other and you know, II I kind of told him the
13:24
story.
13:24
He laughed about it.
13:25
He was like, oh I should have, I should have said something
13:27
I was like, I didn't, I should have asked.
13:29
And he's like, and then he goes, you're lucky that dessert
13:31
cart wasn't available because that's another two, like another
13:33
two Gs on there, dude.
13:35
If I would have got a $3000 bill.
13:37
No, that, that would have been, I would have cried you would
13:39
have been a man just crying.
13:42
That's right.
13:43
That is rent like that is crazy.
13:45
Like honestly, if you would have known you would have just
13:48
told him to come with like sandwiches.
13:51
Like if you're going to the beach, we're going to the beach
13:54
No, we're gonna go to see this shit on ice, but you ain't gonna
13:57
order nothing.
13:57
My mom used to bring meals when we would go to movies.
14:00
like that is crazy dog.
14:03
I don't know if I ever, I don't know, you're a better man than
14:04
me.
14:05
I've been in situations like similar to that but not really
14:09
I've been to like when you hang out with the friends and then
14:12
everybody's having drinks and we're all like, and you don't
14:14
know who's paying but you, you just know somebody's like,
14:16
yo get another round and you're like, are you just saying you
14:19
get another around getting around before you know it, you're
14:22
left with the bill that everybody was getting rounds at and
14:24
you're like, wait a minute.
14:25
No, no, no, no, no, I was with the group.
14:30
You got this, I remember I was 21.
14:32
I remember came to town.
14:34
This is some real shit that rapper Chingy, Chingy, you know
14:37
you know you doing some hot shit holiday, holiday party so
14:41
you pay for his time.
14:42
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
14:44
hold on.
14:45
Wait to hear this bullshit, right.
14:47
You pay that right there, the prime of his career, like he was
14:51
like the guy, right?
14:52
He had a concert and then the after party was going to be at this
14:54
nightclub.
14:55
So I couldn't afford a ticket to the concert.
14:57
But I was, I couldn't afford a ticket to the night club.
14:58
And I knew the, the manager, I know the manager, I knew the one
15:01
of like the one club pro.
15:03
So then he like we were in his section.
15:05
So we were celebrating with his bottles and this and that.
15:09
So I was in his circle and then I went to the restroom and I came
15:12
back to the circle and everybody just left and I was left with
15:17
the tab right there like, hey, you part of right third crew
15:21
Here you go.
15:22
And I'm just like, oh no, no, no, no, no.
15:23
Um Mr where's Mr Chingy?
15:26
Mr Chingy?
15:27
He said he'll be right here.
15:29
He was right there.
15:30
But he was saying he was gonna be right here to pay for this and
15:32
it was a I was so it said $10,000 on it.
15:36
I never seen that number for it.
15:39
I'm talking about bottles.
15:40
I'm talking about like it was crazy.
15:42
But why would you go to the bathroom and then come back like
15:45
that should have been as soon as you walk out of the bathroom
15:47
you see nobody there.
15:48
I'm sorry, I had a fucking pee and you if you, if you come back
15:53
and you know, they don't go, that, that's the thing.
15:56
When I hit the corner, you're already in that VIP section.
15:59
So when I hit the corner I was already in and then I realized
16:02
like, yeah, it's kind of empty.
16:03
It's kinda light.
16:04
And so I'm thinking like, maybe no, maybe ching is out there
16:07
dancing and shit.
16:07
I don't know what's going on.
16:08
Maybe he got in a fight with the owner.
16:09
I don't know what happened, but I'm standing with that little
16:12
receipt and I'm just like, hold up but I finessed it.
16:15
I didn't do with the Eric fucking All right.
16:16
I'll figure this out.
16:17
First of all, I don't have that first of all, but $10,000 I wanna
16:20
figure nothing out.
16:21
I'd be like, you know what?
16:21
I gotta run to the car.
16:22
I told him II I did the whole like, yo, let me talk to the manager
16:26
fuck that this and that.
16:27
And then they went to go get the manager when they turned around
16:30
I was gone, baby.
16:31
When I say gone, I was gone.
16:33
I was fucking, I hit the corner right there.
16:35
I took off.
16:36
That was it.
16:37
I left them, I left them right there with that with that receipt
16:40
I don't know what to do.
16:41
That's crazy because I wonder how that happened.
16:43
Like he was probably there like dancing a little like I, he
16:46
was like, oh shit, they're gonna come back and then they come
16:48
up here and you're like, oh you should see me.
16:51
I was with the girl.
16:53
I was telling the girls like, you know, I'm a man chingy.
16:55
You know what I'm saying?
16:57
We out here popping bottles, my man.
16:58
You know what I'm saying?
16:59
Oh yeah, he likes me, wants me to come.
17:02
Yeah, I remember, I remember I got stuck with the bill for my
17:05
aunt's birthday but it was fine like it was my aunt's birthday
17:07
but I tried to take her to this very expensive restaurant.
17:09
It was going to be me and my uncle and some of my sibling were
17:12
supposed to come but they didn't come.
17:13
So it was just me and my uncle and my aunt and um I remember the
17:18
bill comes out and it's $400 at the time.
17:21
I didn't have that motherfucking money.
17:23
And so I was like, my uncle was like, oh you got this right?
17:28
And I said, yeah, I got it and then I got a call from my aunt the
17:33
next day and she was like, you know, I wish it was somewhere
17:37
else and I was like, damn.
17:40
But I hung up on her because I'm like, I'm like the ungratefulness
17:45
I just paid $400 man.
17:47
I remember in high school it was embarrassing because I took
17:50
this girl out and I didn't have, you know, high school, you
17:52
don't really have money.
17:53
Like that.
17:54
So I took this girl out and I asked her, like, just get what she
17:56
wants and then she brought her friend because at that time
17:59
you know, you go with another friend, she feel comfortable
18:01
not to go with me, bring another friend, whatever.
18:03
And I'm paying for their drink for not another drink, their
18:05
food and everything.
18:06
But I brought coupons.
18:09
So I'm going out for the, the coupons.
18:11
But you know, the way, the, the way they do coupons, it's like
18:14
they trick you, right?
18:15
Because it says $20 off.
18:16
You're like, that's what's up but it's like only on appetizers
18:21
not on the main thing.
18:23
Like none of us got appetizers.
18:25
We all went for the straight fucking course.
18:27
And I'm like, nobody had no fucking appetizer.
18:28
We just went, you know, and I'm just like, yo, so none of these
18:31
$20 in my head.
18:32
I'm thinking like I had three of those.
18:33
So I'm like, I have $6 off.
18:35
The whole meal is like $80.
18:38
There's, there's nothing more nerve wracking than handing
18:40
you a card and just waiting.
18:42
It went through OK?
18:44
Cool.
18:45
So it's gone.
18:46
So, so it's gone.
18:48
That's the type of shit that makes me want to be a scammer like
18:50
it makes me want to be a scammer.
18:52
You ever been scammed before or anything?
18:54
No, I never iiii I had a story.
18:58
She was like, no, me neither.
19:00
I, I already know I'm not gonna tell you my last time I was vulnerable
19:03
Like I'm gonna tell you now my, my father got scammed like as
19:08
he, as he, you know, as he gets older, like those little like
19:11
Nigerian print scams will catch him.
19:13
Oh really?
19:14
Dude, I walked in one time.
19:15
He was on the phone.
19:16
Uh-huh.
19:17
Yeah.
19:17
Yeah.
19:17
No.
19:17
Chase bank account number.
19:21
And I'm like, yo, who are you talking to?
19:22
He goes, he goes, hold on a sec.
19:24
Uh Yeah, I just won the lottery in London.
19:27
I said, bro, you a Puerto Rican from New York?
19:30
When the hell were you ever in London?
19:32
Not that they pick me randomly?
19:34
I said, yeah, they did give me the phone, give me the phone.
19:36
I, I've only been scammed out of my panties a couple of times
19:39
like, you know, guys, you know, guys, you always act like,
19:42
you know, they, oh I'm better than you know what they actually
19:44
are.
19:45
Yeah, I'm this, I'm that, he's like, man, you ain't shit like
19:49
that when he was like, oh we're gonna put you in this movie and
19:50
it was like word and I'm doing an audition with my shirt off
19:54
and I'm like, what, what is the movie?
19:56
No, it's like, you know, people be like, oh I'm the guy for you
19:59
I'm this, I'm that and then you're like, man, you don't even
20:01
got a job.
20:02
I told you.
20:03
But we've been, but I'll say that like we've we've all been
20:06
scammed in comedy.
20:07
Like how many times have we done shows?
20:08
Like, yo, you gotta do this show.
20:09
Are we gonna have producers from?
20:11
You see Comedy Central and then you show up?
20:13
You like, where are they?
20:14
Like, they're there, they're there.
20:16
They, they look good.
20:17
Yeah.
20:17
And then it'll be like a free show too.
20:19
Yeah, definitely a free free show.
20:21
You'd be like, man, I gotta, I gotta eat, you got $5 I can give
20:25
me for this exposure.
20:27
You get paid in exposure.
20:28
Yeah, I get, I get nervous when they say like, oh yeah, they
20:31
give you a number and the budget is kind of high and then like
20:33
you show up and there's nobody in the audience or like, oh I'm
20:35
not getting paid.
20:36
Yeah, they, they haven't got the budget like they don't got
20:39
the money to pay me.
20:40
Like I've, I've been scammed like that when it comes to shows
20:42
No, it actually happened to me on the road and I was counting
20:46
on that money to get back.
20:47
Dang.
20:48
Yeah.
20:48
Yeah.
20:49
Yeah.
20:49
Yeah.
20:49
I was counting on that money to get back home with gas and everything
20:53
and they, they didn't have it, they didn't have the money.
20:55
So you got back home.
20:57
Uh I have a father who was more, you know, grateful to have me
21:01
some money but then he was like, chew my ass out afterwards
21:05
Yeah, because he was like disappointed I wasn't street smart
21:07
Like, how do you, how do you not have money when you get there
21:14
before you say give me my, before you go on stage, you need to
21:17
be, you're never gonna make it.
21:20
And I'm like, all right.
21:20
Well, it was an accident.
21:23
Yeah, I remember, um, my brother, he was telling me about how
21:27
my nephew, he wanted this Playstation.
21:30
I think it was like the Playstation Five.
21:32
I forgot what Playstation it was.
21:33
And he found these kids, like found somebody that was selling
21:37
it online or something like that.
21:39
And he was like, yeah, it's only $100.
21:41
He was like $100.
21:43
He was like, yo, my man, you're gonna get, they're gonna, they're
21:46
gonna rob you, my man, they're gonna rob you.
21:48
He's like, come on, dad, you're always telling me what the
21:49
fuck they doing.
21:50
He's like yelling at that.
21:51
I'm a grown ass kid.
21:53
I'm a grown ass man.
21:54
Ain't nothing gonna happen to me.
21:55
You think something's gonna happen to me?
21:57
And then I get a call.
21:59
What happened to him?
22:00
He got robbed, he got robbed for 100 and $50 for real.
22:03
And then my brother was like, I could have teached him a better
22:05
lesson if I would have dressed up myself in.
22:09
And I'm like, yo, he was like, I should have set him up.
22:12
I should have set them up because I at least would have had the
22:14
150 have you guys ever finished?
22:17
Somebody?
22:21
Look at, what did you, what did you do?
22:25
What?
22:25
It feels great to me.
22:27
It was a, it was a birthday, it was a graduation party.
22:30
You know, it was that people were graduating, it was a big table
22:32
But the way we were sitting, me and my friends, like we were
22:35
sitting so close to them that it looked like we were a part of
22:38
that group.
22:39
So then when the leader came, he was like, he said, are you guys
22:41
a part of that?
22:43
And my Latino dad, every time he sees a mistake on there and
22:46
he's like, yes, yes, yes.
22:48
That's, that's mine.
22:49
Yes.
22:49
That's my like, yeah, you don't have a person and I know what
22:54
they're talking about.
22:55
I got that person.
22:56
That's my person like I man person, you know.
22:58
So, you know, my dad would always say accept everything and
23:01
then figure it out later, you know.
23:02
So then right away, I was just like, so I, you're part of that
23:06
group?
23:06
I'm like, and my friends were like, oh and I was like, oh yeah
23:09
yeah.
23:09
Yeah.
23:09
Yeah.
23:09
Yeah.
23:09
We're part of the like I just put on them.
23:12
We all graduated.
23:13
We go.
23:14
So we got up and we left and the other bill was taken care of by
23:16
uh uh that graduated.
23:19
So um 00 10.
23:21
Thank you, Jimmy.
23:22
That's good.
23:23
That's good.
23:24
So I have a question with a white family.
23:27
So, you know, they looked at the bill like I was sitting with
23:32
they're not going to complain.
23:35
They probably got the money.
23:36
Um, but, yeah, I feel like, yeah, I've never really finessed
23:40
Maybe, like, you know, I don't know, maybe like to get some
23:44
stage time or anything.
23:45
I don't know.
23:47
Yeah.
23:48
Like that type of, like, when I first started doing stand up
23:51
comedy, I was just like, yeah, I'm good.
23:52
I've been doing this for mad long.
23:54
And then I remember getting on stage and I remember anything
23:57
that I was supposed to say and then they kept putting the light
24:00
up and I was just kind of like kept going.
24:03
And then as soon as I got off stage, I was like, 00 that light
24:07
is for me, right?
24:08
Did they get off and like, and he was like, yeah, and then everybody
24:11
started laughing.
24:13
Yeah, everybody started laughing and I was like, oh my God
24:15
maybe I didn't do that bad but they were just happy that I got
24:18
off stage.
24:19
Um So then an hour and a half, yeah, I was up there for like 15
24:24
minutes.
24:24
I was supposed to be up there for like five, bro.
24:26
And I ate that fucking light.
24:28
And then I remember and then I remember the guy went to my friend
24:32
He was like, never again, tell me that this girl is funny.
24:36
Now, look at me big get all fucking, you know what's I don't
24:40
know if I should do the allegedly allegedly.
24:43
Yeah, I don't know if I should the statute of limitation because
24:46
it was in high school.
24:47
So how many years of that?
24:48
It's been like 10 years.
24:50
This mother says, oh yeah, you good.
24:52
Just say it.
24:52
Say you go to jail.
24:55
I feel, I feel like this is where I murdered a hitchhiker for
25:00
four years.
25:01
I was finesse fast food restaurant, bro, Faking like prank
25:05
calling them and getting free food.
25:08
Yeah.
25:08
Is that, is that, is that, will I get in trouble for real?
25:10
Because I mean, when I say it because I'm gonna show you guys
25:13
how it's done.
25:14
But is that incriminating if I show allegedly, what do I mean
25:19
how can you do that?
25:20
Now you just say that's not the worst thing that happened in
25:24
fast food restaurant.
25:25
I don't know if you saw it on Netflix, this documentary now
25:27
of like this dude that would call and have the managers sort
25:31
of sexually harass.
25:32
Oh, yeah, that was a weird one.
25:33
That was a weird one.
25:33
So you food is good the way that I did it.
25:38
We'll get to that when I was in high school.
25:40
I figured out how to make voices, the white man's voice.
25:42
Well, technically I, you know, I, I started making these voices
25:46
and then one day I decided to call uh I usually, I like to do uh
25:50
Latino restaurants.
25:51
I know it's messed up but Latinos are Latinos are very good
25:55
Everybody supposed to be in the country once you start talking
25:57
about like, I don't want to call the food committee and like
26:00
oh no, it's ok.
26:01
It's ok.
26:01
Ok, cool.
26:02
So I used to tell him like uh hi, I went there for lunch and I ordered
26:06
a burrito and you guys did not give me a burrito and you messed
26:08
up my order?
26:09
Oh, ok.
26:10
Uh you have a receipt you guys did not even give me a receipt
26:12
which is really odd and then, and I feel uncomfortable and
26:15
ok.
26:15
No it's ok.
26:16
No no problem, no problem.
26:16
Um just come today we give you a burrito.
26:19
It's ok.
26:19
No problem and then ok, sounds great.
26:21
I'll be right there in 30 minutes.
26:23
Ok bye.
26:24
Hangs up.
26:25
Obviously I can't just show up like this.
26:27
He's a white man so then I call back.
26:29
Hi it's John again uh stuck in traffic.
26:33
I'm not gonna make it.
26:33
I'm gonna step, I'm gonna send my stepson over there.
26:36
His embassy says he'll talk to you more about it.
26:38
Uh he speaks Spanish actually so he might be able to help you
26:40
out.
26:41
He's gonna pick up the food for me.
26:42
Thank you so much.
26:42
I'm sorry, I'm stuck in traffic.
26:44
Oh I saw some guy.
26:45
Ok, no problem, no problem.
26:46
Then I come in and they're like, hey, and I was just like uh I
26:56
don't know man, he's embarrassing dude, I don't know, like
26:58
I don't know.
26:59
And then they were like, oh I see you guys later.
27:05
I'm in the car fucking, for three months, for three months
27:11
three years home, girl, let me tell you something, dude,
27:14
I would go to different ones and shit like, and that's how,
27:17
that's how we do it allegedly, but I like how many restaurants
27:20
man for three years mcdonald's.
27:22
So mcdonald's allegedly, what you will do is get a receipt
27:27
from the the you pick up any receipt, somebody just ate, they
27:29
leave, they usually do the receipt to get the receipt.
27:32
You wait an hour later, you come back and be like, hey, you messed
27:34
up my order.
27:34
Where's the receipt?
27:35
Boom right here.
27:36
Proof to give it to you.
27:37
Bam just like that allegedly.
27:42
Honestly, allegedly, it it's easier allegedly on Uber allegedly
27:47
You say you never get it allegedly, you get a credit allegedly
27:51
this is fine.
27:53
This is fine.
27:55
I'm doing a show with criminals.
27:57
Come on baby, come on baby.
27:59
You know what I mean?
28:06
No, no, no.
28:07
Listen, I only did it when I was starving when I was starving
28:12
When I was broke broke this show just turned into three Gs and
28:15
a pen.
28:17
You telling me you never been broke before when you was like
28:20
so you would starve, you were stupid like I was not gonna star
28:24
hell no man.
28:26
Come on, come on.
28:28
No, no, no.
28:29
So yeah, definitely.
28:32
Maybe that was my.
28:33
But, um, yeah, but, like, you know, I seen people do that at
28:37
the comedy club though.
28:38
Like, what you were saying about?
28:40
Oh, yeah, in the comedy club you should be like, yeah, I'm a
28:41
comedian and the comedy club.
28:43
Yeah, that's easy.
28:44
You go, like, yeah, I'm a comedian but you're not going to be
28:46
promoting, I mean, performing that day but you still get free
28:50
food.
28:50
You're like, yeah.
28:51
Yeah, that's true.
28:52
But also what I was talking about with the light when somebody
28:54
runs a light and stuff, like people take that very, like, Eric
28:57
does a lot, runs a lot of shows does that, is that like a, he gets
29:00
really pissed off when people run the light.
29:03
You know, a lot of time, you know what you're supposed to do
29:06
But it's like you gotta understand when you're starting out
29:09
and you don't know what two minutes is.
29:13
Like, you really don't, like people say, oh, you have two minutes
29:15
left, you feel like what is IIII, I don't know.
29:20
I thought like, oh, somebody taking a picture, like, damn
29:23
she's doing a good job.
29:24
So I thought it was like, somebody taking a picture or somebody
29:25
recording you, you're like, all right, I gotta keep going
29:27
and I was like, nah, to get you off for people that don't know
29:30
what a light is.
29:31
Exactly.
29:31
It, it's to get you off stage.
29:33
It's pretty much, you got a minute, two minutes left.
29:34
When you see us comics, we'll see a light in the back of the room
29:38
And that means that we have a minute left or two minutes depending
29:40
on what you asked for.
29:42
And people like to run it, people forget but the people get
29:48
into it.
29:48
They're having a good time and then I'm gonna keep going.
29:50
There you go.
29:51
You know what?
29:52
I noticed a lot of comedians that are like celebrities or whatever
29:55
like they do not give a fuck about the light.
29:58
They'll be like, it's not my night now, bitch.
30:02
And you're like, damn, yo, I just had a set that I've been cooking
30:05
up.
30:06
Yeah.
30:06
Yeah.
30:06
Now there's some comics that like they don't find the groove
30:10
until they get the light and they feel like, oh no, I'm just
30:12
I just, I just got up and it's like they don't want to get the
30:16
hell out.
30:17
First show I ever did.
30:18
Uh It was an urban room in New York when I started out like urban
30:21
rooms paid you like, yo do this night.
30:23
You get cash.
30:24
Boom, dude, I'll never forget this night.
30:26
So the, the host didn't have a phone like his phone had died
30:29
So he took out a lighter and he would like he click, you'd hear
30:31
the click and everybody looked over and saw the flame.
30:34
Yo, comics started bombing, dude.
30:36
Everyone in the crowd.
30:37
Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,
30:38
click.
30:39
You just see the light is all going on, dude.
30:42
That shit kills your self esteem.
30:43
You see comics up there defeated.
30:45
Hey, what's up y'all?
30:46
What y'all wanna click?
30:47
Click, click, click, click, click.
30:48
Alright.
30:49
Uh I'm gonna go, that's my time.
30:51
Yeah, I actually I was getting in a lot of like fights with comics
30:54
in the beginning because I would like them myself so they can
30:56
get off already and I wasn't even like you even did that.
31:02
That's so that because sometimes you just be like, damn, you
31:09
was ready to catch hands like you know, you see some guys just
31:13
like, I mean like you're just like, oh I'm just gonna go home
31:16
Are you like I'm gonna say that it's probably gonna get me in
31:22
trouble because she's watching uh but you know, don't you
31:24
wish when you were having arguments with your lady, you could
31:26
just give it the light, the light, just wrap this up.
31:31
I'm I know wrap it up.
31:32
You're mad at me.
31:33
I don't know why you couldn't just like call me because I was
31:35
thinking like, yeah, yeah, I feel you, I feel you girl.
31:38
Yeah.
31:38
Yeah.
31:38
No, I got you.
31:39
I got you.
31:39
I should have called you.
31:40
I called you.
31:41
I get it up bitch.
31:42
You wouldn't give, you wouldn't give your man the light.
31:48
Some of y'all need the light.
31:49
Y'all talk way too much.
31:51
The light.
31:52
Babe, babe, funniest thing happened at work.
31:54
Listen.
31:55
No, it didn't listen.
31:56
All right, we're done.
31:57
Here's the thing when you have a boring conversation with
31:59
somebody.
31:59
If the person is responding with like what?
32:02
That's crazy.
32:03
No way.
32:04
He's not interested in your story.
32:05
Don't add another story right after babe.
32:08
It's like I hate that some people are just like you're getting
32:10
their response and they're not getting nothing from it.
32:11
Like, yeah, you know that I spend too much time with men because
32:14
this is what I'll be doing to my girlfriends.
32:16
Like I'd be like, yo, that's crazy.
32:18
I just be putting them on speaker and I'll be doing something
32:20
like that, the same story again and we know this is the premise
32:27
this is how we end.
32:28
So when we hear the story, you're like, you don't need all this
32:31
You don't, we can oh my God, we just want to vent.
32:35
We just want to talk like we just, you know, it just nonsense
32:39
Oh my God.
32:40
Crazy thing happened at the mall.
32:41
Let me guess you got it on sale.
32:42
Yes.
32:43
But, but it's a big deal like I got it on sale.
32:45
You know how it is to like fly on a budget.
32:47
But anyways I don't even wanna get there but like, ok, so when
32:52
you do stand up, right?
32:53
When do you know like it's a good night?
32:54
Like for me, I know I did good when I get free shots and they were
32:58
like, yo, I gotta buy you a drink.
32:59
You was so funny.
33:00
What about like, I get the free drink I get, yeah, I get people
33:05
to, well, the, the shows that I do, I do a lot of like rowdy shows
33:08
where they're just like, they, they wanna get you fucked up
33:10
Like, I think when you ask is excited to be on the road, I think
33:13
it depends on how far you're into comedy and how long you've
33:17
been doing, like in the beginning, it's exciting.
33:19
Now you going to hotels, you're eating out, the girls are coming
33:22
up.
33:22
Oh my God, you're so fun.
33:23
And it's exciting, like, but as you get older and he's just
33:26
like, oh, you just wanna know when you get to his age and you
33:29
know, the way you dress, you wanna go to your room and just put
33:32
on some, you know, some like cucumbers and just watch a movie
33:36
I don't know what you do.
33:37
I don't know what the hell you doing in there?
33:38
You, you, you're never at the after party.
33:40
You just, you're gone.
33:40
I'm like, where is Eric?
33:42
He just wants to be home, he wants to be home by his lady.
33:45
Just going like, oh man, I had to go, man, I broke a nail in the
33:49
middle of my act like seventies pimp.
33:53
What is that?
33:56
That's not my thing, you know.
33:58
I mean, I mean, look, I, I like that's commendable, I guess
34:01
but I guess what do you get me, I get scared.
34:04
I just go straight to my room because there's so many weirdos
34:06
out there but you never ran into like a guy who's like attractive
34:10
attractive dudes.
34:13
They, if they go to comedy shows and they're attractive, they
34:15
got a girl with them.
34:16
They're not just like, yo, they're not like the chuckle fuckers
34:19
They're not gonna be like, yo, let me see who's a funny bitch
34:21
I'm gonna fuck, You know, like it, it like, you know or like
34:25
they're gonna be like I got AAA bouquet of flowers.
34:28
I mean no, like he's not gonna think about romance to go to the
34:30
comedy club like a woman spectator sport.
34:34
Like you never, it's never a group of dudes like, yo, yo, this
34:38
weekend we gotta go, we gotta see them funny bitches.
34:40
You know what I'm, that's a party.
34:43
It's always think about it.
34:44
It's always bare parties, ladies night.
34:47
No, they don't wanna do that.
34:48
They don't wanna find like women that are funny.
34:51
It's a party at your comedy show.
34:52
Somebody made a mistake, somebody messed up.
34:55
They were like, let's go.
34:58
I could see a group of guys getting ready to go out.
35:00
Where are you guys going?
35:02
Funny?
35:03
Funny girls out there, we're gonna go laugh and be vulnerable
35:06
Yo, that's what I'm saying.
35:08
Like when you guys make a joke, like girls are like, oh my God
35:11
I think he's so funny and like I can't wait to have, you know
35:13
like, but guys, like if a girl says a joke, it's like, why,
35:19
why are you funny to me?
35:20
Like, you know, it's like there's something about that.
35:22
I can't even, no but not look, look, look for example, right
35:26
Like, and I've seen this all the time.
35:28
You see all these successful male comedians who have fucking
35:30
whites for 20 plus years that go on stage and they're like,
35:33
yo, my wife, my wife, she's stupid.
35:36
This is out of the third and then off stage, they still marry
35:39
and then how they can like that joke.
35:43
She'll be like, oh my God, it was just a joke.
35:44
It was just a joke.
35:45
But let a woman go on stage and be like, you know, my husband
35:47
he's fucking stupid at home.
35:50
You go home and he's like, so I'm dumb.
35:52
So where, where's the control?
35:56
I don't know, I don't know, I'm stupid, stupid now.
36:00
And it's not, and it's not even like that like, I don't, you
36:03
know, and it, it won't even be that deep.
36:05
You could just be saying stuff about like your dating life
36:07
and like, so that, that's what you did when he was, when you
36:10
sing.
36:11
I was like, bro, it was a fucking joke.
36:12
Yo, can you let me fucking say jokes?
36:15
That's true.
36:16
That's true.
36:17
Like it's like, I mean, but can, can you date, can y'all date
36:20
a female comedian?
36:21
Let me hear it.
36:23
Yeah, I don't know about that.
36:25
I don't know about that.
36:26
I said, I don't know about that.
36:28
Never date a girl with a head shot.
36:31
I don't need somebody coming home and telling me their career
36:35
when I'm struggling with my, I'm gonna try out for this.
36:38
We both can be struggling out here.
36:40
You know, one of you guys, one of us got, get a real job.
36:42
You know what I mean?
36:43
I don't need somebody who's crazy and on balance, I'm on balance
36:47
I need somebody to me, I don't know if I could get a comic either
36:49
Like, I don't know, I can't be like in the dinner table when
36:52
she's going like, so I was thinking about this bit, I'm like
36:54
I don't wanna think about that.
36:56
You I want you to take me out of this world.
36:58
This world is fucking crazy.
37:00
So yeah, I don't want to come home in a mood because I had a bad
37:03
show and she come home, I bomb too like I don't want to hear you
37:05
bomb.
37:06
But that's what I'm saying.
37:07
And it's like you see like, ok, so now you'd be like, ok, I could
37:10
date someone who's normal who probably has like, you know
37:12
her head together or whatever and she probably don't even
37:15
give a fuck about what you're doing on stage.
37:17
Like maybe she'll be like, oh like what time are you coming
37:19
home?
37:19
But like that's about it, right?
37:21
But it's like a woman to go on stage and her man is not a comedian
37:25
but he's still trying to fucking be like this is what you should
37:27
talk about.
37:29
Oh Yeah.
37:31
You know, so it's like, it's like stupid things like that.
37:37
Women shouldn't be in comedy that no, that's not what I'm saying
37:43
That is not what I'm saying.
37:44
Stay in the barefoot and pregnant.
37:46
Stop being on stage that I heard that up.
37:50
So there's funny bitches out here and we cook and clean, we
37:53
put it all.
37:54
But let us say our jokes, man.
37:55
No, it is true that like I do want somebody outside of the grind
38:01
that I'm in because that's why when I used to go out like when
38:03
I first started, I would put myself as like I, I that's why I
38:07
like going out to the club and to the bar.
38:08
So I want to take myself out of my world that I was in already
38:12
You know, the stand up world.
38:13
Like, what did you guys do?
38:14
Like in the beginning you guys were like to get your mind off
38:17
of comedy?
38:17
Like was there anything that you guys did?
38:19
No, like no, like I think that OK, when I first started grinding
38:24
and like whatever like doing comedy and stuff like that, like
38:26
you know, just everyday life like everyday things like,
38:31
I don't know, it was just, it, it had nothing to do with my life
38:33
Like my family, they're just crazy enough to take me out of
38:35
it.
38:35
You know what I'm saying?
38:36
You get what I'm saying?
38:37
Like, living your life.
38:38
But like, I think that um the one thing that really helped me
38:45
I guess was um just fucking, I don't even know what I'm going
38:51
to say.
38:52
No, it's just like, I don't know what really gets me out of comedy
38:55
I just like my family, like, you know, I just talk to them and
38:57
just get in, you know, sometimes we just need a break from like
39:01
because like, we're on vacation when you first start, you
39:04
don't do the vacation and stuff.
39:05
Like you, you like, I gotta do this every day.
39:07
Everybody's doing every day.
39:08
But that's what I say.
39:08
Like it takes a moment where you're like, I gotta get out of
39:11
this because I'm doing this every day when we're first starting
39:13
we're doing it every day.
39:14
Like, like we have no days off.
39:16
We're in it.
39:17
Like live in these comedy clubs, you live cafe because you're
39:20
trying to get into those clubs when we first started, like
39:23
we would go through an open mic and then we do, we hit up a bunch
39:25
of you can and then you'll end your night at a comedy club even
39:28
though you weren't going up, you just wanted to be around it
39:30
right?
39:31
You just wanted to, it was your life at that point.
39:33
And then like, as you start putting the time and you start getting
39:35
back, you start realizing like, oh, I'm getting brain fried
39:38
I'm not doing this material.
39:39
I need to, I need to take a step back and find hobbies and things
39:42
to do.
39:42
You know what if I could revisit that question again?
39:45
I don't know if there's anything that helped me get out of comedy
39:47
I just burnt out, like you said, like I just burnt out because
39:50
I started at a time where I started on social media and then
39:53
on social media, you got to be funny.
39:54
So now that's another like three days of your, of your, of your
39:57
week, right?
39:58
And then the other, the other, the rest of the days now you're
40:01
trying to write bits and be in the comedy show.
40:02
So you're like trying to do comedy for online and you're trying
40:05
to do comedy for stage, you get so burnt out that it's like because
40:10
there's two different parts of your brain and you're just
40:12
trying to make money that I feel like at this point I'm burnt
40:15
out that like, like I'm doing jokes but it's not like where
40:19
I was before with the a like, no, yeah, you, you definitely
40:23
leave you.
40:23
You definitely need like a like a life too because doing comedy
40:28
all the time, you just get like, I don't know, you just start
40:30
getting weird.
40:31
Like, do you have nothing else to talk about?
40:32
That's why in my t 20 I didn't really like, go clubbing as much
40:36
Like, I wish I did.
40:38
But every, every now and then I would go out and like, you know
40:40
because every night was like a party after a show, you know
40:43
but, you know, I didn't get to experience the whole like,
40:46
clubbing days.
40:47
Like, did you?
40:47
I know, I know, I can tell you.
40:50
Did you, you definitely went out on the God.
40:54
Oh my God.
40:54
I was working in a hotel.
40:56
I was working in a hotel from like 20 to 27 right?
41:00
So I was working in this hotel and every time I left, I was going
41:03
through a breakup, right?
41:04
Every time I was like, this is a thing with you.
41:07
I was going through a breakup and then I would push myself to
41:12
shut up.
41:13
I didn't go to Australia then you know what?
41:16
I still never opened up to.
41:17
So why you put me in this?
41:19
Because this shit.
41:22
But anyway, let me stick to my motherfucking story.
41:24
So like I remember pushing myself to go to the clubs, like really
41:28
push myself just to do something to get, you know, you forget
41:32
about this breakup.
41:32
And I ended up like knowing people at the hottest clubs in New
41:38
York City.
41:39
So then I became the connect.
41:41
Like every time my friends wanted to come out, I was like, yo
41:43
I met this and there was one time this is a true story.
41:47
I don't know if these guys are gonna see this story but it was
41:49
a true story.
41:49
I remember I was trying to get into this club called One Oak
41:53
and there was this guy.
41:54
Yeah, but I don't know, I don't know if you heard about it like
42:02
I was out and this guy, yeah, and I'm by myself and mind you like
42:06
I'm 100 and £15.
42:08
So I'm masking and I'm like by myself in the club, right?
42:13
So I hate when girls say that shit like they, they say a weight
42:18
that was like super low like that and I can.
42:37
So then, so then the guy approaches me or whatever like he was
42:41
giving me free drinks and he was like, oh let's go to one oak
42:43
right?
42:44
So I get in the car and it's him and another dude in the car and
42:50
I remember that I fucking love sandwich and I remember I had
42:57
like a pen on me and I said, I'm going to tell y'all motherfuckers
43:00
one thing right now.
43:01
If any of you try to rape me, if any of you try to touch me, one
43:06
of y'all is going down, I'm taking one of your eyeballs out
43:10
and the guy was like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you?
43:13
I got a daughter, I would never do that.
43:15
And I was like, and then we ended up getting in the club like
43:20
nothing.
43:20
Yeah.
43:21
And then I did get crazy for no reason because it's, it's crazy
43:25
Like it's crazy.
43:26
Like I was like 24 years old.
43:28
Come on.
43:30
It was not.
43:31
No, I was not.
43:32
What was popping at that time?
43:34
What was walk us through?
43:35
You walk into the close, look at this guy.
43:39
That was me.
43:40
That was, you see, you see right there, you see what you see
43:42
right there.
43:43
The what you see right there.
43:45
You're seeing me at my prime.
43:47
That was, that was Jesus when he was in DLG right now.
43:50
Let me tell you something, snake dance like Santos.
44:04
Tell me, tell me how I wasn't flying though.
44:06
I see a real quick.
44:12
Hold on, baby.
44:15
Did you have a nickname for yourself?
44:17
You're like Ja is coming on.
44:21
No man, I didn't have no name.
44:23
I was a fly dude.
44:24
You know what I'm saying?
44:25
I used to be, oh look at that guy.
44:27
So this was like you have to look to look away.
44:30
You know what I mean?
44:31
Like, oops, there's a camera there.
44:32
Oops.
44:33
That cap.
44:35
Oh my God.
44:35
Is that like the actual camera, digital camera?
44:37
That, that was a uh a blackberry and I took a little, but that
44:41
was like an oops, I took a picture of, oops, sorry, but I'm out
44:45
here looking fly.
44:46
I got the vest, the tucked in, you know what I mean?
44:52
He was right there.
44:54
I was 21 and those, those, those eyes, they don't lie.
44:57
I know what I was doing.
44:58
I was, he thought he was the 98th degree right there.
45:01
Look at him.
45:02
He thought he was the back street.
45:04
But was that a flashlight or was that the light from God baby
45:07
Because that shit, look at God damn.
45:09
I used to pull man, Jesus, man.
45:11
Jesus gave himself the light with that outfit.
45:13
He said, you know what I got on stage?
45:15
I gotta go.
45:16
Yeah.
45:16
No, man, I used to just walk in and they would just fall.
45:20
Oops, sorry girls would just, did you ever get into a fight
45:24
with somebody?
45:25
Because you stole their girl.
45:26
I was miss to see your girl when tray was out there Mr to see your
45:30
girl.
45:30
Remember that a girl would tell me like I got a man.
45:34
Oh I had the line for it.
45:35
I was OK.
45:35
I'm not jealous.
45:36
It's all good.
45:37
I was a bad motherfucker.
45:39
I used to be like I have a man.
45:41
I can't do this like hey, you know what I mean?
45:43
He gotta find out I gotta find out for and we just dancing all
45:49
allegedly fix this man.
45:50
Don't get in trouble.
45:51
I let them know I was back in the day.
45:53
I was back in the What do you want me to do if you're still mad
45:55
about that?
45:56
Grow up, grow up.
45:58
You guys are married and have kids.
45:59
Let it go.
46:00
You know one night I been you know so right now they're watching
46:07
at home that his girl just went, hey, and he was like, hey, how
46:11
you know?
46:11
Yeah.
46:11
Yeah, dude, I'm telling, dude, I did have a guy that's like
46:14
hit me up and he was like, yo, yo, what the fuck you with my girl
46:17
on this?
46:17
And I was like, I was, and I, we were tracing it back and I'm like
46:20
what the fuck that was three years ago, like what, what would
46:22
they do?
46:22
But they were together.
46:23
He's mad because his son look like you do.
46:27
What is the, what is the timeline?
46:29
Like if it's been three years?
46:30
Let it go, right?
46:31
It all depends, dude.
46:33
I'm like, I'm past that.
46:34
What is his old news player?
46:36
She's on news, she's on news.
46:39
It happened.
46:39
Sorry, you should have been more alert.
46:42
What the fuck?
46:43
You know, you just went through a phone recently.
46:44
Motherfucker like you should have been doing that three years
46:46
ago.
46:46
What do you want me to do?
46:48
Am I wrong?
46:49
Don't look at me like that.
46:50
Am I wrong?
46:51
Views that are his and his own?
46:53
I was 21.
46:54
I was 21.
46:57
I couldn't control what he wanted to do.
46:59
He, you know, sometimes I didn't want to go out but he was like
47:01
we're going out and I was like, II I understood that I will
47:07
never understand the, the power of the penis because sometimes
47:10
he just like, like he is like, come on man.
47:14
You know, what is the, what is the penis?
47:17
What are you thinking?
47:19
Comes out at three in the morning and let me tell you, I'm, I'm
47:22
afraid of him at three in the morning because at three in the
47:24
morning, the decisions he wants to make.
47:25
I'm like, yo, are you sure motherfucker?
47:28
I know what to do.
47:29
We go into her house but she ain't got teeth.
47:32
Don't worry about that.
47:34
That's not what we worried about right now.
47:35
You know we having a good time.
47:37
So you would hook up with a, let me tell you something.
47:44
I did not, I would refuse but I can't control what he does.
47:47
He is the worst.
47:48
He won't convince you.
47:49
He's good.
47:50
He's like a lawyer.
47:51
Listen, you got, he'll debate you.
47:52
No, you listen, this is a good idea.
47:54
OK?
47:55
I mean once it's done, you look down, the penis is gone.
47:57
He's like, listen, I'm just looking at you with, I can't believe
48:02
you.
48:04
No.
48:05
But now I'm curious because this is the funny part of the story
48:08
This is the funny part of the story I talk about oh the penis
48:11
the penis has his own brain.
48:12
But it's like when y'all get married and y'all are in a committed
48:16
relationship, what happened to the penis?
48:19
The penis is the penis guys on still allow you.
48:24
Yeah.
48:24
You know what having kids is a good idea.
48:26
All right, penis is that at three in the morning when you with
48:28
the baby, you like penis.
48:29
Where are you at?
48:30
Listen, let me sleep.
48:31
That was you.
48:32
That was you man.
48:33
She can't get pregnant again, right?
48:36
We gonna try it one more time.
48:37
Penis and then like man, and you look at him, he was like, oh
48:41
I don't know, I can't control you.
48:43
I didn't go to school.
48:44
He's like be your own man.
48:45
Control yourself.
48:46
God da Yeah, I know what you mean.
48:49
But yeah, I don't think I've ever heard women like I, I messed
48:52
up my vagina told me to do it.
48:54
It's always the heart for us.
48:56
It is always the heart.
48:56
It's always the heart and it's like the butterflies.
48:58
Oh my God.
48:58
I had the butterflies like he, he sent me a text, he set you up
49:02
like it's always a fucking right.
49:04
It's just the illusion of like the I because the thing is like
49:07
you got like, oh I got a smash, I got smashing dash.
49:09
I got smash a dash and for women, we're like, yo, is he like a
49:13
guy that I could like, you know, bring to my parents?
49:16
Like is he like a good guy?
49:18
And you know, and that's the thing like, I don't care how attractive
49:22
you are.
49:23
If you start by sending me a dick pic, good morning.
49:28
That is already a sign for me.
49:31
Like unless like we're together and like, you know, you, you
49:36
like, I'm traveling you traveling.
49:38
I miss you.
49:38
But speaking of crazy, we're going into my segment of the week
49:42
which I love so much.
49:43
I appreciate this segment all the time is the silver teeth
49:46
of the week.
49:47
Who do we have this week?
49:48
And let's show him, let's show him who we got this week.
49:51
Let's see.
49:51
Let's play what silver teeth means, man.
49:53
I I said it plenty of times you guys already know silver teeth
49:56
is literally me a kid who grew up.
50:00
Hold on.
50:00
Let's watch the video.
50:01
Next sweet burrito.
50:03
I've never heard of this restaurant.
50:05
This is shit.
50:06
That sweet burrito.
50:08
Look at that.
50:11
That kid is up on the car.
50:13
He don't care, dude.
50:15
It's up on a, it's like, what is that?
50:20
Oh my God, Tyler come down in a half.
50:26
No, but you know what?
50:27
The is not getting pissed off enough that a that motherfucker
50:32
I said stop get on the top of the roof.
50:35
I would have been that parent to get on the roof and grab the
50:37
mother.
50:38
You stop Mr, don't you?
50:43
Oh no, it's a guy, dude.
50:46
He's calling the white.
50:47
Yeah, he doesn't want to come down.
50:48
He just uh he doesn't make it seriously.
50:52
Seriously, dude.
50:52
Are you serious?
50:53
Right now?
50:54
We're gonna be late.
50:54
Uh He's running back and forth on the bright side.
50:58
He's getting his steps, he's getting his steps.
51:02
The sweet burrito.
51:03
I don't know, I don't know what to do.
51:06
I told you one of my week.
51:07
Look at it.
51:09
That kid is just running through the parents dog.
51:12
Yeah, he was just like, did you give him a whole bunch of Snickers
51:15
this morning to get his ass?
51:21
But that, that dad's not gonna give him a spanking.
51:22
He's gonna, hey, buddy, if you don't get down no guacamole
51:25
for you, buddy.
51:26
If you don't get down no chips, you're not gonna get the sweeter
51:29
Rita.
51:29
I'll tell you that right now.
51:31
He's in the car and you know, five minutes like, you know, 10
51:34
minutes and he's gonna be like Tyler, you're a wild boy.
51:37
That's like one.
51:41
The dad's impressed.
51:42
He's like that.
51:43
Like I wish I had.
51:45
All right, we're gonna switch gears here and we're gonna go
51:47
into, that's where we answer voice mails D MS from our fans
51:53
and we're gonna give advice.
51:53
Listen, we're not professionals.
51:55
We have no uh expertise, but we're gonna do the best we can so
51:58
you can take it or leave it.
51:59
That's right.
52:00
We all have therapists and that's it.
52:02
All right.
52:03
This one's for all three of you guys.
52:05
We got one for the week.
52:07
I saw my friend's dad with another woman while I was working
52:10
his dad saw me and now he's acting sketch about it the whole
52:15
time.
52:16
I want to tell my friend, but I don't want to ruin the family
52:19
What should I do?
52:21
Is his dad Rich?
52:22
Does his dad have money because if his dad got money you'd just
52:26
be like, hey, you gotta shoot me song, play, shoot me song.
52:30
Um Either that or let me tell you something, dude falling apart
52:35
I would because I love the drama and I would do it in a time where
52:40
I know I could see this shit go down.
52:43
You know what I mean?
52:43
You don't wait till you invited it over for dinner and I'll
52:46
be like, how are you, how was, how was your meeting with that
52:48
that person you were with and be like what?
52:50
Oh sorry, I thought you were at a meeting.
52:52
I thought, I don't know, I thought maybe you guys were in a meeting
52:55
Did you get your CPR certification?
52:56
Because I saw you doing a lot of Yeah.
52:59
Yeah.
52:59
Yeah.
52:59
Yeah.
52:59
Yeah.
52:59
Yeah.
53:00
And I'll be eating his thing like no, I, I would say I would say
53:05
something but I would be like, yo like I don't want to start
53:08
no shit but you see that you did what?
53:11
I just did that dad was for with some other woman.
53:15
So he was and rubbing that.
53:19
Neither one of you would approach the dad and be like, hey,
53:22
I saw it, you saw it, you got to say something.
53:24
Um Because I don't want to be the one that he's got, you need
53:30
to say something because I don't want to be the one but I will
53:33
say something.
53:33
I didn't even think of that too intimidated to talk to the dad
53:36
So I would have been like the, the, the the bus boy just walking
53:39
by.
53:39
Hey, how you doing, how you doing?
53:41
My going up to the doing my, how you doing?
53:44
You know what I mean?
53:45
No.
53:45
All right.
53:46
Fuck you.
53:46
Then I could have just been like Mr or whatever the fuck like
53:53
how are you?
53:53
My God.
53:54
And I mentioned my friends, I would honestly, I would do it
53:57
because I want to hear the drama you up that I would tell the
54:02
dad.
54:02
Yo, depends if, if there was a lot of kissing and rubbing and
54:07
touching, I'd be like, yo, like I'm gonna have to tell my friend
54:10
I'll take a picture and send and be like, I don't know what this
54:12
means.
54:13
Yeah, y'all just love throwing the grenades and walking away
54:18
He made the mistake.
54:21
He should have known better.
54:22
That's what I, that's why I approach him and go, hey, you made
54:25
this mistake.
54:25
You need to own up to it before your friend is living a life.
54:29
You're giving him a time clock.
54:31
You say you need to do this because I'm gonna be the one.
54:34
You think Mr Johnson would think about me?
54:36
Hell no, he will put me on blast.
54:41
You went to a dark place.
54:42
What happened to you and Mr Johnson, Mr Johnson is a snitch
54:45
He's a fucking snitch.
54:47
You know what I'm saying?
54:48
But what if it's like a deal and shit, that'll be a trip for,
54:51
if I'm working.
54:52
I see my deal which you know, you see a eating with some girls
54:56
like God damn, she's a friend of mine.
55:05
I'm just like, I don't think so.
55:06
What about my, you fucking, what is it?
55:09
You want a good Christmas or not?
55:11
I think.
55:12
Ok?
55:12
Ok, then shut the fuck up.
55:13
Ok?
55:17
I gonna tell you right now for you.
55:19
So if you want to go with I laptops and whatever you want, they
55:25
gotta look at the gift, they gonna look at the gift.
55:27
Oh fuck up.
55:28
No, they're gonna be suspicious on Christmas though.
55:31
Suspicious because they're gonna be like you got the, the
55:32
the laptop and you got me this fucking, I think he was going
55:39
to school.
55:41
I think we're minutes away from Jesus incriminating somebody
55:44
right now.
55:45
No, no, no, no me out like be like, hey, he's marijuana.
55:51
I don't trust you.
55:53
Trust what the crazy idea he says he's doing the I'm sorry,
56:01
I'm allergic to selfish, right?
56:03
Like I don't cook, I don't eat it.
56:09
Uh Yeah, that is it for this episode.
56:11
Thank you guys for tuning in.
56:13
Uh I'm gonna stop this before Jesus keeps admitting to crimes
56:16
Uh Make sure you guys comment like share, review, subscribe